I should have protected her, but I didn’t know she was sacred. When I was a young girl no one told she was the essence of my spirit and the center of my being. No one told me that if I gave her away too soon she would be abused, missed used, hated, battered, passed around, and treated as if she doesn’t have a soul. No one told me that she would cry, hide and begged to be cherished, loved, and protected. No one told me that she would be branded whore, slut, loose, easy, and old maid. I didn’t listen to her when she whispered” lets not do this again.” I pushed her concerns aside for the benefit of pleasure, but the pleasure wasn’t for us. I didn’t hear her when she begged me to stop treating her like stocks on the Wall Street trading floor sold to the highest bider. After all these years of being together I final understood and the moment that I did the emptiness and pain shook me to my core. The years of allowing others to pour into me their brokneness, suffering, pain, bitterness, resentment, and heartbreak, their spirits never left me even when I thought that I started a new. Why? Because no one told me that my womanhood, my maiden head, my innocene, the purest part of me was scared. No one told me to guard her because giving her away to the woves of this world might result in irreversible damage. No one told me that she would rebel, and that I needed to follow her into the battle to wait for the one. The one who would wait for her to mature. To understand that she needed to be loved and that she is a part if a whole. I regret that I abandon her. I was anger at her for not being better for not capturing and keeping those who I considered a soulmate. She understood they weren’t worthy.
Today, after all of the destruction of my past I realized I never forgave myself for not protecting the innocent young girl who give in too soon. Can you ever forgive me?
I write this too all the women who gave in to soon. HEAL.