The Lost Foundation of the Family

Dear Readers, Hope all is well with you. It’s March Women’s herstory month, a time to honor women past, present and future for their sacrifice, voices, and contributions that has made it possible for women to be heard, achieve and to be seen.  

Today’s topic is about Family. People say that family is blood, but  sometimes this is not always the case. Some people argue that the original make up of  the family is a man and woman who come together ❤ and produce children allowing generations to live on. It’s ok to have your opinion about who makes a family. I am concerned about the lost foundation of  the family because  Families that have been divided, broken and destroyed causing us to live in an imbalanced society.  

My siblings and myself  have had the good fortune to be raised at a time when two parent homes were the norm with the support of extended family members. And I  like to add that the ” village we were raised by ” children of my generation had to respect the adults in that village without question. People say that ” family is every ” or ” without family a person has nothing.” If these sayings are true then why are Families struggling to stay together? 

Over the years I’ve often wondered what  happened to the foundation of family? And why are there others who are creating their version of family? Why is one parent households increasing, grandparents raising grandparents children, and children raising children without the support of family. Fathers walking away from family, mother’s pushing husbands out the door; and baby mamas fighting for child support. Broken marriage due to husbands and wives having  one foot inside the home and the foot outside. Families have been destroyed by lies, secrets, grudges, and competition between the haves and have nots.

Mother’s want to be their children’s best friends trying to relive their youth, instead of  nurturing, guiding, protecting their children. Fathers are fascinated with  new rides and spend weekends glued to their wide screen television watching sports, allowing the burden of raising the children to fall on a frustrated mother. This is a recipe for failure and chaos in the home.

Children of this generation are allowed to roam the streets with no curfew. I shake my head and reflect back to how I was raised. People from my generation understood what time it was when the street light came on. Children of this generation talk back to their elders, and engage in physical fights with family members calling the cops because society has given them the power over their guardians.

Shall I go on? 

Family gatherings are not what they used to be because of the rivalry between family members, so somebody isn’t going to receive an invitation. Here is the best one: families who unite at funerals making big speeches vowing to do better and mend the division in the family. We all know that this is just a big show and people are either depressed by the death of a loved one or had one too many drinks at the repass.

I think by now you understand where I am going with this. My intention is to bring awareness about the lost foundation of the family as a social issue because when a family becomes broken it leaves a wound in a society that is already bearing the scars of a population of emotionally wounded people lost and feeling hopeless and disconnected.  

 There you have it, my thoughts on the lost foundation of the family.

Thankyou for stopping by dragthepen

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The Joys of Parenthood

Dear Readers,                                          my son and my two granddaughters

 

This is just a matter of opinion and not intended to advise parents how to raise their children. Have you noticed that modern thinking parents no longer believe that it takes “ A village to raise a child”.  I am a baby boomer raised in the South by two parents who were very much disciplinarians. My father was a soldier and he believed in “ spoil the child, but use the rod” when necessary. My mother used a different approach when disciplining her children, she took away privileges, withheld allowance, and removed you from participating in important family events like birthday parties and BBQ’s. Above all my parents communicated with me and my siblings in a loving manner and only displayed displeasure by the frown on their face or the tone of disappointment in their voice. I have recently taken to observing the manner that modern parents verbalize displeasure towards their children and it is shocking. I have heard parents threatening their children how they would cause them physical harm for misbehaving. No, I am not talking about a minor spanking on the bottom, I have heard parents threatening to slap, kick, and punch their children.  And they do so by using the utmost foul language to describe their disapproval because their child is “ acting out”. Children will be l children, and what I see is parents who are getting younger and younger, and lack the patience, compassion, and the understanding that their world as an adult changed the moment they chose to bring a life into the world, and parenthood is a 100 percent 24 hour, 7 days a week, 356 days a year responsibility. Most young people become parents without a solid foundation, in other words, they are not emotionally, mentally, or financially prepared. They stumble through parenthood not grasping that true parenting means sacrifices, being opened to learning, and the understanding that being a parent means that life revolves around the needs of their children

Most young parents still feel the need to “ have a life” . Here’s some new information: your children are your life. Once you made the adult choice to bring forth life you do not get to choose which days you feel like being a parent. Your first allegiance as a parent is for the safety and welfare of your children. If nobody has told these young modern parents, let me have the pleasure to be the first to inform them that being a parent is a true gift, and children are the best part of our society, they remind us what’s important and they show adults that we are never to old to nurture the child that will always be in our spirit. Children encourage us to laugh, be silly, playful, and they give the best and sincere hugs. I don’t profess to be the world’s greatest parent. My one and only son ( who I called my one true love) was born into a world to a young unlearned and naive mother, and a father who misled me to believe that I was the love of his life, and that we were going to be married and live happily ever after. Well, he abandoned us when my son was 10 months old. I failed as a young parent because I lacked adult guidance and a support system. My mother was disgusted with me for getting “ knocked up”, my father did the best he could, but he was aging and illness took over his life. Every other adult in my life was dealing with their own chaos. I had to work to support me and my son,  and I never truly understood how to bond with him. He paid the price for being born to young parents. Today, he is a proud father of three, and he often tells me that he will never leave his children, and I know this is because of the manner that he was raised, by a strict grandmother, and absentee parents. 

 

my son

I am grateful today that my son, my one true love, has taught me a sincere lesson of unconditional forgiveness,  and at the age of 39, he allows me to be the mother that I always wanted to be, but didn’t know how. It’s like I said, children can teach us lessons, my son taught me that it’s not what happened, but what we will do now. I hope that many people will read this and tuck their children in tonight and let them know that they are loved. 

 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Qualities of a true Parent

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Dear readers,

This might be unpleasant for some people.

Sperm donor, absentee father, dead beat dad, poor excuse for a mother, estranged parent, these are some of the labels given to parents who separate themselves from their children. There are mother and fathers who make difficult decisions to distance themselves from their children. I’m not referring to the mothers who use  thier children as weapons to gain financial support, while denying the fathers visitation.And the mothers  who teach their children to hate their fathers because he left them.

Angry fathers taking the mother of their children to court suing them for sole custody citing  that they are unfit to raise children. The fathers  who avoid paying child support by staying unemployed, or they drop out of sight moving to another state or country.

Its a shame that  children get caught in the middle of messy, ignorant, selfish affairs of adults. In the end most parents are pushed away from their children. A person can take but so much drama.

What Say You?

 

 

Untitled Stroy.

 

Dear readers,

I am pitching my next idea for a short story contest. Please take a few minutes and read my outline, I will appreciated your comments.

I do not have a title.

Desiree, is 15 when the story begins, the conflict happens when she is 42, which is near the end of the story. A single mother raises Desiree; she has three children by different men. Through a series of tribulations, Desiree tries to overcome following her mother’s example. At sixteen, Desiree gets pregnant by Wallace Evans, he has big plans for his life that do not include a baby’s mother who wants to be a kept women. Wallace leaves her, joins the Army, gets married and moves away, but he financially supports his son Peyton. In the meantime, Desiree continues to live in the project and has a series of hit and run relationships. She gives birth to two more children and in the process liberates herself from living on Public Assistance, by working a part-time job and child support.

Desiree is insecure and she fails in her mission to try to keep a man and establish the family structure she never had. She continues to make the wrong choices when selecting men because she confuses sex with being in love.  She struggles with being a good and providing for her children.  In comes Leslie Lambert, age 55, a wealthy Lawyer, she is white, a lesbian, has no children and never been married. She is attracted to Desiree; however, Desiree is only attracted to the life that Leslie can give her children, so she plays both sides of the fence, until Leslie asks her to make a choice.

Desiree is torn between giving her children the life they deserve, and giving up having a relationship a man.  The other obstacle in the way is her oldest son Peyton he is not comfortable with their living arrangements. The turning point comes when Peyton runs away to live with his father. Desiree stops fighting and finally come to terms with the fact that Leslie is offering her more than any man has…..

Story takes place in Brooklyn, New York location the Marlboro Housing Projects

Time: early 80’s

Main character: Desiree Hancock

Supporting Characters:

Olivia Hancock (Desiree’s mother)

Patrick Lopez (Desiree’s alleged father/ low-level gang banger)

Baron Jackson (Another one of Olivia’s baby’s daddy/ younger than her and unemployed)

Wallace Evans (Desiree’s 1^st baby’s daddy)

Sophia Evans (Desiree’s best friend and sister to Wallace)

Ms. Evans (mother of Sophia and Wallace)

What Say You?