Monthly Archives: June 2019
Desperation & Dysfunctional Relationships
Do not allow loneliness and despair to lead to desperation resulting in being trapped in a dysfunctional relationship that does not honor who you are. We all have heard the saying that loneliness kills, and so does being in a relationship that does not honor who God created you to be.
Ladies, when you allow the negative voices in your head to engage you in conversation about lonely is caused by you do not have a man in your life. And the relationship is going to cure your loneliness, and bring you all that you need. Here are some thoughts to think about before you agree with those voices.
- Beware of the large population of men who have no good intention towards you when they sense that you are desperate, they use your eagerness to please to control the situation. Why are you willing to give your power, and willing to submit to ill treatment all because you are thankful to have a man in your life
- What value is this man bringing into your life? What purpose is he serving in your life? Some of these deceivers have swift tongues and deviant minds. Their plan is to milk you for all that you have and in the meantime, you become so blinded by your desire to HAVE A Man, that you don’t see the emotional devastation you will have to recover from when he leaves and he will leave
Do not listen to the myths that people are throwing at you?
- Except any men who are interested in a relationship with you because age might be a factor, or you might be single mother, this is not a reason to settle, in fact, there is no REASON TO SETTLE.
- When you settle your saying that I do not deserve a partner who will respect, value, honor, show compassion, support, see your worth, and express concern in all matters of your life. You want to feel protected and up lifted by your partner.
- Do not become some man’s side piece because you think that you are getting what you need without a true comment ( this is a degrading situationship)
- Question, Are you currently in a relationships that’s has ran it course and is no longer giving you the happiness that it used to, so you stay because you are afraid of being alone.
I know that there are women who are so afraid of being alone that they financially support men. Women except being verbal and emotionally abused by men who they know are not good for them, but their logic is that ANY MAN IS BETTER THAN NO MAN. I know of mothers who encourage their daughters to do all they can to keep a man even if that man is treating them disrespectful, the theory is that YOU BETTER HOLD ONTO YOUR MAN BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE GET HIM. There women who are searching for men through dating services only to be fool and conned by their lies and sob stories. Wake up! These men are hiding behind computers waiting for a victim not a soul mate.
When you allow the temporary feeling of loneliness to dictate giving up your power to men whose main goal is to drain your spirit, darken your soul, pillage your finances, and bring more confusion in your love than love and happiness
Ask yourself is it truly worth the damage and drama?
Here are some suggestions for your loneliness:
Find male friends that you can go out on a platonic date, intimacy comes in all forms
Go to event where there is single people looking to have a good time and enjoy the company of others without expectations.
Adopt a pet they need love pets make wonderful companions, and they are very loyal
Organize a girls night sleepover, but don’t waste the evening being depressed an talking about men
Take a class for fun, cooking, knitting, yoga, or join a gym or a community chorus
There are so many ways that you can combat loneliness and you can do so in a positive way. Heading into a relationship for the sole purpose of relieving yourself of loneliness without spending time truly getting to know the other person will only serve the purpose of opening the door for some serious drama.
What say you?
Couples drifting apart.
A matter of opinion.
It puzzles me how women of today have lowered their standards when it comes to dressing. They outfit themselves in clothing that makes them appear to be slack and careless to the point of being naked. The latest trend is wearing shorts with their butt cheeks exposed, and thongs and breast visible beneath flimsy dresses, and wearing midriff tops showing multiple layers of their stomachs hanging out and tightly smashed looking like a stuff sausage. Not to mention the awful habit of wearing tights revealing the imprint of their lower bodies from front to back. There is so much more that I can say, but I dare not go on. Slackness in attire does not mean class or style. Class and style begins with a state of mind and mannerisms that complements clothing that are age and size appropriate. I know what you are thinking, it’s their bodies let them do what they want. I agree, but here me out, the women who declare that as a part of self-expression they should be able to wear what pleases them and not others; are the same women who exclaim that they have difficulties meeting men of high quality. These women are searching for men who are Business owners, CEO’s. Doctors, Lawyers, Professional Athletes, some even hope to meet a Trust Fund baby. I have observed that men who are on the receiving end of a six-figure income and higher, often engage in flings, or side romances with women who devalue them by dressing slack, in other words, these women are known as the “Side Piece”. On the other hand, in the words of the late singer Rick James, these women are “super freaks the kind you don’t take home to mother.” A man of high intellect, income, class status and reputation would be lower his standards and position in society when stepping out with women who is deemed beneath him. Case in point, it was reported in The Sun that Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, advised Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex not to wed Meghan Markle’ “as one steps out with an actresses, you don’t marry them.” When Michelle Obama, Former first lady of the United States meet Barack Obama, he was a young college student, and he dressed in a shirt and pants every day. When Jackie Kennedy meet John Kennedy, she had set a standard for her class and style way before she became the first lady. I will say in their defense that we cannot fully blame today’s’ so called modern women for the common means in which they dress. Look around there is very few women who model the proper decorum. Most women today mimic reality celebrities and big name Hollywood stars in fashion of the more skin, buttocks, breast that is exposed the better. Furthermore, this generation of women who have found themselves at an advanced age do not care to dress like grandma use to because it seems to be old and out of style, they are wrong modesty is never out of style. Please forgive me for this rant, do not take this as body shaming, or bashing as I am saying aloud what most people are thinking.
What say you?
Broken people can heal
Dear Readers, We use the word baggage when we speak about people who have been emotionally broken. Emotionally broken people have experienced certain traumatic events that effects their ability to establish a relationship. Watch my discuss on this topic and Join me for more relationship topics on my You Tube channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. Thank you for watching.
Just for today.
Today is that day. You know the day you just can’t seem to hold life together. People say push through, but why? Today, I can’t just push through. Sometimes pushing through causes more harm than good. Today, is the day that I need to step back and work through this mist of fog.
I have been digging in and plowing through for months. Day by day, pushing down the emotional waves that threaten to overwhelm me, holding back tears, smiling, laughing, when I really want to scream out and crawl in a corner and be left alone. Having private conversations with that voice in my head, whispering ” I am okay”. Today, I am not ok. I think about the thousands of people who go through life faking the funk lying to themselves about being “ok”, afraid of having a break down because people will judged them for being weak. Shame on us for creating a society where its not good to admit that ” I am not okay”.
Today, is my day to feel the emotional waves and let them do what they do. Today, is the day for the tears to flow. Today, is the day for me to admit to the voice in my head that I am exhausted, depressed, and that I feel the pain of loneliness and isolation from friends and family. Today, I will lay in bed with the breakfast, while organzing my personal projects. I will quite my mind by reading and siping a glass of merlot. Awww the pleasures of life are short lived. I am counting the days until the month of June ends, and looking forward to my vacation to California. In the meantime, at the close of this day I will take a warm bubble bath, indulging in a mani- pedi, burn my favorite candle ( vanilla) and prepare my mind and body to face the next day.
Thank you for reading💖
Join my new podcast on Sound Cloud: Conversations with J. R. Floyd
Relationship Theory 101
Most relationships happen by accident and some do not happen at all. Let me explain, I was having a conversation with a friend who happens to be a psychologist. We were talking about the relationships topics that I discuss on my You Tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. His view on relationships is that most partnerships are not successful because people lack the knowledge of how to create and sustain the foundation for a long lasting relationship. Most people do not understand that there are stages of a relationship and how to work through these stages. Therefore, for some people this is what usually happens, people meet and they dive right into feelings, chaos creeps in then BOOM! The relationship is over leaving people to wonder what happened or did not happen. Most of the time relationships end with one or both partners feeling bitter. I am sharing this theory in hopes that people will stand back and observe the stage their relationship is in and if it is not the desired stage, then take steps bring balance into the relationship.
Stage 1: Romance: this is the dating or courtship process of getting to know each other without physical intimacy.
- Most couples move to quick towards the physical aspect in the beginning staged of a relationship. People rarely take time to know whom they are sharing their bodies with. At this stage of courtship women often, feel pressured into a physical relationship before they are ready. Most women comply because they want to keep the man interested in them.
Stage 2: Power Struggle: this stage is when people recognize that they are different, and they begin to work on the dynamics of the relationship. This is the most difficult stage because the couple is trying to find balance and there is sometimes the issue of control. Meaning person wants to take the lead role while dominating the other.
- In stage 2, the couple engage in heated arguments due to one partner wanting control: ( an equal partnership isn’t about control its about balance and compromise)
Stage 3: Stability, hopeful the couple is committed to building a strong partnership and they move into STAGE 3, only after they have resolved the power struggle in stage 2. Stability of a relationship happens when the couple can function as individuals for their own personal growth, but acknowledge and recognize that they are in a partnership and do things for the betterment of the relationship.
Stage 4: Commitment: At this stage, there is deeper and clearer communication about the state of the relationship and the future a couple might engage in conversations that lead to the transition to co-habitat or marriage, children, buying a house etc.
Stage 5: Co – creation this stage is where the power struggle is truly over and the building of the partnership continues after a certain number of years invested in the partnership. Each person feel secure and they moves towards investing in retirement for the freedom and security of their future.
To me, this theory makes sense and has stirred me to think about why the majority of my relationships were not successful. If an individual is not first, ground in who they are and what they want out of life; then their partnership will reflect the same disorganized as their thinking.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this information. For more relationship topics, subscribe to my You Tube Channel, Conversation with J. R. Floyd or listen to my podcast on Sound Cloud.
Let’s talk about the RING
Dear Readers, There are millions of Women in society who are waiting for the RING. Because they have been brain washed into thinking that if a man doesn’t give them a ring he’s not in love. What does getting this RING mean? Take a moment to listen to my personal story about getting the Ring. I like to hear from you. Thank you for watching.