Women should not be passive but be an active participant when seeking a partner. I am not a relationship expert, psychologist nor do I have answers to fixing relationship problems. dragthepen is an open platform to discuss issues that impact our relationships. With that said, ladies when choosing a partner and noticed I didn’t say husband. Here are a few tips to keep in mind. First, you don’t have to settle. Settling is for women who have given up on who she deserves and takes the cluncker behind door number two and live a life of regret.
Deep in a women heart she desires:
A partner who understands the value of working together for a successful partnership.
A partner who sees her as she is and not who he wants her to be (this is what happens when you settle).
A partner who believes in her goals and vision and is willing to be supportive, proud and patient.
A partner who doesn’t burden her with his emotional baggage and want her to be a therapist.
A partner who doesn’t treat her like his personal maid, cook, and a sexual object.
A partner who understands a womans need for alone time.
A partner who doesn’t asked to go 50/50 on the bills ( ladies that’s called a roommate and a free lay).
Women desire to have a partners they can confident in and not have past experiences or mistakes thrown in her face. Women are tired of litte boys and want men who are emotional mature, stable and is open and ready for a monogamous relationship. Women want a partner who is willing to tell the truth even if it’s going to hurt. A man who knows how to hold her hand when the tears are flowing and embrace her when the world comes crashing down.
Ladies seek a partner who understands that compassion, truth, loyalty, communication, cooperation, support, understanding, patience, and team work will win your heart.
Ladies leave those players, pretender, representatives and visitors alone.
I knew as soon as I posted on my Facebook page about sisters who date outside their race that I was opening the doors for a wave of negative comments. Let me be clear that I am including all the sisters of the rainbow. I am speaking out because I am tired of sister’s being harassed by a society standing in judgment as to why sisters are “selling themselves out” by seeking men outside of their race.
First, should race be a deciding factor when a women is seeking love, devotion, monogamy, compassion, respect, and equality in a relationship? I say no, however, the naysayers are unwilling to own up to the truth about why sisters are seeking companionship with males who are not ” brothers.” Here is the bottom line strong sisters of substance are fighting against the mindset of the double standard. Sisters are toiling and making sacrifices while suffering under the negative feedback from an unforgiven society constantly bombarding them with messages of being ” barefoot and pregnant”. Another point I would like to clarify when I say women of substance, I am not referring to the media seeking, gold diggers seeking a sugar daddy or who stalk celebrities, professional athletes, and rappers by sexualizing themselves to gain wealth and social status. I am speaking in support of sisters who have a vision for their lives and grinded while staying grounded and live by good moral values to established a foundation for themselves.
Sisters are done with being beaten down with the images and messages of the stereotypical gender roles associated with being female.There are sisters who are Judges, Lawyers, Doctor, Politicians, CEOs, Scientists, Professional Athletes, Entertainers, Business owners, and high ranting Military Official, who are seeking partners of equal status within their own race, however, they are not finding the quality they desire in a mate among brothers. The voices of society encourage sisters to settle and lower their standards and expectations. NewFlash!!! Sisters are no longer willing to settle. So, why not step out and seek men from other cultural background?
People pretend that they don’t hear sisters telling their stories of being weary of the lack of love and respect from brothers. The other side of this story, is when a brothers voice his displeasure about sisters who ruin relationships because they won’t ” submit” he receives valadation. The main reasons why sisters are stepping outside of their race it’s due to the deplorable treatment by brothers. Let the truth be told sisters desire the joys of celebrating black love or love within their own culture. I will be the first to confess that their is nothing better when black love endures. It’s unfortunate that no one is paying attention to the shift that is happening women no longer desire to play the traditional roles and they are excelling in areas of life where women have been held back for years. At the end of the day, women desire that special partner to stand with them and celebrate their success. Sisters are exhausted by brothers who hold them back and drained them with their foolish behavior, lack of maturity, and responsible. Sisters no longer want baby daddies, or men who are undecided about marriage, and unsupportive of putting them out front to follow their vision, sisters are done with wasting time waiting for a brother to get some act right and get his life in order.
I often reflect on how much time, energy, money and emotions I wasted on brothers who treated me as something to do for that moment. But I hold no grudges, at the time I didn’t have a clear direction for my life, so I was just going along with the program. However, when the light bulb went off and I began to understand why I wasn’t successful and happy as I desire to be. I discovered it was the quality of the brothers I was entertaining. They did not see me as the college graduate, writer, speakers, media influencer, but I did. I changed the path of my life and that meant the quality of my intimate relationships had to match the progress of my life. However, when sister’s like me think in this manner we are told that it’s wrong because sisters are abandoning brothers and we are not being true to our race
I would just like to end with this. It was a black man who abandoned me when I was a teenage mother. It was a black man that emotionally and mentally abused me and my only escape was through domestic organizations. It wasn’t a black man who stood in support of me while I was working three part time jobs and earning a college education, they were too busy being self center. And I can go on and on but I think you get the point. I have been single by choice for four years, and I don’t desire to be alone and if a non brother shows interest I am all in.
By the way… Continuing on the subject of the shady treatment towards women. Let me further explain when women say, ” they don’t need a man or they prefer not to be in a relationship”. Women are not confused, insane, a lesbian, or to trying to be a man, these are some of the judgments society use against women who choose to opt out of engaging in relationships that do not honor them.
Usually, women who desire to be alone or find strength in a sisterhood are women who have experienced molestation at the hands of male family members, or experienced abusive relationships, and their wounds are deep and difficult to heal. There are women who have been cheated on and stranded in financial situations with children that caused them to find unpleasant means to survive. Women are at the end of their rope they are emotionally and mentally broken, and spiritual bankrupted by men who have ran so much game on them that they lost faith in any relationship being real.
Hello men of this world, let the truth be told. Women seek truth, warmth, emotional closeness, support, communication, monogamy, protection, and real guidance ( not a dictatorship). Women desire to be in partnerships that support their emotional and intellectual, and personal growth.
Women are fed up with being sexual objects, baby mothers, common law wives or live in partnerships without the benefits of being honored as a wife. Women are discovering the joy and fulfillment in being single, acquiring an education, earning higher incomes, traveling, and discovering hidden talents that they turn into businesses. Women desire to have their voices heard and their concerns taken seriously.
Women are moving forward without men, and each time we are pushed back the harder we come back.
The wait is over the choice is yours. Thank you for stopping by Drathepen.
As I proceed through each day I have become observant of people’s behavior; and conclude that we are communicating less and less.Below is a list of words that is becoming extinct.
I love the people who forgive me and I appreciate their respect, encouragement, and support. I hold myself responsible, and accountable for my actions and dedicate myself to sharing my concerns with the people who give me a sense of belonging. When I fail in my duty to show compassion towards my fellow-man; the least I can do is to be truthful in my willingness to be open and express honesty for and lack of consideration.
I hope that peace, joy and balance can be restored to a world that lacks UNITY.
A strange occurrence took place a few days ago and it left me shock, bewildered, which lead me to deeply ponder about this advanced age of technology and how disconnected we are. It all started when I left my cell phone at my evening gig. I picked up an extra shift on Monday, October 14, Columbus day. In my haste to catch my train on time I left my cell phone and I refused to go back to retrieve it. I know that some people would rather be flogged than go without their cell phone, but I am not most people. This occurred on Monday and I didn’t retrieve my phone until Wednesday. I do not have a back up phone and I was prefectly fine without it. I did not panic about missing calls, texts, Snapchat etc. I was confident that if my family couldn’t reach me they would simply called my business number. What did I do without my cell phone, what I always do nothing. I am not one of those people who are joined at the hip with my cell phone. When I told people I went without my cell phone for 24 plus hours they looked at me in horror. One person declared that their life is inside of their phone and couldn’t image being without it. I said, my life is in my lungs and heart beat not in a mechanical device. I simply didn’t see the big deal. When I finally had the time to pick up my cell phone I was dreading all the calls, texts, voice mails etc.. that I would read and respond to. After charging my dead phone I was ready for all hell to break loose. I waited in vain. I had the sum of 1 text message and 1 voice mail. A part of me was relieved and the other part of me was confused. I thought what if I went another day without the means to communicate by cell phone would some become concern? Having so little calls and text messages what does this mean about the people who are in my contact list?
I though girl, stop being dramatic. No, I am not being a drama queen. What if I was injured, lost, kidnapped or worst deceased who would know? I had a sense of profound loneliness the feeling of being disconnected and unimportant. Today is Thursday, and my phone is still quiet. Does this mean that I reach out to people more than they do? I tried to convince myself, self your over reacting or am I? The bottom line is its not about not having my cell phone because there are other means people can contact me. Do I means so little to the people in my circle? I make it a habit to check on family and friends at least one a week, by voice mail, text, or email. Its been a week since I sent my youngest sister a Thinking of you card, but she didn’t call to say if she received the card. I know in general people are busy, but do we use the excuse of being busy to the point its has lost its merit? Should I wait until some one calls, text, email or Snapchat? When they do should I bore them with the saga of me beginning disconnect from what people refer to as a ” life line”? Or should I put the ordeal and my emotions aside and just say, “hello glad to hear from you, how’s life”.
Take a good look around at the level of dysfunctional and broken young men and women of this generations and how they are becoming the next generation of adults that will be unable to establish good relationships. Why? Because we are not helping to build a solid foundation for them.
Dear reader, I thank you for indulging me by watching my videos and posting comments. I have created a You Tube channel. I like to refer to this channel as my talk show. I created the talk show Conversations with J. R. Floyd to discuss relationship topics. No, I am not an expert on relationships. No, I am not trying to advise people how to save their broken relationships. My mission is to get people thinking and talking to each other. Have you noticed that people who are in unhappy or dysfunctional relationships talk to every one who will listen about their relationships problems, but they do not talk to their partner. I hope that my videos will help people to begin to engage in conversations with each other and start to heal.
For some people expressing their feelings verbally is a difficult task. Question. What do you do in a relationship where the lack of communication might be the key to reviving a dying relationship. 💕
As I proceed through each day I have become observant of people’s behavior; and conclude that we are communicating less and less.Below is a list of words that is becoming extinct.
I love the people who forgive me and I appreciate their respect, encouragement, and support. I hold myself responsible, and accountable for my actions and dedicate myself to sharing my concerns with the people who give me a sense of belonging. When I fail in my duty to show compassion towards my fellow-man; the least I can do is to be truthful in my willingness to be open and express honesty for and lack of consideration.
I hope that peace, joy and balance can be restored to a world that lacks UNITY.
dragthepen 