About Dragthepen

J. Floyd, a New York resident, currently works as a Writing Consultant and creator of the podcast and YouTube channel, Conversations with J R Floyd. A recipient of the Audrey Lorde Collective Award, and a winner of the Jacob A. Weiser playwright award for her work, The Conversation. She was a freelance writer for Street News for several years. And she appeared in the gospel play, Oh Lord; Why Did I get Married? She is a member of the BMCC Downtown Chorus. The author of two novels , The Waiting Game & A Different Flavor of Love. Both books can be found in Amazon

Are you like the person you want to date?

Dear Readers,

In this complicated world of dating men and women are rolling out a list of requirements for their potential partner. So here we are gone are the days when boys meets girl, boy likes girl, they are joined together in Holy matrimony and live happily ever after.

Nowadays people are requiring proof employment,  credit checks, salary requirement, ownership of property, conducting background checks, prenuptial agreements, his and hers bank accounts,the use of credit cards, expensive gifts, in addition to some women asking for a monthly allowance.

Let’s cut to the chase for the men and women who play the dating game here is a bit of advice make sure your creating the exact lifestyle that your requesting from a future partner. In other words, be the person that you want to date or marry. Let me clarify ………

If your requiring a person to earn six figures,  have an education, be stable in their profession, good health, honesty,  compassion, emotionally stable, live by good values, than the big question, is your life a reflection of these requirements? The most common question people ask is “what are you bringing to the table?” There are individuals who will hardball a potential partner to match the standards that they have created for their life. Why, because they desire to continue in the standards they have created. And in this modern time of self sufficient women, men are requirementing women to contribute more to the relationship than good looks and  being a freak in bed, and ladies newsflash men are turned off by your personal laundry list of needs to be maintained, thus the term ” high maintenance.”

And vice versa women are no longer falling for the smooth lips of sweet talking men,  persuading them to part with their money, drive their cars, and free load by moving in their space. Men and women need to grow up and act like the mature adults they claim to be. People are foolish if they expect to call all the shots and engage relationship, where they are reaping all the benefits from a personal list of requirements, using the other  as a doormat, ATM machine, and treating their homes like a pit stop dropping by to have their needs meet before quickly moving on.

People who expect to engage in relationships for personal agenda void of an emotional or spiritual connection that isn’t a relationship its a business proposition. And the sad conclusion is when the benefits run out so do these benefit seeking indivduals, moving on to the next benefical relationship. These individuals should stick with the circle of  trolls who are incapable of a legitimate  human connection.

For the mature adults who are emotionally stable, financially responsible, have career longevity, feet are planted firmly on the ground, live in reality, and are ready for a relationship, may I suggest these  requirements? Honesty, respect, compassion,  love, keep an open line of communication and  be supportive of your partners visions. Above all work together building a foundation of friendships, trust, and grow together. Don’t forget to laugh and be playful. Be the person who you would want to date or marry. If your asking your partner for 100 percent than be willing to do the same.

Join Conversations with J R Floyd on YouTube
Mr. & Mrs. GREENBACKS

Can a relationship survive Infidelity?

Photo by Megapixelstock on Pexels.com

Dear Readers, Today’s topic: infidelity, cheating, being unfaith, side piece 

I like to establish ground rules before diving into this subject. When referring to people in relationships, I am not talking about people who are chronic cheaters. I am referring to people who pledge in their hearts to be in an exclusive relationship or marriage vowing to forsake all others. 

People who are in a committed relationships and outside of the relationship to engage in a sexual relationship with another person, you are a cheater because having a side piece is not a part of the deal. To my readers, is it worth mending a relationship when a partner cheats? And here is the big kicker, the double standard, women who forgive men who cheat, but on the other hand, men will not stay in a relationship and forgive a woman who cheats on him. Why is this? Could it be that his manhood is challenged? 

Cheaters give all kinds of reasons for being unfaithful. However, is there any true justification for being involved in a sexual relationship when engaged in an exclusive relationship or marriage? The sad part is the innocent people who are caught up in their cheating partners sexual entanglement, the cheater doesn’t realize or care at the moments that they are getting their jollies off, that when the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, that there will be people who feel betrayed, scarred, and emotional broken. 

The Excuses 

1. A man who considers himself a committed bachelor, he uses this non relationship status as an excuse to have sexual relations with multiple women.

2. If the fire of romance dies in a relationship or one partner becomes physically unattractive. The cheater uses this to make the innocent partner feel guilty. 

3. Lack of sexual satisfaction or boredom.

4. The thrill of sneaking around and tasting the forbidden fruit.

5. Couples who marry at an early age and have not had sexual experience with other people. 

6. Men blame their spouse for not pleasing them or that she has lost interest in being intimate. And vice versa for the women who cheat on their male partners. In other words, the cheater is saying that their partner is not enough. 

I can imagine the pain, mental anguish, and emotional frustration the innocent partner struggles through. The first time it happened to me I walked in on my cheating partner. The second time it was a rumor that got back to me. When I confronted my partner, he confessed. I trusted men who cheat, and justify it by using lame lines like, “I love my spouse ” or ” it was just sex it did not mean anything” and ” it was a mistake.” So, am I to understand that each time the cheating partners planned to meet with their outside piece it was a mistake?

I am going to leave this right here….

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen 

Is the issue about gun control or something deeper?

Photo by Elisaul Batista on Pexels.com

Biden’s plea to the American political system is that we can no longer stand by and allow these mass shootings to threaten the lives of innocent people. My question is why are the American voters quiet on this issue leaving the decision in the hands of lawmakers who will not budge on the issue of stronger gun laws? Why is this country giving young people the right to bear arms? Why isn’t the entire human population in an uproar and force the political system to act on behalf of the people who they elected to serve? 

I began this post by asking a question: are these mass shootings about stronger gun laws or deeper social issues that no one wants to address? Granted that we do not live in a perfect society, however, ignoring social issues that influence these mass shootings is not going to make them go away. There are too many excuses given for the individuals who commit these crimes, they claim mental illness, abusive homes, bad parenting, and bullying. What about the rascal factors that fester in the minds of evil people who prey on marginalized groups who they deem to be a lost cause to society? 

It is not enough to take to social media and post prayers and voice outrage. We have become accustomed to living in a world where the taking of a human life is commonplace. It is not enough for the politicians to flap their lips and walk the floor of congress with meaningless chatter trying to convince the American people the answer is not in stronger gun laws. During his speech President Biden drew reference to the fact that we are the only Country where these mass shootings continue to happen. 

I fear that we are living in a country where ” for the people by the people” no longer holds true. It is the people who are bending government to their will because politicians are greedy for power, position, and money that they sell their meaningless souls to the highest bidders. We live in a country where we say, ” land of the free and home of the brave ” from where I stand there are groups missing from the “WE” in this equation. 

Our political leaders are mothers, fathers, grandparents, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, somebody’s nephew, cousin, and niece. In other words, they have family just like the average American, yet their hearts are like stone. This country is running red with the blood of the innocent and defenseless. It is shameful. 

In the words of Reverend AL Sharpton 

” No peace No justice “

Thank you for stooping by Dragthepen

Are You in Over Your Head?

Dear Readers,

Photo by Rifqi Ramadhan on Pexels.com

Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed.  Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest.  The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List. 

The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance. 

I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority. 

I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to  prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity. 

It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations. 

Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest?  How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

When did We Lose Our Way?

Dear Readers

My heart is burdened when I look around and see people struggling with loneliness. I live in New York City” The Big Apple.” The city that never sleeps with eight million stories to tell. The loneliness I refer is not related to being without that special someone who makes your heart throb. This loneliness is deep, painful, and it robs people of the pleasures of life. Why should people be lonely when they a family connection, but these days the distance between is getting wider the reason they claim to be busy or holding onto foolish grudges. Lonely people say they have friends, who do not visit and rarely call, so what is the since in continuing to call them friends? 

Most people who experience loneliness belong to houses of worship, where the commission is to ” love your neighbor as thy self” However, I have observed this special spiritual love is given while attending service, outside of fellowship the bond of love does not seem authentic. It is the same with coworkers, people who are employed at the same company for years even decades, forming friendships, attending events outside of together, and supporting each other through tough times and celebrating the best of times. Only for these bonds to be broken when someone retires or moves away. What happened? Did the friendship or relationship 

People say they are lonely in their marriages and other relationships how can this be, what are husbands, wives and significant others longing for that they do not already have? What happened to the way we used to be? You know like back in the day when no one questioned the importance of family and staying connected. I watched my mother, father, aunts, and uncles form friendships that lasted a lifetime. People took pride in bragging about being in friendship for 20, 30, 40 years. The old folk’s bond of friendship was strong, loyal, and unshakable, sometimes people would forget when friendship ended, and lifelong friends became family. 

It is sad to see people eating alone, traveling alone or home alone because they just do not want to go out and be amongst people, just to be alone. What is it? Is it that people are wrapped up in their lives that taking time to make meaningful connection with family and friends is too much of a task? In my case I gave up. I stopped texting, calling, emailing, blocked people from social media, I called it quits. I remember how long my holiday card list used to be. I would send out no less than 40 cards or more last year 2021, I sent ten. I became weary of traveling to visit others, but they never considered coming to me. 

So, here I am, I have made peace with loneliness. I will not allow myself to be burden by dark clouds or get teary-eyed when I see families or couples enjoying time together. Being alone is difficult, but I have learned to enjoy the authentic people in my life, and I do not give any connection to people labels, like friend or girlfriend. I am grateful for my few good traveling friends. I have decided to do just what the motto says, “live in every moment” of joy that I create.

My hope for the people who are reading this reconsider slowing down and spend meaningful time reconnecting to family and friends, especially the elders they are precious to the foundation of our family. Do not wait for the special occasions there is no time like the present. 

Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

A Moment of Shame

Dear Readers,

Question, why is the Black community taking sides in support of Will Smith and Jada for that shameful moment during the Oscars? First, did anybody paid attention to the fact that African Americans made history on Sunday, March 27, during the 94th Oscars, how, the presence of Latin and African American population was dominant. Will Smith’s behavior is a slap in the face for the men and women who battled through slavery, segregation, Jim Crow, beatings, lynching’s, and having to go through back doors. Why, so Black people can stand, sit and walk where we are today, and to be acknowledged for our creativity in a society that views people of color as less than deserving because of the color of our skin or gender.

People are claiming that Will Smith behavior is justified because he was defending his Queen. No, because a true Queen would have held him back. A true Queen would have laughed it off and dealt with the situation in private. A true Queen does not allow her king to disgrace his name and reputation. Let’s role back the video tape of time, Jada P. Smith is a home wrecker who in recent years has began dismantling and attacking her husband’s manhood. A true Queen stay loyal to her king, she does not roll around in the gutter lowering herself to the standard of a side chick. The Smith family thrives on displaying how dysfunctional and grimy they live. People are saying that Chris Rock attached Jada because she is struggling with alopecia; were they listening he made no reference to her hair or health condition. I say and stand firm that Chris Rock should not have attached another man’s wife, that slap wasn’t about what Chris Rock said, it was about Will Smith’s emotional and mental state and that moment was supposed to belong to him, not to his wick Queen sitting on her throne of manipulation.The black community should be condemning Will Smith for his actions not taking sides.

Flashback….

During the Trump administration the world witnessed the attacks on the black community.The beatings and cold murdering of black men and women painful reminders of how little this world’s cares about the plight of black people. Will Smith publicly attacked another Black man. We need to address this situation for what is, it wasn’t a moment of rage or weakness, It was act of violence. The public cry is that ” black lives matter,” but do black lives matter to black people? I purposely watch the Ocsars to see Will Smith have his moment. He was chosen to play the role of Richard Dove Williams, a black man and father who put his childrens’ lives first. I wanted to see Will Smith, the actors and gentleman walk on that stage and take his rightful place again in Our History, Black History, like those before him. Sidney Poitier, Hattie Mc Daniel, James Earl Jones, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Laurence Fishburne, Jamie Foxx, Terrence Howard, Forest Whitaker, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Chadwick Bostic.

In the movie industry black men in the past were casted as gang members, drug addicts and dealers, and sex feans. However, brave men like Denzel Washington, Dwayne Johnson, Tyler Perry, and the Wayne brothers just to name a few have demonstrated to young black men positive role models. Will Smith’s actions at the Oscars portrayed a real-life event that was once played out in the movies. He become the angry black man. Question, Will do you know how to draw the line between your role as an actor and real life?

Instead of grace and celebrate we were treated to a clown show. I am ashamed, heartbroken, and disappointed. And to add insult to injury the Smiths want to bring the topic to the Red Table. Hello, can somebody tell them the damage is done. The Black community should stand firm and demand excellence from the people who represent us. There is no amount of tears that can erase that moment. It was disgraceful. No apology can soothe this open wound. We forgive, let go and move on, but the world will never let us forget how one black man had one job and that was to maintain his cool and he failed.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com