The Vision

Dear Readers, 

It’s 6 days into the New Year and the feeling of relief and excitement of having made it through a year of turmoil is fresh in the air. The collective feelings from the masses is the hope that ” 2021 will be  a better year” and ” we are ready to move on.”  A New Year is when people begin to rethink their lives in the form of new year’s resolutions or bucket lists. I used to be a believer in both for years, I created a list of  resolutions, and posted them on my refrigerator. I was engaged in the hype that each new year was going to be the year that I would achieve my goals. However, after three months I will lose steam, my focus and the desire to do the work to accomplish my goals; so year after year I repeated the same cycle making new year’s resolutions and failing to accomplish them. 

Then I graduated to the Bucket List and for a while this worked. But over time it seemed that all I was doing was making a list of adventures I wanted to experience, places to visit, and I threw in some resolutions. Only to fall back into the habit of failing to stay focused on what I wanted to accomplish. I gave up and went about living life willy-nilly, enjoying good times and events, but my life felt like there was no meaning, vision or purpose.  

My life changed when I attended my first vision board gathering. Before you jump to conclusions or judgement here me out. I know some people’s opinions about vision boards is that they are corny or sound like hocus pocus nonsense. It’s taken me a few years to understand how a vision board has helped me to achieve more with my life than making resolutions or a bucket list. The difference for me is that I was making lists and never actually spent time using my imagination or visualization to genuinely see myself in the positions that I desired to be in. Silly me, my thinking was that somehow the universe would blink like a jennie and magically my desires would appear. 

Over time what I have learned from the process of creating vision boards is to ask myself questions about the purpose and intent behind what I want to fulfill. Creating a list of resolutions I didn’t understand that there had to be a plan, measurable goals, there will be setbacks and how to deal with distractions. Most importantly holding myself accountable for giving into the negative thinking that somehow I wasn’t worthy. Moving forward I have clarity and understand the difference between wishful thinking, useless resolutions and creating a long bucket list and then waiting a lifetime to achieve what is in my reach at this present moment.  

This year I will be 57 and the priority is to work towards retirement ( retiring at 60 and relocating to start my own tutoring business). I’ve begun to downsize, cutting back on spending, cleaning up my credit history, and most important I know how I want my retirement to look like, feel like, and where I want to retire. I plan to use my skills and experience in Education to offer my

services as a tutor working on my own time for extra income and to stay active. Oh, and the most exciting part of this vision I am building a tiny house. On the road to retirement I will continue my love of traveling ( once this coronavirus is under control), saving, blogging, writing books, and all the other activities that bring me joy. It’s been years since I’ve been excited about a plan that I can actually visualize becoming a reality. 

So my question to you is Resolutions, Bucket List or Vision Board?

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Resolutions or Bucket List

dragthepen

Dear Readers,

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.  A Bucket list: a list of everything that you want to be, do, have or experience in life.

Look at the meaning of the word resolution it’s a “decision” to ponder then worry about the consequences of making the wrong choice; or dealing  with the guilt of not following through with losing weight, limiting caffeine intake,  to stop smoking, and eat healthier the list goes on and on.

May I suggest considering a bucket list instead. Imagine the joy of skydiving, changing careers, opening a business, taking a dance class, traveling, and taking a cooking class to release that  gourmet cook crying to get out. A bucket list is about  “doing” “being” and “experiencing, “ all the things that people keep insisting are impossible because we are too busy being responsible adults.

A bucket list should be…

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We are beyond Cabin fever

Dear Readers,

Millions of people are voicing the same sentiment about their frustrations of the prolonged effects of this pandemic. The distress of limitations are very real for the people who fear this virus, so they don’t take chances to visit friends, relatives or gather in crowded places. They are not lured to travel to exotics places due to the cheap price of an airline ticket. These are the people who wear their mask at all times and are cautious about allowing people into their homes. The bottom line is that we have gone beyond the point of cabin fever. The mental, emotional, and physical toll caused by this pandemic is becoming frightening.

So maybe our old normal wasn’t so bad after all. An increasing number of people have declared that over time they have made certain adjustments under the assumption that this pandemic wouldn’t last. So, here we are January 4, 2021, almost one year since the day that the world shut down, then resumed some normal activities, and the numbers of hospital cases decreased, weather became warm and people felt a sense of relief and triumph. 

The reality is that we were never out of danger because the threat of the spread of the coronavirus looms at every corner. The individuals who broke social distancing rules, not because they have no respect for the law, instead, due to feeling the strain of being disconnected, and having limitations put on them. Look around and you will see the weariness in the eyes of the drained and confused. People are no longer making fat jokes about the coronavirus weight gain, and building home gyms, zoom happy hour, Friday zoom date night, drive by birthdays, and anniversaries celebrations have lost their thrill. 

How much more can marriages, relationships, friendships, and partnerships endure due to living in close quarters, and not being able to travel to see distant relatives?  Yes, the doctors and science professionals claim that we must remain socially distant, wear masks even in doors, wash our hands, get tested regularly, and stay away from sick people. However, what about the problem of the homeless population slowly returning to the streets and subways in New York City, and millions of people are threatened with eviction and the government’s second stimulus package is too late help. 

The day to day uncertainty is what’s causing so much emotional stress and hopelessness. So, with the dawn of a New Year, the vaccine, more social disconnection, restaurants shutting down, heavy travel restriction, majority of church doors closed, libraries remain shut, play houses still dark, and Winter, we are no better off than we were way back on March 10, 2019, when the world stopped. I hear many people admitting that they miss going into the office, teachers missing their students,  and people wishing they could turn back time and relive all the things they took for granted. I don’t know if people are losing faith in religion, politicians, or humanity, but we are at our breaking point, we are in need of emotional healing and a long, long vacation.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Last Words

Dear Readers,

I didn’t know what I just knew that something needed to be done; like so many people I’ve been a trooper throughout this invasion of the coronavirus. I embraced the time at home and deeply grateful that the government shutdown didn’t have an impact on my employment. I did my best not to allow myself to get caught up in the panic and chaos of the news, the turmoil of rascal tension, and the drama of the election. I don’t consider myself a person who lives in denial, and I do comprehend that the events taking place are real, and the devastation of this globe pandemic is fearful to say the least. But I created a bubble that I didn’t know the air was slowly leaking out. 

I thought I turned a negative situation in my favor by refocusing my life. In my mind, I thought I may never have another chance to take advantage to focus on me, and my needs. I got busy focusing on my brand Conversations with J. R. Floyd, I had the opportunity to go live on Facebook for the first 8 weeks of being sheltered in place to encourage people. I edited my manuscript for my third book, worked on upgrading my YouTube channel, website, and wordpress blog. During this time I was teaching from home and going out two days a week because I am an essential worker. When I reflect back I wasn’t taking care of any of my needs, I was focusing on my goals working, working, and working,I was still on the grind. I wasn’t paying attention to how this pandemic and the limitations on my social life was affecting me mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

For years I’ve played the role of the strong woman, resilient, self-sufficient, bouncing back strong, and taking care of myself. I’ve kept going on this path without acknowledging the mental, emotional and physical toll, I just thought that this is my life, and this is what I have to do. lately, I’ve  come to realize that it is okay for me to admit that I’m not okay, and that I am hurting, a little angry and tired. 

I wished that I had a partner, a helpmate,and live in my own home, instead of paying rent living in someone else’s house. A few days before the New Year I realized that I was on the edge of having a physical and emotional breakdown. I had to step back and listen to that voice of warning. So,I checked myself into a hotel in New York City, the anticipation of leaving my noisy apartment and being in a quiet place, where no one knows where I’m except for a few people. Stepping away from social media, the cell phone, resting,and reflecting on the harm I am causing to myself by not acknowledging my emotions and not taking care of myself by exercising, strengthening my body, losing weight, gaining weight, and eating poorly. I haven’t acknowledged my emotional vulnerability and the fact that I miss having a partner in my life. I miss the intimate connection, I am lonely, but I keep convincing myself that I am okay, and the truth of the matter is I am not.

I wasn’t focusing on the areas of my life that will help me to continue to pursue my vision. It’s okay to have a purpose and to have a vision, but if I am not emotionally,  mentally, and physically healthy, it makes no sense to achieve certain goals, if I won’t have the strength or the ability to enjoy the goals once I achieve them. I realized that I’ve been stuffing my feelings and emotions, running away and I don’t know why, but this is what I do know.

As I sit here on New Year’s day, my final day in my hotel room, this little getaway has been a wonderful experience. No responsibilities except me. I have eaten well for 3 days, and been cleansing. Although we have limitations during this pandemic for my well being there will be more hotel stays. I need a change of scenery, to disconnect and to deal with my emotions to regain my physical and mental health, to get clarity about how I’m going to move forward with my future, and how I’m going to dedicate time and energy to what is a priority.

I hope that while you are either listening to this on my podcast or reading this on my blog, that my words and experience will connect with something deep within you, to acknowledge areas in your life that you have been putting on hold or pushing away. Talk about how this pandemic has affected your quality of life, the person that you were or becoming, the things and people that we have lost, how social distancing is causing a cloud of misery and confusion. I want people to understand that if you’re not okay regardless of what anyone says to you or about you. It is okay to acknowledge that you are not okay, and for you to get help and surround yourself with people who will respect the fact that you are not okay and help you on the road to feeling better. 

Happy New Year

I Appreciate You

Dear Readers,

I deeply appreciate every person who supported my blog, subscribed to my YouTube channel, watched my live Facebook discussions, and purchased one of my books. I will be back in 2021, with new ideas for my brand Conversations with J. R. Floyd, a new book and of course juicy topic for my blog. In the meantime, kick aside those New Years resoutions, drop the bucket list and create a big beautiful Vision Board as a raid map to your best life.

Happy New Year 🎉

If These Walls Could Talk

Dear Readers, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. 

I was home alone making the best of Christmas day. I am single, and I usually travel to visit my mother or my grandchildren for the holidays. Due to the pandemic I choose to remain at home.  There were moments I felt lonely and angry because I am alone, so I decided not to wallow, I picked myself up and cooked my specialty baked ziti and popped a bottle of red wine. I thought  about how blessed I am to have a home, food, clothing, health, employment and that my family and friends are home safe and happy. While I settled down to enjoy my holiday meal a friend of mine Marc-Henri Jean shared with me how he felt about being home alone.   

In his words….

I love home, home is peace, home is warm, I love home, home is tender and sweet, home is beautiful, home is the quick charge of excitement in your beating heart, I love home I am home. 

I am home, did I mention, did I? Did I mention how atrocious it is to be home? Home alone, home is lonely. Feel the coldness running through your veins after waking and stepping on the frigid marble floors, home is dark. Home is fear, I am home.

I love home, home is being alone, but not lonely. Home is sometimes cold and warm, sometimes a bit too cold, sometimes a bit too warm, but sometimes home is just perfect. Home is sometimes a sweet release from the chaos of the world. Home is dark. Home is light. Home is fear and protection from the outside world. I am home.

I say….

To all the single people who find themselves home alone, don’t despair, be of good cheer, look around and count the blessings,and maybe this time next year we will resume sitting around our holiday table with the people that make a house a home. 

Thank you for stopping by DRAGTHEPEN

Ask us – Are you partly to blame if your partner cheated on you?

A must read

Don't Lose Hope

In this post we will briefly answer a question that was asked by one of our clients. Here is today’s question:

“I’m sick and tired of people saying that I must share at least some of the blame for my husband using porn and having online affairs. This is so hurtful me because I honestly believe I tried to be a thoughtful, loving wife. I really did. And I had no idea he was involved in all of this. Am I right to feel this way?”

Yes, you are right to feel this way. These comments are hurtful and undeserved.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard it said: “It takes two tango” … or that both people must have contributed to an affair. But that isn’t always the case.

Let me start by saying, here-and-now that, no: It doesn’t take two to tango.

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Take a moment to Rejoice

Dear Readers,

Despite the pandemic the world is in full holiday mode there are approximately eight days until  Christmas, tonight is the last night of Hanukkah, and if you’re counting there are 15 days until  the new year 2021. I know that people are reflecting on what they have experienced this year, and with the news of increased cases the hospitals continuing to be overwhelmed stressing our frontline workers to the brink of exhaustion, I think we need to take a moment to REJOICE. 

We need something to be happy about moving forward. We have the coronavirus vaccine, and I understand the concerns about the misinformation, the pros and cons and the negativity  surrounding this vaccination, at least this gives us HOPE. On January 20th, 2021 this nation will  have a new president and a renewed energy to unite this divided and broken nation.

Moving forward in 2021, we can look forward to a new beginning and a fresh start. Since March 13th 2020 the world has been holding its breath collectively. Enjoy this holiday season, but we must continue to be vigilant and practice safe distancing. We must make an effort to reverse these increased numbers. This is a time to reconnect to laugh and be happy take a break from wondering what’s next or what if. Take a moment to embrace all that we take for granted. Take a moment to be thankful for what we do have and stop wasting time moaning about what’s missing. 

While you’re sitting around the holiday table, look at the face of the people around you, take time to enjoy them; and when you’re around the Christmas tree opening gifts be thankful for what you are able to give, be thankful for the happiness that you have brought to someone’s life. When you sit down to eat, bless the table with the prayer of Thanksgiving and say a few words of remembrance for family and friends who are no longer with us. Remember those who are  struggling with lack of finances, homelessness, unemployment, domestic violence, hunger and the grieving.

This nation needs a moment to rejoice to feel relief from the mental and emotional anguish that this pandemic has cursed us with. Remember when we felt hopeless we didn’t give up. When depression and anger threatened to overwhelm us, we kept reaching for the light. Remember the people who held your hand and walked with you through the difficult  days. I plead with you to forget foolish family disputes, petty arguments, and meaningless grudges look around despite the odds we have survived and we can continue to thrive

‘Tis the season to REJOICE, LOVE, HOPE, to be KIND, to LAUGH,  and show COMPASSION. Remember this too shall pass until it does take a moment to rejoice.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Let’s Talk about childhood trauma

America Feels Great Again!!!!

Hello, Dear Readers, welcome to Drathepens’ last post for 2020. We are fast approaching the holiday season, and the much anticipated end of 2020. First, thanks to everyone who has supported me either by purchasing one of my books, subscribing to my YouTube channel, or tuning into my live Facebook discussions. I am ending this year with positive thoughts. Yes, I feel that there is something that has been gained and learned from all the chaos of 2020. People are pushing forward in hope that 2021 will bring back some normality. I encourage you to move forward, and think about what you have learned from life in 2020

Think about all that you have survived and thought that you weren’t able to live a life being sheltered in place, but you did. This holiday season is especially meaningful, as a nation we have been through enormous  turmoil, so we need more than ever the traditional feelings of the warmth, belonging, love and togetherness that represents a time of slowing down and being festive. This holiday season is going to be different, we should  continue to be safe, and mindful of the people who are less fortunate, make a few extra plates and deliver them to people in your community. Don’t throw away leftovers, instead, put them in take out plates and go out and feed the homeless. 

What is this season going to mean to you? Is it about fighting for black friday deals, over on gifts when you should be thinking about saving for the uncertainty of the future? Tis the season to have more sit down meals using the connection of technology. I know that I am grateful for all the zoom happy hours and zoom check-ins.  

Before I go I like to address the celebration of President Elect Joe Biden & VP Elect Harris. To the naysayers and the religious holy rollers lay off the people who choose to celebrate. This nation has been in darkness for 4 years and 2020 delivered us a few devastating blows. Where is your conscience, sympathy, and compassion. Have you been paying attention? The people understand that we can live together in peace and harmony than in hate and division. This country is united again by the power of voting. The naysayers and the holy rollers are trying to cast a dark shadow on a moment that allows people to see light and feel hopeful. For the people who feel that only people of color felt the pains of racism, financial depression, unemployment, eviction and death from the coronavirus think again. Do you see the celebrations there are various races, groups,  religions, and ages out there voting and hoping. “ For American To Feel Great Again.”

We have a long way to go for recovery and it’s not going to be easy, let’s stay, hopeful, and united in love. Don’t turn your backs on this new administration if you feel that they are not working as fast as you think they should. They are faced with a serious train wreck. Let’s move forward to a new beginning and change. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a beautiful, bright New Year.

Thank you from Drathepen