Then the Darkness Came

Dear Readers, 

I knew what it was the moment I felt it. I went into fight mode. I didn’t want to feel it not now. After all I made it through the months of being sheltered in place without giving into that feeling, so why now?  I don’t need this darkness to invade my life, interrupting my sleep, pressing down on me and taking away my will to live. I want to be happy, I desire to be whole. After all the B.S. that I have fought back from and survived why is it coming around now? 

When the light goes away I can’t think my thoughts become heavy, and my body turns into a pillar of stone. The harder I fight back against the gloom that threatens to overwhelm me with waves of sadness and flashback from my past choking me, and robbing me of the chance to see the brightness of the sun and to breath fresh air. So, I sink deeper and deeper into despair. 

AND THEN THE DARKNESS CAME……

Since the age of 17 I have been in a battle for my life with Depression. The suffering and pain of   mental illness is REAL, and the challenge to get through each second, hour and an entire day, is like pushing a one tone boulder up a steep hill with one hand.  I consider myself to be one of the lucky people who have fought this battle without medication,  but at a high price. The demons of depression will robe your soul and suck any glimmer of light and hope that tries to emerge. 

Before you ask, there is no wishing mental illness away, a vacation won’t cure it, spa day will just give a temporary reprieve, and for all the PRICKS out there who think that people who have lots of money have no reason to be depressed, well, if you walked 24 hours in a person shoes who is suffering from depression, and experience the inner hell that takes over mind, soul and spirit, you will have a better understanding of this dark abyss of misery. 

I am lucky this time the depression only lasted a month and I am slowly returning to a temporary normal. I have a few projects I am working on and the depression has set me back, but you will be hearing from me very soon. 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Ladies are you making yourself too available?

Dear Readers,

 There are some omen who make themselves too available for men, and of course we know who benefits from this situation. I observe and personally acquainted with diverse women from various professions, earning power and education, who spend an increasing amount of hours  accommodating men. This post is in detail demonstrating a few areas where women are making mistakes  when dating or uncertain about their position in a situationship. One major problem with women who make themselves too available to men, they become a convenience instead of an equal partner in a loving, supportive long term relationship. One problem with this situation is that the women who ruin men by making themselves ready available, when these men move on it makes it difficult for other women who will not be at a mans beck and call.  

One  mistake some women make while dating is that they tend to perform wifely duties without the benefit of being a wife. For the sake of clarity a wife means a woman has walked down the aisle, taken vows before God and witnesses, and has been bonded with a man in holy matrimony. Not a wife in the sense that women are labeled a wife or in a common law situation. Women need to stop playing the role of a wife without the benefits, taking care of his laundry, cleaning his apartment, cooking, lending him money and your car, and  paying his bills. Ladies this is called playing house and being played. 

Many women are dating without a clear defined purpose or dating with the word desperation stamped across their foreheads; reeking with the scent of I’ll do anything just as long as you make me feel important, and that I am your one and only. Women who make themselves sexually available before establishing whether they are in a committed relationship. Ladies if your willingly give yourself over to a man physically, be ready to accept what’s coming, meaning expect to be asked for sexual favors often, and when you become weary of giving your body to a man who has not committed to you or sees you as his means to release his frustrations, you will  have yourself to blame. Why? Bottom line a man will take what is offered to him. 

 Here are a few ways women set themselves up for failure by answering late night texts, calls, and allow men to show up at their homes unexpectedly. Over time these bad habits become inconvenient to women, and beginning taken for granted. Women who rearrange or adjust their schedule to meet the needs of selfish men who take advantage of women with low self -esteem, because they don’t know their worth.Women became trapped in the bad habit of being a man’s savior by standing by his side even when he is wrong. Overtime women come to the realization that they are not honored or loved because of their good qualities, but because you’re the type of women men call EASY. You’ve made yourself too available and now  you don’t know how to break the spell.   

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Dear girlfriend

DYAN STORM

Well, no compliments but i have words for you

But first, i’ll start with how my heart feels…

Would it be ok if I took some of your time?
Would it be ok if I wrote you a rhyme?

Would it be ok if I opened my heart?

Would it be ok if I took on the part

Of being your man and showed you a view,

One that only a real man could do?

Would it be ok if I could make you smile?

Would it be ok if I held you for a while?

Would it be ok if I kissed your face?

Would it be ok if I were to replace

All the men in your past that just wouldn’t

Show you what true love feels like?

Would it be alright to look in your eyes?

Would it be alright to never tell lies?

Would it be…

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Dump the Wish List

Dear Readers,
The issues isn’t about making new years resolutions its about whether your resolutions have purpose. In other words, what is the intentions behind the Resolutions? Most people begin a new year with the hopes that the new number in the year will make and improvements in their lives. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if your not making changes in your thinking and  behavior then what sense does the lip service of a resolution makes?

There is not one person on this plant that doesn’t have the right to have a better quality of life; but wishing isn’t going to make the changes in your life happen. There is no magic spell or  secret, the main point to change is to be specific about what you want, and if what your seeking is the right fit for your life. When choosing to make resolutions make sure your goals are realistic and reachable.

Some factors to consider if your in a marriage or partnership how will your individual resolutions affect the relationship? And is your partner supportive of the changes? And most important is the Resolutions about the change of your relationship with your partner?

Are you ready to be consistent, persistent, patient, aggressive, and humble in accomplishing your Resolutions? What does these Resolutions mean to you? If you desire to save money are you willing to cut useless spending, acquire a second job, create a budget, and stay focused until you reach the amount you want to save? One of the most popular Resolution is to loose weight. Are you ready to clean out your pantry of the unhealthy foods? Hire a trainer and work through day after day of soreness and pain until your body is fit? Drink 8 glasses of water per day and show up to your workout even if your trainer cancel the session?

Is your Resolution to leave a relationship that is no longer a good fit for you? Because staying means you will never be able to heal from the mental and emotional damage cause by a dyfuncational relationship.

Again, I ask the question, if your making a Resolution or Resolutions what is the purpose? What is the meaning of creating a list of promises without an agenda? My intention for focusing on this subject of Resolutions is to remind my readers  that a wish is just a wish.  A to do list isn’t effective if there isn’t a plan to get busy doing the work to check off each task as they are completed.

Dreams are ideas that begin in our minds and it is the excitement of the thought of turing the dream into a reality.  But what happens after a few days, weeks when the excitement turns into hard work, discipline, staying focus by eliminating distractions, and moving obstacles that will impede your plans.

Now I ask you. What is your vision for your life?

A Saturday Reflection

Dear Readers,

In an ideal world I would have loved to wake up to the warm body of the man I love and a breakfast tray brought to my bed. I grind hard and would enjoy spending this perfect cozy, lazy Saturday with my partner who appreciates me and the effort I put into life and making our partnership a priority. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. I woke up along, but praise God for the warm bed and roof over my head. I made my own breakfast tray and enjoy resting in bed before heading out to complete the business of the day. Life would be made easier with a help mate who truly understand that a relationship is a partnership with a balance of two people sharing the daily tasks of life. I am blessed that I am able to take care of myself, but this isn’t the way the creature planned for a man and woman to be alone. Most people like myself choose singleness over settling . I haven’t given up on love I choose to love me and wait until the man who is truly right for me to enters my life. Love yourself you are worth it💖

Spending:

Very important holiday announcement⛄

Conversations on finding and loving who I am

We are so caught up in the holidays. The joy of family, friends, and shopping. But sometimes we get caught up in the reason of the season. Thanksgiving comes and instead of spending all day and night with family and friends we run to the mall or other places to shop. But why? It’s not fair that other people can’t spend time with their families because we have to run to the store to spend money. Why has that happened? It’s not fair for others. People spend all day and night just to buy things that they don’t need. We are so caught spending money than on spending time. What is wrong with this picture? Why have things changed so much? When will we get back to the true reason for the season? Have we lost the importance of spending time? You can’t get time back. You can always spend…

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