And Then There Was Lights

9/11. A day of darkness, chaos, anger, and death. A day the world stood still in disbelief as acts of horror took the lives of thousands of people. The proud, brave and strong United against the voices of Evil that rejoiced in our pain. And from the ashes of that black, smokey pit of death and sorrow came the sounds of pounding steel raising with determination to let Freedom be our song of redemption and healing. We are the Land of the free and the home of the brave. ” I Will Never Forget.”

In this June 28, 2006 artist’s rendering made by dbox inc. and released by the architecture firm of Skidmore, Owings & Merrill, the latest design of the 1,776-foot building originally called the “Freedom Tower” is shown. The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which owns the site, confirmed Thursday, March 26, 2009 that the official title for the building is “One World Trade Center” and the building will be marketed under that name.

They are Least Among us.

newest addition to my family

Dear Readers,

Let’s not show our anger towards the parents who are protesting against children wearing mask 😷 in school or for choosing not to receive the vaccine. Their cry is that government is conspiring to take away our right to choose, and that the political leaders and CDC is using the human race for a New World Order experiment. I am a mother of one and grandmother of three, and I fear for their future. I grow up during an era ( I am a baby boomer) where people trusted that the leaders were during what’s in the best interest of the people. It is frightening in this modern thinking society that because of so much misinformation, abuse of power, racial division, anger, and betrayal, people are willing to sacrifice their lives and the lives of children to make a point.

I not standing on a soap box to persuade anyone to pick a side or to take the vaccine. I made the choice to be vaccinated, and I’m overjoyed that my entire family has chosen to vaccinate themselves against this invisible killer virus. It is my opinion that the Health Care professional and Scientist are doing the best they can with the knowledge that they have to understand how to slow down and eradicate this virus.

This is a dangerous and scary time of uncertainty for our children. Instead of dragging them out into the street to protest against an issue that is effecting millions of people, we need to band together, humble our hearts and minds in prayer, and show compassion. It is the children that need to be protected. As adults our duty is to set examples of good judgement, model moral behavior and teach our children the benefits of good values.Their lives are precious.They are our future. We need to show support for the teachers, students, school staff, and bus drivers. Our children desire to continue to aquire their education in a safe environment. We need to show the same respect to our a Health Care Workers, where would we be without their scarifice and dedication remember they have families.

Lastly, this virus knows no respect of person regardless of age, race, income, or soical or political status. We are in this together.

My youngest sister and her adorable boys

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Sister’s Can You Relate?

I want to start dating again, but as a woman I don’t know if this is politically correct. Why, because women are told that they are supposed to wait for their husband, and that women are not to chase men rather they are to pursue us. However, the ultimate question is what does dating mean? In my case I went from a naive 17 year old virgin to a clueless teenager mother, and all of my experiences with dating were horrible. I thought that dating meant getting married and riding off into the sunset happily ever after. Looking back I now understand that I didn’t have to respond to every man that whistled at me, and that some men inttention weren’t honorable.

Anyway, I’ve spend years going through the healing process from a abused childhood, survivor of domestic volience, and other dysfunctional intimate situationships. The darkness and chaos in my life lead me to seek help to understand why my life was out of order. It’s been a long and painful process of self reflection, therapy, diving into self help books, yoga, self care retreats, choosing to remain single, no dating and practicing celibacy.
Despite all the new knowledge I have aquired my journey has been lonely. But I had to do what was needed to understand the behavior, thinking, and addictive patterns that kept me in a cycle of depression, relationship drama, and repeating the same mistakes both professionally and personally. Year after year I purged myself of the demons of my past. I feel good about where I am in life. I have a better vision of my purpose, how and what I need to accomplish my goals, but what I lack is companionship from a partner that’s my equal.

At the age of 57, I desire to be courted respectfully and properly, with sincerity instead of lies and con games. I need pure dating without the pressure of quick meaningless intimacy. I have various interest, I love the outdoors camping life style, driving cross country, exploring new cusine, gardening, reading, cooking and entertaining family and friends. I am working towards building a tiny house for retirement, and will continue to pursue, publishing books, blogging, and entering a new stage of my career as a public speaker. I still have some self work to do, but I know that I can enter a relationship fresh with less baggage. The only hinders besides getting past the fear of dating is waiting until it is safe to go out and meet people due to the coronavirus. In the meantime, I will remain hopeful.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

It Made a Difference

This weekend while keeping watch on hurricane Henri, I had the pleasure of staying with my bestfriend and his mother for three days.We cooked, played music and card games, watched movies and took random naps.

I’ve lived alone for twenty-four years, and enjoy my peace, space, alone time, and having my own bathroom. Living with people has been a difficult experience either I find others to be noisy, sloppy, and they have too many guest over. When I was dating I felt uncomfortable when my boo asked to sleep over. I couldn’t wait for him to leave to change the sheets, clean the bathroom, open the windows letting fresh air in, thus returning the house back to it’s normal state.

On occasions I don’t mind cooking and inviting family and friends over. The truth is I thought that I had adjusted to being alone because it made life easier. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need for companionship, and decided to look into adopting a small dog. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve learned from my three day stay at my BFF’ house.

I think It’s time to find someone compatible to live with, I don’t believe in the theory that opposites attract. I don’t desire to live alone into my golden years, because being alone into old age means no one to share meals with or talk about our day, share dreams and accomplish goals together. There is no laugher, hugs, shared chores, or someone to hurry home to.

To achieve my goal of filling my house with the joys of happily ever after; I first have to overcome my fear of dating.The burden of my past trumatic relationships that hinders me from getting back into the dating game. Some men want to move too fast or they’re looking for intimacy without a desire for a long term committed relationship.

My three day stay reminded me of how happy, loving and warm a home can be when the rights souls occupy it.

Hello America. Did we jump back in too soon?

I get it. Being on lockdown for the past 16 months wasn’t an easy task.The cry to get back some normancy was heard from the four corners of the earth. Now that a third wave threaten to consume us, the question is did we jump back in too soon? The urgency to be released from the bondage of being sheltered in place and the need for social distancing has taken its toll. People have let their guards down due to the mental and emotional fatigue brought on by this pandemic. Is the worst to come now that the Delta Variant has reared it ugly head? I ventured out today covering a three mile stretch of one of my favorite places, the Hudson River Park.

I observed people enjoying the great outdoors, happy to be free from the burden of uncertainty. Don’t get me wrong I know they understand that we are still under the grips of this invisible killer. I really don’t think people, at least New Yorkers have a dead wish. For the hundreds of joggers, walkers, tennis and basketball players; and the individuals, couples and groups who paused for a picnic, yoga, mediation or to simply sit by the water and watch the waves to remember how life was before the pandemic.

My hope is that everyone do all that we can collectively to slow down the spread, get vaccinated, and go back to wearing mask. We can not afford to overwhelm our healthcare professionals, haven’t we had enough of waiting each day to hear the count of the death toll?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The Dangerous of Relationship Myths

Dear Readers,

I am no relationship expert, let the truth be told, I have failed at every attempt of establishing and maintaining a lasting intimate partnership.Yes, I am willing to be vulnerable and bare my soul by taking responsibility for why I entered and participated in many dysfunctional intimate and personal relationships that only served the purpose of robbing me of my self worth.

How many times we’ve heard this saying
” experience is the best teacher,” this is not true in all areas of life. After surviving some experiences that threatened to rob me of life and hope. What I now know is that I would have benefited from some information, preparation and foundation about certain areas of life that I had the least experience. Sometimes when individuals are left out to hang so to speak, that saying, ” experience is the best teacher” can leave some people with lasting emotional and mental damage.

I created the YouTube channel, Conversations with J R Floyd, to openly discuss relationship myths that lead people into dysfunctional relationships. These myths damage self esteem, and self worth. We learn to be mistrustful, how to scheme, not to show our authentic self because we don’t know who we are. Damaged people know who they are by what’s others tell them who they are according to personal bias.

As a society we will not be able to heal and gain clarity, if we are not willing to point the finger of blame correctly where it belongs, learn to forgive others and ourself, and go through a process healing to close the wounds inflicted as a results of emotional and mental trauma. I lived in denial for years, blinded by hopeless and anger, surrounded by broken people like myself. I am happy to say that I dug deep for my healing. I honor the entire journey even the dark, lonely, hopeless days. Today, I stand on firm ground, I know who I am and have better clarity and purpose. My experiences did not kill me, some made me stronger, wiser and most important when to seek help.

Some relationship myths

  1. If he lays with you he will stay with you. This is not necessarily true.
  2. Being labeled baby mama doesn’t equal being a wife. Most women who give birth to children without being legally married expect to be treated like a wife
  3. Shacking up means he is keeping his options open. Ask yourself a question, why isn’t he honoring you with marriage?
  4. There is no honor in being someone side piece. This seems to be a dangerous trend that is honored in today’s society.
  5. Women who devote years of their lives to a man who aren’t their husband. To each his own, but don’t be angry when he marrys someone else
  6. He or she isn’t the one, so you try to change them. It’s not our duty to change anyone. Accept and allow people to be who they are or move on and find your equal.
  7. Ladies if he is dating and calling you only at night, recognize what you are, ” a booty call”
  8. It’s cheaper to keep her inside of seeking a divorce. Ladies this is how men feel about you when he has invested financially in a marriage or long term partnership.
  9. Having any man is better than no man, even if he is somebody else’s man. In other words, your a side piece
  10. People are justified when they have sexual relationships outside of their marriage.

These are just a few myths and topics on my YouTube channel, conversations with J R Floyd. Join me.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Is today the day?

Dear Readers,

Have you ever asked yourself, ” is today the day?” until my recent adventure driving cross country, I’ve never pondered this question. While on the road I was caught up in site seeing and overwhelmed by the beauty of the land. I didn’t have time to think about my misspend youth, tramadic relationships, or the next step in my healing process. I didn’t take any self help books, nor did I journal about my past emotional trauma. When I returned home my thoughts drafted towards ways to carve out more vacation time, and weekend get aways, how to make changes to my work schedule, and cut back on others projects.

I don’t have problems with the healing process, what I take issues with is this no one told me when the process would be over. I’ve been engrossed in finding answers, asking why, and stewing in anger and resentment towards the people involved in the trauma of my past. I’ve waited for years for a Tah – Dah the announcement or approval that it is safe for me to begin living, trusting, believing, to meet new people, and to discover a sincere emotionally balanced intimate connection with a partner I feel safe with, instead of being neglected and abused.

During my time on the road I experiencied true freedom. I didn’t feel the weight from the pain of my past, my adventure cross country showed me how long I’ve been under the strain of the darkness of depression and fear that I forgot how to walk in the life of joy, happiness, peace, adventure, to develop loyal friendships, and reconnect with family. I thought the safe thing to do was to shut myself off and build up walls. I voted never again. My negative thinking dragged me deeper into a pit of dispire.

This is the day, year, and time for me to stop hiding behind the fear of making mistakes. This is the day to silence the angry voices that I have allowed to hold me back. Today, is the day that I trust myself to live and walk forward with caution.

Is today your day to be free?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The way things used to be

Ladies, may I gentlely suggest that you cease being angry because you were delivered from relationships or a situation that did not honor you, but only brought you pain and brokeness. Despite the negative messages from society being single whether by force or choice should be viewed as a gift and not a death sentence.

Think about this. When you were in that relationship or situationship with the person you thought you couldn’t live without, did you feel safe, respected, loved and protected? Were your needs besides the physical ones attended to or did you feel abandoned? Were your dreams, vision and goals nurtured, supposed and encouraged? How many times promise were broken, lies were told, and you struggled with conflicts of suspected infidelity because you had to worry about them, they, he, she, or her being a part of what you thought was an exclusive situations. And you wonder why you have trust issues.

Did you wait your turn in line because you weren’t a priority? Count the times you gave or lent money because bae, boo, your ride or die knew you wouldn’t say no. You broke up, he, she, they, or them begged their way back into your life. Why, because when your alone you allow feelings of desperation, loneliness, lust, and the voice of others advising you to move on, and you do, you fall right back into the same destructive patterns in the next situationship.

Why am I saying all of this? Because this use to be me. No, my truth doesn’t reflect the experiences of others, but I know that their is more than a few women reading this that have walked in these shoes. I am not a relationship guru, I am a women who have walked on the dark side of more than one dysfunctional situationship. In 2015, I wrote my first book The Waiting Game, where I reveal my personal experiences about how men and women who are emotional broken and how we mistreat each other in relationships.

It’s taken me years to heal from the damage caused by an horrible childhood, and the trauma due to abusive relationships. It wasn’t until I made the choice to put me first, and stood firm on who I would and would not allow in my life as friends and intimate partners. I am truly happy for my journey. I understand the gift of being single and using this time to heal, reflect, renew, and discover who I am, and my path. I am maturing spiritually and developing a stronger emotional foundation. It’s been 4 years and I am learning so much about life. I have discovered the joys of traveling, truly enjoying my own company, I relish my freedom, I protect my peace, and most important, I support, love, encourage, inspire, and provide myself the life I know that I deserve, and it is amazing.

I hope I have inspired you.
Love yourself

Road Warriors part 2

Hello, fellow bloggers. I am back home in the Big Apple 🍎 the starting point of my drive across country. This was my first time on such a journey, and my bucket list attempt to visit all 50 states, this far I can check off 22 states, including the current one for the his year 2021( New Jersey, PA., Ohio, Indiana,, Chicago, Wisconsin, Minasota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, Navada, Las Vegas, Los Angeles). While on the road I took notes and have gained useful knowledge for my next tour across America, that I am hoping will take place next year Summer of 2022.
What this Road Trip taught me.

  1. Research, I didn’t do much research on my own I left that up to my driving partner. Next time around I am pouring myself into doing my own research, and asking questions. I am joining groups that chat and blog about their experience driving cross country. On our next adventure we are hoping to cover the southern states in a camper van, cutting down on eating on the road, and hotel cost.
  2. Be prepared for the unexpected. We stayed in motels, some where fairly reasonable ( between$ 65- 80) depending on the state. What we discovered was the motels around major tourists sites like, Mountain Rushmore were extremely expensive.The night we pulled into town we had just driven between 400- 500 miles, and my sweet road warrior need to get off the road. Our mistake we didn’t plan ahead, by selecting the sites, and pricing the hotels ahead of time. For this reason for our next journey we are preparing to put the money into a camper van, instead of hotels. ( Talked to a lot of people who were traveling by RV and Campers they were extremely helpful).
  3. This being our first experience with driving cross country, we barely made it on the money we saved. It’s a good thing that I packed a cooler, brought a case of water and Gatorade, stopped at family dollar and loaded up on snacks. We were lucky to find a few places on the road that made great sandwiches for $4.00. Since we are not big meat eaters, at night inside our hotel I made fresh salads, sandwiches and fruit salads. We ate at diners, ( we were surprised by the low prices), we never ate fasts foods, and thank goodness for Dennys $4.00 breakfast, Golden Corrall and for free breakfast at a few motels.
  4. Next trip there will be extra cash on hand, for the unexpected, and to pay for parking and site fees. No use of credit cards, which I did not use, but my driving partner was in charge of gas he used his credit card. I traveled with a prepaid visa/ debit card and it worked out great, and I will suggest this to him to do the same.
  5. For our next adventure we will map out and study each route, where and when to stop, what time, and how many miles to travel. More research on where the camp grounds are located, and how far are the sites we want to visit, parking cost, sites admission fees, estimated gas cost.

Our second drive across country will be our last, the goal is to cover at least 5-6 states.

I loved our first adventure, but the next time around we will be better prepared. If anyone has any advice to share please do so it will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen and joining us on our first road warrior trip.

My road warrior

Home Sweet Home

Dear Readers, after five days of my cross country drive from New York City to California. I spent three days recovery in Southern California, now it’s time for me to return to my home in the Big Apple 🍎.