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Dear Readers,

Holding grudges leads to a life of unforgiveness and tragic loss. We are told that forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves because forgiveness frees a person from the burden of carrying the weight of unresolved anger.

Some times a grudge starts out as a minor misunderstanding, but overtime because of blame and actuations, a grudge becomes blown out of proportion, thus the individuals involved tend to forget the original reason why the lines of communication were broken. The emotional burden of holding grudges run deep and the lasting trauma doesn’t only effect the people involved, but the others connected to the individuals who started the grudge.

The relationships, friendships and families torn apart because of freud’s started by a grudge sometimes lasts a lifetime. Regardless of why the grievance began the question is what purpose does holding a grudge serve, and who benefits from the feelings of deep resentment and unresolved issues? While writing this post I wondered how can I present examples of disastrous outcomes of holding a grudge. So, I decided to let history be our best teacher. Do you recall the famous Hatfield & Mc Coy feud dated 1863-1891, 30 years, 13 deaths, why, there was a claim of a stolen pig. Now, you might be asking yourself, why didn’t they just solve the problem by giving back the pig, easy right, Wrong. This grudge wasn’t that simple, the story of the stolen pig was a cover up. A historical fact, revealed that there was a difference in confederate beliefs. Regardless, to what the truth is 30 years of fueding fueled by a grudge of an unknown source caused pain, death and emotional suffering.

We all know the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet young lovers caught between a family feud that resulted in their death. The families finally reconciled and recognized that their decision to hold onto an ancient grudge started by their ancestors was the catalyst behind Romeo and Juliet choosing death over life.

These two examples of how holding a grudge and the destructive consequences because people were unwilling to use logic and consider how ignorance and selfishness of how a minor misunderstanding slowly progressed to an extreme infraction.Think for a moment about the people who hold grudges until death regretting they lost the chance to mend the relationship because they made
the decision to stand firm in the belief that they were right and the other party is wrong.

Holding a grudge isn’t about waiting for someone to be the bigger person, and step up admitting they are wrong allowing the other person to feel validated. Holding a grudge means that there will not be a winner or looser just individuals holding their peace wanting to be right. So, I have a suggestion since we are in the Christmas season followed by the New Year, this is a perfect time to take steps to let go of grudges, time to mend broken relationships, friendships, and family ties.

Consider this after experiencing being sheltered in place, cut off from physical contact with family and friends, relationship and marriage broken because of the stress of the pandemic, and two years of death, economic disaster, and the threat of yet another virus. Let go and reach, let by-gones be just that, healing from a grudge just might be the best healing medicine. So, why are you holding a grudge?

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Healing in the Presence of Peace

Dear Readers,

I didn’t want to be alone so I spent years in dysfunction relationships and situationships because I was afraid that being without a man meant that something is wrong with me. As a result, I accepted degrading treatment from relationships and friendships that only brought pain and suffering. For most of my life I felt I wasn’t good enough, so I tried to fix what I was told was wrong with me. The more effort I put into changing to please others they continued to point out my flaws. The first time my therapist asked me ” what did I want” I didn’t know how to answer. The truth be told my life was a sum of feeling unloved, disconnected, and beaten down from being a people pleaser. I spent years allowing the whisperers of loneliness and the judgment of others to drive me into situations that burden my life deeper into emotionally, mentally and physically depletion….until the day came when I had nothing to give.

Fast forward….. I took Action

It’s been a four years journey of understanding why I remained locked in a patterns of self sabotage and unloving intimate relationships, friendships, and attached to Self- centered family members. Regardless how painful it was I had to deconnect from dysfunctional situations in order to connect to self. When an individuals like myself decides that enough is enough and being sick and tired isn’t helping this is a defining moments of discovering the truth of who is for or against you.

During my isolation I discovered how to hear and trust my own voice. I learned that I deserved to live in a home where I don’t have to walk around on egg shells, and adjust to other people’s moods. Being a people pleaser only makes me weak, a doormat, and disconnected me from being my authentic self. I am learning to be patient and to trust the process of peace, healing and being in the presence of my company. I know that not having an inmate relationship isn’t a punishment, but time to love on me. I understand that’s having a hand full of faithful friends is better than being lost in a crowd of fake friends.

I’ve discovered that I am capable of more than anyone thought I could accomplish. During my isolation and deleting negative people from my presence cleared the way for building a better networking system that works for me. One of the best part of healing in the presence of peace is how valuable I treat my body. In other words, I no longer offer my body up as a sacrifice in exchange for happiness that won’t come. I immerse myself in self care because of what I asked of myself mentally and emotionally, not because I am running from the burdens of the baggage others dump on me.

My life use to be the sum of mostly negative choices, but today I know that it’s never too late to learn, heal, and start fresh. I don’t know who needed to hear this, but to the individuals who are listening and my experience speaks to you, I say, seek your healing in the presence of peace.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

Sisters who date outside their race

Dear Readers,

Sisters inspiring sisters

I knew as soon as I posted on my Facebook page about sisters who date outside their race that I was opening the doors for a wave of negative comments. Let me be clear that I am including all the sisters of the rainbow. I am speaking out because I am tired of sister’s being harassed by a society standing in judgment as to why sisters are “selling themselves out” by seeking men outside of their race.

First, should race be a deciding factor when a women is seeking love, devotion, monogamy, compassion, respect, and equality in a relationship? I say no, however, the naysayers are unwilling to own up to the truth about why sisters are seeking companionship with males who are not ” brothers.” Here is the bottom line strong sisters of substance are fighting against the mindset of the double standard. Sisters are toiling and making sacrifices while suffering under the negative feedback from an unforgiven society constantly bombarding them with messages of being ” barefoot and pregnant”. Another point I would like to clarify when I say women of substance, I am not referring to the media seeking, gold diggers seeking a sugar daddy or who stalk celebrities, professional athletes, and rappers by sexualizing themselves to gain wealth and social status. I am speaking in support of sisters who have a vision for their lives and grinded while staying grounded and live by good moral values to established a foundation for themselves.

Sisters are done with being beaten down with the images and messages of the stereotypical gender roles associated with being female.There are sisters who are Judges, Lawyers, Doctor, Politicians, CEOs, Scientists, Professional Athletes, Entertainers, Business owners, and high ranting Military Official, who are seeking partners of equal status within their own race, however, they are not finding the quality they desire in a mate among brothers. The voices of society encourage sisters to settle and lower their standards and expectations. NewFlash!!! Sisters are no longer willing to settle. So, why not step out and seek men from other cultural background?

People pretend that they don’t hear sisters telling their stories of being weary of the lack of love and respect from brothers. The other side of this story, is when a brothers voice his displeasure about sisters who ruin relationships because they won’t ” submit” he receives valadation. The main reasons why sisters are stepping outside of their race it’s due to the deplorable treatment by brothers. Let the truth be told sisters desire the joys of celebrating black love or love within their own culture. I will be the first to confess that their is nothing better when black love endures. It’s unfortunate that no one is paying attention to the shift that is happening women no longer desire to play the traditional roles and they are excelling in areas of life where women have been held back for years. At the end of the day, women desire that special partner to stand with them and celebrate their success. Sisters are exhausted by brothers who hold them back and drained them with their foolish behavior, lack of maturity, and responsible. Sisters no longer want baby daddies, or men who are undecided about marriage, and unsupportive of putting them out front to follow their vision, sisters are done with wasting time waiting for a brother to get some act right and get his life in order.

I often reflect on how much time, energy, money and emotions I wasted on brothers who treated me as something to do for that moment. But I hold no grudges, at the time I didn’t have a clear direction for my life, so I was just going along with the program. However, when the light bulb went off and I began to understand why I wasn’t successful and happy as I desire to be. I discovered it was the quality of the brothers I was entertaining. They did not see me as the college graduate, writer, speakers, media influencer, but I did. I changed the path of my life and that meant the quality of my intimate relationships had to match the progress of my life. However, when sister’s like me think in this manner we are told that it’s wrong because sisters are abandoning brothers and we are not being true to our race

I would just like to end with this. It was a black man who abandoned me when I was a teenage mother. It was a black man that emotionally and mentally abused me and my only escape was through domestic organizations. It wasn’t a black man who stood in support of me while I was working three part time jobs and earning a college education, they were too busy being self center. And I can go on and on but I think you get the point. I have been single by choice for four years, and I don’t desire to be alone and if a non brother shows interest I am all in.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

The Other Side of Love

Goodreads Choice Awards 2021

J. R.  Floyd

The Other Side of Love

 Dear Readers,

 In 2017, A Different Flavor of Love, introduced the unconventional love story of Desiree Hancock and Leslie Lambert. Desiree a young single mother fighting her way out of poverty, she meets the love of her life, Leslie Lambert, who gives up her career at a prestigious New York City law firm to follow Desiree to start a new life in South Carolina. After five years living happily ever after little cracks chip away at their fairy tale, when Leslie encounters the handsome and mysterious Benjamin Harrison he challenges everything she thought she knew about herself.

I decided to write the final chapter in the lives of Desiree and Leslie because of a comment posted by a reader on Amazon. The reader said she hoped that A Different flavor of love wasn’t the end of my characters journey.

It’s 2021, and I am feverishly work on The Others Side Of Love, stay tuned….for more updates.

J. R. Floyd

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From Disappointment to Opportunity

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Dear Readers, There is a saying that goes, “stuff happens” sometimes the stuff that happens results in disappointment. Over the year’s, I have learned that although being disappointed may lead to feelings of anger, resentment that causes some people to shut down, and put up protective barriers, however,  in my case I have agained more than I lost because of being disappointed.

What I’ve learned.

1.Due to my experiences I have learned to be prepared to handle the outcome. People say, keep a positive attitude, but let’s be realistic being prepared emotionally and mentally helps to handle being disappointed.
2. I am careful of the people who make promises to me. Actions will always speak louder than words.
3. I had to think is it the promise that was broken or I am disappointed  by the person that I placed  confidence in.
4. I depend on myself more than I do others. This can be quit difficult, however in the end if something isn’t done I only have me to blame.
5. I began to reflect on why I was disappointed, did I act disappointed as an excuse for something I could have done, instead of placing the burden of shame and blame on others?

A life Experience

In 2015, when I published my first book, The Waiting Game, people made all kinds of promises to me. They pledge to purchase a copy, attend book signings, and book discussion. These people helped me to understand that becoming an author and publish speaker is my vision not theirs. I have to show up every day and put in the work. I  hired a professional editor rather than relying on friends who promise to read my manuscript and give me feed back. I hired a beautiful and creative graphic designer for my books covers, and a photographer. I am thrilled with my team because they are professionals who understand deadlines and  the creative process. The people who disappointed me I hold no anger towards, they helped me to push harder to achieving my goals.

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The Cherished Second Chance

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Dear Readers, by now the world has become desensitized by  personal stories of lives that’s been effected by the pandemic. I felt the need to share my friends story as an example of how people can easily be influenced by misleading information and the opinions of others.

My friend who I will called Dawn was a beautiful, funny, intelligent, energetic, creative person. Noticed I said was. Her  life was destroyed by the Corona virus. Dawn’s fiance has strong opions about the virus being a hoax. Dawn allowed herself to be influenced by his theory he convinced her that submitting to wear a mask shows weakness. Needless to say she contracted the virus and was hospitalized during the second wave. She struggles through for 42 days, loosing 25 pounds, suffered weakened muscles from being in bed, lost her beautiful red hair, and she presently doesn’t have a sense of taste. She describes her experience as being in the twilight zone.

She lost her much beloved job as a buyer for Nordstrom, a position that took her five years to earn. She is a fashioneaster and working in retail was her passion. After her release from the hospital she returned to her parents home in Delware. My friend continues to suffer  from some medical effects from the virus. She left the fiance and is doing her best to rebuild her life. We don’t talk about the what and why because in her words she is thankful to be alive and have family and good friends to support her during this difficult period of her life.

I am happy to say, Dawn is progressing well. She is working part time customer service for The Pottery Barn. She joined a gym to continue to regain her strength. She decided to remain in Delaware surrounded around her family. She holds no bitterness towards her ex, as she says, she made choices and didn’t think about conquences even thought death was all around her. There is no need to relive the past, She is thankful to have a second Chance. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.