This has been a year of tumultuous ups and downs and devastating loss. It all started when I thought that I had found the one my soul loves only to be bamboozled into a nightmare of an engagement that I had to end. I relocated three times and during each move I lost sentimental items not to mention time and money. My graduate thesis was rejected, and I had to postpone the date of my oral exam for my ordination because of my personal turmoil. I lost focus, discipline and drive, thus leading me to gain twenty pounds that I am struggling to lose. It has taken me months to reach a point of emotionally stable.
Now the good news……
Because of this year’s struggles I wrote a sequel to my memoir, The Waiting Game, I titled it, “90 days of Reflection, Discovery and Renewal.” I will publish this 90-day emotional journey summer 2019. My broken engagement was the brick wall that shocked me into a serious reality check. I became aware of the damage I caused myself by allowing fear to rule my decisions. I have made excuses and held myself back by not taking risk to achieve my goals. I have wasted years singing the WHEN song. When I get a higher paying job, when I complete my education, when I find a suitable partner, when I have my own home, when I lose the weight, when, when, when….I have not lived to my fullest potential because I continue to think that there has to be a perfect time for life to be enjoyed. After 90 days of deep reflection and the awareness of the patterns in my life that keep me stuck in a vortex of dead ends; I can move forward with better clarity, purpose and mindfulness. I don’t have the luxury to wallow in self-pity or to play the role of the victim. Although, I have fallen numerous times and managed to get back up. However, this time is different I had to pull myself back on my feet by crawling and hauling myself up one level at a time. I was literally stripped down to ground zero, but the rebuilding of my life and the restructuring of my goals is better because my outlook and purpose is more meaningful.
I have been feverishly working to remove most of the people, places and things that I see as obstacles while rerouting my life. My living environment is spacious, quiet and conducive to helping me to maintain my sanity. I have taken steps to regain my health by working with a wonderful vegan nutritionist and personal coach for a 90-day makeover starting Jan 1, 2019, I am very excited to get started. Each New Year’s Day I teach a workshop for creating Vision Boards, this year’s theme will be: Pray, Plan and Work for the life you want. I am eternally grateful to my friends, family and colleagues who gave me their time and support during the most difficult days. I am ready for change, but most important I feel a sense of clarity and happiness that has been absent from my life. My hope is that my readers will read this and reflect and discover ways to Renew the area of their life that has lost its light and happiness. HAPPY, HEALTHY, BLESSED NEW YEAR.
J. R. Floyd (Dragthepen)