Blended Families

Dear readers,  Thank you for tuning into another of my videos from my YouTube channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd.  In this video I have the pleasure of interviewing a wonderful sister, friend, wife, mother, and minister. Ms. Ty’East Bobb will give her view on how to have a successful  blended family.

 

 

 

 

A moment of Love

Dear readers, I thought that this was worth sharing.

Don’t be afraid to show you care. Last Sunday a sister friend walked up to me gave me a hug and said, ” I want you to know I love you.” she touched my heart and lifted my broken spirit. When people are experiencing hardships they don’t need pity, anger or for you to take sides. Let them know you love them by showing love. Today, I am thankful for the love passed onto me from my sister Ty’ East Bobb💕💕💕💕💕 I will remember that moment for the rest of my life.

The Care is Self Care

Dear readers,   we are living in a society were self -care frowned upon the myth is that if you are taking time to care for self, than you are robbing your partner or children of you. So, little by little you give up the things  you enjoy. Take a look at my video and  get back to Doing you. Remember a happy partner is a happy relationship.

 

The Mission

Dear readers, This post is longer than my usual  250-300 words.  Let me refresh your memory.  If you’ve been following  my blog or watch my videos I’ve been taking about relationships and the ending of my 90 day engagement. Now, hold on before you get teary eye and start mourning  my lose. It was good that I got out when I did. I refused to remain in a relationship that does not value me. So, I decided to go on a 90 day journey to refocus my life, and get healthy mentally and physically.  when the journal is completed I will publish it. My mission is to help people understand that starting over, is not the end of having a good life, go through the process of learning how to not just move on, but to create a new life while working through their pain.  One suggest, please stay away from people who want to help you throw a pity party. This is not about being a victim. This new life is about thriving.

Day 1, August 27, 2018. I did not go into this 90-day plan thinking that the storm was over just because mt relationship ended, and the universe would cut me some slack. Ha! I arrived at work fresh and ready to get back into my groove. Not a chance I was met with this memo: short version the department has decided to cut my hours. I had an immediate melt down in front of everyone. Long story short after spending most of the workday going from one office to the next, another department was more than happy to restore my hours. Instead of me taking a step back and breath I ate a muffin. Oh well. Tomorrow is Gym Day…. 8:30 P.M. the day is done and all I want to do was make it home. Upon leaving I discovered that a long-time co-worker and friend had retired and soon after died.  Again, for the second time tears flowed. I knew this person for 15 years, he was kind, funny, had a great smile, and could tell funny jokes. I boarded the train and could not wait to get home and bury my face in my pillow and cry. 89 days to go.

Day 2, August 28, 8:15 A.M. I left the house early; I walked the 10 blocks to the train station I need to lose the extra flab. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror on my bathroom wall. I wish I could have ripped it off, not the fat the mirror. I felt disgusted I thought about all the time I wasted not going to the gym, so that I could spend time with HIM. Oops. This is what we do, after a break up; we look for every moment to revert to past memoirs. We want to blame the other person because of the pain, anger, rage; we want our feelings validated. The truth is that I could have found the time to go to the gym. I did not have  to eat the bread, muffins, and the delicious unhealthy fried foods. I lost my commitment to me; I lacked the discipline and drive to push myself. Being in a relationship does not give anyone permission to slack. So, each day until the weather turns cold.  I will walk the 10-12 blocks every time I have to ride the train.

Day 3, August 29, Day off, I slept late and wanted to stay in bed, it would be easy to stay in bed, closed up in my room. No, I will not allow the ghost of depression to take my soul hostage. I could use the weather as an excuse it is 94 degrees. I put on a skimpy dress, put my hair up, got a bottle of water, and took a slow walk to the train station. Dunkin Donuts was my savior, ice coffee never tasted so good. I set out to visit May, my former hair stylist. I found her book an appointment. Now, what do I do with the rest of my day. I took the bus to 125th street, I hopped from store to store soaking up the air condition. Brought some much-needed hair products, two pairs of slacks and eat some healthy fast food, and headed home. On the walk back from the train station I give in two stops from home I took the bus. I had enough of punishing in the heat for being lazy and gaining weight.

P.S. I have not begun the search for a therapist.

Day 4, August 30, today was the best day of the week. I am slowly making peace with the distance I travel to work and church. Good news, I am moving to a bigger space within the house this means I can some of my personal belongings out of storage. I cannot wait to sit at my desk and get my groove back. I sent HIM the letter that I had prepared a month ago before the breakup. It does not matter whether he reads it, or if he reads the letter and ignores the content, what is important to me is that I addressed the elephant in the room. The truth is that I emotionally checked out the moment he told me that I had to choose between advancing my teaching career by wanting to teach overseas and being his wife. It was only a matter time.

So tell me how am I doing thus far?

STAY With Me

Dear Reader,

Commitment, promise, obligation, assurance or pledge, these are a few words that people use when they desire their partner to COMMIT to being involved in an exclusive relationship. To counteract this request men and women will come up with the most creative excuse as to why they do not want to seal the deal so to speak. In these modern times, developing a long-lasting partnership is becoming increasingly difficult to establish. The rules of partnership have changed because people want to test drive a relationship or want a trial period. Here are some facts people have been burnt, hurt, scorned, used, broken, and in some cases emotionally damaged beyond repair. Deep down inside we all desire to have a good, stable partnership, in my own personal opinion and experience relationships do not have to be as dramatic as some people make them. It is disparaging that we live in a society that seldom supports healthy relationships why? We are not creating an environment of support rather we turn our heads and pretend not to notice that couples, especially young couples are struggling with the basic knowledge of how to nurture each other and cultivate a solid foundation for their relationship. We live in a society where the means to fix a broken relationship is for each person to engage in relationships outside of their partnership, getting their needs meet because they claim that they are not receiving what they need from home. We have advanced into using any means necessary to avoid going home. Men calming they are working late and women take on projects that will keep them away from home. Better yet, one partner works in the daytime while the other works at night calming that this is the best solution for the children. There are hundreds if not thousands of books and article written by professional who claim to have a remedy to restore these damaged relationships. Maybe some of their suggestion and research-based solution might work for some, in the meantime, all of this dysfunction, drama and avoidance in relationships is all due to one simple word COMMIT.

What Say You?