Sister’s Can You Relate?

I want to start dating again, but as a woman I don’t know if this is politically correct. Why, because women are told that they are supposed to wait for their husband, and that women are not to chase men rather they are to pursue us. However, the ultimate question is what does dating mean? In my case I went from a naive 17 year old virgin to a clueless teenager mother, and all of my experiences with dating were horrible. I thought that dating meant getting married and riding off into the sunset happily ever after. Looking back I now understand that I didn’t have to respond to every man that whistled at me, and that some men inttention weren’t honorable.

Anyway, I’ve spend years going through the healing process from a abused childhood, survivor of domestic volience, and other dysfunctional intimate situationships. The darkness and chaos in my life lead me to seek help to understand why my life was out of order. It’s been a long and painful process of self reflection, therapy, diving into self help books, yoga, self care retreats, choosing to remain single, no dating and practicing celibacy.
Despite all the new knowledge I have aquired my journey has been lonely. But I had to do what was needed to understand the behavior, thinking, and addictive patterns that kept me in a cycle of depression, relationship drama, and repeating the same mistakes both professionally and personally. Year after year I purged myself of the demons of my past. I feel good about where I am in life. I have a better vision of my purpose, how and what I need to accomplish my goals, but what I lack is companionship from a partner that’s my equal.

At the age of 57, I desire to be courted respectfully and properly, with sincerity instead of lies and con games. I need pure dating without the pressure of quick meaningless intimacy. I have various interest, I love the outdoors camping life style, driving cross country, exploring new cusine, gardening, reading, cooking and entertaining family and friends. I am working towards building a tiny house for retirement, and will continue to pursue, publishing books, blogging, and entering a new stage of my career as a public speaker. I still have some self work to do, but I know that I can enter a relationship fresh with less baggage. The only hinders besides getting past the fear of dating is waiting until it is safe to go out and meet people due to the coronavirus. In the meantime, I will remain hopeful.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

It Made a Difference

This weekend while keeping watch on hurricane Henri, I had the pleasure of staying with my bestfriend and his mother for three days.We cooked, played music and card games, watched movies and took random naps.

I’ve lived alone for twenty-four years, and enjoy my peace, space, alone time, and having my own bathroom. Living with people has been a difficult experience either I find others to be noisy, sloppy, and they have too many guest over. When I was dating I felt uncomfortable when my boo asked to sleep over. I couldn’t wait for him to leave to change the sheets, clean the bathroom, open the windows letting fresh air in, thus returning the house back to it’s normal state.

On occasions I don’t mind cooking and inviting family and friends over. The truth is I thought that I had adjusted to being alone because it made life easier. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need for companionship, and decided to look into adopting a small dog. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve learned from my three day stay at my BFF’ house.

I think It’s time to find someone compatible to live with, I don’t believe in the theory that opposites attract. I don’t desire to live alone into my golden years, because being alone into old age means no one to share meals with or talk about our day, share dreams and accomplish goals together. There is no laugher, hugs, shared chores, or someone to hurry home to.

To achieve my goal of filling my house with the joys of happily ever after; I first have to overcome my fear of dating.The burden of my past trumatic relationships that hinders me from getting back into the dating game. Some men want to move too fast or they’re looking for intimacy without a desire for a long term committed relationship.

My three day stay reminded me of how happy, loving and warm a home can be when the rights souls occupy it.

Hello America. Did we jump back in too soon?

I get it. Being on lockdown for the past 16 months wasn’t an easy task.The cry to get back some normancy was heard from the four corners of the earth. Now that a third wave threaten to consume us, the question is did we jump back in too soon? The urgency to be released from the bondage of being sheltered in place and the need for social distancing has taken its toll. People have let their guards down due to the mental and emotional fatigue brought on by this pandemic. Is the worst to come now that the Delta Variant has reared it ugly head? I ventured out today covering a three mile stretch of one of my favorite places, the Hudson River Park.

I observed people enjoying the great outdoors, happy to be free from the burden of uncertainty. Don’t get me wrong I know they understand that we are still under the grips of this invisible killer. I really don’t think people, at least New Yorkers have a dead wish. For the hundreds of joggers, walkers, tennis and basketball players; and the individuals, couples and groups who paused for a picnic, yoga, mediation or to simply sit by the water and watch the waves to remember how life was before the pandemic.

My hope is that everyone do all that we can collectively to slow down the spread, get vaccinated, and go back to wearing mask. We can not afford to overwhelm our healthcare professionals, haven’t we had enough of waiting each day to hear the count of the death toll?

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The Dangerous of Relationship Myths

Dear Readers,

I am no relationship expert, let the truth be told, I have failed at every attempt of establishing and maintaining a lasting intimate partnership.Yes, I am willing to be vulnerable and bare my soul by taking responsibility for why I entered and participated in many dysfunctional intimate and personal relationships that only served the purpose of robbing me of my self worth.

How many times we’ve heard this saying
” experience is the best teacher,” this is not true in all areas of life. After surviving some experiences that threatened to rob me of life and hope. What I now know is that I would have benefited from some information, preparation and foundation about certain areas of life that I had the least experience. Sometimes when individuals are left out to hang so to speak, that saying, ” experience is the best teacher” can leave some people with lasting emotional and mental damage.

I created the YouTube channel, Conversations with J R Floyd, to openly discuss relationship myths that lead people into dysfunctional relationships. These myths damage self esteem, and self worth. We learn to be mistrustful, how to scheme, not to show our authentic self because we don’t know who we are. Damaged people know who they are by what’s others tell them who they are according to personal bias.

As a society we will not be able to heal and gain clarity, if we are not willing to point the finger of blame correctly where it belongs, learn to forgive others and ourself, and go through a process healing to close the wounds inflicted as a results of emotional and mental trauma. I lived in denial for years, blinded by hopeless and anger, surrounded by broken people like myself. I am happy to say that I dug deep for my healing. I honor the entire journey even the dark, lonely, hopeless days. Today, I stand on firm ground, I know who I am and have better clarity and purpose. My experiences did not kill me, some made me stronger, wiser and most important when to seek help.

Some relationship myths

  1. If he lays with you he will stay with you. This is not necessarily true.
  2. Being labeled baby mama doesn’t equal being a wife. Most women who give birth to children without being legally married expect to be treated like a wife
  3. Shacking up means he is keeping his options open. Ask yourself a question, why isn’t he honoring you with marriage?
  4. There is no honor in being someone side piece. This seems to be a dangerous trend that is honored in today’s society.
  5. Women who devote years of their lives to a man who aren’t their husband. To each his own, but don’t be angry when he marrys someone else
  6. He or she isn’t the one, so you try to change them. It’s not our duty to change anyone. Accept and allow people to be who they are or move on and find your equal.
  7. Ladies if he is dating and calling you only at night, recognize what you are, ” a booty call”
  8. It’s cheaper to keep her inside of seeking a divorce. Ladies this is how men feel about you when he has invested financially in a marriage or long term partnership.
  9. Having any man is better than no man, even if he is somebody else’s man. In other words, your a side piece
  10. People are justified when they have sexual relationships outside of their marriage.

These are just a few myths and topics on my YouTube channel, conversations with J R Floyd. Join me.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️