The way things used to be

Ladies, may I gentlely suggest that you cease being angry because you were delivered from relationships or a situation that did not honor you, but only brought you pain and brokeness. Despite the negative messages from society being single whether by force or choice should be viewed as a gift and not a death sentence.

Think about this. When you were in that relationship or situationship with the person you thought you couldn’t live without, did you feel safe, respected, loved and protected? Were your needs besides the physical ones attended to or did you feel abandoned? Were your dreams, vision and goals nurtured, supposed and encouraged? How many times promise were broken, lies were told, and you struggled with conflicts of suspected infidelity because you had to worry about them, they, he, she, or her being a part of what you thought was an exclusive situations. And you wonder why you have trust issues.

Did you wait your turn in line because you weren’t a priority? Count the times you gave or lent money because bae, boo, your ride or die knew you wouldn’t say no. You broke up, he, she, they, or them begged their way back into your life. Why, because when your alone you allow feelings of desperation, loneliness, lust, and the voice of others advising you to move on, and you do, you fall right back into the same destructive patterns in the next situationship.

Why am I saying all of this? Because this use to be me. No, my truth doesn’t reflect the experiences of others, but I know that their is more than a few women reading this that have walked in these shoes. I am not a relationship guru, I am a women who have walked on the dark side of more than one dysfunctional situationship. In 2015, I wrote my first book The Waiting Game, where I reveal my personal experiences about how men and women who are emotional broken and how we mistreat each other in relationships.

It’s taken me years to heal from the damage caused by an horrible childhood, and the trauma due to abusive relationships. It wasn’t until I made the choice to put me first, and stood firm on who I would and would not allow in my life as friends and intimate partners. I am truly happy for my journey. I understand the gift of being single and using this time to heal, reflect, renew, and discover who I am, and my path. I am maturing spiritually and developing a stronger emotional foundation. It’s been 4 years and I am learning so much about life. I have discovered the joys of traveling, truly enjoying my own company, I relish my freedom, I protect my peace, and most important, I support, love, encourage, inspire, and provide myself the life I know that I deserve, and it is amazing.

I hope I have inspired you.
Love yourself

Dear Love

Dear, Readers, at the start of this new year ( 2020) I invited my readers, supporters and viewers of my You tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd, to join me in a long adventure with writing a letter to self. for each month i read my letter to self on my you tube channel and live on Facebook. the mission of my Brand, conversations with J. R. Floyd is to uplift people who;s heart and spirit have been broken. if you missed my letter to self in January you can find it on my You Tube channel. thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

 

Dear Love, 

For a long, long time I did not know who you were. Oh, I have heard talk about romantic love, passionate love, poetic love, fake love, black love, sister love and love of a spouse. My entire life I did not know that the intense longing in my soul was because I needed you, and I  did not understand that authentic love comes from the pure dept of a person’s heart and spirit. My misunderstanding of love begin when I was a child I did not know the sweet comforts of the words “ I love You”  there weren’t any loving hugs, night time kisses, bedtime stories, and no one scared away the things that went bump in the night. Instead, I was shooed away told to disappear, be quiet and keep my needs to myself. So, I went through my childhood, adolescence and adulthood thirsting for the security, protection, warmth, a sense of belonging and a deep soul connection. Along this journey to find LOVE, I mistaken lust for love, men’s aggressive and jealous behavior as love, my thinking was wrong because I took the verbal and aggression towards as an expression of LOVE.. 

 

I did some things that I am ashamed of in exchange for what I thought was LOVE. I was betrayed, conned, mislead, and broken over and over, and I once almost conspired to sell my soul to the devil for the sake of feeling this LOVE. At this point in my life it is too late for the father daughter talk, my father is no longer with me in the flesh. And my relationship with my mother is distant and broken, I made many attempts to reach out to her to ask why had she been an emotionally detached mother, but she ignored my plea.. 

 

So, here I am LOVE, not chasing you anymore. I have shut down the lustful desires of my flesh in exchange of getting to know who I am,  loving myself is my only priority. You see LOVE, I have been looking for you in all the wrong faces and hearts. You have lead me down some long dark dank tunnels only to abandon me. I will no longer be fooled by your smooth talk, unfulfilled promises, and your touch of fornication will no longer have a hold on my soul. 

 

My first LOVE will be me. Yes, you heard me. I have begun the process of loving me first and unconditionally. I am going to give to myself security and protection from all the Don Juans  of this world who seek to suck out my soul and drain my spirit. I will provide for me, and keep promises to myself, I look forward to each day with joy and excitement of seeing me grow into the person I can LOVE. I am not going to look for you, LOVE anymore. This is a new day, I am walking a new path, and you should come to find me, and by the time you catch up to me I will be the LOVE you are looking for.  

 

Next months letter to self, Dear  LIFE.

Sold Out

Dear readers,

I sold out and I settled. I can do better, but I did what so many others do when they feel beaten down by life and loneliness we settle. We tell ourselves that the situation we are settling for is not so bad. All the while the little voice in the back of your head whispers, who do you thinking you’re fooling? When you are in the state that you chose to settle whether it’s a job, the place you live, people we live with or a partner there are constant reminders flashing themselves daily letting us know that we are not being true to ourselves. The world is full of unhappy people who have settled. They live each day with buildup resentment because that little voice gets louder saying, you desire better or why didn’t you wait? This is an unhealthy emotional state to live in. In the beginning you tried to quiet the voice but as time goes by that job you settled for becomes a place of torture. The house, apartment and neighborhood that you took because you felt that you had no choice become a place of tribulation instead of peace. And the partner you settled for he or she becomes the person you want to run away from instead of getting closer to them. In the end if you truly desire to be true to thyself you face the truth that you willingly made a mistake hope no one gets hurt and you get out. There is no happiness in denial.
What say you?

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