Those Eyes

Dear Readers,

I rather see the world through the eyes of a child. To see the world with innocence, joy, playfully, no judgement, bright and smiling. Eyes that believe in fairies, and laughs at the stars. Eyes that are amazed at discovery and are in awww at silly things and butterflies, lady bugs, and rainbows. Eyes that don’t lie about emotions and sleep with angelic peace. The eyes of a child are unbiased, clear, and blameless. The eyes of a child uplifts, heals, and gives hope. 

Unlike the eyes of adults that are dark, unfocused, unsure, and they frown. These eyes are tinted by experience, they stop believing, they are filled with mistrust, and evil. The eyes of an adult beam with betrayal, anger, bitterness, shame and guilt. These eyes are serious, dull with responsibility, pain and suffering. Lost is the ray of hope, joy, happiness, and trust. The eyes of an adult are bleak, and have lost direction. 

I rather look at the world through the eyes of a child then I could wipe the tears from my adult eyes, smile and giggle at the funny man in the clouds. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Storms’ come to make you

Dear Readers, My name is J. R. Floyd the creator of Drathepen, the author of “The Waiting Game & a different Flavor of Love”.  My latest accomplishment is my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd, dedicated to discussing issues that impact our relationships, men & women empowerment,  and exploring the destruction of the family. This year ( 2020) I challenged my readers to join me as I write Letters to Self. Each month I pick a topic and write a letter to self that I share on live streaming on Facebook and  You tube. Thus far, I have read Jan, Dear 2019, a farewell to the old year, February was Dear Love, March ,Dear Life, and below is the letter for April. this letter is to the people who support me,nand for all the people who are holding onto the end of their rope.

            

 

Dear, supporters, viewers, and readers, this is for you. What do you do when life constantly hits you with storms from all sides? I am currently at the start of what could develop into a mega storm, but I refused to lay down and be drowned by the waves of fear, anger and worry.  I am fighting back. I had plans for the way 2020, but it seems I am getting off to a slow and rough start. I know what you’re saying, we are only four months into the new year, give it some time and things will turn around. Yeah, OK, there might be some truth in that advice, but  time waits for no one and if I don’t get up now and revise my plans the year might turn out to be like all the other years when I waited and waited for change that did not come. Before my transformation into living life with better clarity, purpose and vision the old me would have laid down and allowed the world to stomp on me. I allowed the naysayers and the negative conversation in my head to convince me that my goals ain’t worth pushing through the obstacles that come to steal my joy.

 I won’t be satisfied living through another year sitting on the sideline whining and blaming life for what it did not bring to me. And, yes, it is mentally, emotionally, physically draining and disappointing to sit down, plot out a plan, craft a vision board, and set everything in motion only to be blocked by problem after problem. For a moment I did cease all activity. I folded my arms like a two year old and stomped my feet. So, after I recovered from my tantrum, I sat down and regrouped. Some deadlines will be pushed back. I will have to dig a little deeper and work more overtime to bring in the extra cash I need for my new video lights, the photo session for my website, for the new mobile phone that I desperately need. 

When in doubt I encourage you to take a moment and think about why you set goals and made plans. When in doubt I am going to continue to believe that I can and will achieve what I set out to do,which is to to continue to make my vision a reality.  I have conquered many mountains to arrive where I am today. I am enjoying the creative person I have become. I appreciate the lessons I am learning while rebuilding my life after three years of loss and devastation. Through all of the darkness I have emerged a better, charmer, happier person with a purpose and vision for my life. I am excited about working on my five year retirement and relocation plan. At this point in my life I do not have the leisure to sit around and whittle my thumbs. This is my chance, my time, my opportunity to achieve all the things that I have pushed back, rescheduled, and given up on because I thought they were unreachable and that I wasn’t worthy of living my best life. I no longer hold other people accountable for my happiness. I set expectations for myself and hold myself responsible. And, yes, with all of life’s ups and downs there can be better days. I look back on the downtime as lessons towards brighter days. I wake up each morning looking forward to life because I finally have the chance to make my life the way I want it to be. Everyday isn’t perfect and that’s okay. 

I am here to tell you that storms pass, and no matter the destruction they leave behind there is always a reason to be thankful and the chance to reflect, rebuild, and discover something new.

 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

The Sins of a Woman

Dear Readers,

This video is in response to a podcast I listened to on You Tube-titled: Why?  Distracted women Discourage men. The speakers did not answer this question. instead, they place blame on women for broken relationships and for men leaving their homes. I was insulted by the old school think that women have stepped out of their roles and are in direct competition with men. The male speakers also concluded that women who declare themselves independent by acquiring a college education,  high paying job, purchase their own home, and raise children without the assistance of a man,  they find fault in what many women are choosing to do. I challenge you to listen to the podcast and come to your own conclusion.  Thank you for watching.

 

Don’t judge!

Reflection

Dear readers,

It was August 1, six years ago when I moved into my first one bedroom apartment after living in a studio for 14 years. I had a few boxes, old furniture, 100 books, high hopes and big dreams. I was happy. Today is a very sad day. I feel like I am burying an old friend, I’m being forced out. Not because I am a bad tenant I live in a  private house the landlord abruptly announced, ” The house is being rented, I’m moving my family out-of-state you have to go.” It took me a month to get over the shock. Three months later, my boxes are packed, I am leaving with new furniture,  fifty books,  and more shoes and clothes than I had six years ago.

I live In New York City finding an affordable apartment is not easy and that’s saying it nicely. I have arranged to put my tbelongings  in storage. while living with my long time best girl friendand her 22 year old son.

During the six years in my beautiful one bedroom complete with back yard, I’ve met and dated some horrible men, and made poor financial decisions. I’ve lost some weight, gained the weight, lost the weight and gain the weight back. Studied  for one years at Bible school and received my Ministry Licences. Started my first Blog, wrote and published my first Novel, ” The Waiting Game” on amazon, and entered two short shorties in a contest.  December 2016 completed a Novela ” A Different Flavor of Love” so to be out on amazon. I’m  currently revising a Novel I wrote with a college friend to be published next year. I have a second job$$$$$$$$$$$$$  my income is higher than is was six years ago. I auditioned  for the New York City down chorus, nailed it, this my third season with them. Its amazing I am leaving during the same season I moved in six years ago. And  the real big change I cut my locks after having them for 30 years.

I am sad, angry and feel betrayed. I blame myself. I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t focused. I was too busy try to be a part of a family that wasn’t mine. I feel ashamed, I’m educated, intelligent,  passionate about living life and trying new things. Oh, and I’m an amazing teacher. At the age of 53, I have to put my belongings in storage and live in someone else space.

Where do I go from here? Forward, step by step, day by day. taking on one task at a time. Bury myself in work and my writings. UNTIL I FIND MY OWN SPACE.