Lately I’ve been paying attention to the pattern in my life. Not routines like getting up in the morning and putting the coffee on at the same time, walking in the same direction to the train station, or eating the same dinner each night. I am referring to the patterns that have led me to the same disastrous results. I have learned much from being sheltered in place, having time to examine my life and how I allowed patterns of my own negative thinking to develop into poor behavior resulting in negative consequences.
I’ve allowed myself to think that the universe is conspiring against me holding me back for succeeding in my career, education and personal life. I was wrong. After deep reflection ( 1 year) I understand how I allowed people, places and certain events into my life that did not support my growth. I blamed circumstances and not the unwillingness to look at myself and how certain patterns created a mentality of being a victim of my own destruction keeping me stuck in an emotional and mental rut of anger and resentment. Most of the drama and damage I experienced was because I didn’t change old patterns. Why? Because I had become comfortable in my sadness, complaining, and role as a victim, I was waiting for the world around me to change, so that I could have my time for happiness. My path to reflection is out of desperation because my life was spinning out of control. During my period of reflection I learned so much about myself some of the information is shocking and new, but most important is the pattern of neglect towards myself, and the challenge ahead is that I have a long way to dig myself out of this ditch of “woes me” that I was drowning in.
I know that it is difficult for some people to actually look at themselves as being an active part of their self-created drama. It is important to understand the patterns of choosing the wrong partners over and over, making a pledge to lose weight only to gain back the weight, lose the weight, and gain it again is destructive. Patterns of making promises to ourselves that we do not keep, patterns of allowing other people to have power and authority over our lives submitting to them without speaking out, and standing firm on what we believe could cause devastating long term effects. These and so many other patterns are the root cause of unhappiness and feelings of being powerless to change. This is not true.
Awareness is the key: take a closer look at the patterns in your life. The negative and vicious cycles in your life, and see where these patterns have gotten you where you are today. I am truly thankful that I’ve had time to seriously re-examine myself and my life. I am moving forward building a better and more enjoyable life with awareness, changing how I make choices, and making sure that I am not repeating negative patterns.
Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.