From a Woman You Are Born

Dear Readers,

I don’t mean to start the New Year off on a sour note, but there is something that’s been on my mind and I would like to hear what you have to say about this matter. I have noticed a black-lash focused on women. There is this idea that what has gone wrong with men is because women need be better. A very popular Pastor, stated that ” women who say they don’t need a man is suffer from the spirit of lesbianism”. It is also said that women who are fortunate to be self- sufficient, and that their well being isn’t depended upon a man that these women are single because they are not allowing a man to be a man.

Black women are are the top of this accusation because it is said that they are the reason why millions of black men are incarcerated. These men have lost their place in their homes because some women have risen up and taken charge, so men no longer feel useful, in other words, “they don’t feel like a man”.

So, there are books, conferences, webinars,and seminars for the purpose of getting women to understand their submissive role, as a mother and wife, and not as an individual, and some how by going outside of their normal roles they don’t fit into society. There is a course titled, Wife in Training, in this course women are being told to wait and prepare for their husbands. Women are being told not to date because dating leads to sex, and a woman who have had multiple sex partners is referred to as used or loose. I have observed and spoken to women who are waiting in anger and frustration because they desire to be deemed ” a good women”. Some women are young and have little to no experience with men, therefore, their minds and hearts can be molded by the first man who comes along and says those magic words, ” I love You”.
Forced marriages, arranged marriages, women sold into marriages, women who are married to abusers who on the outside portrays himself to be the perfect husband and a pillar of the community. Women are suffering behind closed doors due to financial abuse, cheating husbands, absentee husbands, the kind that works, pays the bills and arrives home when he feels it needed. Women are being told to stay with their husbands because being single is not good. As I recall the Bible says in Genesis, God Said” it is not good for a man to be alone”. Have you noticed that when a women frees herself from a relationship that doesn’t allow her to grow once she lands back on her feet she glows.

There are smart, talent, educated women having to hold themselves back, so they don’t take the spot light off of their man. Look at the case of Ike and Tina Turner, and who turned out to be the winner?
Women are leaving marriages that they have been for 10, 20, 30 plus years, why, because they weren’t allowed to flourish they were stuck under the titles of wife, mother, cook, car pooler, problem solvers, and their worth and contribution never equals that of a man who goes out and slay the bacon because he is doing what a man is supposed to do.
I wonder why so much aggression toward women? Women beaten down with such disgraceful labels, and women in Hollywood are baring it all and engaging in cat fights in order to stay on top. Women are used in videos not for their talent, but like porn stars and freaks. There are plenty of women who are making the choice to be single because of their experiences and they don’t want to settle. Men are bachelors for years and they are celebrate as doing the right thing because they are avoiding ” gold diggers”.

I am going to stop here. I hope that I have gotten my point across. To the women who are fortunate to find a man who will respect and love you until death does it part, God bless you. For the women like me who have decided enough of useless relationships and choose to remain single, and be happy with life, good for you. To the men of this world I say, no women likes to be abused, conned, held back, lied to and strung along, and what goes around comes around. and when you find yourself in your old age looking for a caretaker, just remember in your youth all the chances you had to embrace love, but you wanted to be a player instead.

The choice is yours, the wait is over.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

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A Saturday Reflection

Dear Readers,

In an ideal world I would have loved to wake up to the warm body of the man I love and a breakfast tray brought to my bed. I grind hard and would enjoy spending this perfect cozy, lazy Saturday with my partner who appreciates me and the effort I put into life and making our partnership a priority. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. I woke up along, but praise God for the warm bed and roof over my head. I made my own breakfast tray and enjoy resting in bed before heading out to complete the business of the day. Life would be made easier with a help mate who truly understand that a relationship is a partnership with a balance of two people sharing the daily tasks of life. I am blessed that I am able to take care of myself, but this isn’t the way the creature planned for a man and woman to be alone. Most people like myself choose singleness over settling . I haven’t given up on love I choose to love me and wait until the man who is truly right for me to enters my life. Love yourself you are worth it💖

Family Matters?

Dear readers,

Please bear with me, this post is a little longer than I am accustomed to writing, I believe that what I have to share will be beneficial to someone.

A few weeks ago I was invited to Sunday dinner at the home of the Evans family (family of five, three girls plus mom and dad) Ms. E is an old college mate, she didn’t finished college because she got married and started a family. I was excited! Being single has its pros and cons, one downside is eating alone. Anyway, I arrived at 2 pm with a bottle of wine, flowers for Ms. E and crumbs cupcakes for the girls to have after dinner.

Mr. E. greeted me at the door and quickly disappeared upstairs to the bedroom. After hugging the girls and chatting for a few minutes, me and Ms. E settled in the kitchen, opened the wine and proceeded to catch up on life.  An hour into my visit my excitement went from 10 to 0. I was looking forward to a family day, you know the old fashion way families use to spend time. Playing games, laughing and talking over dinner and then maybe a movie with popcorn to close out the evening.

What I got was the girls in the living room engaged in their electronic devices, there wasn’t any talking, no interaction between them, they sat staring as in a trance at their I pads, and their ears were plugged up.  I sensed Ms. E’s embarrassment about the situation, so she justified their behavior by saying that Mr. E has been working long hours during the week, and on the weekends he likes the house to be quiet.

Ms. E and I stayed in the kitchen drinking wine, chopping, cooking and talking. After a while reality set in Ms. E wanted company. She craved someone to talk to, she was feeling lonely and disconnected. There came a point during the period before we ate dinner that the youngest child become restless, she was told by Ms. E to go and play quietly in her room. She was sent to play in her room alone, instead of remaining in the kitchen with us.

The other children were woken from their trance by Ms. E. to set up the table. At 4 pm, Ms. E called Mr. E to the dinner table, by this time the youngest child had fallen asleep, the father said leave her to sleep, Ms. E did not protest.  It took a moment to get out plates filled and for a conversation to start, but it wasn’t a meaningful conversation. The girls answered my questions with short response, and Mr. E mostly talked about how much over time he was doing, and Ms. E kept asking everyone did they want more to eat. During dinner the youngest child woke to join us.

After we ate, Mr. E excused himself to go and full the vehicles up with gas for the coming week. I helped Ms. E cleaned the kitchen, put the food away and to set up coffee and the cupcakes for the girls, they ate a few bites and asked to go to their rooms to watch a show on the Disney Channel. I stayed with Ms. E for another hour and said my good byes at 7pm, there was no Mr. E in sight.

I went home and got out my old family albums and spent time remembering the good old days. I called Ms. E letting her know I got home safe and thanking her for the dinner. I extended an invite for her and the family to have dinner at my house the next Sunday. What I didn’t tell her was that I was going to invite some of my family members so she can experience what a good old fashion Sunday Family Dinner is supposed to be.

Family bonding is important.

What say you?

 

Tales From the mad Dater

 

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These are things people whisper behind my back when they think I’m not listening…..

Why is she still single? Something must be wrong with her. Maybe she should lower her standards. Yes, because she is too picky and she ain’t getting any younger.

The truth is I don’t understand how I come to be Single for such a long period of time. The way I recall it, my plight into single-hood started after the end of a six-year relationship that I hoped would  end in a marriage, that was 2003. In 2006, I met a handsome Latin man and we courted for 18 months. Suddenly, he decided he wanted to go back to being a Bachelor, he told me this over the phone.

Since 2012 I’ve had my fair share of going out on dates, some good but mostly bad. I’ve learned a lot about men during my trails and error of being single. What I know  is that most men are not patient ( especially when they want to have a physical relationship), supportive, compassionate and they have poor communication skill at least that’s  what they claim. Men can be controlling, immature and another one of their claims, they fear being in a monogamous relationship because it takes away their freedom. For many years I’ve been fooled, lied to and used by the worst and best of them. I even wrote a book ” The Waiting Game” about my experiences with the wrong men.

Being single has been a heavy blight in my life. Some days single-hood makes me feel like I am being punished for not settling for all the jerks and losers who represented themselves to me as real men. For becoming a smart, successful, self-sufficient and ambitious women. I have been told by many people men don’t like strong women.  I will not give up on finding my life partner, he is out there. Until such time one is not a lonely number its the only number.

What say you?