The Trend of Handballing

Dear Readers,

As many times as it has been said and will be said, Happy New Year! Todays, conversation is not about keeping New Year’s resolutions or encouraging you to make a bucket list. I Think people are more focused on making sense of how to endure this on going pandemic.

Today’s topic is inspired by a sister friend who sent me an article from the New York Post, “What is Handballing”? The newest dating trend for singles, by Josie Griffiths. The term handballing is a dating method used when an individual meets a prospective partner, he or she is very clear, and in some cases aggressively forceful about expectations on how they are willing to pursue a relationship. Ladies I like to speak to concerning this subject because nowadays, women are changing their approach about relationships. The trend that I see is that women are taking steps to establish a foundation of friendship, leading to a relationship and then marriage. Today’s generation of women are clear about not want to be trapped in the cruel cycle of the dating game, messy situationships or entanglements. The article is clear that handballing is the new method that single people are using to avoid wasting time because these individuals are dating with a purpose.

The million-dollar question and concern for women is when is too soon after meeting a person of interest should they handball? After all isn’t the goal of dating with a purpose is to get him interest in you? The answer to that question is no because this is the old way of thinking and pursuing relationships. Handballing isn’t about getting the person to be interested in you,

“handballing” is about digging deep and investigating whether the person is thinking on the same level of emotional maturity, setting standards and boundaries, monogamy, children, no children, marriage, and knowing the importance of compromising fairly. In other words, ladies be up front about the qualities that will be the foundations for developing a lasting relationship. If after having engaged in a hardball question and answer session with your date and he doesn’t call again, oh well, you know what he was after.

I enjoyed the article it is refreshing to know that there is a population of single people who won’t settle and are willing to wait for a suitable partner. To my female readers don’t be afraid to speak up, stop being “ Handballed” by individuals who discourage you by using the myth of the biological clock, or encourage you to take who you can get rather than who is more suitable to your desires. And it is ok to disconnect from dating men who will only want you to “go with the flow and see where things go.” Don’t cheapen yourself by keeping deadbeat men around who will only sweet talk you into being passive and trapped in relationships that don’t fulfill your needs.  Its better to find out where you stand by using “handballing” method than to lower your standards and end up with less than you deserve.

Thank you for reading.

ALL IS WELL

Dear Readers, 

Sometimes life has a way of stopping us in our tracks helping us understand life on life’s terms, and to see the other picture behind the bigger picture. People are blinded by striving for professional success and clawing their way up the class and economic ladder, due to being dissatisfied with their current class status. We wish for more and do our best to keep up the JONESES, while theorizing that the grass is greener on the other side.

That Was Me. 

People have told me that I am a late bloomer my life played out in reverse.. I was a high school dropout, unwed teenage mother, and experienced years of working low paying jobs. It took time, but I found my way back on the right path to acquiring an education, where I discovered the love of English Literature. Victory you say, yes, and no, my story doesn’t end there. I have enjoyed years of academic success, but what spoiled my triumph was that I brought into the societal notion that I should fit myself into the idealized American Dream. This piece isn’t about how I achieved my American Dream, on the contrary, I did not achieve any dream because I was trying too hard to adjust to someone else’s Idea about how my life should play out. It almost RUINED me, I brought into the claim that “ one size fits all”. 

It was my pursuit of an inmate partnership  meaning to find Mr. right and to “ settle down” into a long term loving partnership. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a loving partnership, however, what I was doing was “ Settling” . I was literally looking for love in all the wrong faces. I confess that I viewed being alone as a disease, when I should have embraced my alone time as time to work on me ,and make the foundation of life stronger. I did not understand how to be with myself, and that I was in charge of my happiness, instead of relying on others to give me what I need to give to myself. I suffered years of abusive relationships and never truly found the person to show me genuine love, honesty, support my career goals, and my vision of becoming an author, and talk show host. A few years ago I was almost homeless because the man that I was engaged to asked me to leave his home immediately, because I refused to submit to him controlling my life. I struggled with  years of being emotionally and financially broken, confused and angry.  

I used to complain that my life wasn’t successful, I viewed my life as “ wasteful” , and then I read this quote by Susan Samarro, “ Nothing you’ve been through has been wasted”. Before entering the teaching profession, I spent 13 years as a well paid theater manager at a wonderful Performing Arts Center. There I witnessed operas’ page to stage, film festivals, and artist in residence programs, not to mention some famous movies that were filmed at my venue. In 2006, I took a final curtain bow and began my Masters program in Education while working as a floor supervisor at The Learning Resource Center. After completing my education I dove head first into my love of teaching Literature. Sounds like the perfect comeback story, oh yes it is. It took me to be sheltered in place during this coronavirus pandemic, that ALL IS WELL. While the world is in chaos, being sheltered in place has given me the time, space and peace that I have never known. The time to set up my new apartment room by room, lesson learned never give up my place to move in with a man. Second lesson, being home means spending less money, paying off bills, reviewing my finances and on the path to repairing my credit, and the savings is great.I am learning that I am at my best when I live alone, but currently, I have a roommate who temporarily went back home to her family. I cherish this down time. It makes good financial sense to have the support of a roommate, but moving forward I enjoy my own space. 

All is well because I know who I am, what I want and how to bring joy into my life. I enjoy coffee in bed, and sleeping late, cooking vegan meals, laying on the sofa watching movies, while  sipping wine and eating popcorn. I like the peace, quiet and space to create. I like being with me. I am not giving up on finding my life partner, but this is no longer at the top of my bucket list.  Today, I can truly say with confidence  ALL IS WELL. I am moving forward with the courage of a lioness, the sky is not the limit because I will never place limitations on what I can accomplish. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Resolutions or Bucket List

Photo by Vijay Saiwal on Pexels.com

Dear Readers,

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.  A Bucket list: a list of everything that you want to be, do, have or experience in life.

Look at the meaning of the word resolution it’s a “decision” to ponder then worry about the consequences of making the wrong choice; or dealing  with the guilt of not following through with losing weight, limiting caffeine intake,  to stop smoking, and eat healthier the list goes on and on.

May I suggest considering a bucket list instead. Imagine the joy of skydiving, changing careers, opening a business, taking a dance class, traveling, and taking a cooking class to release that  gourmet cook crying to get out. A bucket list is about  “doing” “being” and “experiencing, “ all the things that people keep insisting are impossible because we are too busy being responsible adults.

A bucket list should be fun and obtainable and the upside is that there is no pressure to get the list completed in twelve months. The truth of the matter is life gets in the way of those resolutions like the donuts in the office break room; they sabotage your resolve to eat healthier, so you tell yourself as your eating that second chocolate eclair washing it down with a cup of coffee.

I did not realize I had a bucket list until I wrote down a list of goals I had accomplished. In my 20’s I modeled for the School of the Visual Arts and was a professional gospel singer. In my 30’s I became a freelance writer having no prior experiences. In my 40’s I wrote an award winning play, became a grandmother, and dated a rock star for six years. Now in my 50’s, I have completed my memoir to be published this year, had a supporting role in a play and changed careers twice.  This year I am adding to my bucket list interning at a radio station and auditioning for another play. Not bad for a high school dropout who only wanted to get an education and have a great paying job.

What are you waiting for? Drop those deadbeat resolutions and get started on that bucket list.

Thank You for stopping by Dragthepen

New Resolution versus A Bucket List

Dear readers,

 

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.  A Bucket list: a list of everything that you want to be, do, have or experience in life.

Look at the meaning of the word resolution it’s a “decision” to ponder then worry about the consequences of making the wrong choice; or dealing  with the guilt of not following through with losing weight, limiting caffeine intake,  to stop smoking, and eat healthier the list goes on and on.

May I suggest considering a bucket list instead. Imagine the joy of skydiving, changing careers, opening a business, taking a dance class, traveling, and taking a cooking class to release that  gourmet cook crying to get out. A bucket list is about  “doing” “being” and “experiencing, “ all the things that people keep insisting are impossible because we are too busy being responsible adults.

A bucket list should be fun and obtainable and the upside is that there is no pressure to get the list completed in twelve months. The truth of the matter is life gets in the way of those resolutions like the donuts in the office break room; they sabotage your resolve to eat healthier, so you tell yourself as your eating that second chocolate eclair washing it down with a cup of coffee.

I did not realize I had a bucket list until I wrote down a list of goals I had accomplished. In my 20’s I modeled for the School of the Visual Arts and was a professional gospel singer. In my 30’s I became a freelance writer having no prior experiences. In my 40’s I wrote an award winning play, became a grandmother, and dated a rock star for six years. Now in my 50’s, I have completed my memoir, The Waiting Game” had a supporting role in a play and changed careers twice.  This year I am adding to my bucket list photography and auditioning for another play. Not bad for a high school dropout who only wanted to get an education and have a great paying job.

What are you waiting for? Drop those deadbeat resolutions and get started on that bucket list.

What say you?

 

News Resolution versus A Bucket List

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.  A Bucket list: a list of everything that you want to be, do, have or experience in life.

 

Look at the meaning of the word resolution it’s a “decision” to ponder then worry about the consequences of making the wrong choice; or dealing  with the guilt of not following through with losing weight, limiting caffeine intake,  to stop smoking, and eat healthier the list goes on and on.

May I suggest considering a bucket list instead. Imagine the joy of skydiving, changing careers, opening a business, taking a dance class, traveling, and taking a cooking class to release that  gourmet cook crying to get out. A bucket list is about  “doing” “being” and “experiencing, “ all the things that people keep insisting are impossible because we are too busy being responsible adults.

A bucket list should be fun and obtainable and the upside is that there is no pressure to get the list completed in twelve months. The truth of the matter is life gets in the way of those resolutions like the donuts in the office break room; they sabotage your resolve to eat healthier, so you tell yourself as your eating that second chocolate eclair washing it down with a cup of coffee.

I did not realize I had a bucket list until I wrote down a list of goals I had accomplished. In my 20’s I modeled for the School of the Visual Arts and was a professional gospel singer. In my 30’s I became a freelance writer having no prior experiences. In my 40’s I wrote an award winning play, became a grandmother, and dated a rock star for six years. Now in my 50’s, I have completed my memoir to be published this year, had a supporting role in a play and changed careers twice.  This year I am adding to my bucket list interning at a radio station and auditioning for another play. Not bad for a high school dropout who only wanted to get an education and have a great paying job.

What are you waiting for? Drop those deadbeat resolutions and get started on that bucket list.

What say you?