Pay attention to how friends, family and co-workers treat you. Example, I have stopped answering calls, emails and text from individuals who contact me when they are in need of my skills, knowledge and resources. HOWEVER, when I call upon these same individuals, I hear voicemails or they reply to my text a week later using the lame excuse, ” I just saw your text and I am sorry but…”
IF any of my readers know me WHEN I call for help there is a serious need. I hold no grudes or anger towards anyone. I am putting this out there for people who are feeling frustrated, used, neglected and a disconnect by individuals who seek to use them as a means to their end.
Take a moment and pay attention to the patterns of how you open the door and allow individuals to mistreat and take advantage of your kindness.
Dear Readers, the little things may not be so little after all. Let me explain.
Yesterday, Saturday, March 18, 2023, was the first time in 9 months that I was able to have some downtime and peace. The turbulence started in May of last year. I adopted a three-week-old puppy and in July changed careers at the age of 58, in addition to taking courses online. You know the saying that “change is good.” However, I experienced three different shifts at the same time and it’s been a real struggle. Looking back, I realized that I was not ready to take on a puppy, new position, while attending college.
Fast Forward…… Here I am 9 months later, Peanut my Rat terrier, broke his leg that cost $$$$$$, he has healed. I was in my new position as a case manager for transitional housing and within the first 4 months I was promoted to a supervisory position, yet another change. I can’t begin to explain the drudgery of coming home after a full day’s work to take care of a fur baby and college assignments this schedule has left me physically, emotionally, and mentally drained.
I have been running on empty so to speak sometimes 7 days a week. Gone are the glory days of sleeping late and enjoying coffee in bed. My schedule revolves around my little buddy Peanut and school assignments. I felt like I was becoming unglued if you know what I mean. After talking to other dog owners, they suggested doggie day care. I searched and searched but none fit my schedule until I came across Rover.com. I found a dog sitter close to my house (11 minutes away). Saturday was his first day. He was picked up at 9am and dropped off at 5pm.
I had an entire 8 hours to myself. I enjoyed a good breakfast, quickly vacuumed the house and took a two-hour nap, then enjoyed another meal. Peanut returned home to a rested fur mommy and a clean house, in addition to his favorite food meatballs and spaghetti. We will continue the personalized dog sitting service for at least two days during the week. We both could use a break from each other, and Peanut is being socialized with other dogs. The best part of is that I have found a solution to have alone time and at the same time giving Peanut what he needs. It is the little things that add quality to our lives. Things like,
1. Sleeping late
2. Taking a nap
3. Eating a delicious meal undisputed
4. Quiet time
5. In my case enjoying coffee in bed
Think of the little things that matter in our life and find a way to include them in your life daily.
What do you do when you’re feeling sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, hopeless, depressed, lonely, heartbroken, grieving through emotional brokenness, confusion, and experiencing crying spells? Sounds Familiar?
I have news for you: these are human emotions and it’s ok for you to take time to work through them. What’s not ok is abusing others because you’re in pain. May I suggest that you take a moment to breathe, reflect, and add Self Care during your temporary moment of emotional or mental breakdown.
Stop being hard on yourself and understand that you’re doing the best you can with what you have. Oh, by the way, do not allow others to tell you that “you’re strong and you can make it through” these are words that people who are struggling through a temporary breakdown do not need to hear. What they need is s nonjudgmental shoulder to cry, a good listener, space, and some quiet time.
Women should not be passive but be an active participant when seeking a partner. I am not a relationship expert, psychologist nor do I have answers to fixing relationship problems. dragthepen is an open platform to discuss issues that impact our relationships. With that said, ladies when choosing a partner and noticed I didn’t say husband. Here are a few tips to keep in mind. First, you don’t have to settle. Settling is for women who have given up on who she deserves and takes the cluncker behind door number two and live a life of regret.
Deep in a women heart she desires:
A partner who understands the value of working together for a successful partnership.
A partner who sees her as she is and not who he wants her to be (this is what happens when you settle).
A partner who believes in her goals and vision and is willing to be supportive, proud and patient.
A partner who doesn’t burden her with his emotional baggage and want her to be a therapist.
A partner who doesn’t treat her like his personal maid, cook, and a sexual object.
A partner who understands a womans need for alone time.
A partner who doesn’t asked to go 50/50 on the bills ( ladies that’s called a roommate and a free lay).
Women desire to have a partners they can confident in and not have past experiences or mistakes thrown in her face. Women are tired of litte boys and want men who are emotional mature, stable and is open and ready for a monogamous relationship. Women want a partner who is willing to tell the truth even if it’s going to hurt. A man who knows how to hold her hand when the tears are flowing and embrace her when the world comes crashing down.
Ladies seek a partner who understands that compassion, truth, loyalty, communication, cooperation, support, understanding, patience, and team work will win your heart.
Ladies leave those players, pretender, representatives and visitors alone.
We need to stop applauding women for being exhausted due to forsaking self-care and their mental and emotional health, while supporting families, working outside the home and wearing multiple hats. I don’t believe in the myth of superwomen. Society is overwhelmed with women who are physically drained, suffering from health issues, emotionally empty, depressed, oppressed, feeling trapped and ignored. Women are told that women complain too much and are never satisfied. Women give so much and get little in return.
When a woman says, ” she doesn’t want a man in her life” that’s not an open door for people to throw shade, condemn or label her a lesbian. You have not lived her life nor her experiences. She might be on a path of healing and self-discovery. So, before you become judge and jury respect and honor the fact that these women choose to remove herself from dysfunctional men so she can be all she can be for herself. Respect the journey.
Dear Readers, blogger Colleen (Colleenconversation.com) inspires today’s topic Reset, regroup, refocus. Colleen’s blog inspired me to encourage others to think about their lives and contemplate if it is time to reset, regroup, and refocus
There are 4-5 months until the holiday season and a New Year. I know people are thinking hey slow down It is still summer, and you are thinking too far ahead. I say why wait for a New Year to make changes. The only difference about waiting for a New Year is for a new number to change. Have you been listening to that voice in the back of your head nagging you about reset, regroup, and refocus areas of your life that you have been in denial that needs to be changed.
Let us be honest with ourselves, people make excuses about taking time for self-reflection, busy because of marriage, kids, job, school, finances, and lack of resources. I believe the reason people do not reflect on life is because of fear and having to put effort into changing. I think that people have become comfortable with being stuck or pushing the reset, regroup, and refocus mode means that their relationship or your family dynamics may change, not wanting to hurt other people; they remain stuck and unhappy.
3 years ago, when the world was sheltered in place I was forced into the mindset of reset, regrouping my life. Before the pandemic I was like millions of people just going about my busy life, I was stuck and was not aware of how I arrived at being trapped in a pattern of running on the hamster wheel.
When I took the time to refocus my life, I discovered clarity and the awareness of how I was living an unfulfilled life. I went to a job where I was overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed and angry, but at the same time I thought that was all I was worth. I was living in a rut and moving like a robot. There were days I felt hopeless, but instead of acknowledging my feelings I suppressed them and kept moving.
Presently, there are other distractions to blame for our less than happy life and more excuses not to take time for self-reflection. People are focused on inflation, gas prices, new viruses, and politics. The insanity does not seem to stop, all this other stuff adds to people’s stress, panic, fear and numbs people, causing them to become distracted from thinking about what I call WIN what is important now. People say they do not have time, but the truth is they avoid reflecting about life because they may not like what is brought to their attention or the emotions that will surface.
Reset, regroup, and refocus means reorganizing, planning, deep thinking and this takes time. Question, when was the last time you prioritize your life in order of importance? People should stop packing their schedules with unnecessary activities that take them away from goals. Sometimes being busy does not mean being productive, especially when you do not see the desired results. It is time to revisit the goals and visions that you had but along life’s path your dreams got lost.
I know that is what happened to me. When I reflect how I allowed the events in my life to take over casing me to put myself last. People say life happens, I say, yes life happens but people need to learn the skill and practice of consistently and constantly evaluating their life. I use various methods to evaluate whether I am on the right track or if I am just being busy and nothing is getting done. I use vision boards, journals, every time I accomplish a goal, I write it on a post stick, put it in a jar and every three months I read them to make sure that I am staying on track.
Resting, regrouping, and refocusing my life revealed how much I was neglecting myself (no real self-care) and the quality of my life was nonexistent. I have learned to put what is important to me first, I consistently prioritize, down time is especially important to my mental, physical, and emotional well-being. I feel free, light, and experience more joy out of life.
Biden’s plea to the American political system is that we can no longer stand by and allow these mass shootings to threaten the lives of innocent people. My question is why are the American voters quiet on this issue leaving the decision in the hands of lawmakers who will not budge on the issue of stronger gun laws? Why is this country giving young people the right to bear arms? Why isn’t the entire human population in an uproar and force the political system to act on behalf of the people who they elected to serve?
I began this post by asking a question: are these mass shootings about stronger gun laws or deeper social issues that no one wants to address? Granted that we do not live in a perfect society, however, ignoring social issues that influence these mass shootings is not going to make them go away. There are too many excuses given for the individuals who commit these crimes, they claim mental illness, abusive homes, bad parenting, and bullying. What about the rascal factors that fester in the minds of evil people who prey on marginalized groups who they deem to be a lost cause to society?
It is not enough to take to social media and post prayers and voice outrage. We have become accustomed to living in a world where the taking of a human life is commonplace. It is not enough for the politicians to flap their lips and walk the floor of congress with meaningless chatter trying to convince the American people the answer is not in stronger gun laws. During his speech President Biden drew reference to the fact that we are the only Country where these mass shootings continue to happen.
I fear that we are living in a country where ” for the people by the people” no longer holds true. It is the people who are bending government to their will because politicians are greedy for power, position, and money that they sell their meaningless souls to the highest bidders. We live in a country where we say, ” land of the free and home of the brave ” from where I stand there are groups missing from the “WE” in this equation.
Our political leaders are mothers, fathers, grandparents, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, somebody’s nephew, cousin, and niece. In other words, they have family just like the average American, yet their hearts are like stone. This country is running red with the blood of the innocent and defenseless. It is shameful.