I did not start out looking for a husband I was committed to being single. I was comfortable with my ONENESS. I did not consider myself lonely and I was not afraid to be with ME. Out of frustration I made the decision to give up dating and my search for Mr.…… Two years into my self-imposed isolation I was happy to go to a peaceful home after long days of toiling at work and fighting the grind of riding public transportation. A benefit of living alone is having the space and leisure to do as one please, and besides my boxer jo-jo I enjoyed not being responsible for another person besides Jo-jo. Two years turned into three and so on.
In my seventh year of being with ME I had drafted three manuscripts, two that I self-published, joined a classical chorus, acquired a second part-time job, and finally started the process to complete my Masters in Education. Life was GOOD. I was so busy being busy that I did not pay attention to the train wreck that was going to derail me from my mission as a writer and educator, take away my peace, and cause me deep emotional damage, and by the time I emerged from the darkness of the twisted wreckage; I would be lift with the task of rebuilding my life one part at a time. The result I am back in therapy.
This time around I needed to do more than heal my heart and soul from being broken and abandon. I need to step in the room of recovery and address my pain give this pain a name stare it in the face and have a conversation with it. I begin by saying that I was not looking for a husband because I never made it past the engagement stage. My prince charming wooed me for a year. During our courtship he showed me the person who he needed to be. His true self reared its ugly head the moment I moved into his place. He transformed into a moody, clingy, needy, overbearing, insecure, NAG. He laid down the law by preaching to me about the type of wife he wanted me to be. He made it clear under no circumstances did he see how I could balance both being a wife and continuing with my teaching career, and my hobby as a writer. blogger, classical singer and finding time to keep up with my YouTube channel. This coming from the same man who while living under separate roofs supported me and besides my son became my greatest cheering section. He wanted me to choose. I stayed 90 days. I stayed because I thought that I was living through a short nightmare and that I would wake up. No. This was no nightmare, what I was living through was real.
I left because I could not stay in a relationship that does not value and support me. I am starting over again, but this time is going to be different. I will not sweep my feelings under the rug and just move on. I will address my pain and confusion and address the things that I’ve ignored in my life and heal those parts of me that are still hiding and hurting.
What say you?