More About Me

Dear Readers, 

My journey as a blogger, author, and creator of my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd, is a personal pilgrimage of healing from a life of chaos and emotional brokenness through deep reflection and self-discovery; leading me to find a new path and live a better life. The events of my past and the trauma connected to those experiences had a profound affect on how I lived my life and the choices I made. I transitioned from an abused and neglected childhood, to a confusing and dark adolescent into adulthood where I made enormous mistakes that are too numerous to recall. 

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom at the age of 30 that I acquired professional help. I was raised in a religious home and my parents taught their children that all they need to solve their problems is the Bible and prayer. I lived a sheltered life, and looking back at the adults during my childhood they taught me nothing. One of many lessons I learned from therapy is that my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles lack of knowledge is due to generations of them being in survival mode. I was angry for years at my parents because they didn’t protect me from falling into the cruel ditches of this world; instead my father was busy being a disciplinary and ruling his family with an iron fist, so I learned to fear my father and withdraw. My mother was a hopeless domestic diva who showed no emotions except anger. 

After my experience with therapy I concluded that many of my problems I encountered derived from my childhood, and the adults having influences grooming my young mind filling it with mixed messages and myths that I discovered as an adult were wrong, misleading and harmful.  

My childhood home was constantly in chaos, alcohol and drug, domestic violence, screaming, male domination, and subservient women. When children are not reared in homes that are loving, balanced, financially and emotionally ready, support from extended family members, and nurturing and safe; the results can be devastating, trust me I know from experience. 

1. Children from dysfunctional or broken families and hindered from seeking out their own identity separate from the family, they are marked the” Black Sheep’ and treated as such. 
2. When parents make decisions for their children based on the theory that they are too young or emotionally immature to make decisions for themselves; the result is children who grow into adults who make poor choices.
3. Children who are not taught how to cope with loss, death, separation, relocation of living situations, adults need to bear in mind that children have emotions that they don’t understand, and when they aren’t given the support, love and encouragement they need to cope with loss, the result is an adult who can’t cope with life.
4. When children transition into adolescence this is a confusing period of their life, they need help, patience and guidance, because this is when most of the troubles begin because adults don’t pay attention to their needs, and label teenagers as difficult.  

My intentions is for my readers to understand the reason behind some of my postings that might seem personal or disturbing. I hope that I can help others who are or have  struggled with past childhood trauma to understand that the pain doesn’t have to last forever and that there is a rainbow at the end of rain.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

Let Love & Unity flow Forever

 

 

 

Dear Readers, 

 

Please forgive me. I do not  mean to rain on an already soggy parade, but I’ve been thinking about the last 20 or so days that we have been quarantined. I’ve been keeping track of all the acts of kindness that people are performing. I am not questioning the motive behind the good deeds, but why it takes a tragedy or a pandemic to bring people and resources together. Another pattern that I noticed overtime is after the tragedy fades and this pandemic will come to an end no matter how long it takes, people tend to fall back into living life as they had previously. I contemplate writing about this horrible virus that’s sweeping across this world faster than the speed of light. The Coronavirus has put the world at a stand still and has caused us to live  day to day in uncertainty. People are still trying to shake the disbelief that this is happening and fear that the world may never return to what we once knew or will it? Our “ Normal” has been changed and now we get to see what we are really made of and reflect on what’s important now. 

 

I see people crossing the race line and the consensus is that this virus doesn’t fight fair so we are all in danger of being exposed regardless of color, economic status, or address.  We are all trying to stay one step ahead of this time bomb. I see states and cities pulling together to feed the hungry, and even though we can’t give hugs people are finding ways to extend a helping hand to ease the fear that is evident in the eyes of people who are wondering what’s next? I have a friend who started a Go Fund Me page to raise many for an immigrant neighborhood. Andre Lloyd Weber is making available two of his Broadway shows online for free. Actors are reading bedtime stories to children, dancers and singers are posting performances on Social media. I saw a three man band in the middle of the street in Idaho performing. The residence came out and danced on their porches and front lawns and for a moment there was pure joy during a time of death, devastation and uncertainty. In Spain a trainer takes to the rooftop to encourage people to exercise and, in Italy people took to singing to show solidarity. A few days ago in New York City some of the fire houses took to the streets and lined up in front of hospitals to sound their horns in thanks and celebration for the healthcare who are at the front line of this battle to beat this demon that is threatening to claim more lives.

 

This crisis has caused people to do what they have been wanting to do, spend time at home with family, and slow down. But when I see the negative comments on social media about being home with family, I wonder if people really mean what they are saying? Families are now forced to talk, create, recreate, learn how to make peace, make time to teach children new values, to bond, share, and maybe for some couples time to rediscover intimacy. We are living without the mega malls, sitting in traffic, date night, and neglecting family to work extra hours. People are not grinding, rushing and stuffing themselves with fast food due to overbooked schedules. This is the first time since 911, that the entire world has felt collectively the same fear, panic, confusion, anger, outrage, shock, and disbelief. We live in the same world striving for the same goals “ the pursuit of happiness”. This crisis has shown us that all life matters and by pulling together we are capable of conquering the meanest beast. My hope is that after the period of mourning is over because the loss of lives is great, and people will have a long journey to overcome the emotional, mental and financial challenges. Let’s  not go back to normal. My desire is that we keep the LOVE and UNITY flowing forever. 

 

 

A new number doesn’t mean change

Dear Readers,

So, the count down to the New Year ( 2020) has begun and many people are feeling the anxiety of an approaching new year. You are not alone in your HOPES that maybe a ” New Year” will being more joy, happiness, adventure, and less drama. There is absolutely noting wrong with HOPING, but if our not putting the effort, time, energy, work, and developing a plan of how your going to make the change you desire. Are you aware of why you haven’t had a better quality of life?

Before the ending of 2019, have you sat down in deep contemplation about the obstacles, mental and emotional baggage that you continue to carry into each ” New Year”, yet you keep HOPING. A new number or a new year isn’t going to change any of the situations in your life unless you change. Don’t expect the people or situation around you to change if your not willing to get clear and understand that you can’t continue behaving in the same manner expecting new results.

If you continue to walk the same path than this means you have become stagnate and complacency has set in. So, just using lip services of wishing for change isn’t going to bring about the beauty of a new life. If your living in FEAR of the unknown then letting go of the old in exchange for the new isn’t for you.

Here is a question to ask yourself, How bad do you want or need change? Look around do you like what you see?

How many times are you going to confuse secretly to yourself, ” I am so tried of this?”  Whatever your ” This ” is  making unless New Years Resolutions will help to bring change if you don’t take control of your life. The conversation needs to take place with yourself. I had a dear friend and co worker, who recently celebrated her 56th birthday by taking a cruise, she passed away on that cruise, and the lost was shocking to all of us who knew her.  The point is she made everyday that she lived count. She’s been taking two cruises a year since 2008, This was her way of seeing the words and experiencing the joy, excitement and adventure of  life.

This is your life, your the writer of the script and you can change, edit, revise as much as you want to until you have what you can called ” Your Best Life”. nothing is perfect and it never will be, but haven’t you waited long enough?

The wait is over the choice is yours.

HAPPY 2020 from DRAGTHEPEN

Resurrection

Dear Readers,

Today is the first day that I have sat down and put pen to paper. My absence was not due to a dry spell, writers block or lack of ideas. It was TIME. The last few months (February –May), I was grinding, splitting my time between 2 part-time jobs while completing my Masters. During this time I suffered from what I thought was a bad cold that developed into pneumonia. However, as the saying goes “I trooped it out.” I pushed through until the date of completions. It has taken me five years to return to graduate school. Each time I attempted to register for my final class, something or someone got in the way.

During this time of waiting to cross the finish line to graduation, I lost to death, two uncles, my grandmother, she lived a long life and went out with a smile on her face. Two nephews (victims of violence) my step-father a great man, a sister who helped me develop my love for reading, my twenty year old niece who suffered from cerebral palsy thanks to her dedicated mother, this little princess lived a good life. I was almost homeless due to the loss of my apartment, including some of my possessions. I had to change roommate twice and nearly lost my sanity. Through all of this, I smiled looked up to heaven and with thick tears in my eyes asked. WHY?

Well here, I am the May 3^rd deadline to submit my final project and application for graduation on June 14 has come and gone. No, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am in limbo. Why because those who are place in the position of power deemed me unworthy of receiving a grade of INC. I needed an extra two weeks to submit the total number of hours needed to complete my field study. I pleaded my case but it fall on death ears. I was told that if my total grade tallies up to an F, yes an F. I would have to repeat the course. This means pay another $2000.00, plus the $300 for graduation and re do all the assignments AGAIN.

After receiving this message via email from the director of the Education department, I laid in bed in a fetal position for two days. I felt sorry for my finance, tried as he did, I could not pull myself out of bed. I do not know how, but I managed to resurface and got back into life. I have not checked my email to see my final grade. I need time. In the meantime, Good news, I am getting MARRIED. Well, not soon, but I am getting married to a wonderful man who supported me thorough all of this madness. I have a new home to remodel, and an appointment with the New York Missionary Baptist Advisory Council for my Ordination exam. Moreover, most importantly I need to get back to WRITING. When I check my email and if the news does not lead me to graduation, I will take the fall term off and enjoy living then start again in the SPRING.   In the meantime………

This was the best 549 words I have written in a long, long time. I am back.

What Say You?

 

Let’s be Friends

Dear readers,

Think about this. That very person or persons that you”v been through thick and thin, birthdays, weddings, babies, death, laughter, borrowed the car, slept in their house, deep connection with family. But, there will be one occasion that the so-called FRIEND will show you that you were just a means to an end. This is a painful lesson.

WHAT SAY YOU?

Splitting the Difference

Dear readers,

When a marriage ends in divorce, its sad, devastating and disruptive. Deciding who gets custody of the kids, pets and dividing finances equally, for some couples is difficult to negotiate. In the middle of this unsettling event , is friends and in-laws trying to determine how to split their loyalty between two people who they have formed an emotional bond to.

Regardless of the reasons a couple conclude that  their marriage has to end; they don’t factor in the emotional affect and mental anguish a divorce causes to the relationships outside the marriage. Choosing who takes the china, mini van, and the bed might be easy. However, there is no uncomplicated way to select who gets to keep which friends or how to carry on a relationship with the ex-in-laws.

My parents were married 32 years before my farther died. Twenty-two years later, my mother, is still in contact with his family. She has attended weddings, baby showers, graduations, and funerals. Many of my mother and fathers family and friend have moved back to South Carolina or North Carolina, but they have managed to say in connected with one another.

I know that death of a spouse is not the same of a divorce. The point I’m trying to make is,if death doesn’t affect the relationships with the extended family and friends  then why should a divorce be any different? I’m just say.

What Say You?

Ancient Poem

Fighting south of the ramparts

Death north of the wall

In the wilderness, bodies left as food for the birds

I beg the crows: ” Show some respect

For these men left unburied

Spare their rotting flesh”

~Yue-Fu: Nineteen Ancient Poem, Han Dynasty~