Tales From the mad Dater

 

These are things people whisper behind my back when they think I’m not listening…..

Why is she still single? Something must be wrong with her. Maybe she should lower her standards. Yes, because she is too picky and she ain’t getting any younger.

The truth is I don’t understand how I come to be Single for such a long period of time. The way I recall it, my plight into single-hood started after the end of a six-year relationship that I hoped would  end in a marriage, that was 2003. In 2006, I met a handsome Latin man and we courted for 18 months. Suddenly, he decided he wanted to go back to being a Bachelor, he told me this over the phone.

Since 2012 I’ve had my fair share of going out on dates, some good but mostly bad. I’ve learned a lot about men during my trails and error of being single. What I know  is that most men are not patient ( especially when they want to have a physical relationship), supportive, compassionate and they have poor communication skill at least that’s  what they claim. Men can be controlling, immature and another one of their claims, they fear being in a monogamous relationship because it takes away their freedom. For many years I’ve been fooled, lied to and used by the worst and best of them. I even wrote a book ” The Waiting Game” about my experiences with the wrong men.

Being single has been a heavy blight in my life. Some days single-hood makes me feel like I am being punished for not settling for all the jerks and losers who represented themselves to me as real men. For becoming a smart, successful, self-sufficient and ambitious women. I have been told by many people men don’t like strong women.  I will not give up on finding my life partner, he is out there. Until such time one is not a lonely number its the only number.

What say you?

Remember this Day.

 

In the last few days I’ve seen postings of military related statements and pictures concerning Memorial day, and people’s  displeasure on what is or is not the correct manner in which to celebrate or observe, ” Memorial day a federal holiday in the United States for remembering the men and women who died while serving in the country’s armed forces. It began as Decoration day following the Civil war, the living  would honor the dead by decorating their  graves.”

Yes, Over time the retail stores have capitalized on Memorial day, this day of remembrance and honor  as a way to boost sales. For some it is the start of grilling season, or beach season. During this time New York City celebrates Fleet Week, to honor the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps. Its is customary for some to mark Memorial day by visiting graveyards and war monuments or march in parades.

Yes, we should pay our respects and remember those who sacrificed their lives for our freedom. I encourage people to join in on some of the patriotic celebrations taking place in every state. Rise the American flag that symbolize the resolve to continue the fight for our freedom. Spend time with family and friends eating those delicious hot dog, hamburgers and that special BBQ chicken recipe. Laugh, reminisce and enjoy the beautiful weather.

After all this is what the men and women who are still holding the line and fighting for us to be able to live in freedom and to enjoy life. All I say is ” Remember the meaning of this Day.”

What say you?

The count down Begins: an update from the mad Dater

 

Hello readers,

For those who are paying attention, I am 30 days into my journey as  the mad dater in search of my life partner, or should I say the rest of my life partner. Thus far nothing interesting has happened. What I will share with you is this, I’ve wasted money and time posting profiles on two different online dating sites. Despite all the happy advertisements  with couples claiming to they’ve found love and their happy ever after through an online dating site, this maybe true, but allow me to tell you what I’ve observed. These online dating networks are HUBS for losers, jerks, con artist and sexual predators, who are only interested in a one night stands.

Just as my frustration level was about to spike to the boiling point, a friend suggested another online dating site where she found her now fiancée; and the best part the service is FREE! Once again I started over and build yet, another profile, after shutting down the other two. Well,  Its been two weeks  and the response is better than the previous two sites, where most of the photos posted by men claiming to be seeking a relationship/ soul mate looked  like mug shots.

I’ve invested an entire  night searching through profiles and I am pleased to report the men on this new dating site are much more attractive, and some of them understand the concept of starting a dialogue via email or instant messenger before asking me for my number. I am turned off by men who give their number to me as soon as we make contact.

I often refuse to call them instead I ask that  we start to get to know each other through email; most don’t answer me back. At this point in time I don’t know if I am making the right  move. The reason for my hesitation is because we live in perilous times, therefore, I am being careful  not to invite unwanted drama in my life by giving ever Tom, Dick and Harry who flashes a smile fake or real my number.

I know that this maybe hindering my efforts but as the saying goes, ” It’s better to be safe then sorry.”

What say you?

The commercialization of Gender

From before individuals are even aware of what gender is parents celebrate the assignment of a gender. The words “it’s a girl” or “it’s a boy” excites parents so that they are able to buy what they may perceive as the proper merchandise or home décor for their children. As time goes on, the assignment of gender has become commercialized and the media makes it so that these roles are fulfilled in its correct form. Society also has unrealistic standards about what constitutes as a real man or a real woman. If these gender roles are not fulfilled they suffer from punishments that at some times are not physical. Traditions and other factors may seem insignificant to some, but as time goes on one realizes that the media and evolving traditions eventually play a role in how gender is perceived by oneself and by others. 

Gender announcements were generally used for informative purposes have now become commercialized. Gender reveal parties are a new trend that many parents look forward to. A gender reveal event is when a woman opts out of finding out the gender of the child. The gender of the child is placed in an envelope and sent to a bakery or an event planner by the doctor’s office. Many friends and family are called to a venue or meeting place and extravagantly reveals the gender of the child. Although a child should be celebrated, many families who partake in these activities do not acknowledge the cons associated with celebrating a gender before a child is born. It is understandable that knowing the gender creates a sense of connectivity to the child before birth but our society and marketplace makes it difficult to just accept the fact that a child is born, and instead focus on the gender without observing the child’s actions to better understand who they wish to be.

This emerging act has been observed by many child developmental psychologists in the sense of encouraging parents to promote gender neutrality in their households. With gender neutrality being encouraged, some parents fall into believing myths of how gender neutrality can be detrimental to a child’s perception of gender. Some parents believe that gender neutrality parenting will make the child “anti-masculine” or “anti-feminine”. Some critics on this idea have a firm belief that this is a way of giving your child the approval to be gay. Studies and ideals like these are important because when an individual finally has the chance to be who they want to be, there is a sense of confidence in oneself that can be passed on to others that may struggle with their sense of belonging because of societal and strict family standards about deviating from the gender they were born.

When people think of how culture plays a role in what gender is, hip hop culture places a strong emphasis on how men should be. The hip-hop industry places a strong emphasis on what the “real man” is. Some songs have violent messaging and videos have degrading gestures to women in their music videos. Although individuals are quick to judge the media and rappers for using these songs to make a profit, it is imperative to realize that some of these values whether it be from the rapper or their management companies are instilled in young men when they are growing up. They are taught that women are “sluts” when they dress a certain way, and unfortunately some are taught that women should not talk back and if they do there are consequences. Even if a man is not taught these things, they observe these behaviors and ideals  in their households and project their beliefs in their performances or in their relationships. Unfortunately rappers are supposed to keep the mentality of a macho man, or they are perceived as a waste of a man or soft. Some people even go as far as to call them gay or told they are acting like a woman.  Although these punishments come in the form of insults, it poses a problem because it directly insults a woman and her gender roles.  

Society, traditions, and trends are a great influencer in the debate of what a real woman is. The real woman is supposed to have hourglass features, wear makeup, and wear colors that are appropriate for women. Along with trends and beliefs women should not be judged for how they decide to dress but should be prepared to understand the consequences that are accompanied in a world where being you is close to impossible. In this generation, we have “bottle service girls”, strippers, and video vixens who make a living by being who they want to be in the media. However, these are the same women who give no regard to the ridiculous real women debate, and stand by their beliefs regardless of what men might say about them. Women suffer from rape and are often insulted and disrespected when people think that they are not being “ladylike”. Women live in a world where if they defy gender norms, they risk being attacked physically or emotionally.

Another popular gender performance is the drag culture. In drag, masculinity and femininity is exaggerated. The common perception of people who participate in drag culture is that they defy gender norms and are gay. However, drag is merely a form of self-expression and those who enjoy it should not be judged. The drag culture is also criticized by the transgender community because some transgendered people work hard to embrace their new identities and believe that they are being ridiculed for it through performance.   

In society men are attacked for not being a manly man, while others attack women for not being lady like. Although people are so adamant in judging others about what they should be, we live in a world where people are not only attacked by words but other people punish others using actions. In a transgendered community, some are denied resources whether it be for employment or educational purposes. Also they are attacked and murdered when people do not understand self-expression. Rather than punishing people who deviate from gender norms using force, at time people make it hard for them to survive and insult them for wanting to express themselves in a way that other individuals may not understand. Individuals should start to live lives so that we are not judging someone because they are not straight or judging someone because they are partaking in drag performances. A simple “gender” assignment should not be an indicator of who has the okay to live a certain way.

What say You?

The return of the mad Dater

Hello readers, pardon my absence, I was stricken with flu, or to put is as my son say, ” I was  on the bed of affliction.”

My last post I wrote a scenario revealing how some women are fooled  by seemly well intended admirers. These women allow themselves to be led  by emotions, instead with their minds. As I promised part two:  It’s all about the Ring , The flip side of the Dating Game.

Girl spots boy, boy shows a little interest, girl  makes the first play because boys isn’t moving  fast enough.

Girl slips boy her number, boys smiles but doesn’t call. Feeling frustrated, girl changes the game, she dresses seductively and slutty. Boy pretends to like what he see, he calls , she is excited, they make a date.

Girl cleans her place, cooks, wines and dines him, boys observation during dinner: she drinks too much, she talk too much, she is wearing  cheesy  lingerie,and she asks too many questions about his career and salary.

Boys thinks she is easy and looking to be a kept women.

Girl, turns up the heat, boys decides to play along.

In the mean time…..several months have passed, girl and boy are in an intimate courtship.

Girl is pushing for them to move in  together, boy resists.

Girl make hints about marriage, he ignores her, but he continues to enjoy the fruits of the physical relationship.

Girl is getting frustrated it’s approaching the one year mark and still no ring. She is desperate and plans a trip. he agrees because she is playing for the ” romantic getaway.”

While hanging out in their boudoir, she encourages him to drink lots of champagne. Time for romance, girl pokes holes into condom, boy unaware.

Six weeks later pregnancy test positive, girl excited, she breaks the news to him, he is disappointed, but vows to take care of the child.

She continues to try to win him over, all efforts fail.

….Fast forward one year later,  she  bumps into boy and another girl, he introduces her as his wife.

Girl crying asking why? Why did she get the ring?

I can answer that question. It’s not about getting the ring or setting traps to get it.  Its a mans desire to have a woman in his life that represents honesty, self respect and above all she should  have class and standards.  Men of integrity can spot women who are entering a relationship with less than honorable intention. To some women getting a ring is about establishing a life time of security and they will do what ever it take to hold onto the ring not the man.

What say you?

The dating game: more like the faking game. Its all about the cookie

Dear Readers,

The game starts like this:

Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy is interested, but doesn’t like girl as much.

Boy pretends he’s interested in the things she likes: going to the museums, picnics in the park and attending church.

Boy goes along for a while, girl makes a mistake and invites him to her place.

Boys likes this, he can make himself comfortable, spend less money going out, and he doesn’t have to put up with going to those annoying events she likes.

The trap is slowly set, first, he starts to cancel dates; girl puts up with this behavior. Boy gets smart he suggests that they do things he enjoys, like lying around her place. Girl, objects, boy reminds her how he indulged her in all the activities she enjoys.

Girl gives in after all he is right, isn’t he?

Boy brings over wine and Chinese food. Soon, he ask her to prepare him home cooked meals.

Girl remembers what her mother told her, ” never do wife duties without being a wife.” But she obliges him.

One night boy drinks too much wine and ask to sleep over, girl isn’t comfortable with this, she tells him he has to sleep on the sofa, boy is slick, he agrees.

The next day girl thinks, wow! what a gentlemen, he slept on the sofa without an argument. Girl is being pulled deeper and deeper into boys trap.

Girl, suggests he stay over on weekends, boy agrees. Girl allows him to sleep in the bedroom.

Boy moves slow.

Friday night, they go dancing, both have drinks, however, he drinks less than her, but girls doesn’t notice.

They go back to her place, boys tells her how beautiful she is  and that they should make their relationship official, girl agrees. Morning  comes boy is  gone.

A few days pass she doesn’t hear from him. she calls, he doesn’t answer. She wonders what went wrong.

I can answer that he got what he wanted “THE COOKIE.”

This happens time and time again to women who met men who fake the dating game.

What say you?

 

My one true desire, confession from the mad Dater

We all have one true desire, whether we want to admit it out loud or keep it to ourselves, it is to be loved. No, to be truly loved unconditionally. When I read the poem, ” An Evil Spirit” from the book of Love, it reminded me, while I am search for my life partner as the Mad Dater, How I missed all the desires that true love can invoke.

An Evil Spirit~ Michael Drayton

An evil spirit, your beauty haunts me still,

Wherewith ( alas) I have been long possess’d,

which ceaseth not to tempt me to each ill,

Nor gives me once,but one poor minute’s

rest:

In me it speaks, whether I sleep or wake,

And when by means, to drive it out I try,

With greater torments then it me doth take,

And tortures me in most extremity;

Before my face, it lays down my despairs,

And hastes me unto a sudden death;

Now tempting me, to drown myself in tears,

And then in sighing, to give up my breath;

Thus am I still provok’d to every evil,

By this good wicked spirit, sweet angel

devil.

 

Beautiful. What say You?

From the Book of love

A Moment

The cloud had made a crimson crown

Above the mountains high.

The stormy sun was going down

In a stormy sky.

Why did you let your eyes so  rest on me,

And hold your breath between?

In all the ages this can never be

As if it had not been.

Mary Elizabeth Coleridge

what say you?

Words of Encouragement from the mad Dater

Hello readers and fellow bloggers,

Its been 18 days since I started my journey as the Mad Dater to find love. Today, I thought that I should take a break from  my usual rantings and post something light and sweet. After all I know that I am not  alone in my quest for a best friend, confidant, partner in crime and soul mate.  These words speak to the heart and offer great suggestion when search for a life partner. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

As posted on Facebook:

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short  not too love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry. Despair will come. Find someone who you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that make passion, love and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute-even when the waters get deep,and dark.-ilovemylsi.com

What say you?

The single life the Romance is Over

At the age of 45 , I had a revelation that I was no longer interested in being single. I didn’t put much thought into what I was going to do to solve my single status. So, I put the idea on the back-shelf planning to revisit it again.

…Fast-forward, now at the age of 52 the glitz and glamour of having the time and freedom to sleep late, cook or not to cook, sleeping in a fetus position to keep warm , and eating alone has soured.

The single life means being alone, having too much time to be alone; just me and the voices from the television or radio; and they don’t talk back or ask, ” how was your day?” In my house there is no one to pass the honey to do list to, because it’s just me, so, its more like things to do list.

I talk to people who drool with envy because they wish to have my life. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are in relationships, that no longer meets their needs, and they  believe that the grass is greener on the other side. It isn’t  until they abandon all that they have to cross over into single hood and have a oh Shit moment, Oops its to late, when they realize that what they needed to do was to  pay attention to the weeds ( boredom) that grow in their yard

( relationship); and if they had taken the time to care for and revive their grass ( spouse) then maybe thing would have remained green ( happy). Now, the other side ( single-hood) is not as green , plush and happy as they thought. The silence of an empty house is loudest when your alone. the bed never feels comfortable no matter how expensive the sheets or  how warm the comforter; so what is a single person to do?

Most people run out and adopt “Fido,” only to find out that their beloved pet is more of responsibility than a shared committed relationship with a human. I found myself competing with the younger generation of women, them the Millennial, me the Baby Boomer , and they seem to be winning. The male Baby Boomers no longer want my type, strong, focused, responsible and intelligent. They desire young, hot, shapely, badonkadon ( big Butt), ride’em, hard  and hit them fast spontaneous vixens.

These days people  few people start a relationship the old fashion way; like being matched up by friends. Instead, I am doomed to online dating, dam to the age of technology. Night after night, I sit in front of my computer shifting through profiles of men whose pictures resemble mug shots. Reading lie after lie about they are adventurous, romantic and hope to find ” the one, ” yeah, more like the one for the night. Do I sound bitter?  Well, I am. Dating should  not have to be  difficult, and is not a game. People feelings are real and the ones out there like me waiting, wanting and hoping to find the right partner, the deceivers make trusting others a challenge. Anyway, I am going to keep hope alive.

What Say You?