Word Wall part 3

Dear readers,

They say, ” Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”

We’ve all recited these words to ourselves after someone has said something cruel. Parents teach their children this adage insisting that it not what people say to them, rather its more important how people treat them.This might have been true years ago when people chose their words wisely. Today it’s not uncommon to hear words like:

stupid, ugly, fat, lazy, useless, damaged, poor, not good enough, weak, and hopeless

While your reading this post some where in the world someone is hearing this:

I don’t know why I bother, you’re so stupid, ugly, fat useless, weak, lazy, damaged, poor, not good enough, and your hopeless. 

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will have a lasting effect that can leave wounds that may never heal.

what say you?

 

Word Wall part 2

Dear readers,

anger, sadness, frustration, rage, betrayal, rejection, disconnected, loneliness, longing, reconciliation

Anger is an emotion that we are entitled to feel and express, but if holding onto Anger past the letting go due date, Anger can fester and lead to great Sadness, Frustration and Rage. People Reject being around the Anger. Loneliness is the result of Longing to be Reconciled with those who Disconnected due to  Anger.

 

What Say You?

 

Word Wall

Dear readers, I beg a moment of your time.

As I proceed through each day I have become observant of people’s behavior; and conclude that we are communicating less and less.Below is a list of words that is becoming extinct.

love, forgiveness, appreciate, respect, support, encouragement, dedication, responsibility, accountability, belonging, sharing, caring, concern, compassion, passion, truth, honesty, trust, willingness, openness, unity, consideration, hope, peace, joy and balance.

I love the people who forgive me and I appreciate their respect, encouragement, and support. I hold myself responsible, and accountable for my actions and dedicate myself to sharing my concerns with the people who give me  a sense of belonging. When I fail in my duty to show compassion towards my fellow-man; the least  I can do is to be truthful in my willingness to be open and express honesty for and lack of consideration.

I hope that peace, joy and balance can  be restored to a world that lacks UNITY.

What Say You?

Farewell to the Mad Dater.

Photos taken by aahman_-2

Greeting from the Mad Dater,

I am not the kind of person who gives up easy, or throws in the towel too soon; but the dating game is a battle, I raise the white flag, throw up my hands and surrender.  No, I am not admitting defeat, however, the dating is a challenge I chose not to take on now.

Sore loser you Say.

Well, if have not noticed the rules of dating have changed; they are confusing. There seems to be a shortage of men with less than gentlemen like mannerism. Instead, there are men who favor moving from first straight to home base after one date.

I’ve  begun my journey four months ago to find a suitable mate. Online dating did not help matters; I have one word for dating websites, “Horrific.” I shall continue to believe in the romantic notion of boy meets girl, boy likes girl and the rest is history.

In my first book, The Waiting Game, by J. R. Floyd, I wrote about wasting my younger years looking for love in all the wrong places. Regardless of those bad experiences, I hold onto hope and wait for the one who is right for me.

What Say You?

TWG Cover

The Waiting Game

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:

Some people say waiting is a part of life. I say it depends on what you’re waiting for and why. With that said, I apologize to my patient supporters who’ve encouraged me through the entire penning of my book. Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I was unable to meet my publishing deadline on August 24, 2015.  In the meantime, while I am fixing things behind the scenes, please enjoy this sneak preview of my memoir.

“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses.  Any rules after that, the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:

Let Your Reminiscence Unfold

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone set them free; if the relationship is meant to be they will come back.  Well, in my case, this saying is a myth. I am a 51-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible marriage and several hit and run relationships.

I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives. What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.

There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.

I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that I either scare men away, attack losers or men who simply don’t get me?

Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage. Baggage in the form of ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who had not become the ex. In each relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in until I gave out. I was not sexy enough, I did not dress sluttie enough to suit their taste. I was too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other words, I was not freaky enough.

I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh and the children; no, not my son, their children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.

My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives all in the name of L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly what they wanted.

More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just have not met him yet. Why do people tell you  this when deep down inside what  they really want to say is, “ Girl,  hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s behind door number three”.

Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely.  Yes, most women fear being alone because we have been told being alone is BAD.

Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke and too independent.

I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman as I have been labeled. I am a woman who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding  who I am, where I am going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and why.  My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the drama got too deep.

This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with him, all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community property?

This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem and self- respect and undermine us a woman.  This is about living in a society where the double standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put out and shut up.

To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about you understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.

A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you.  Women, stop talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.

When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not for a relationship.

 

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

Body Shaming, a choice or discrimination?

Dear readers,

 

landscape-1465900279-body-shaming-banned

” Body shaming is a negative statement and attitude towards another persons weight or size.”

I am told that setting standards when seeking a life partner is important. In a prospective partner we look for compatibility and good characteristics like: someone who is caring, humble, generous, and self assured. Some people rely on chemistry, “a connection of a bond or common feeling between two people.” For others, physical attraction is important, meaning features that are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful.

Question, have you found yourself staring  at a couple who is noticeably gorgeous from head to toe; or the opposite, the women is more physically fit than her male companion, and vice a versa? The general consensus is that aesthetics should not be a deal breaker when choosing a partner.

We all know the saying” beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Haven’t  you noticed the world is leaning towards outer beauty? A well toned body is a mandatory requirement regardless of  the person’s personality, standards or morals. There are ads that are dedicated to Body Shaming most  are directed towards women. What is most shameful is  people are using body shaming as a form of discrimination when selecting a partner. These people are sending a clear message that based on an individuals physically appearance that they are good enough.

What Say You?

Dating: Baby Boomers versus the Millennials

 

Coming from the Baby Boomer generation I believe that a balance of old school ideology, and Millennial modern-day attitude can coexist. Yet, as time goes by the one area where there doesn’t seem to be equilibrium between the generations is dating.

In this modern-day of technology, trying to meet someone for the purpose of developing a romantic relationship is proving to be a challenge. For many of us Baby Boomers the computer is viewed as an obstacle when it comes to matters of the heart. We don’t want to spend hours sitting behind a computer shuffling through hundreds of profiles. Instead, we prefer to be outdoors interacting with people face to face, where we can straight forwarded ask someone out on a date versus texting or sending an email.

What say you?

 

Do I have to make a Choice?

 

Dear Readers,

To be a Good girl or Bad girl, this is a question I’ve been asking myself and others. The choice should be easy, being a good girl people automatically assume she will get the guy. On the other hand, those who choose the path of the bad girl, there is a certainty that she will be alone, after all nobody likes a bad girl, right?

The answer to this question depends on what people’s perception of what  being a good or bad girl means.  For instant, lets say a good girl, is intelligent, has a respectable reputation, she is honest, compassionate, easy to like and gets alone well with others. She dresses in a modest but stylish manner and is every mans dream girl to take home to his mother.

On the flip side, the bad girl has a poor reputation, she will lie, con and scam  anyone to get what she wants. She is selfish, not well liked, often  called the “B” word, she dresses like a slut,n and doesn’t care about any man’s mama because she is all about the man. Good girls lack world experience because she saves herself for Mr. Right, so she waits. Bad girls have been around the block so to speak. She thinks that each man she encounters is Mr. Right, until he proves that he is Mr. wrong then she moves on. Good girls date one man at a time. Bad girls go through men like how a family of eight goes through toilet paper, FAST.

Good girls are known to be people pleasers, she wants to be liked by everyone. Bad girls, think only of themselves and they use people to satisfy  their needs; other people’s needs is not their concern. Good girls are polite and have excellent conduct.  Bad girls are rude and they lack class and proper etiquette.

With all this said, in the end I have observed good girls, meet, date and marry men who disrespect them, take their kindness for weakness, and dislike the idea that she has  a higher level of  intelligence than him. In the mean time, bad girls have multiple men pursuing them , they get what they want from men, and  marry men who they can control.

I don’t know which one of these girls I want to be. I do know this, I desire to have a decent, honest compassionate, romantic, faithful, educated ( well read), domestically capable and relationship ready man.

What say you?

 

Throwback Thursday

Dear Readers,

The Colonization of the Black woman

The beauty myth

                “I’m black and I’m proud” was the black woman anthem during the Black is beautiful movement in the 60s. Nubian princesses proudly sported their natural afros, cornrows, and close cropped cut like the style fashioned by South African singer Miriam Makeba.  The current trend amongst black women in America is to display the image of what white society deems is the standards of beauty for women of color by enforcing European standards of beauty, which emphasizes a lighter skin color and a concern prescribed hair type. This type of programming deprives women of color the opportunity to express and explore their true identity because they are consistently bombarded by the media with the ideal Barbie image.  Black women are brain washed into altering their appearance to mimic that of the European or Asian woman because they are foolish to believe that they are enhancing their own beauty.

There is a fine line between enhancing ones natural attributes versus surgical alterations in order to gain acceptance. Black women who choose to mask who they are, run the risk of being labeled “sell outs” and “cowards” because they prefer to conform rather than stand firm in the belief that black is beautiful.

What Say You? Than you for stopping by Drathepen.