I recently attended a wedding for my longtime friend Cindy, and best road dog ever. After missing her for two months due to the honeymoon and the newlyweds moving into their new condo; we finally had a chance to meet at our favorite coffee shop to exchange holiday gifts, and to share our usual sinfully delicious cinnamon bun and hot chocolate.
I couldn’t wait to hear about the happy life of wedded bliss. She showed me pictures of the wedding and honeymoon, and we talked about the unpacking of her fabulous new residence. During the conversation I sensed that she wasn’t enjoying the ecstasy of marriage. I stop the conversation and looked her straight in her eyes and said” this is me your bestie, road dog, and do or die sistah for life, what are you not telling me?” I wasn’t prepared for her answer, it blew my mind.
She said, “I waited for my prince to come, since the disaster of my first marriage, I’ve waited twenty five years, prepared myself, by acquired a good education, and securing the career of my dreams, along the way I’ve had my share of being disappointed, but I held into hope that my prince would come. I’m 55 and Bennie is 8 years my senior. He’s been a hardworking man and will soon retire with a good income, and no plans as to what he will do with himself. My new husband enjoys traveling, something that I can look forward too. He is humorous, generous, attentive, respectful of my needs and supportive of my career goals.”
Me: “Ok. So, what’s the problem?”
Cindy: “Yes, it all sounds good, but on the second day of the honeymoon, I realized that I settled.”
Me: “I’m confused you just rumbled off a list a of positive qualities about Bennie.”
Cindy: “It became clear to me that on our honeymoon he doesn’t have the energy to keep pace with me socially and physically. He is a slow thinker, not very creative, has no hobbies, and he isn’t in the best of health. I knew about his bad knees and the hip, but I found out about the gout and sciatica. Bennie will be able to provide a lovely home for me, but I fear that as he gets older out quality of life will decline and I will become his caretaker.”
Me: “Why didn’t you continue to wait for someone in your age range?”
Cindy: “I settled because I didn’t want to wait too long; and the list of the qualities that I wanted in my partner was getting shorter and shorter. I settled because I lost hope and I didn’t want to risk being along for the reminder of my days. I settled because I felt beaten down by life, I gave up, surrendered my list, shallowed my pride and throw in the towel so to speak.”
Me: “Do you love him?”
Cindy: “I don’t think about that what I have with Bennie is companionship, a great travel partner, a man who is concern for my needs, he knows his duties as a husband and is eager to have me as his wife.”
Me: “Sounds one sided.”
Cindy: “No, it’s not, I will do all that I can to see that Bennie is happy and taken care of. His home will be well-kept, he will eat a well-balanced and healthy diet. We will go to the gym together because he like to try to keep fit. I have every intention of honoring my marriage vows. Anyway, let’s change the subject. I want to tell you about the dinner party me and Bennie will host.”
And just like that Cindy was able to forget all that she said to me. While she talked about the party. My mind went back to all that she had said, and I wondered, how many others have settled, but don’t have the guts to admit it.
What say you
Being your best friend and all you probably isn’t going to like what I have to say but I think your girl is being too picky. You can marry a perfectly healthy person and anything can happen. Do you leave them or divorce them because they became disable or developed health problems? My husband was healthy, played college football but he got sick and was in and out the emergency rooms and ICU for six years. When you love someone you don’t think about what their illness is going to do to you. You think about what you can do for them. You want them with you as long as possible no matter what. Truthfully, I feel sympathy for this man whomever he is. It’s he who settled. He just don’t know it yet but is going to soon find out he did. There’s a difference between settling and being with a good person who genuinely cares about you. If you do not care for the person all the wifely things she said she would do…they are going to be come a chore not a labor of love and are going to stop doing them when they becomes a burden. This woman needs to grow the __ up and realize adult life is not a needless series of happiness unless you are on Prozac. I’ve walked out on several dates when they started the crazy fitness routine. That’s what this guy need to do that too. I found people who want the entire relationship to be a marathon of sprints, climbing, jumping up and down does it to avoid having to have deep meaningful conversations with you,
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Thank you for taking the time to read my post and leave a meaningful comment. By the way I went to the their dinner party and they both seem to be getting what they want out of this marriage
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I’m happy for them and hopes all turns out well. 🙂
Sounds like she settled for what was bought to the table vs the person sitting at he other end of table. As I read I noticed she got everything that she could benefit from. I read nothing of how she continue to be the woman that she set her self up up become in order to be found. I read a lot of I, I, I me, me, me. She’s already concerned about the work that she has to put in, in order to maintain the garden. A stress out newly wed is a disastrous way to start off the marriage. Sounds like she needs to change her perspective because I’m sure she has flaws and things that her husband dislikes, Tell ya girl count her blessings before she puts herself on a situation where as some else just might!!
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