Images vs Reality

Dear Readers,

“Great expectations, big letdowns” this adage seems to sum up my feelings about people who enter into relationships/partnerships holding their mate’s hostage because of impossible expectations. We have become a society that has stop accepting people for who they are and allowing them to be themselves. Instead, we have these grandiose ideas and stinking thinking about what we want our mates to be and how we feel they should behave. This is due to the   images and fantasies that’s created in our heads. In other words, we place people in boxes.

We all have faults and pet peeves and so one…These characteristics do not mean that somebody needs to come alone and rescue an individual, new flash, you shouldn’t form a relationship to save or change your partner. Stand still take a moment and open your eyes and see the person in front of you, the person you say you love, get rid of the wish list of the person you’re creating in your mind. While you’re looking at that person ask yourself what attracted you to him/her? When we develop a relationship, we don’t do so blindly unless you’re not paying attending to the things that you should. Did you spend time talking and observing your partner? When you walked down that aisle and stood before God and man and say, “I do” it was yes, to the wedding vows and the personality traits that you said wasn’t a problem. Are you being respectful of your partners wishes or are you trying to bend them to your will? I like to sleep on my off days, I don’t like loud noise and ironing, and above all I like a clean, clean house. My fiancé know these things about me and he is respectful of them. On the other hand, he isn’t the neatest person, he procrastinates, he drinks way too much coffee (my person opinion), he has a sweet tooth, and he gets up early on Saturdays. I know these things about him and never have I once asked him to change who he is. We understand that for our marriage to be a long-lasting union, we will have to learn how to live with, work out and around the little faults and pet peeves. At the end of the days he is the man who I chose to be in my life until death does it part.

The point is stop living in denial and be present relationships are not fantasies and fairy tales. We all have our eye on that princes or princess open your eyes he/she is standing in front of you.

 

What Say You?

Mommy Dearest

Dear Readers,

I once read that being a mother is the best job. I say, “motherhood isn’t a job it’s a calling.”a job is defined as a paid position of regular employment. While motherhood is the state or experience of having or raising a child. A mother forth life and no definition can truly define the true role of a mother. Women who makes the choice to bring forth life or to adopt children embarks on a life long journey that some say changes the entire course of their life. Being a mother means a life time of having a connection to their children that doesn’t end when the umbilical cord is cut. There is no job description that is equal to the multiple tasks performed by a mother within a 24-hour day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, with the occasional birthday, Mothers’ day, a spa day or night out with the girls. Despite the thousands of books dedicated to helping mothers by giving them advice on the proper way to raise their children; any mother will tell you that there are no manuals that comes close to explaining the instincts, talent, and gifts that mothers have. A mother’s love runs deeper than any ocean, and shines brighter than the stars in the galaxy.  The healing touch of a mother’s hands is more comforting than a skills physicians’ hands. The depths of a mother’s wisdom and knowledge comes from the profound minds of generations. When a mother feels sorrow the entire world senses her pain and mourns with her.  A mother’s joy burns brighter than the Sun and lasts a life time. Motherhood isn’t a random position that a woman chooses, A mother answers to the stirring in her womb, she responses to the call of a natural caretaker. A mother makes heart breaking sacrifices that only another mother understands. Memories of Mothers live on burned into the hearts and mind of her children long after she had departed this earth. Some people say the best things in life are free. I say, “motherhood is the most precious gift of life.”

What say you?

I remember When…..

Dear Readers,

There is a Rap song titled “We came from nothing” and an old church hymn that talks about building a house on a solid foundation. When I think of a solid foundation, I think of family. civilization was created with the idea family being the fabric that holds society together. Family is where children are supposed to learn the values and morals of life. The knowledge passed into children from their grandparents are words of wisdom that is the sum of their life experience and struggles they have conquered.

Family is where mothers teach daughters how to be domestic divas and at the same time how to be self-sufficient, while preparing to meet their life partners. Family is where fathers educate their sons how to respect women and what their responsibilities are to their future wives and children. Family is where children learn to love, share, communicate and stay close to their siblings.

Our family’s teach the importance of honoring our elders and never forgetting those who passed on. Family is where babies are celebrated and weddings are a serious extended family event, and death is seen as a home going not the end. In a perfect world, this would make sense.

Nowadays, the family structure is broken and seems damaged beyond repair. Divorce has swept through generations if to say the only way to be happy is to remain single. Mothers burdened with the task of raising multiple children by different fathers. Men are running from home to home spreading their seeds without looking back to see them to maturity. Grandparents are now parents to children parents felt that parenthood is too burdensome. Aunts and Uncles have become best friends to their nieces and nephews, instead of being role models of good leadership and guidance to help younger family members to navigate a world of hate and misery.

I remember growing up eating at a long wooden table this was a sacred time for my family. We waited for family members to arrive for the pleasure of sharing a meal. We did not answer the phone or watch TV. We sat, ate, talked, and laughed. As I got older, the family dinner table became the place were serious family matters were discussed and solved. Sunday was family day, a day relatives anticipated these weekly visits. Nowadays, there are no weekly visits or calls just to say,” hi, how are you.” No one sends cards by snail mail anymore, and we texted instead of letting our voices be heard.

We carry senseless grudges until somebody dies and then we live with the guilt of not asking for forgiveness while they were alive. Children thrown out of their homes at 18 because parents feel it is time for them to go. The visits to elderly family members get less and less, we have replaced time spend in person with technology. We have allowed the grind for that next promotion to get the new car or the bigger house, and spend less and less time with family. In addition, parents are over scheduling children in extra after school activities to keep them busy.

Take a second and think. Do you wish for the days when Family was first, and everything else followed.

What say you?

In the Spirit of LOVE

Dear Readers,

Someone comes into your life after many seasons of broken and dysfunctional relationships; He/She said “I love you” and the expectation is to respond, “I love you.” What happens when you do not feel this heart-pounding, palm sweaty, gitty LOVE? You are happy with the companionship and camaraderie of the relationship. You have opened your heart to caring for someone who have brought joy in your life that was dark and empty. However, there is the question of LOVE.

You are forced to evaluate your position in the relationship because your partner is not satisfied with how deeply you care for them he/she wants LOVE. What is LOVE? What is this LOVE that leads people to search until they have connected body and soul to their true soul mate; but disappointment comes because the LOVE you thought you found was confused with lust and infatuation. What is the secret for the couples who stayed together for 20, 20, 40 plus years?

I believe that the bond shared between people extend beyond the boundaries of the kind of LOVE that people mentally boxed themselves into. LOVE is a word that people carelessly throw around. LOVE is the reason why some people say they get married. No. you get married because you and your partner have vowed to love, honor, respect, and care for each other, while forsaking all others. These wedding vows have a deeper meaning then saying I LOVE You. We have all know a couple or two that have vowed to love and honor until death does its part, but at the first sign of trouble, they contact a divorce lawyer.

When my father passed I watched my mother stare at his closed casket and after 32 years of marriage, she said,” there goes my best friend.” That was 24 years ago and I still get goose bumps when I recall that moment. People say “I LOVE YOU.” For many different reasons. I say it is the intentions behind and what is in the heart of the person who says “I LOVE YOU.”

I will say this I will never judge a person based on how much I think he/she loves or does not’ love me. People express LOVE in various ways. Because we have our narrow vision of what we want LOVE to be sometimes we miss extraordinary experiences because we close our eyes to LOVE.

Think about this the next time someone holds your hand. When a stranger flashes an authentic smile, the kind that light sparkles in their eyes. When you receive, a hug and the person squeeze you and holds on for a few extra seconds.When you receive a card that say, “Thinking of You.”

When a stranger shows an act of kindness by paying for your coffee. Think about the time when you were at the end of the rope and just when you let go, someone caught you and helped you to hold on. LOVE is in every moment of each day. Do not close your heart, soul and mind to that spirit of love that flows around us every day.

What Say You?

 

And the Band Played On

Dear Readers,

I am thankful that my father shared his love of music with me.  Music flowed throughout our house every day, all day, Jazz, Blues, Rock N Roll, Blue grass, and Country, yes I said Country. My father loved Charlie Daniels, Roy Roger, and the men in black Johnny Cash. My father introduced me to classical music and opera, but my favorite is Big Band music. I love the sound, groove, and the energy of the Big Bands. Every time I hear the sound of swing music, I remember sitting in the living room with my dad and watching people dance with jubilation to big Band music.

My top Ten List of Big Band Leaders.

1. Glenn Miller
2. Duke Ellington
3. Benny Goodman
4. Louis Armstrong
5. Count Basie
6. Tommy Dorsey
7. Artie Shaw
8. Buddy Rich
9. Cab Calloway
10. Lionel Hampton

 

Top Ten of Big Band Songs

1. Sing, sing, Sing
2. Chattanooga Choo Choo
3. Take The “ A” train
4. In The Mood
5. Mack the Knife
6. Star-dust
7. Lover man ( oh where can you be)
8. Begin The Beguine
9. White Christmas
10. I’ll Never Smile Again

BALANCE

Dear Readers,

“Got to have it all” or “Be all that you can be” which one of these slogans describes the life you are struggling to live. There are countless books, essays, articles and motivational speakers telling us that we can “Have It all” meaning juggling career, family, travel and a social life, while trying to squeeze in eating and sleeping. This idea of “Having it All’ springs forth from the ideology of advertisement that frown at simplicity, and that having less is not a fulfilling life or quality lifestyle. People who desire a simpler life are settling for mediocrity. Why settle for less when you have more? Most people believe in the saying “Dream big or go home” Yeah ok. We live in a society were materialism vs minimalism is a tough trade-off. Who doesn’t want to enjoy the finer things in life? Well, here is some news for you sometimes the finer things in life are above the pay grade. The battle between the Haves and the Have Nots continues as an ever-ending drama of individuals comparing their life to those who they have no idea how those who seem to: “Have It All” are robbing Peter to pay Paul for all those shiny new things

 

This mindset of “Having It All” is a competition between people from different social economic status. If having it all means struggling to keep up with the Jones whoever they are and each day you dread opening your mailbox because of the mountain of bills that pile up month after month after month.  You start to hate the things you purchase because of them you are in over your head.

The title of this post is BALANCE.

What Say You?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Resurrection

Dear Readers,

Today is the first day that I have sat down and put pen to paper. My absence was not due to a dry spell, writers block or lack of ideas. It was TIME. The last few months (February –May), I was grinding, splitting my time between 2 part-time jobs while completing my Masters. During this time I suffered from what I thought was a bad cold that developed into pneumonia. However, as the saying goes “I trooped it out.” I pushed through until the date of completions. It has taken me five years to return to graduate school. Each time I attempted to register for my final class, something or someone got in the way.

During this time of waiting to cross the finish line to graduation, I lost to death, two uncles, my grandmother, she lived a long life and went out with a smile on her face. Two nephews (victims of violence) my step-father a great man, a sister who helped me develop my love for reading, my twenty year old niece who suffered from cerebral palsy thanks to her dedicated mother, this little princess lived a good life. I was almost homeless due to the loss of my apartment, including some of my possessions. I had to change roommate twice and nearly lost my sanity. Through all of this, I smiled looked up to heaven and with thick tears in my eyes asked. WHY?

Well here, I am the May 3^rd deadline to submit my final project and application for graduation on June 14 has come and gone. No, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am in limbo. Why because those who are place in the position of power deemed me unworthy of receiving a grade of INC. I needed an extra two weeks to submit the total number of hours needed to complete my field study. I pleaded my case but it fall on death ears. I was told that if my total grade tallies up to an F, yes an F. I would have to repeat the course. This means pay another $2000.00, plus the $300 for graduation and re do all the assignments AGAIN.

After receiving this message via email from the director of the Education department, I laid in bed in a fetal position for two days. I felt sorry for my finance, tried as he did, I could not pull myself out of bed. I do not know how, but I managed to resurface and got back into life. I have not checked my email to see my final grade. I need time. In the meantime, Good news, I am getting MARRIED. Well, not soon, but I am getting married to a wonderful man who supported me thorough all of this madness. I have a new home to remodel, and an appointment with the New York Missionary Baptist Advisory Council for my Ordination exam. Moreover, most importantly I need to get back to WRITING. When I check my email and if the news does not lead me to graduation, I will take the fall term off and enjoy living then start again in the SPRING.   In the meantime………

This was the best 549 words I have written in a long, long time. I am back.

What Say You?