More About Me

Dear Readers, 

My journey as a blogger, author, and creator of my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd, is a personal pilgrimage of healing from a life of chaos and emotional brokenness through deep reflection and self-discovery; leading me to find a new path and live a better life. The events of my past and the trauma connected to those experiences had a profound affect on how I lived my life and the choices I made. I transitioned from an abused and neglected childhood, to a confusing and dark adolescent into adulthood where I made enormous mistakes that are too numerous to recall. 

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom at the age of 30 that I acquired professional help. I was raised in a religious home and my parents taught their children that all they need to solve their problems is the Bible and prayer. I lived a sheltered life, and looking back at the adults during my childhood they taught me nothing. One of many lessons I learned from therapy is that my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles lack of knowledge is due to generations of them being in survival mode. I was angry for years at my parents because they didn’t protect me from falling into the cruel ditches of this world; instead my father was busy being a disciplinary and ruling his family with an iron fist, so I learned to fear my father and withdraw. My mother was a hopeless domestic diva who showed no emotions except anger. 

After my experience with therapy I concluded that many of my problems I encountered derived from my childhood, and the adults having influences grooming my young mind filling it with mixed messages and myths that I discovered as an adult were wrong, misleading and harmful.  

My childhood home was constantly in chaos, alcohol and drug, domestic violence, screaming, male domination, and subservient women. When children are not reared in homes that are loving, balanced, financially and emotionally ready, support from extended family members, and nurturing and safe; the results can be devastating, trust me I know from experience. 

1. Children from dysfunctional or broken families and hindered from seeking out their own identity separate from the family, they are marked the” Black Sheep’ and treated as such. 
2. When parents make decisions for their children based on the theory that they are too young or emotionally immature to make decisions for themselves; the result is children who grow into adults who make poor choices.
3. Children who are not taught how to cope with loss, death, separation, relocation of living situations, adults need to bear in mind that children have emotions that they don’t understand, and when they aren’t given the support, love and encouragement they need to cope with loss, the result is an adult who can’t cope with life.
4. When children transition into adolescence this is a confusing period of their life, they need help, patience and guidance, because this is when most of the troubles begin because adults don’t pay attention to their needs, and label teenagers as difficult.  

My intentions is for my readers to understand the reason behind some of my postings that might seem personal or disturbing. I hope that I can help others who are or have  struggled with past childhood trauma to understand that the pain doesn’t have to last forever and that there is a rainbow at the end of rain.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Word Wall part 4

Insecure, emotionally, void, compassion, dyfuncational, mean- spirited, abuse, broken, helpless, weak, strenght, fear, facade, defensive, aggressive, violence, belittle, self esteem, anger, degrading

Dear Readers,

Have you ever encountered an individual who is insecure, emotionally out of control, and they lack compassion for the pain they inflicted on others? This person is void of the world around them because they live in a bubble. Most of these emotionally broken people come from dysfunctional homes, where they witnessed or were a victims of abuse, so expressing anger and behaving in a mean-spirited manner is a normal part of who they are. They put up a façade of strength because they don’t want the appear weak and helpless. They speak negative of others, and tend to become defensive and aggressive to the point of violence. Belittling other is what they are best at because degrading others boost their low self- esteem. Sadly, there is only one word for this individual, Bully

what Say You?

click on the link and check out my new website: http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?Domestic Violence: hidden secrets

Dear Readers. experiencing the hell of an abusive relationships  is not something that I would wish on my worst enemy . We know someone in our family, church, at work or even close friends that are trapped in a abusive relationship. This abuse can cover   physical, sexual, psychological, and economics. This abuse is real and it is painful.  this abuse effect children, men and women, and  if the victims are lucky to escape the healing process takes years and some don’t. Please watch my video.  leave a comment. the world needs to hear what you have to say.

 

Before, During and After you say ” I do”

Dear Readers, Conversations with J. R. Floyd is dedicated to discussing  relationships issues, men and women empowerment & exploring the broken foundation of the family structure. Support me by subscribing to my You Tube channel where you can watch more videos . Thank you for watching. Don’t forget to leave a comment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Childhood Scars: the breaking down of a child

Dear Readers and Viewers, I have discovered that the negative words and action that were done to some of us as children have had an impact on how we view who we are. What is important to understand is that childhood scares get buried under all the other negative experiences until some triggers  a memory and takes you back to that time in our life when we didn’t feel safe or love. My goal in sharing my story is that people will stop judging and insisting that we ” get over it and let go” instead start a dialogue that will  lead to a new path of healing. Thank you for watching. Please support me by subscribing to my You Tube channel: Conversation with J. R. Floyd

Brokenness

Dear readers,

When God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper” his originals intention of creating a helper (partner) is for man and woman to walk together side by side as comparable partners. In today’s society, people in partnerships (relationships) are struggling to raise above the nonsense of unrealistic  rules set forth by a society that thrives on dividing men and women by creating foolish  relationship does and don’ts aimed at suppressing women thus moving men in a place of superiority. The main cause for partnerships falling apart is the need for control resulting in the partnership becoming a dictatorship because there is a feeling of OWNERSHIP. People become trapped in these types of partnerships and they often become a dangerous and violent situation. The question is not why, but how. During the dating or courtship, stage the individual who wished to woo their perspective partner will show who they need to be until they are sure that they have completely captured their perspective partner under a spell of lust and love, this is when they show their true self. And the true self isn’t the person who enticed them. Millions of men and women are taught misleading lessons about their role in a partnership, they are told false relationship myths, and bear the wounds of destructive relationships. Some experiences come in the form of dysfunctional families, spousal and child abuse, and abandonment issue meaning that some people choose to remain in a dictatorship in fear of being alone. Men and women are  burden with mistrust and lack the knowledge and skills to communicate their emotions, so they suffer in silence. Partnerships are hindered by the baggage that each person has not resolved thus expecting their mate to be their therapist. Men and women feel the need to control their partner because they have lived a life where others had control over them and they could fight back. These personality types will slowly crush their partners mentally, verbally, emotionally, sexually and financially. These cycles of abuse people have experienced in their past. Sadly, we obverse partnerships like these in our own families, and among our friends, people whisper about the abuse, but do not speak out. Until we as a society understand that, sometimes it also takes a village to help develop and sustain healthy and long-lasting partnerships by addressing the brokenness of each individual the cycle will continue. Thus creating the next generations of broken partnerships, haven’t we had enough?

What say You?

 

 

THE TERROR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The scares are visible, the pain comes and goes, but the memories are still there. I hope this helps someone to get help, get out and heal

dragthepen

This article is in honor of the women who came before me and the ones after me.

            I had blinders on. I wasn’t blinded by love just pure ignorance. My mother never whispered words of warning about the “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, nor did I see the “proceed with caution sign”. I describe my experience with domestic violence, as being in the Twilight Zone, during that period of time nothing seemed real, it felt like it was staged. Although my wounds have healed, my heart is mended and my spirit restored; I think about the women who did not make it out and are still knee deep in the grips of the terror of domestic violence. My story is one of hope, desire and rebirth.

The Face in My Mirror

A Self Portrait

 I woke up that morning as I did every morning, feeling like I had been drinking all…

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THE TERROR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

This article is in honor of the women who came before me and the ones after me.

            I had blinders on. I wasn’t blinded by love just pure ignorance. My mother never whispered words of warning about the “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, nor did I see the “proceed with caution sign”. I describe my experience with domestic violence, as being in the Twilight Zone, during that period of time nothing seemed real, it felt like it was staged. Although my wounds have healed, my heart is mended and my spirit restored; I think about the women who did not make it out and are still knee deep in the grips of the terror of domestic violence. My story is one of hope, desire and rebirth.

 

The Face in My Mirror

A Self Portrait

 I woke up that morning as I did every morning, feeling like I had been drinking all night. My head was heavy and my mouth was dry. The bedroom was dark the blinds were closed and the drapes drawn. This atmosphere reflected my spirit. I carried myself to the bathroom as though I was a fat lady who weighed a thousand pounds. What was usually a short trip from my bedroom to the bathroom turned into an endless journey. Each step that I took towards my destination moved further and further away. When I reached the bathroom the cold tile sent chills up my spine. I was not aware that I had no slippers on my feet. I closed my eyes before turning on the light, a ritual that I performed every day.

I stood for a moment slowly opening my eyes to let the light in. I stared at myself in the mirror, searching for signs of life but there was only emptiness. I could no longer force a smile or even wash away the sadness that soured my soul. For year, I had worn a mask in public to hide the sadness I kept in my heart.

I glanced over at my dressing table where I sat to apply my make-up, just as a clown would sit down to his dressing table to paint the face that entertained the guests who have come to see the show. I thought to myself, not today, no more hiding, no more pretending.

I had to make a choice to come face to face with the truth about how corrupt I was living. At that moment, I began to feel an instant wave of relief wash over me. I made a long awaited decision, no more masquerade.

It was December 1, 1994, the day I hit rock bottom.

It also was the best day of my life.

It has been years … Since I decided not to dance with the devil anymore…I decided to face my fears, open my closet and let out all the skeletons, no more secrets.

What I did not know then. I know now.

“Divine time and order”. There were lessons to learn even though some of them came with a price.

It was 1988, I met a quiet, charming, handsome man who was drug free, hardworking and attracted to me. He said that he “wanted me to be his wife and mother of his children”. I said, “Yes” and good-bye to “Ms. Party Girl”, I led a clean life by stopping the drinking, and drugging and I settled into married life.

After setting into the role of “Mrs. Homemaker” not long after I found myself in an abusive situation. My husband turned from prince charming into a MONSTER. All my dreams of a happy forever after came crashing down, and I returned to booze and drugs for the next four years. I was desperate to hold on to what I thought was my only chance at a happy life.

On December 1, 1994, when I stood in that bathroom looking at myself in the mirror, I saw someone that I know did not recognize.   I no longer desired to be a victim anymore. My first step on the road to well-being and enlightenment was to free myself from a relationship that only aided in me falling into a deep depression and lowering my self-esteem.

Once I accomplished securing my freedom I relocated and the real work began. I entered into the world of therapy, seeking to find out why my life had turned out the way it did. I honestly felt that all the trouble was due to me choosing men who were all wrong for me.

Seven sessions into therapy, I discovered that at the core of my problems was that I never experienced a true caring, loving and trusting relationship. Not even with my parents. After years of therapy and a lot of soul searching, I learned to love myself, accept myself, and to make peace with my past. I have learned the art of true forgiveness, unconditional love and acceptance.

My choices don’t make me a good or bad person, it’s what I do about the choices I make. I look to “ME” for happiness and rejoice in the happiness that others bring into my life. Now my life is filled with much joy and peace. To this end I have a very important message to share from Maya Angelou, she said “Once you heal yourself, help to heal others one person at a time”.

 An excerpt from The Original Article “The face in My Mirror” Street News