Can a relationship survive Infidelity?

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Dear Readers, Today’s topic: infidelity, cheating, being unfaith, side piece 

I like to establish ground rules before diving into this subject. When referring to people in relationships, I am not talking about people who are chronic cheaters. I am referring to people who pledge in their hearts to be in an exclusive relationship or marriage vowing to forsake all others. 

People who are in a committed relationships and outside of the relationship to engage in a sexual relationship with another person, you are a cheater because having a side piece is not a part of the deal. To my readers, is it worth mending a relationship when a partner cheats? And here is the big kicker, the double standard, women who forgive men who cheat, but on the other hand, men will not stay in a relationship and forgive a woman who cheats on him. Why is this? Could it be that his manhood is challenged? 

Cheaters give all kinds of reasons for being unfaithful. However, is there any true justification for being involved in a sexual relationship when engaged in an exclusive relationship or marriage? The sad part is the innocent people who are caught up in their cheating partners sexual entanglement, the cheater doesn’t realize or care at the moments that they are getting their jollies off, that when the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, that there will be people who feel betrayed, scarred, and emotional broken. 

The Excuses 

1. A man who considers himself a committed bachelor, he uses this non relationship status as an excuse to have sexual relations with multiple women.

2. If the fire of romance dies in a relationship or one partner becomes physically unattractive. The cheater uses this to make the innocent partner feel guilty. 

3. Lack of sexual satisfaction or boredom.

4. The thrill of sneaking around and tasting the forbidden fruit.

5. Couples who marry at an early age and have not had sexual experience with other people. 

6. Men blame their spouse for not pleasing them or that she has lost interest in being intimate. And vice versa for the women who cheat on their male partners. In other words, the cheater is saying that their partner is not enough. 

I can imagine the pain, mental anguish, and emotional frustration the innocent partner struggles through. The first time it happened to me I walked in on my cheating partner. The second time it was a rumor that got back to me. When I confronted my partner, he confessed. I trusted men who cheat, and justify it by using lame lines like, “I love my spouse ” or ” it was just sex it did not mean anything” and ” it was a mistake.” So, am I to understand that each time the cheating partners planned to meet with their outside piece it was a mistake?

I am going to leave this right here….

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen 

Live Life Each Day, Tomorrow is too Late

Dear Readers,

Ladies and Gentlemen. May I please have your attention. Only you can set the standards for how you allow others to treat you. When I say others this includes family, friends, intimate relationship’s, and don’t leave out Self. Know your worth.  There should not be a  price tag attacked to your self respect. why? Because your self worth is priceless. Stand firm and make the decision to close the door on disrespect, cheaters, people who play ghost in relationships, and family and friends who use you for their convenience. Today, as you are reading this make the choice to stop being a revolving door for people who cause you emotional damage by running in and out of your life. You should refuse to be a door mat for people to wipe their dirt on you while smiling in your face. Ask yourself these questions, how much are you willing to sacrifice to be true to who you are, instead of wasting time being who others want you to be? When are you going to draw the line and establish healthy boundaries, to live everyday for filling your purpose? How much longer are you willing to be a means to someone else’s end? Consider this, when the children are grown and gone, and your faced with an empty partnership that’s lost its true meaning, and when friendship betrayal have left you bitter because you trusted the wrong people, and you see no true meaning for your life because you where too busy being a people pleaser, now there is nothing left for you because  that vision you had for your life is distant memory. It is true we have one life to life, but we live life each day. So, let me leave you with this, the wait is over and the choice is yours. This message is supposed by Conversations with J. R. Floyd, to hear more  subscribe on you tube

Value In our Experiences

Dear Readers,

Many years ago I read Self Matters by Dr. Phil, In the Meantime and Value in the Valley, by Iyanla Vanzant, this was in the 90s, at that time I was under the silly notion that reading these books was going to make me a better person for the next relationship.

Here it is 24 years later, and I revisited these same books and the message is much clearer. Why? Today, I have better understanding that seeking to be a better me for the sake of a relationship was at the root of me thinking that I needed validation as a women, and this validation depended on whether I was successfull in a relationship.

What I did not understand then was how to value my experiences even when they were painful, and emotionally damaging. I did not receive the lesson that I was supposed to be better for me. So the more I worked at being better for the next relationship the less I knew about me.

I did not know that I was supposed to learn lessons about why I seeked out men who were only interested in the physical aspect of the relationship. I did not comprehend that the time in between relationships should be used for self reflection. I did not want to be alone and I thought the cure for my loneliness was a man. I was unaware that the period of transition from one relationship to the next is called the “meantime”… a time to heal, reflect, and wait. My in the meantime meant crying, depression, drinking, and trying to figure out ways to make him come back. It was always about the relationship because I did not know that self mattered until I read Dr. Phil’s book. What I gathered is this that a dyfuncational self leads to attracting dyfuncational and abusive men.

The value in my experience taught me what wasn’t working and why. I was putting too much attention nursing my pain and thinking this isn’t going to happen again, but it did happen more times than I care to count.

I blamed men. I convinced myself that they were mean, abusive, cold, heatless, lairs, cheaters, cheap and can not be trusted. After years of soul searching, healing and learning about myself, I understand my role in opening the door for the abuse. I believed the lies because I did not  want to face the truth. I knew the men I was involved with were cheaters and cheap. They weren’t heartless and cold these men did not want to be emotionally connected to me they way I desired. The men from my past knew that I had low self esteem, and that I hadn’t discovered my self worth. They saw me as an opportunity and a means to an end.

As difficult as this may be to hear there is Value in our Experiences. While we are going through the darkness we can’t see the lessons. It is when we step away from the drama, and push through to the light we can come to terms with the experiences that teach the lessons that brings awareness.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

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https://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/