This year dragthepen will host various discussions about Self Care. Why? Because you matter. Your life matters and the quality of your daily life should matter to you.
Self Care: should not be treated as a luxury but as a necessity daily practice that helps to rejuvenate a person’s holistic well being. In other words, your daily practice of self care should be a combination of relaxing and meditative activities that treat your mental health, your soul, the essence of your core of spiritual soul, activities that strengthen your body and final activities that promote a good emotional balance.
Daily self care should not be an occasional trip to the nail salon or weekly happy hour or that once a year vacation. A daily practice of self care in this hectic society should include awareness of our eating habits, sleep patterns, exercise, how much television we watch and the content of what we are watching.
Question, what does yourself care practice look like in your home? Are you teaching your children how to be kind to themselves and not allow society to shape their thinking with distorted images of who they should be? Husbands, wives, partners, brothers, sisters, mother, daughters, father and sons, what do you do when you notice that your loved one is exhausted, emotionally broken, repeating harmful patterns in their life? We have to teach each other about the power of self-reflection and self care and knowing when it is time to step back, breathe, slow down and push the reset button.
We have been taught that we are our brothers and sisters’ keepers, but we are living in a society where we look the other way when those we claim to love and hold in high esteem need a lesson in self care. This conversation will continue.
Let’s make self care a daily practice and not an occasional treat.
People say that ” self-care is the best care”. I say, we in a society where we don’t have meaningful conversations about and how to enforce self-care thus taking supporting our mental health on a daily basis. We talk about mental health and protecting our peace, but how can we protect our peace when we lack good self-care practices?
What is your mental health worth to you? Think about some of these points while you’re grinding yourself into exhaustion and developing poor eating and sleep habits.
Do you lack a productive social life and I am not referring to Happy Hour. Is family time something you avoid or take time to plan for the wellbeing of your family’s emotional and mental health?
How many people reading this will admit that they are overwhelmed at home and overworked at the job.
You feel drained, angry, have become an emotional eater, gain weight, lost weight due to stress, and are short tempered.
Have you allowed your mental and emotional health to suffer due to remaining in dysfunction relationships? When I say relationships, this includes intimate situations, family, and friends.
People bottom line we all need down time, alone time, spa day, a weekend getaway, and a night out on the town. We need to laugh more, increase our listening skills, and practice disconnecting from technology and all social media, and have old fashion conversations.
I am going to leave that right there. Throughout 2023 I will be offering suggestions like, good books to read on self-care, reminding you to step back and take some down time and more topics on the importance of good self-care and mental health practice.
Society is shaking its collective heads in shame towards young people due to their extreme and out of control behavior. I keep asking where’s the village? Young children, teens, and young adults are running loose untamed feeling hopeless and what do the adults do tell them that they are worthless and irresponsible.
The youth of today are not held responsible for their unjust behavior, and they live life without value, lacking conscience committing acts of violence, young people have become desensitized to the consequences of their immoral behavior.
People say” the power of life and death is in the tongue.” I say, “the power of life and death is in our hearts and minds.” It’s not enough to express outrage over the death of Shanquella Robinson, offer prayers then go back to business as usual. We need to go back to teaching value, morals, and self-respect in the homes, schools, and churches. Our young people need positive role models and leaders to help them understand that they are their brother and sisters’ keepers.
Shanquella Robinson can’t REST IN PEACE because their heartless and violent manner that her life was taken from, bring her Killers to justice and then maybe her Soul can rest.
It has been about three months since I posted. Here to let you know that both my dragthepen WordPress blog and my brand Conversations with J. R is doing well. I have been busy getting my books out, currently working on the sequel to A Different Flavor of Love, in production meetings for my first film The Conversation, due out Summer 2023, during all this something amazing happened. After 16 years working in the field of education, I thought it was time to take a break and try another profession. I updated my resume, released it out into the universe, crossed my fingers, and prayed. And in July, I was hired as an Independent Living Specialist for residents in transitional housing. Bear with me I titled this ” I got caught up”, But what I should have said was ” I was overwhelmed” meaning, I was not ready for the changes that were coming.
I was excited about being a part of a dynamic organization making a difference in people’s lives helping them to obtain permanent affordable housing. However, as time progressed, I noticed that this new opportunity was chipping away my personal time. I was not blogging, or creating videos for my YouTube channel, I stopped working on my manuscript, and I constantly had to reschedule my book photo shoot. It was not just my creative side that was suffering; I was always feeling physically and mentally drained. I consider myself to be an active person, and never have I ever been a lazy person. During this transition period I developed unhealthy habits, like eating junk and fast-food, I stopped cooking and Grub Hub became my new best friend, I gave up on exercising and I let go of my favorite pastime reading. To make matters worse I have a puppy and he felt my frustration when I came home and did not want to interact with him, so he started acting out.
My mood changed and I became antisocial because the new position was sucking the life out of me. Here is the scary part. Since I created my brand Conversation with J. R. Floyd, I advocate for self-care and during my conversations l ask my audience to think about WIN What’s Important Now, learn to slow down and prioritize life in the order of what’s important first, what can wait, and what’s not needed. I became caught up in the excitement of something new and the increase in salary, and justified sacrificing myself, time with family and friends, self-care, vacations, even a well-planned staycation to reset and rejuvenate. I saw the increased salary the pathway to the life I want until I understood what’s sacrificed. Think about this: being caught up in careers and higher salary to the point that relationships suffer, marriages breakdown, family falling apart, and developing physical and mental health issues. In my situation I had to stop and think about what’s happening and why?
That was six months ago, and I began the slow process of rearranging my life and adjusting getting myself back on track. My creative side is the best and most powerful part of me. When I create a podcast, blog post or producing ideas for a new book, this gives my life meaning and purpose. I used to think that when people say phrases like, ‘ take back your life” that it sounded corny, not anymore. Due to what I have experienced these pass months I honestly understand how I allowed key areas of my life to slip away from me, it was simply ” I got caught up”. I became caught up in the hype of being around new people in a different working environment, and I forgot to practice balance. It was a difficult adjustment transitioning from higher education to an office setting.
I think by now you got the point of this conversation. Reminder, the holiday season is fast approaching, and people are, going to become stressed with planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, overspending, and holiday parties. I am going to end with these wise words.
Trust the process that everything will fall into place
Slow down and savor the present moment
Make time to enjoy the small joys in life
Do your own thing because you want
to and not because you have to
Give your mind and body the love and attention it deserves
Don’t take things personally just work towards the best version of yourself
Do not close your heart to LOVE. I do not know your experiences because I have not lived your life. I do not know who disappointed, neglect, abused, used, cheated, and committed acts of violence against you, that is not LOVE. I know that it is difficult to heal from the trauma of physical and emotional abuse. I know that what people do not see on the outside is broken on the inside. I know that it is not easy to bounce back from the cycle of dysfunctional relationships. But do not give up on LOVE.
I agree that you should protect yourself from people who have no good intentions towards you. I agree that you should guard you heart, mind, body, and soul from people who will drain you of kindness, compassion, and authentic LOVE. But, if you build a wall around your heart high and tight, shutting yourself away from engaging in social setting that will help you to heal, laugh, smile and to hope; you are robbing yourself of the chance encounter of meeting the one person who will give you authentic LOVE.
When you shelter your heart and mind locking yourself away soaking in the pain of the past, this will result in becoming a bitter, angry, resentful, sad, lonely, and depressed person. I agree that it scary this complicated world of TRUST and LOVE. It is saddening to observe the high number of people who live alone because they choose to give Love only to have their life devastated by an individual whose purpose was to steal, kill, abuse, and destroy because they did not understand the assignment of LOVE.
I was young when I gave my heart away. And after years of dysfunctional relationships and living a life of trauma and emotional brokenness; thankfully, I found the path to healing, forgiveness of myself and other it has been a difficult but necessary journey. I am that person who have built the wall locking myself away from the evil hands and cruel heart of the wolves in sheep clothing. It is a lonely existence, but I feel safe. I long for the joys of companionship, the touch, kindness and warm of another loving human. Life is different when it is just one. I hope that one day that I will meet the one who understand the true assignment of LOVE .
It is not your responsibility to change someone or make them into someone different. People are capable of change, but that should be their decision. When we encounter people, the choice is to either accept them for who they are or move on. I know that it is not easy learning to deal with other people’s pet peeves, faults, and what we see as habits. Ladies there is no prince charming so get your head out of the fairy tales, and rethink revising that long wish list of requirements for what you think will be the perfect mate. Men stop fantasizing about Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. Those are plastic Barbie dolls surgical enhanced superficial women who will not look twice at your sagging belly and receding hairline. People snap out of your daydreams and look at the person in front of you growing with disappointment because you wish she or he would change.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with a physically attractive person, however sometimes beautiful people come with ugly souls and bad characteristics. It is not our responsibility to nag people into becoming the ideal mate according to the impossible Standards of beauty and materialistic needs. I have learned from years of bad choices and reading and believing self-help relationship books about ” how to have the man of my dreams” for years I worked out and starved myself to create a body that men would like, only to be ignored and ill-treated. Do not feel sorry for me this was my fault, why, because the men I encountered did not asked me to change. If they were getting their needs met, they did not care about changing me because I was already what they wanted weak and desperate.
I spent thousands on clothes, hair, make up, lingerie and time and energy to improve myself to be better, so when my prince arrived there would be nothing about me that needed to change or improve. Oh, how shallow was my thinking. I was preoccupied with my outer appearance that I was not paying attention to the fact that I was suffering from low self-worth. When people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth that is when others prey upon them because people who struggle with lack of self-confidence will allow people to change them because of the desperation to be like, love and belong.
I strived and arrived at the age of fifty-eight. Learned many lessons through difficult experiences that did make me stronger, wiser, and proceeding with caution. I do not wish for people to change to suit me because I have learned to let people be who they are and keep checking on who I am. Remember the saying, ” be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”. When you create the monster, you must learn to live with what you created.
News flash people are not recycled trash. I look around society and see how little regards people have for each other, especially in intimate relationships. Couples are disposing of their partners like they are recycled trash.
I dislike referring to people as trash, but there is no other metaphor I could think of to describe the inhumane manner people treat each other. People are not disposable, we cannot just disregard the time, energy, emotions, and love that an individual invests into a relationship or friendship to be thrown out like useless trash. It is said that ” one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” in other words, an item that one person throws away and does not see value in it another person sees potential.
People are not clothing items worn because it feels and looks good for a period, however without the proper care overtime the piece of clothing fades or becomes too small. Therefore, the item has outlived its usefulness. This is an example of how people are discarded. Clothing does not have feelings people do. I have seen people crushed by partner who brag about ” trading up” their partners for someone younger or richer referring to the former partner as “old trash.”
I know people who take better care of their garbage than people do of each other. People lie, cheat, steal, kill, rape, molested, use, abuse, neglect, destroy, disrespect, dehumanize, degrade, belittle, take away another person’s innocence, and scheming causing another person to become emotionally broken and beaten down by mistreatment until there is nothing of value left to give. And then they are discarded like rubbish.
People have become less valued. Employers choose profit over people. Some people in relationships choose materialism over their loved ones. Women go after the six figure salary men belittling and trash talking the hard-working average Joe. Men are more attracted to women who look like plastic Barbie dolls. We cannot view people as recycled trash wanting them transformed into someone more useful after being reprocessed. News flash human beings do not go through a trash refused process to become more useful to other people.
If this sounds like a rant, well partially it is. I disappointed and have lost hope and faith in humanity. People simply do not love and have compassion for their fellow kindred. The selfish and ill treatment that is displayed leaves me SMH. I know that we do not live in a perfect world and people change because of circumstances. What is it going to take to go back to the days of ” I am my brother’s keeper?”
I often reminisce about the good old days when the people in the village cared and upheld standards of love, compassion, sympathy, care, and honor. Those were the days that people were seen for who they are good and honest. And nobody was thrown out with the trash.
Dear Readers, Today’s topic: infidelity, cheating, being unfaith, side piece
I like to establish ground rules before diving into this subject. When referring to people in relationships, I am not talking about people who are chronic cheaters. I am referring to people who pledge in their hearts to be in an exclusive relationship or marriage vowing to forsake all others.
People who are in a committed relationships and outside of the relationship to engage in a sexual relationship with another person, you are a cheater because having a side piece is not a part of the deal. To my readers, is it worth mending a relationship when a partner cheats? And here is the big kicker, the double standard, women who forgive men who cheat, but on the other hand, men will not stay in a relationship and forgive a woman who cheats on him. Why is this? Could it be that his manhood is challenged?
Cheaters give all kinds of reasons for being unfaithful. However, is there any true justification for being involved in a sexual relationship when engaged in an exclusive relationship or marriage? The sad part is the innocent people who are caught up in their cheating partners sexual entanglement, the cheater doesn’t realize or care at the moments that they are getting their jollies off, that when the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, that there will be people who feel betrayed, scarred, and emotional broken.
The Excuses
1. A man who considers himself a committed bachelor, he uses this non relationship status as an excuse to have sexual relations with multiple women.
2. If the fire of romance dies in a relationship or one partner becomes physically unattractive. The cheater uses this to make the innocent partner feel guilty.
3. Lack of sexual satisfaction or boredom.
4. The thrill of sneaking around and tasting the forbidden fruit.
5. Couples who marry at an early age and have not had sexual experience with other people.
6. Men blame their spouse for not pleasing them or that she has lost interest in being intimate. And vice versa for the women who cheat on their male partners. In other words, the cheater is saying that their partner is not enough.
I can imagine the pain, mental anguish, and emotional frustration the innocent partner struggles through. The first time it happened to me I walked in on my cheating partner. The second time it was a rumor that got back to me. When I confronted my partner, he confessed. I trusted men who cheat, and justify it by using lame lines like, “I love my spouse ” or ” it was just sex it did not mean anything” and ” it was a mistake.” So, am I to understand that each time the cheating partners planned to meet with their outside piece it was a mistake?
Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed. Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest. The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List.
The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance.
I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority.
I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity.
It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations.
Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest? How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life.
Have you noticed the new movement of motivational speakers and relationship experts who claim their sole purpose is to help people discover the hidden secrets of how to have a loving and lasting intimate relationships. There are thousands of books and videos posted on soical media by these self proclaimed relationship experts who earn income form speaking engagements, books and relationship workshops all at the expense of broken hearts and lost souls searching for love.
Women are pouring into relationship conferences that charge a fee to hear what they are doing wrong in their relationships, and how to attract the right partner. I’ve been unsuccessful in love, so I began to pay attention to these relationship experts, and invested money in books and workshops. For the most part I found some of the information useful and discovered areas in my life that needed improvement. But, I am not going to shoulder all the blame for not having successful relationships. Why? Because overtime while attending these relationship workshops I began to notice a trend, most experts heaped the blame for failed relationships on women.
The ideology of these experts seems to centered around advising women to be better, raise their standards, don’t date out side their league, stop chasing men, stop making life easy for men, stop having sex, stop wanting marriage, and wait for the man to make the first move. There theory is that It is the duty of women to guard their virginity because men don’t women who’ve been around the block too many times. Men want good girls, you know the saying, ” sugar and spice and everything nice.” While being a nice girl, women should concentrate on securing an education, building a career, and a solid credit score, and finances in preparation for Prince Charming. And when he comes all her aspiration should shift to serving her family and creating a happy home. I say, most of their expert advice is ” B. S.” and sexism.
Most of the dating resources and advice claim that woman are not supposed to change the rules of dating. A womans position is to be meek, humble, submissive, and attentive to her mans needs. Some relationship experts explain that women contribute to the deterioration of a relationship due to them pursuing careers over a relationship, marriage and children. The experts also suggest that most men leave their homes or have outside relationships because their current partner is not meeting their needs.
I won’t bore you with a list of books, YouTube channels, and podcasts focused on educating women in the ways of how to get and keep a man. I don’t want my readers to think that I am discouraging women from seeking advice to help them find a partner or to save a failing relationship. I am suggesting” let the buyer beware” before dooming themselves to a life of being a spinster. Ladies decide for yourself the information that will or will not be helpful because the bottom line is it takes two to tangle.
dragthepen 