The Day Will Come

 

Hello, hello, hello, dear readers happy reflection day.

On March 10, myself and thousands of Cuny and Suny employees were told not to report to work. We were put on alert that the entire teaching system will be converted to remote learning. We were given three days to  make the adjustment. During this transition period it was discovered that a large number of students did not have a home computer or the internet.Then bars, restaurants, hair and nail salons closed. Coffee shops, cafes, and any place that people gathered that created a crowd closed. Then we were ordered to shelter at home. I am an introvert, so being confined has not created a mental hardship for me. Because of this crisis people are realizing that we are not conditioned to be isolated, and this situation has created a devastating emotional effect on people. 

To date it’s been 6 or 7 weeks since we’ve been sheltered in place. In an effort to encourage people I’ve appeared each Monday live to discuss several topics that I hoped would give people hope and courage to work through this crisis.  

Week 1: I encourage people to come together in unity,  unity means strength.

Week 2: Reflect on W. I. N..what’s important now

Week 3: How to create and experience peace during a crisis

Week 4: Self- care the importance of taking care of self and family during a crisis

Week 5: How to use this time to create or recreate a new life plan

Week 6: Getting prepared for change. Wanting to go back to normal. Time to move forward

On Monday May 4. I will make my last live appearance on Facebook. On that day I will acknowledge the struggles people are facing the anxiety, uncertainty, and the battles people are facing in their homes, due to the mental and emotional damage this crisis had caused. People are concerned about their future and no one can give them solid answers.  I tried to warn people about the harm they are causing themselves by constantly talking about corona-virus and watching the news. I personally keep a distance from any news or people who are obsessed with having conversations about going back to normal. 

Today, I am here to pray with you, and for you. Yes, prayer. I am not asking people to believe in God. I am simply going to pray. On May 15, it will make 60 days ( 3 months ) since we have been asked to shelter in place. The plan in New York City is to open some business and wait two weeks to observe if the number of corona-virus cases increases or stays the same. Depending on the results the government will proceed to open more business in two week increments. There are a large number of people who are in a rush to get back to normal. I wonder if people are living in denial.

The world has changed and it will continue to change. Many of our favorite places may not reopen. Schools will remain closed until September 2020. No summer youth programs that create jobs for many young people who need them. Some people may not be able to return to their former places of employment. Summer might be cancelled. Meaning, no public concerts, closed beaches, and limitation on the use of public parks. On a personal note, I will continue to shelter in place teaching at home, my 45 minutes daily walks. I shop for food once a week, and work two days a week in a group home as a resident counselor. I have learned to be patient through this process finding ways to be creative. Unlike others I am in no hurry to race back out into society. No, I am not going to live in fear, just going to proceed with caution. My suggestion to others If you need to go out proceed with caution. We still don’t know  the who, what, when or where? There are so many conspiracy theories, and other peoples opinions on what they think is right.  I understand that the economy needs to be rebooted. The ease of social distancing doesn’t mean that all is well.

We may never know when all will be well. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

 

Join me on Facebook ( Rahshemah Floyd/J. R. Floyd) https://www.facebook.com/rahshemahf

 

The downside of being a Man

Dear Readers,

Recently, I blogged about how women, partially black women who are Fed Up with lackadaisical black men.Today’s post is decicated to men who feel that they don’t have parts of them that are broken; and their need to live in denial instead of addressing what is truly nagging at them. Its easy for men to lay blame and point the finger at women for the complications they suffer. Men rely on the theory of Orginal Sin. Remember Eve, Adams wife in the garden of paradise, as the story goes she lead her man astray by convincing him to take a bite from the forbidden fruit. Nice try, but no one is buying into this lame excuse to use women as scapegoats. The truth is men have experienced tragic lost, childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, and some witnessed the abuse of their mothers, were molested, and beaten by their father’s who told them they had to be a man.
Men are under pressure to be leaders, masculine, brave, and to disconnect from their emotional needs so that they wouldn’t appear to be weak. Men have been taught to be predators, aggressive, bread winners, players, and heroes. At a young age, little boys are taught to be tuff, first lesson don’t cry, second lesson be aggressive, third lesson learn how to fight, thus this is how little boys mature into angry adults. Men are told what to feel, and how to think like a man in some cases young boys are put in charge of being the man of the house a role he knows nothing about.
Men are taught that they have to take what they want, and to keep his women in check, that he is the head of the family and his authority should not be challenged. Some men are forced into marriages due to cultural beliefs; others because of knocking someone daughter up. And there are the momma’s boy’s, their mother’s treat them like surrogate husbands, keeping them at home and discourage any women she feels isn’t good enough for her son.
Men are getting married and they are on the DL. Men are allowed to have a wife and a side chick running between two homes, trying to be a man in one, and a player in the other. Bottom line men will never admit that they are oppressed by society’s standards on what it means to be a man. For centuries men have suppressed their anger, and deny that they are emotionally broken leading them to develop dysfunctional behaviors. Its because of these reasons and more that some men find it difficult to successfully engage in a one -on- one intimate relationship. And to conceal what is broken about them they shift the burden on women citing that we are difficult, too emotional, nags, too independent, angry, and selfish.
I would like to say to men I am a mother of a wonderful son who have developed into an amazing father, and dedicated husband. He wears many hats, a Solider, football coach, church musician, and he is an excellent cook. Over the years my son has opened up to me about experiences that have caused him pain, and I am happy about the positive path he has choose  to help heal his brokenness.
The world is not the enemy its just the ridiculous standards that society has heaped upon each gender placing them at a disadvantage. We are not allowed to be our true selves, instead we are told who we need to be.

What say you?

My Amazing son who taught me how to be a better mother and about power of unconditional forgiveness.

myboy

Faking the Funk

Dear readers,

“Letting Go”

What does it mean to let go?  When people get a divorce, they are told, let it go and move on. So, what they’re saying is let go of the reason for falling in love, having children, and making memorizes? When people lose the career that they spend a life time to achieve, they are told to let go and move on. The question is move on to what? To a job market that is uncertain, and God forbid if your over forty, then you face age and maybe gender discrimination, or starting from the bottom again. Does letting go means pretending that the situation, problem, or the event didn’t happen? Does letting go and moving on mean a clean slate and starting over again? How many times have you heard, suck it up, take your licks like a man, don’t cry over split milk, pick yourself off the ground, let it go and move on. I say, feel the pain of the lose, go through the stages of shock, grief, denial, and acceptance before letting go and moving on. In some circumstances people are too eager to move on that they don’t take time to find closure or make peace with what they couldn’t change. Unfortunately, it occasionally takes a brick wall so to speak for people to realize that they have been carrying around emotional baggage, resentment and bitterness all because they were eager to “Let Go and Move On”

What say you?

Reality Check

Dear readers,

Lately, I’ve called attention to people’s mannerism or lack thereof, and the words that we use or have taken out of our vocabulary. My parents raised me and my siblings to see the good in people, to share, be kind, and if we didn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  I know that their instructions were given with love and for intention, to see their children mature into caring adults. However, they were raised during an era when people had different values, and family and community was a very important part of everyday life.

Fast-forward………. Today most people don’t think in terms of what’s good for their community or family. It is difficult for me to come to terms with the truth that are “Self-thinking.” And that Self-centered people don’t have any sentiments about the impact that their negative, selfish, and arrogance have on others. Recently, my blinders were unkindly ripped from my eye, to my astonishment I’ve been living in denial. Let the truth be told, people have become cold and malicious, I regret that there is no “Nice” way to say this. I’ve spent too much time making excuses for people who aren’t “good.” I’ve gave freely of my time to people who didn’t deserve it.  My time would have been better spent volunteering at an animal shelter. First, for my love of cats and dogs, second, they are deserving of the love and the time I give to them.

Now, the last part of my parent advice, “say something nice” I’m happy that I no longer exist in denial, and that the blinders are off, it never too late to learn. I intend to be on my guard, I will ask questions, no longer will I give freely of my time, and finally, everyone who smiles or calls me friend don’t necessarily have good intentions.

What say you.