Don’t be afraid to reflect its the path to healing

My best buddy Peanut

Dear Readers, blogger Colleen (Colleenconversation.com) inspires today’s topic Reset, regroup, refocus. Colleen’s blog inspired me to encourage others to think about their lives and contemplate if it is time to reset, regroup, and refocus

There are 4-5 months until the holiday season and a New Year. I know people are thinking hey slow down It is still summer, and you are thinking too far ahead. I say why wait for a New Year to make changes. The only difference about waiting for a New Year is for a new number to change. Have you been listening to that voice in the back of your head nagging you about reset, regroup, and refocus areas of your life that you have been in denial that needs to be changed.

Let us be honest with ourselves, people make excuses about taking time for self-reflection, busy because of marriage, kids, job, school, finances, and lack of resources. I believe the reason people do not reflect on life is because of fear and having to put effort into changing. I think that people have become comfortable with being stuck or pushing the reset, regroup, and refocus mode means that their relationship or your family dynamics may change, not wanting to hurt other people; they remain stuck and unhappy. 

3 years ago, when the world was sheltered in place I was forced into the mindset of reset, regrouping my life. Before the pandemic I was like millions of people just going about my busy life, I was stuck and was not aware of how I arrived at being trapped in a pattern of running on the hamster wheel. 

When I took the time to refocus my life, I discovered clarity and the awareness of how I was living an unfulfilled life. I went to a job where I was overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed and angry, but at the same time I thought that was all I was worth. I was living in a rut and moving like a robot. There were days I felt hopeless, but instead of acknowledging my feelings I suppressed them and kept moving. 

Presently, there are other distractions to blame for our less than happy life and more excuses not to take time for self-reflection. People are focused on inflation, gas prices, new viruses, and politics. The insanity does not seem to stop, all this other stuff adds to people’s stress, panic, fear and numbs people, causing them to become distracted from thinking about what I call WIN what is important now. People say they do not have time, but the truth is they avoid reflecting about life because they may not like what is brought to their attention or the emotions that will surface.

Reset, regroup, and refocus means reorganizing, planning, deep thinking and this takes time. Question, when was the last time you prioritize your life in order of importance? People should stop packing their schedules with unnecessary activities that take them away from goals. Sometimes being busy does not mean being productive, especially when you do not see the desired results. It is time to revisit the goals and visions that you had but along life’s path your dreams got lost.

I know that is what happened to me. When I reflect how I allowed the events in my life to take over casing me to put myself last. People say life happens, I say, yes life happens but people need to learn the skill and practice of consistently and constantly evaluating their life. I use various methods to evaluate whether I am on the right track or if I am just being busy and nothing is getting done. I use vision boards, journals, every time I accomplish a goal, I write it on a post stick, put it in a jar and every three months I read them to make sure that I am staying on track.

Resting, regrouping, and refocusing my life revealed how much I was neglecting myself (no real self-care) and the quality of my life was nonexistent. I have learned to put what is important to me first, I consistently prioritize, down time is especially important to my mental, physical, and emotional well-being. I feel free, light, and experience more joy out of life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Today is the Day. The Chase is Over.

Dear Readers, 

It all came down to today. This is the day. The chase is over. I am 56 years old and I have finally reached the moment of full clarity, peace and the healing process is getting better and better. The feelings of heaviness, fear, anger, and resentment these emotions and voices will no longer have the power to burden me and whisper to me that I am not worth it. My healing process began in 1992 and at the time I thought that it would take me about a year to heal from the damage of my childhood, an abusive marriage, and what I didn’t know was from years of more abusive relationships that included the intimate relationships and family and friends. Let me tell you this  when you find yourself on the path to healing from emotional, sexual and physical brokenness don’t expect the people closest to you to be supportive, in some cases they are the people who will become obstacles on your journey, and you will have to make the choice to leave them behind with the rest of the wreckage. 

Today is the day that I can release years of pain, suffering, anger, and the struggles of chasing after the unknown. Today is the day I understand that what kept me prisoner was how I was thinking, and becoming a slave to the idea that my life was worthless because I haven’t become the success of the American dream. I don’t own a house, a car, and I don’t make a six figure salary. I berated myself mentally for not getting it right and for having to start over and over. When I think back on how many years that I didn’t feel loved , but search for love and the whole time I didn’t love me because I thought that it was the duty of others to love me, and my anger grew when I didn’t receive love. I  used sex as a means to feel. I was dead inside, but I thought sex would make me feel something, The only result of this behavior was more emptiness and being used as an object of pleasure, and not being cherished as a whole being. 

Today, Friday, July 24, 2020 as I sit in my bedroom with tears flowing, pouring out all the suffering, pain, uncertainty, and years of dying over and over and reliving the same tragedy over and over, I was numb and bitter. I was a slave to depression, eating orders and carrying around the  negative labels that others heaped on me because I believed them. I am not ashamed to say that I never fully experienced a mother’s love, but I am no longer going to allow that to drag me down.  On July 20, 2020, we celebrated my mother’s 76th birthday and I am enjoying the relationship we presently have.  I am no longer struggling, no let me rephrase that I am no longer choosing to struggle or to see life as a struggle. There are challenges, but I don’t choose to see them as a problem or a negative experience.  

I am thankful for all the intimate relationships that did not work out because they were not the ones for me and each one taught me a lesson. I am thankful for all the friends that left me when I was at my darkest moment because these people enlighten  me how to carefully invest in true friendship. I am thankful for this time of being alone in my own space because it has prepared me to understand who I am and to never allow loneliness to rear its ugly head to force me into the fear of running into another dysfunctional relationship so that I would be distracted from continuing on my journey of healing. I am thankful for being sheltered in place, although the world continues to be in chaos I have used this time to center myself in a state of peace. I am thankful for being able to work from home. I am thankful for the gifts and talents I have discovered that keep me free from  thinking that I will spend the rest of my life a slave to punching a time clock.  I am thankful for the friends and family who stuck with me through all of my drama. I am thankful for my blogging community. 

Today is the day that I released that I have a wealth of experiences to share by publishing my books on amazon. I am thankful for the creations of Conversations with J.R. Floyd, that gives me a public voice on all major social media platforms to help others to heal.  It’s been a bumpy and  dark, but amazing journey and I know that life is better because I am making it better. 

Who am I? I am J. R. Floyd , Inspirational Coach, Author, Singer, and Educator, currently works as a College Writing Consultant. A winner of the Jacob A. Weiser play-writing award for her work The Conversation. She was a freelance writer for Street News, and appeared in the gospel play Oh Lord: Why Did I get Married?She is a member of the BMCC Downtown Chorus. Performed at Carnegie Hall in the Manhattan Concert Productions: Let you Voice Be Heard, 2019. Author of The Waiting Game, A Different Flavor of Love & 90 Days of Reflection, Discovery, & Renewal.  

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Ladies are you making yourself too available?

Dear Readers,

 There are some omen who make themselves too available for men, and of course we know who benefits from this situation. I observe and personally acquainted with diverse women from various professions, earning power and education, who spend an increasing amount of hours  accommodating men. This post is in detail demonstrating a few areas where women are making mistakes  when dating or uncertain about their position in a situationship. One major problem with women who make themselves too available to men, they become a convenience instead of an equal partner in a loving, supportive long term relationship. One problem with this situation is that the women who ruin men by making themselves ready available, when these men move on it makes it difficult for other women who will not be at a mans beck and call.  

One  mistake some women make while dating is that they tend to perform wifely duties without the benefit of being a wife. For the sake of clarity a wife means a woman has walked down the aisle, taken vows before God and witnesses, and has been bonded with a man in holy matrimony. Not a wife in the sense that women are labeled a wife or in a common law situation. Women need to stop playing the role of a wife without the benefits, taking care of his laundry, cleaning his apartment, cooking, lending him money and your car, and  paying his bills. Ladies this is called playing house and being played. 

Many women are dating without a clear defined purpose or dating with the word desperation stamped across their foreheads; reeking with the scent of I’ll do anything just as long as you make me feel important, and that I am your one and only. Women who make themselves sexually available before establishing whether they are in a committed relationship. Ladies if your willingly give yourself over to a man physically, be ready to accept what’s coming, meaning expect to be asked for sexual favors often, and when you become weary of giving your body to a man who has not committed to you or sees you as his means to release his frustrations, you will  have yourself to blame. Why? Bottom line a man will take what is offered to him. 

 Here are a few ways women set themselves up for failure by answering late night texts, calls, and allow men to show up at their homes unexpectedly. Over time these bad habits become inconvenient to women, and beginning taken for granted. Women who rearrange or adjust their schedule to meet the needs of selfish men who take advantage of women with low self -esteem, because they don’t know their worth.Women became trapped in the bad habit of being a man’s savior by standing by his side even when he is wrong. Overtime women come to the realization that they are not honored or loved because of their good qualities, but because you’re the type of women men call EASY. You’ve made yourself too available and now  you don’t know how to break the spell.   

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Now Versus Then

Dear Readers, The information that we gain over time through experiences is what shapes us. How many time have you hear people say, ” I wish I knew then what I know now.” maybe I would have made better choices. I say, what you didn’t know then wasn’t for you to know. We are a result of our experiences whether negative or positive it’s because we work with the information we are given, and sometimes we work with what we think we know on our own. It is never too late to use the new information that we are given in order to make out life better. Thank you for watching and  don’t forget to like this video.

 

 

Awareness & Clarity

Dear readers,

Recently I have been on a journey exploring who I am and what I want out of life. This period of deep reflection, discovery and renewal helped me to discover how I have allowed myself to be distracted by the standards of the world and how struggling to live up to the expectations of others lead me down a path of distraction.