Then the Darkness Came

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Dear Readers, 

I knew what it was the moment I felt it. I went into fight mode. I didn’t want to feel it not now. After all I made it through the months of being sheltered in place without giving into that feeling, so why now?  I don’t need this darkness to invade my life, interrupting my sleep, pressing down on me and taking away my will to live. I want to be happy, I desire to be whole. After all the B.S. that I have fought back from and survived why is it coming around now? 

When the light goes away I can’t think my thoughts become heavy, and my body turns into a pillar of stone. The harder I fight back against the gloom that threatens to overwhelm me with waves of sadness and flashback from my past choking me, and robbing me of the chance to see the brightness of the sun and to breath fresh air. So, I sink deeper and deeper into despair. 

AND THEN THE DARKNESS CAME……

Since the age of 17 I have been in a battle for my life with Depression. The suffering and pain of   mental illness is REAL, and the challenge to get through each second, hour and an entire day, is like pushing a one tone boulder up a steep hill with one hand.  I consider myself to be one of the lucky people who have fought this battle without medication,  but at a high price. The demons of depression will robe your soul and suck any glimmer of light and hope that tries to emerge. 

Before you ask, there is no wishing mental illness away, a vacation won’t cure it, spa day will just give a temporary reprieve, and for all the PRICKS out there who think that people who have lots of money have no reason to be depressed, well, if you walked 24 hours in a person shoes who is suffering from depression, and experience the inner hell that takes over mind, soul and spirit, you will have a better understanding of this dark abyss of misery. 

I am lucky this time the depression only lasted a month and I am slowly returning to a temporary normal. I have a few projects I am working on and the depression has set me back, but you will be hearing from me very soon. 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

15 thoughts on “Then the Darkness Came”

  1. Yes, depression is real.
    I know the desire to give up and die, and I know how the memory of the love of just one (adoptive) great grandmother saves me, even if I don’t believe the same way/things she believed, I still believe in her, and in the faith of hope.
    Do not give up hope.
    Peace,
    Destinie

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  2. Depression truly is an abyss – and an abyss it is very hard to climb out of. I think it’s challenging to really grasp what it’s like of you haven’t experienced clinical depression. Your journey sounds very difficult – and yet you are an amazing inspiration. Thanks for all you do through your blog.

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  5. Depression is a terrible thing to do battle with. I’m glad your latest experience of it lasted only a month, though in that state a month can seem a very long time. Still, you persevered, and that is how you win. Take care. 💖

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  6. Aw, so glad JR that you are beginning to turn that corner such a big step and I have every faith in you that you will continue to improve with small steps.
    Thank you for biding my blog recently.
    Take care & God bless 🙏❤️🙂😇

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  7. Hang in there! Depression is truly awful… I’m there fighting it too. A good quote I read about suffering is: “Just because you are drowning in a puddle doesn’t make it less than a person drowning in the ocean.” It sure feels like the worst days with depression feels like drowning in the ocean… Even if people without it think otherwise.

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