Victim I am Not

Dear Readers,

Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I should rethink what it means to be a victim. Let me explain, once upon a time about 26 years, I escaped a violent marriage, and before that at the age of 18, I was abandoned by my son’s father. There was a time in my life I spent years experimenting with drugs and heavy drinking, but I got clean and sober. While I was going through years of therapy and the healing process, I was told by the professionals, that I was a victim of domestic volience, a victim of drug abuse and I was victimized by my son’s father, and all of these experiences resulted in me being a survivor.

So, each time I told my story I used the words victim or survivor. Recently, I began to think about what being a victim means to me. I admit that I did survive all of the previous mentioned experiences and not only did I survive, but I thrived, and learned valuable lessons from each experience, no matter how painful and that’s putting it nicely. But the knowledge made me stronger, and helped me to mature into a emotionally balanced person.

I don’t want to think of myself as a victim or survivor, but a conqueror. I admit that there were times in my life when I felt so low and broken that I didn’t think I could ever make a come back. I did more than make a come back, I soared past the limitations that was placed on me.

Unlike the individuals who consider themselves victims or survivors, I do not carry battle scares and my wounds have healed years ago. I stop volunteering to speak about the years of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse by my Ex. And, I am happy to report that my son has matured into am amazing man of valor. Lately, I dare not go back to abusing myself with alcohol because I like being sober.

I once was a victim, but I survived, thrived, overcame, and conquered. We should be careful when labeling individuals a victim. If people continue to hear the word victim, they may never understand that beginning a victim isn’t forever, and that being a survivor means they want to be a conqueror, and not relive what made them a victim.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

One Year Later

Dear Readers, 

Wow. what a difference a year makes. Last year this time the education system was struggling to educate our children remotely, proms, graduations, weddings, baby showers, religious and anniversary celebrations were cancelled. It took some for us to understand and come to terms with life as we once knew it was over and we were left with uncertainty. We fought through the fear of death, a second wave, political confusion, financial devastation, homelessness, depression and emotional Instability 

The Vaccine arrived and more uncertainty, yet, we yearned for relief from the limitations brought on by this pandemic, so we soldiered on. Today, I see smiling faces of families at graduations and proms. I see people despite all the controversy getting vaccinated, wearing masks and practicing social distancing, planning weddings and taking much needed vacations. Slowly, we will learn how to accept and adjust to this new “ Normal.”  I am no expert, but you and I know that we are  not out of the woods and no one knows when we will be free from the threat of this virus or the continued effects this virus will have on people’s health, business, and with the return of workers returning to the workplace. 

I know that we cannot continue to hide behind closed doors, but we must carry on with safe practices, while we begin to enjoy some of the pleasures that we had to leave behind last year.

Some members of my large family.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

What 1 man had to say

Dear Readers,

During a conversation with a male friend about relationships, he enlightened me about the reasons why women of color are experiencing difficultly finding a partner. He claims that most women of color lack three important quailites.

  1. Women of color are not fit ( meaning we don’t take care of out bodies according to the standards of the male gaze).
  2. Women of color don’t believe in submission ( meaning they don’t believe in a man having control over their lives and that women only care about themselves rather than foucsing on the needs of their man).
  3. Finally, women of color are not friendly ( meaning we don’t smile. Example, if a brother ask a sister to smile the response is usually ” I don’t have to smile” making her unfriendly and approachable).

He continued to say that men are not attracted to women who are aggressive and masculine, instead they want women who are feminine and submissive. I listened as he educated me about conceited women of color with bad attitudes, fluanting their independence, and willingness to live life, and not settle for less than what they feel they deserve, often setting standards on a level that is unachievable for most men.

My phone rang and I was happy for the excuse to escape the conversation. It’s not that I don’t think that there might be some truth about what he said, but I couldn’t help thinking, why is the burden always placed on women?

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what you have to say.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Walk towards the Light 🕯️

Photo by Hernan Pauccara on

Dear Readers, write the script for the life your living not the life your fantasizing about. Yes, have dreams, but turn those dreams into a vision and then reality. And alone the road if your loose hope say to yourself out loud.

I believe
I am determined
I won’t be defeated

Family Values

Dear parents, grandparents, and other extended family members. Are you paying attention to how your dressing or allowing your young daughter’s to dress? Shorts are getting shorter and butt cheeks are hanging out. T-shirts are tighter and smaller exposing young breast. Dresses are shorter exposing innocent private areas. Leggings are becoming thinner featuring panty lines. Parents your thinking these are my children and no one has the right to tell you how to raise them. Reminder, this is a different world morals, values, and respect are not important to child molesters. I am thankful that back in the day I was raised and protected by a village.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.