Thank you for stopping by dragthepen
Thank you for stopping by dragthepen
Dear Readers, sometimes looking back can bring clarity to moving forward. Reflection time.
Have you ever had a moment when you heard a song, or looked at old pictures that made you reflect on the obstacles you have overcome?
What triggered my moment of reflection was the simple task of ordering dinner. For some people ordering dinner is not a big deal. There was a time when I used to think that people who ordered dinner were lazy. The real truth is I didn’t think I was worth giving myself a break from cooking. I thought I was wasting money. Money that I worked hard to earn, and as crazy as it might seem at the time I wasn’t aware that some of that hard earned money should be spent on me.
When I think back on how badly I treated myself feeling that some of the good things in life I wasn’t worthy of. All I did was work and worried about paying bills and having enough. I was in a horrible cycle of lack. The conversation I had with myself was about all the things that I shouldn’t buy and places that I couldn’t afford to go. I grind myself into debt, and no savings, which lead to more negative self conversations about lack. I became increasingly angry.
I watched with envy as others around me enjoyed life and I wondered what was their secret? I was jealous of women who wear nice clothes, designer bags, manicured nails, and stylish hair, oh and did I mention the killer makeup.
I don’t know what I was thinking or why? Back in the day before I lost myself in the world of becoming a achiever by acquiring a college education and joining the crabs in the barrel crawling my way up the ladder of success; thus buying into someone else’s version of the ” American Dream,” but in my case my struggles lead to a ” nightmare.” I got so caught up in a fantasy and forgot to live, and enjoy the moments that gave me pleasure, instead I was looking for the big bang.
Well it took hitting a few brick walls to shake me back into reality. I never achieved the level of success by society standards, instead, I discovered my purpose, I deeply enjoy teaching, blogging, creating podcasts and my YouTube channels ( conversations with J R Floyd), and soon to be author of two more books. I am finally learning how to be comfortable with the person I am and it’s amazing.
This summer ( 2021) I am going to achieve one of my biggest dreams on my bucket list. I am driving cross country from New York City to California, stopping at Mount Rushmore and the Grand Canyon. Yes, I am going to take the famous route 66. I am 57 years old and the days of putting off living life is over. I can retire at the age of 62, in the meantime, I am building a tiny in a city with a warm climate where I can continue to write, lecture and travel.
I can’t make up for lost time, but I can enjoy the road ahead.
Thank you for stopping by dragthepen
I am struggling to understand something when did we, meaning the United States of America become a nation that over celebrates because we are afraid someone or a specific group will be offended. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with acknowledging the victories of our past and what makes America the greatest country in the 🌍 world. It’s not the honoring or celebrations that I am struggling with, it’s how the true meaning of these holidays has taken on a different meaning.
Think about this each month is dedicated to a group or gender to honor progress, but have we really made progress towards combating the most serious social issues like, race, economics, and gender inequality? We begin each year with Black History month. However, when we look back to recent events at the killings of black men and women this is a reminder of how people of color lives didn’t matter in the past, and they don’t seem to matter now. People are shouting satisfaction of joy over the George Floyd verdict, However has justice really been served?
Then we move to March, Women’s history month, renamed, Women’s Herstory month, singing the glory of the process women have made, or have we? Remember the Virginia Slim cigarette commercial with a tall, slim, sexy White woman with a cigarette in hand celebrating the phrase We’ve come a long way baby. If this is true why do women continue to be paid less than men. Women still have to perform twice as hard to have their skills, talent, and experience acknowledged; and women of color continue to strive to close the gap between them and their counterpart. I am thankful to all the women who continue the work towards making the path for future generations even greater, but why should women have to overcome so many obstacles due to this little thing called gender and color?
April is usually the month for religious observance, the ending of the lenten season marked by Good Friday, Psalm and Easter Sunday, followed by Passover depending on how the yearly calendar is arranged. Yet, with all the fasting, spiritual reflection, and a toning from sins. We continue to live in a society that shows very little compassion towards ” thy neighbor.” People are living in segregated communities, and we don’t welcome each other to worship with us and some choose to ignore the commandment ” thou shalt not kill.” When will White people stand up and admit that the mistreatment of all other races is wrong. This white supermaicts attitude and separatism is what’s killing the soul of America, yet, they say, In God We Trust.
May & June the months to honor thy Mother and Father, but there is a problem with equality. Father’s do feel that there is enough noise and respect given to Father’s day, unlike Mother’s day. Single mothers are honored as being brave and independent, but single father’s don’t receive the same praise. Another new trend that takes away from honoring Dads on their day, women who are the head of their house ( meaning no father is present) fathers day for them is celebrated as Happy Single Mothers day, most people see this as disrespectful towards men. Others Say that men who choose not to take part in raising their children should not receive any praise. Mother’s day is highly commercialized, the restaurants are always full, and mother’s don’t seem to get a break on her ” special day.” Pay attention the next time you see a Mother’s day or Father’s day commercial, there is a big difference between honoring Mom with a diamond, while giving Dad power tools, a tie or a lawn mower.
Moving on, Memorial day, July 4th, labor day, Veteran day, are all honored by parades and big retail sales. I know people who intentionally wait for these holidays to purchase major items like home appliances, cars, and electronics like expensive phones and computers. In many communities these holidays are BBQ days. Hmmm..I wonder how that got started.
Coming into the home stretch…harvest season begins with Halloween, trick or treat, tons of sweets and stomach aches for the little ones. Thanksgiving ( the guest of honor Tom the turkey). Some say this is a day to be Thankful, stuff our stomachs, watch football, while having seconds and thirds. Over the years, I’ve been paying attention to how many people are beginning to celebrate Thanksgiving as ” Native American day.” I began my own tradition for Turkey Day. Before the pandemic I served each year at the Salvation Army feeding the homeless and other people who don’t want to spend the day home alone. Then there is the finale, Christmas, ( I celebrate Hanukkah) Christmas is the mother of all commercialized holidays. Children are duped to believe in St. Nick and his naughty or nice list. Black Friday sales, oh the shopping and spending, shopping and spending. Why so much insanity and rushing? Has anyone ever stopped to ask why so much stress to create a magical celebration? What is the truth behind the celebration of Christmas? During the holiday season of 2020 the pandemic kept me from traveling to see my mother. I was worried about her beginning alone. That was the most important thing to me. This year 2021 holiday season, I am hitting the road to spend time with my mother in South Carolina. She doesn’t have a list of gift requests, she is simply happy to see me.
After we have decked the halls, we ring the bells of a New Year, just to start twelve months of celebrations all over again. This pandemic has helped me see the importance of the nearest of my closest friends and family. For me this is priceless.
Is it me or have you noticed that when people are engaged in a relationship, situationship, partnership, marriage, or domestic partnership, that they tend to have a negative view towards individuals who prefer not to be a part of a couple. In other words, they are single, living alone, and not interested in dating. Why, because they have discovered the pleasure of being single.
People who enjoy the single life style in some people’s opinions are rebelling against the principle that society, family, religion and cultural beliefs set forth that it’s not normal to want to be alone. My son warns me about ” staying alone too long on my island.” Well, let the truth be told, I’ ve had one horrible marriage that resulted in domestic violence. I’ve experienced many relationships that were only bad situationships, and arriving at the age of 57, I’m learning the meaning of a true partnership.
I used to fear being alone. I was one of those people who had to be around someone and I always had dates lined up. The problem was I did know how to enjoy my own company. I thought the idea of ” being with oneself” or ” enjoy spending time with self” was nonsense. My childhood home was a revolving door of people coming and going. I went from my parents house to my husband’s house. When I got my divorce this stage of my life began the road to relationship after relationships, date night, parties, men sleeping over and on and on.
A few years ago, I let go of the ideal of finding Mr. Right and challenged myself to find out who I am, and my true passion and purpose. It’s been seven years since I began this journey of self discovery, it hasn’t been easy, but I’ ve liked the knowledge I gained by spending time with ME. I no longer fear being alone. I often have movie night with popcorn and wine. I love watching cooking shows and find myself in the kitchen cooking delicious meals for myself. I like the space and peace of living alone. And currently, I have no desire to go back out into the messy world of dating.
For the naysayers, here are a few points to think about that single people enjoy.
1. Single people can sleep late without someone interrupting their rest ( my days off I spend the day in bed).
2. Single people can cook when and what they want or order take out.
3. Living a single lifestyle means your time is your own, and you don’t have to check in with a partner, who is tracking your movements.
4. Freedom, single people can leave home when they desire and return when they want.
5. Living alone means that a person can arrange their living environment in the manner they like.
6. Single people can do what they like in their own living space like clean or not to clean.
7. One of the joys of being single, you don’t have to share the bed ( I discovered the joys of sleeping alone).
8. Living alone means that there is no fighting unless you want to fight with yourself
9. Single people can spend their money without a partners nagging objections about spending
10. Overall, being single, not dating, spending time with myself, enjoying the freedom of not being responsible for or to another person, a peace of mind, coming home to a clean quiet house has done wonders for my mental and emotional well being. This life isn’t for everyone, but it’s works for me .
Thank you for reading dragthepen
What say you?