Confessions of the Virus

One of the most difficult aspects of this pandemic is not the temporary loneliness, or the occasional overeating, the periodic boredom, or the wondering when will this be over, for me it is the absence of closeness. We live in a society that thrives on having personal space, in our homes we desire to have our own room, so we can close the door and keep others out. Some people often find themselves hiding in basements, closets or even the bathroom to escape people. 

We are told to seek quiet time to slow down and learn to enjoy our own company. Some parents often teach their children how to play alone. In the process these children invent imaginary friends or they cling to their favorite doll or stuffed animal for comfort. 

I am a proud Introvert and over the course of my life I have learned how to live with others who understand my need for quiet time and to dwell in a clean organized environment. We all have some area of life that is deeply impacted by this period of social distance. I miss the closeness of  being near people without fear. 

I miss sitting in the kitchen with my mom sipping coffee and catching up on life. I miss the hugs from family members, yes we are hugers. I teach college students and often they would initiate the invitation for a hug. I miss the intimacy of holding hands with a friend. I miss sneaking a gentle pinch from the cheek of a sweet plump baby. I especially miss the voices and camaraderie of my weekly chorus. 

Although some restrictions have been lifted and people are going out to enjoy meeting up, however, there is still that sense of being careful to connect but not fully. I spent this entire pandemic living alone; very few people stop by to do a wellness check. I am grateful for the few times I have ventured out to meet friends for dinner, coffee, or to attend a church service. I haven’t been to a mall, department store or to the movies; or any other place that I fear maybe a crowd of people.

I am thankful for spring and I’ ve made a trip to the mountains and it felt amazing to connect with nature, but I was alone. In July I am planning a cross country drive from New York to California. I am so excited because this is something I have dreamed of doing. While compiling my packing list I  remembered to add some extra items like, Lysol spray and wipes, extra masks,  rubber gloves, and hand sanitizer. I am excited, but how well I know that voice of caution will be with me whispering, have fun, but be safe.

Continuing on the subject of , Things fall Apart

If you just…

I would like you to…

Why can’t you…? I don’t understand why this is difficult for you? You met to like this.

I thought you would have changed.

Sounds familiar?  Heated conversations like this take place between couples because one person feels that their partner isn’t paying attention or taking them for granted. Upon close examination, the root of this problem is that one partner is obsessed with changing, grooming, and molding their mate into who they want them to be. I once heard this saying,  ” let people be who they are.” 

At the start of a relationship most people recite these words, “I accept you for who you are and as you are.” However, overtime the little flaws, pet peeves and human faults, that your partner claims are not an issue become extremely ignoring to them.

Things fall apart, when one partner is no longer interested in meeting the sexual needs of the other, or the bedroom demands becomes unpleasant; opening the door for one partner to use this as an excuse to cheat.

Things fall apart, when complacency, boredom, lack of interest, and laziness is allowed to become a 3rd wheel in a relationship.

Things fall apart, when partners allow their physical appearance to become less flattering.

Things fall apart, when lying starts, secrets phone calls are made, habits change, and date night becomes routine, or they get less and less.

Things fall apart, ….WHAT SAY YOU?

The single life the Romance is Over

At the age of 45 , I had a revelation that I was no longer interested in being single. I didn’t put much thought into what I was going to do to solve my single status. So, I put the idea on the back-shelf planning to revisit it again.

…Fast-forward, now at the age of 52 the glitz and glamour of having the time and freedom to sleep late, cook or not to cook, sleeping in a fetus position to keep warm , and eating alone has soured.

The single life means being alone, having too much time to be alone; just me and the voices from the television or radio; and they don’t talk back or ask, ” how was your day?” In my house there is no one to pass the honey to do list to, because it’s just me, so, its more like things to do list.

I talk to people who drool with envy because they wish to have my life. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are in relationships, that no longer meets their needs, and they  believe that the grass is greener on the other side. It isn’t  until they abandon all that they have to cross over into single hood and have a oh Shit moment, Oops its to late, when they realize that what they needed to do was to  pay attention to the weeds ( boredom) that grow in their yard

( relationship); and if they had taken the time to care for and revive their grass ( spouse) then maybe thing would have remained green ( happy). Now, the other side ( single-hood) is not as green , plush and happy as they thought. The silence of an empty house is loudest when your alone. the bed never feels comfortable no matter how expensive the sheets or  how warm the comforter; so what is a single person to do?

Most people run out and adopt “Fido,” only to find out that their beloved pet is more of responsibility than a shared committed relationship with a human. I found myself competing with the younger generation of women, them the Millennial, me the Baby Boomer , and they seem to be winning. The male Baby Boomers no longer want my type, strong, focused, responsible and intelligent. They desire young, hot, shapely, badonkadon ( big Butt), ride’em, hard  and hit them fast spontaneous vixens.

These days people  few people start a relationship the old fashion way; like being matched up by friends. Instead, I am doomed to online dating, dam to the age of technology. Night after night, I sit in front of my computer shifting through profiles of men whose pictures resemble mug shots. Reading lie after lie about they are adventurous, romantic and hope to find ” the one, ” yeah, more like the one for the night. Do I sound bitter?  Well, I am. Dating should  not have to be  difficult, and is not a game. People feelings are real and the ones out there like me waiting, wanting and hoping to find the right partner, the deceivers make trusting others a challenge. Anyway, I am going to keep hope alive.

What Say You?