Secrets

Dear readers,

Psssst, can you keep a secret? No, this is not a trick question. I think that there are two sides to keeping secrets. First, if you must ask the person you’re about to confess the crimes that you have committed against humanity; if she or he will be able to keep in confidence the information that is burning a hole in your soul, I say to the secret keeper should be cautious as to why the secret teller; is setting up the secrets holder to withhold knowledge about something or someone this could be an unfortunate situation to be in.

Say for an example, an uncle knew that his married nephew had committed adultery, thus destroying the good relationship the uncle had with the wife. The uncle felt it wasn’t his place to divulge this information. In the meantime, he felt that he was betraying the wife, and this caused friction between him and the nephew. In the end the nephew confessed to the wife, she discovered that the uncle knew of the affair, but she never approached him. They have since patched up their marriage. But the relationship between them have changed and the uncle hasn’t visited their home in five years.

Have you noticed that many motivational speakers use the word “secret” and for a price they will tell us the secrets to happiness, wealth, and how to attract a mate, there was a book many years ago called “The Secret” the book claimed that the secret to the law of attraction was simply to alter our thought pattern and the world will change.

Husbands and wives keep secrets from each other. Generations of families live with one dark secrets that only a few dares to whisper. Children learn at an early age how to hide the truth. When an individual testifies in a court of law they are asked to place their hands on a bible, and swear to tell the truth, meaning after taking the oath they can’t keep secrets.

Ask yourself a question the next time someone ask you to keep a secret, do you really want to carry around the responsibility of someone else’s burden?

What say you?

Til Death Do Us Part

Dear readers,

I recently attended a wedding for my longtime friend Cindy, and best road dog ever. After missing her for two months due to the honeymoon and the newlyweds moving into their new condo; we finally had a chance to meet at our favorite coffee shop to exchange holiday gifts, and to share our usual sinfully delicious cinnamon bun and hot chocolate.

I couldn’t wait to hear about the happy life of wedded bliss. She showed me pictures of the wedding and honeymoon, and we talked about the unpacking of her fabulous new residence. During the conversation I sensed that she wasn’t enjoying the ecstasy of marriage. I stop the conversation and looked her straight in her eyes and said” this is me your bestie, road dog, and do or die sistah for life, what are you not telling me?” I wasn’t prepared for her answer, it blew my mind.

She said, “I waited for my prince to come, since the disaster of my first marriage, I’ve waited twenty five years, prepared myself, by acquired a good education, and securing the career of my dreams, along the way I’ve had my share of being disappointed, but I held into hope that my prince would come. I’m 55 and Bennie is 8 years my senior. He’s been a hardworking man and will soon retire with a good income, and no plans as to what he will do with himself. My new husband enjoys traveling, something that I can look forward too. He is humorous, generous, attentive, respectful of my needs and supportive of my career goals.”

Me: “Ok. So, what’s the problem?”

Cindy: “Yes, it all sounds good, but on the second day of the honeymoon, I realized that I settled.”

Me: “I’m confused you just rumbled off a list a of positive qualities about Bennie.”

Cindy: “It became clear to me that on our honeymoon he doesn’t have the energy to keep pace with me socially and physically. He is a slow thinker, not very creative, has no hobbies, and he isn’t in the best of health. I knew about his bad knees and the hip, but I found out about the gout and sciatica. Bennie will be able to provide a lovely home for me, but I fear that as he gets older out quality of life will decline and I will become his caretaker.”

Me: “Why didn’t you continue to wait for someone in your age range?”

Cindy: “I settled because I didn’t want to wait too long; and the list of the qualities that I wanted in my partner was getting shorter and shorter. I settled because I lost hope and I didn’t want to risk being along for the reminder of my days. I settled because I felt beaten down by life, I gave up, surrendered my list, shallowed my pride and throw in the towel so to speak.”

Me: “Do you love him?”

Cindy: “I don’t think about that what I have with Bennie is companionship, a great travel partner, a man who is concern for my needs, he knows his duties as a husband and is eager to have me as his wife.”

Me: “Sounds one sided.”

Cindy: “No, it’s not, I will do all that I can to see that Bennie is happy and taken care of. His home will be well-kept, he will eat a well-balanced and healthy diet. We will go to the gym together because he like to try to keep fit. I have every intention of honoring my marriage vows. Anyway, let’s change the subject. I want to tell you about the dinner party me and Bennie will host.”

And just like that Cindy was able to forget all that she said to me. While she talked about the party. My mind went back to all that she had said, and I wondered, how many others have settled, but don’t have the guts to admit it.

What say you

 

 

 

 

Resolutions or Bucket List

Photo by Vijay Saiwal on Pexels.com

Dear Readers,

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.  A Bucket list: a list of everything that you want to be, do, have or experience in life.

Look at the meaning of the word resolution it’s a “decision” to ponder then worry about the consequences of making the wrong choice; or dealing  with the guilt of not following through with losing weight, limiting caffeine intake,  to stop smoking, and eat healthier the list goes on and on.

May I suggest considering a bucket list instead. Imagine the joy of skydiving, changing careers, opening a business, taking a dance class, traveling, and taking a cooking class to release that  gourmet cook crying to get out. A bucket list is about  “doing” “being” and “experiencing, “ all the things that people keep insisting are impossible because we are too busy being responsible adults.

A bucket list should be fun and obtainable and the upside is that there is no pressure to get the list completed in twelve months. The truth of the matter is life gets in the way of those resolutions like the donuts in the office break room; they sabotage your resolve to eat healthier, so you tell yourself as your eating that second chocolate eclair washing it down with a cup of coffee.

I did not realize I had a bucket list until I wrote down a list of goals I had accomplished. In my 20’s I modeled for the School of the Visual Arts and was a professional gospel singer. In my 30’s I became a freelance writer having no prior experiences. In my 40’s I wrote an award winning play, became a grandmother, and dated a rock star for six years. Now in my 50’s, I have completed my memoir to be published this year, had a supporting role in a play and changed careers twice.  This year I am adding to my bucket list interning at a radio station and auditioning for another play. Not bad for a high school dropout who only wanted to get an education and have a great paying job.

What are you waiting for? Drop those deadbeat resolutions and get started on that bucket list.

Thank You for stopping by Dragthepen

Damaged

Dear readers,

2017 has seen an enormous amount of women and a few men who came forth with accounts of sexual harassment. Some of these victims of unwanted sexual assault are called “brave” for having the “courage” to speak out about these acts of inappropriate behavior. Some of these incidents have occurred 10 to 30 years ago, and some go so far back in time that I don’t think it is worth mentioning. Don’t take what I am saying out of context, I’m in no way trying to  downplay the “painful” experiences suffered by these victims, however, the questions on my mind is why now? And what do these victims hope to accomplish? Many of the voices who claim to have agonized in silence are currently living a lavish life style. We have heard the wounded say that at the time of the incident of inappropriate sexual behavior that was inflicted on them they, “did what they had to do” or “they did speak out in fear of no one believing them.”

I was stunned when James Levin my favorite composer for the MET, was suspended after sexual abuse accusations that involved unsuitable behavior towards young men. I was floored by the news of Matt Lauer, the former host of The Today Show, sudden termination. My attraction for becoming a long time viewer of The Today Show was due to the chemistry of Matt Lauer, Ann Curry, and Katie Couric, I guess I was wrong. The list of the accuser continues to grow, who will be next? Do these so-called powerful men truly feel remorse for their debauched conduct or are they embarrassed about the fact that they were caught with their pants down so to speak. The lawsuits have begun, they say, “it’s not about the money” then what is it about? Will the private settlements make the pain go away?

I recall when Anita Hill, was the first to publicly speak out about her experience of sexual harassment by her accuser Clarence Thomas. Her statement was questioned by public opinion when it was discovered that she was in Thomas employment on two different occasions and never mentioned his misconduct towards her until his confirmation hearing. During her days of testimony the political view from the Left and Right Wing Theorist, suggested that Hill was used to try to stop Thomas’s affirmation to the Supreme Court. After the dust settled and the smoke cleared, Hill realized that speaking out in her words was “poor judgment.” I digress.

My final say on this subject, to the so-called people in “power” in these places of employment, Hollywood, educational and religious institutions. Regardless of being a white or blue-collar worker, low-income, middle class, wealthy or the uber rich, it is not enough to say shame on you, or for you to seek forgiveness because of a few words of apology for your wicked behavior. You did what you did because you felt that you are above the law with your “power and money” reckoning day is here, and your reign of terror is over; your so-called “poor judgment” has resulted in permanent scares and a stain of distrust in the American people.