Sisters who date outside their race

Dear Readers,

Sisters inspiring sisters

I knew as soon as I posted on my Facebook page about sisters who date outside their race that I was opening the doors for a wave of negative comments. Let me be clear that I am including all the sisters of the rainbow. I am speaking out because I am tired of sister’s being harassed by a society standing in judgment as to why sisters are “selling themselves out” by seeking men outside of their race.

First, should race be a deciding factor when a women is seeking love, devotion, monogamy, compassion, respect, and equality in a relationship? I say no, however, the naysayers are unwilling to own up to the truth about why sisters are seeking companionship with males who are not ” brothers.” Here is the bottom line strong sisters of substance are fighting against the mindset of the double standard. Sisters are toiling and making sacrifices while suffering under the negative feedback from an unforgiven society constantly bombarding them with messages of being ” barefoot and pregnant”. Another point I would like to clarify when I say women of substance, I am not referring to the media seeking, gold diggers seeking a sugar daddy or who stalk celebrities, professional athletes, and rappers by sexualizing themselves to gain wealth and social status. I am speaking in support of sisters who have a vision for their lives and grinded while staying grounded and live by good moral values to established a foundation for themselves.

Sisters are done with being beaten down with the images and messages of the stereotypical gender roles associated with being female.There are sisters who are Judges, Lawyers, Doctor, Politicians, CEOs, Scientists, Professional Athletes, Entertainers, Business owners, and high ranting Military Official, who are seeking partners of equal status within their own race, however, they are not finding the quality they desire in a mate among brothers. The voices of society encourage sisters to settle and lower their standards and expectations. NewFlash!!! Sisters are no longer willing to settle. So, why not step out and seek men from other cultural background?

People pretend that they don’t hear sisters telling their stories of being weary of the lack of love and respect from brothers. The other side of this story, is when a brothers voice his displeasure about sisters who ruin relationships because they won’t ” submit” he receives valadation. The main reasons why sisters are stepping outside of their race it’s due to the deplorable treatment by brothers. Let the truth be told sisters desire the joys of celebrating black love or love within their own culture. I will be the first to confess that their is nothing better when black love endures. It’s unfortunate that no one is paying attention to the shift that is happening women no longer desire to play the traditional roles and they are excelling in areas of life where women have been held back for years. At the end of the day, women desire that special partner to stand with them and celebrate their success. Sisters are exhausted by brothers who hold them back and drained them with their foolish behavior, lack of maturity, and responsible. Sisters no longer want baby daddies, or men who are undecided about marriage, and unsupportive of putting them out front to follow their vision, sisters are done with wasting time waiting for a brother to get some act right and get his life in order.

I often reflect on how much time, energy, money and emotions I wasted on brothers who treated me as something to do for that moment. But I hold no grudges, at the time I didn’t have a clear direction for my life, so I was just going along with the program. However, when the light bulb went off and I began to understand why I wasn’t successful and happy as I desire to be. I discovered it was the quality of the brothers I was entertaining. They did not see me as the college graduate, writer, speakers, media influencer, but I did. I changed the path of my life and that meant the quality of my intimate relationships had to match the progress of my life. However, when sister’s like me think in this manner we are told that it’s wrong because sisters are abandoning brothers and we are not being true to our race

I would just like to end with this. It was a black man who abandoned me when I was a teenage mother. It was a black man that emotionally and mentally abused me and my only escape was through domestic organizations. It wasn’t a black man who stood in support of me while I was working three part time jobs and earning a college education, they were too busy being self center. And I can go on and on but I think you get the point. I have been single by choice for four years, and I don’t desire to be alone and if a non brother shows interest I am all in.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Relationship Theory 101

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Dear Readers,

Most relationships happen by accident and some do not happen at all. Let me explain, I was having a conversation with a friend who happens to be a psychologist. We were talking about the relationships topics that I discuss on my You Tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. His view on relationships is that most partnerships are not successful because people lack the knowledge of how to create and sustain the foundation for a long lasting relationship. Most people do not understand that there are stages of a relationship and how to work through these stages. Therefore, for some people this is what usually happens, people meet and they dive right into feelings, chaos creeps in then BOOM! The relationship is over leaving people to wonder what happened or did not happen. Most of the time relationships end with one or both partners feeling bitter. I am sharing this theory in hopes that people will stand back and observe the stage their relationship is in and if it is not the desired stage, then take steps bring balance into the relationship.

 

Stage 1: Romance: this is the dating or courtship process of getting to know each other without physical intimacy.

• Most couples move to quick towards the physical aspect in the beginning staged of a relationship. People rarely take time to know whom they are sharing their bodies with. At this stage of courtship women often, feel pressured into a physical relationship before they are ready. Most women comply because they want to keep the man interested in them.

Stage 2: Power Struggle: this stage is when people recognize that they are different, and they begin to work on the dynamics of the relationship. This is the most difficult stage because the couple is trying to find balance and there is sometimes the issue of control. Meaning person wants to take the lead role while dominating the other.

• In stage 2, the couple engage in heated arguments due to one partner wanting control: ( an equal partnership isn’t about control its about balance and compromise)

 

Stage 3: Stability, hopeful the couple is committed to building a strong partnership and they move into STAGE 3, only after they have resolved the power struggle in stage 2. Stability of a relationship happens when the couple can function as individuals for their own personal growth, but acknowledge and recognize that they are in a partnership and do things for the betterment of the relationship.

Stage 4: Commitment: At this stage, there is deeper and clearer communication about the state of the relationship and the future a couple might engage in conversations that lead to the transition to co-habitat or marriage, children, buying a house etc.

Stage 5: Co – creation this stage is where the power struggle is truly over and the building of the partnership continues after a certain number of years invested in the partnership. Each person feel secure and they moves towards investing in retirement for the freedom and security of their future.

To me, this theory makes sense and has stirred me to think about why the majority of my relationships were not successful. If an individual is not first, ground in who they are and what they want out of life; then their partnership will reflect the same disorganized as their thinking.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this information. For more relationship topics, subscribe to my You Tube Channel, Conversation with J. R. Floyd or listen to my podcast on Sound Cloud.

Become The Person You want to Meet

Dear Readers, we live in a society where being in a relationship means to meet certain material requirements. People are compiling list based on their personal needs and if their future partner fail to meet their demands there is n o need to engage in a relationship. I support setting standards, but what I have observe with this generation is that how much you have is how much people will love you.

What say you?    

STAY With Me

Dear Reader,

Commitment, promise, obligation, assurance or pledge, these are a few words that people use when they desire their partner to COMMIT to being involved in an exclusive relationship. To counteract this request men and women will come up with the most creative excuse as to why they do not want to seal the deal so to speak. In these modern times, developing a long-lasting partnership is becoming increasingly difficult to establish. The rules of partnership have changed because people want to test drive a relationship or want a trial period. Here are some facts people have been burnt, hurt, scorned, used, broken, and in some cases emotionally damaged beyond repair. Deep down inside we all desire to have a good, stable partnership, in my own personal opinion and experience relationships do not have to be as dramatic as some people make them. It is disparaging that we live in a society that seldom supports healthy relationships why? We are not creating an environment of support rather we turn our heads and pretend not to notice that couples, especially young couples are struggling with the basic knowledge of how to nurture each other and cultivate a solid foundation for their relationship. We live in a society where the means to fix a broken relationship is for each person to engage in relationships outside of their partnership, getting their needs meet because they claim that they are not receiving what they need from home. We have advanced into using any means necessary to avoid going home. Men calming they are working late and women take on projects that will keep them away from home. Better yet, one partner works in the daytime while the other works at night calming that this is the best solution for the children. There are hundreds if not thousands of books and article written by professional who claim to have a remedy to restore these damaged relationships. Maybe some of their suggestion and research-based solution might work for some, in the meantime, all of this dysfunction, drama and avoidance in relationships is all due to one simple word COMMIT.

What Say You?

A Delicate Matter

Dear readers,

Unfaithful, cheater, and infidelity these are some of the labels used to describe people who engage in a sexual alliance with someone other than their mate.  This naughty behavior contributes to the breakdown of trust and shows lack of consideration for the innocent partner.

The adulterers will ask for forgiveness wanting their mate to believe that he/she made a mistake. Pleading momentary insanity, and claiming that “They were experiencing problems in their relationship when they willingly entered into a sexual agreement with another person, and that the sex didn’t mean anything.”

So, not only has the adulterers broken his/her vow of commitment of being monogamist; they fake a performance, trying their best to express content towards the not so innocent participate, who is now “meaningless” because they got CAUGHT. Many women and men in this situation often forgive their partner (the adulterers ) and continue the relationship.

Forgiving adultery is not the dilemma, think about this, forgiving a person who willingly took the time to plan and execute having what they refer to as “meaningless sex” that probably involved lying to their partners, and the adulterers may or may not have used protection, while engaging in the forbidden fruit.

This is what I say. What say You?

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Its just a piece of Paper

Dear readers,

In today’s society marriage has lost its importance. The numbers don’t lie fewer couples are not saying I Do. Nowadays, the trend is cohabitation, to live in sin, according to the thinking of the older generation. For some couples, marriage isn’t the romantic happy ever after event portrayed in Hollywood or in fairy tales.  Most brides prepare for the magic of the wedding day, leaving the groom to play a supporting role; and when the euphoria of the honey moon is over, the newlyweds have no idea what to do.

For men some marriage means being in a trap that is costly to get out of. They fear that the Ms. will turn into a nag, and the honey to do list will be never-ending. On the other hand, some women are afraid to give up their career and financial independence.  Co-habitation means commitment, but not really a serious obligation like, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, … Couples who live in sin, can  dissolve a relationship because there is no piece of paper( the marriage licence) or divorce papers to sign. They just simply pack up and move on. Next.

What Say You?

Amazon.com

It?

Dear readers,

Beyoncé say, ” If you liked it , then you should have put a ring on it.” This song has become an anthem for many single women. I’m confused, what does the word  IT mean? Is Beyoncé referring to the ring finger? For many women  interrupt the word IT as, excuse my language, their vagina. If this isn’t the case then what does the word IT in the song mean?

I’m a women and I don’t want to be referred to as liking IT, or my female private parts. Yet, so, many women use the ” put a ring on it” line when trying to get a man to marry them. Well, IT took Jay Z years before he put a ring on IT. In the meantime, what was he thinking if he really liked IT.

Too all the single ladies, I say, a promise  or engagement ring  is a symbol of expressed love, no matter how small or big. Women should never compare their worth to a ring. Question, is the person putting a ring  on IT, are they loving, supportive, respectful, compassionate, and treats you like an equal partner?

Think on these things before running around singing, ” put a ring on it.”

What Say You?