when you open the door of your home and welcome people in and say, ” make yourself at home” are you being truthful or saying this out courtesy. The late two years I’ve moved four times living in other people’s home. I live in New York City and the rents are out of control. Most people are forced into a roommate situation. Since the age of 30 I have lived in my own space with a small dog, or a cat and I once had a bird. I am 55 and often feel humiliated about my situation.
Each roommate situation it is suggested that I ” make myself at home” before I go on it is noteworthy to say that I am quiet, very neat I like every in it place. I burn scented candles, keep a dust free home and never walk inside with my shoes on. I think of home as a safe, clean, peaceful and happy environment to relax, rejuvenate and mentally and emotionally reset to cope with the struggles of the” Grind”.
Now, back to ” make yourself at home” in each place I have resided there wasn’t the feeling of home due to the consistent reminders that I wasn’t at home. People have a tendency to drop hints or suggestions about how things are done in ” their home”. For example, I have an unusual schedule meaning, I don’t have a Monday to Friday 9 to 5. I often leave home early and return late. When I enter I do so quietly, and on my days off I enjoy sleeping late because I don’t often experience the luxury of staying in bed. I am often asked questions like, what time did I get in? Or hear statements like, oh your home today. When I cook I like to do so alone with music and a glass of wine. Lately, I have had company in the kitchen watching what I do and questioned why I do what I do the way I do it. As a result I spend less time in the kitchen. I bite my lip, smile and practice patience because I am at the mercy of the homeowner. I am often angry and question why do people willingly invite others into their homes, collect rent then proceed to be a dictator by creating an uncomfortable environment.
To my readers, people become displaced from their homes for various reasons. In my case my last landlord sold the house I was living in and
didn’t grant me time to find another place. So, my journey has taken me two years and four different roommates. Gone is the feeling of ” Home sweet Home”. I long to feel stable and at peace. I missed curling up on my sofa and binge watching NCIS, while eating popcorn and drinking wine. I want the privacy of my own bathroom and kitchen. I miss having a pet, burning candles, listening to jazz and just doing as I damn well please.
I am keeping my fingers crossed I’ve been promised a one bedroom apartment that I can afford by the New Year 2020. What a glorious way to start the year in my own space. As you read this here is something to ponder, think about a time in your life when circumstances changed, think about the discomfort, the feeling of humiliation and the disbelief that life has dealt you a curveball that you weren’t ready for. Think about how you wanted to be treated versus how you were treated. In all of my living situations I was a means to an end. I do take comfort that my current situation gives me the peace of mind and space to reboot. My room has become my sanctuary, its larger, bright and allows me to be comfortable until I can unpack and hang my ” Home Sweet Home” sign.💖
Dear Readers. experiencing the hell of an abusive relationships is not something that I would wish on my worst enemy . We know someone in our family, church, at work or even close friends that are trapped in a abusive relationship. This abuse can cover physical, sexual, psychological, and economics. This abuse is real and it is painful. this abuse effect children, men and women, and if the victims are lucky to escape the healing process takes years and some don’t. Please watch my video. leave a comment. the world needs to hear what you have to say.
I refuse to allow anyone to steal my joy! Did you hear me? I refused to allow anyone to steal my joy! This is a confession of a former people pleaser that included allowing people to steal my joy. No, Don’t feel sorry for me I willingly participate in opening the path for people to come Into my life and steal my joy.
How did this happen? Let me explain.
I cared too much about other people’s opinions about me regardless if their judgement was right or wrong. I poured my heart and soul into doing whatever I could to make them like me.
I spend way too much time catering to other people’s needs and disobeyed that voice in my head that whispered ” what about you and what you need”. I was under the foolish impressions that people cared. It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that people are only out for their best interest, and if they can use you its because your a means to an end.
For years I bite my tongue held my peace and refused to talk back to defend myself. I swallowed every insult and stood strong like a dummy and smiled while saying,” its ok.”
I did things I didn’t want to do and visited places I had no business going. I conspired against people because someone asked me to. I denied myself simple pleasures in life because I was too busy giving them to others who I felt deserved the blessing more than I did.
During all of this I carried a cinder block of unhappiness that I couldn’t explain. I was angry, but I did not know who to be angry at. This cycle continued for years until a incident happened that shook me to the core of my thinking. The first thought was to kiss up to the individual and get back on their good side. But that voice in my head overpowered me and roared No! We are not going to allow this situation to steal our joy! It was amazing. It was like I saw the sun for the first time. I asked myself why? Why should I bend because another person chooses to give me the silent treatment. No. No. No. I will not allow you to take my joy! I have armed myself, I have a plan, I am smiling because my plan doesn’t involve revenge, being angry or showing my discomfort. My choice is simply to go about each day and not allow you to steal my joy!
I refuse to be miserable. I refuse to lose sleep think of way to make things right. I refuse to submit to your will.
Today, and every day, I close the door and will not allow you to enter to steal my joy!
Dear Readers, Conversations with J. R. Floyd is dedicated to discussing relationships issues, men and women empowerment & exploring the broken foundation of the family structure. Support me by subscribing to my You Tube channel where you can watch more videos . Thank you for watching. Don’t forget to leave a comment.
Dear Readers, we live in a society where being in a relationship means to meet certain material requirements. People are compiling list based on their personal needs and if their future partner fail to meet their demands there is n o need to engage in a relationship. I support setting standards, but what I have observe with this generation is that how much you have is how much people will love you.
Dear Readers, In today’s Society there are countless broken relationships and this leads to dysfunctional homes. Couples are felling stuck and have become complacent in their routine living arrangement, and few people are making the effort to speak up. I suggest to going back to the beginning. Take a meaningful stroll down memory lane reconnect to why you committed to a partnership. You might be surprised about what you discover and this could place you on the road to healing.
Thank you for watching.
Dear Readers, I have noticed a trend in relationships that people are using manipulation, dictating rules, and feel the need to control their partner. Relationships have become ownership instead of a partnership. Relationship have become a dumping ground for broken people. what happened to love, honor respect, compassion and commitment.
What say you? Thank you for watching for more videos on relationship topics please support me by subscribing to my You Tube.
Dear Readers, there’s is a few things I would like to address, please bear with me.
This new idea of a genderless society is a step towards taking away our individual identify. I have never been fond of the principle of assigned gender roles. I am a supporter of equal rights regardless of gender some people interrupt this as women’s desire to compete with men this thinking is wrong. It is by natural selection that we are given our gender and identity. Furthermore, due to advance science and technology parents are able to discover the gender of an embryo, so much for the elements of surprise. There is even speculation of future technology that will allow parents to select certain features that they deem desirable resulting in their children being born with certain characteristics that will allow them to an advantage over other children. This all seems so absurd and out of control. Remember Victor Frankenstein in Mary Shelley’s literary masterpiece Frankenstein. This narrative illustrates the consequences of man going beyond the order of nature. What I observe occuring in society is the reordering or recreating a world to fit the needs of particular groups of people who feel the need to create a society that is out of the natural order. In today’s society practicing morals and good value is no longer important.
Our leaders have failed to stand firm on issues of family values instead they bend to every movement and organizations that cry foul when they feel that their basic human rights have been violated due a difference of opinions on issues like same sex marriage, gender neutral restrooms, the right to life, affordable housing, and the right to earn a fair wage. We have become so divided that we challenge whose life matter more. Black lives matter, the me to movement, along with other movements only serves the purpose of further diminishing people based on race and gender. Not to mention the that we currently live in a ” except me as I am society” where being unhealthy and overweight is viewed as body shaming so the practice of encouraging obesity is expected. Even the religious people are fleeing from their houses of worship to join non denominational churches because they are at odds with the strict rules of religion.
This chaos has led to an increase level of anger. Am I the only one who notice the increasing number of people who are angry? People are short fused. Patients, sympathy, compassion, understanding and reasoning is something of the past. Anger seems to be the new way to express displeasure, venting, going into a rage, and spewing out insults is becoming a normal part of people’s character. People blame social media, the overcrowding of public transportation, long commutes, the daily grind of life, high unemployment, hopleness, and high levels of stress, the list can go on and on, but the plain true is people are angry. This anger is spilling out into everyday life. Parents are short tempered towards their children. Couples are fighting more than usual over the smallest issues turning their home into a battle ground. There seems to be more anger at the workplace thus creating an unpleasant and hostile work environment. In the service industry consumers and customer service representatives are at odds due to complaints of low quality serve. People who are employed as wait staff, hair industry, driver’s, retail, healthcare, phone representative, postal workers all have the same complaint. They deliver poor service because they are shown very little appreciation for the services they provide.
If I am painting a picture that the world is on a collision course with itself just think about what is currently taking place immigrants are the focus of this administration, no one is seeking solutions to high unemployment, the homeless, drug abuse, and the increasing numbers of business closing. The politicians are focused on their personal agenda and they have no regards for the people who elected them to protect and provide for our well being in order to build a stronger and better world for the sake of all humanity.
Does any of this make any sense? If so what say you?
Dr. Lori Gore-Green's blog about Women's health and Community Service.
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