The way things used to be

Ladies, may I gentlely suggest that you cease being angry because you were delivered from relationships or a situation that did not honor you, but only brought you pain and brokeness. Despite the negative messages from society being single whether by force or choice should be viewed as a gift and not a death sentence.

Think about this. When you were in that relationship or situationship with the person you thought you couldn’t live without, did you feel safe, respected, loved and protected? Were your needs besides the physical ones attended to or did you feel abandoned? Were your dreams, vision and goals nurtured, supposed and encouraged? How many times promise were broken, lies were told, and you struggled with conflicts of suspected infidelity because you had to worry about them, they, he, she, or her being a part of what you thought was an exclusive situations. And you wonder why you have trust issues.

Did you wait your turn in line because you weren’t a priority? Count the times you gave or lent money because bae, boo, your ride or die knew you wouldn’t say no. You broke up, he, she, they, or them begged their way back into your life. Why, because when your alone you allow feelings of desperation, loneliness, lust, and the voice of others advising you to move on, and you do, you fall right back into the same destructive patterns in the next situationship.

Why am I saying all of this? Because this use to be me. No, my truth doesn’t reflect the experiences of others, but I know that their is more than a few women reading this that have walked in these shoes. I am not a relationship guru, I am a women who have walked on the dark side of more than one dysfunctional situationship. In 2015, I wrote my first book The Waiting Game, where I reveal my personal experiences about how men and women who are emotional broken and how we mistreat each other in relationships.

It’s taken me years to heal from the damage caused by an horrible childhood, and the trauma due to abusive relationships. It wasn’t until I made the choice to put me first, and stood firm on who I would and would not allow in my life as friends and intimate partners. I am truly happy for my journey. I understand the gift of being single and using this time to heal, reflect, renew, and discover who I am, and my path. I am maturing spiritually and developing a stronger emotional foundation. It’s been 4 years and I am learning so much about life. I have discovered the joys of traveling, truly enjoying my own company, I relish my freedom, I protect my peace, and most important, I support, love, encourage, inspire, and provide myself the life I know that I deserve, and it is amazing.

I hope I have inspired you.
Love yourself

Desperation & Dysfunctional Relationships

Dear Readers,

Do not allow loneliness and despair to lead to desperation resulting in being trapped in a dysfunctional relationship that does not honor who you are. We all have heard the saying that loneliness kills, and so does being in a relationship that does not honor who God created you to be.

Ladies, when you allow the negative voices in your head to engage you in conversation about lonely is caused by you do not have a man in your life. And the relationship is going to cure your loneliness, and bring you all that you need. Here are some thoughts to think about before you agree with those voices.

• Beware of the large population of men who have no good intention towards you when they sense that you are desperate, they use your eagerness to please to control the situation. Why are you willing to give your power, and willing to submit to ill treatment all because you are thankful to have a man in your life
• What value is this man bringing into your life? What purpose is he serving in your life? Some of these deceivers have swift tongues and deviant minds. Their plan is to milk you for all that you have and in the meantime, you become so blinded by your desire to HAVE A Man, that you don’t see the emotional devastation you will have to recover from when he leaves and he will leave

 

Do not listen to the myths that people are throwing at you?

• Except any men who are interested in a relationship with you because age might be a factor, or you might be single mother, this is not a reason to settle, in fact, there is no REASON TO SETTLE.
• When you settle your saying that I do not deserve a partner who will respect, value, honor, show compassion, support, see your worth, and express concern in all matters of your life. You want to feel protected and up lifted by your partner.
• Do not become some man’s side piece because you think that you are getting what you need without a true comment ( this is a degrading situationship)
• Question, Are you currently in a relationships that’s has ran it course and is no longer giving you the happiness that it used to, so you stay because you are afraid of being alone.

 

I know that there are women who are so afraid of being alone that they financially support men. Women except being verbal and emotionally abused by men who they know are not good for them, but their logic is that ANY MAN IS BETTER THAN NO MAN. I know of mothers who encourage their daughters to do all they can to keep a man even if that man is treating them disrespectful, the theory is that YOU BETTER HOLD ONTO YOUR MAN BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE GET HIM. There women who are searching for men through dating services only to be fool and conned by their lies and sob stories. Wake up! These men are hiding behind computers waiting for a victim not a soul mate.

When you allow the temporary feeling of loneliness to dictate giving up your power to men whose main goal is to drain your spirit, darken your soul, pillage your finances, and bring more confusion in your love than love and happiness

Ask yourself is it truly worth the damage and drama?

Here are some suggestions for your loneliness:

Find male friends that you can go out on a platonic date, intimacy comes in all forms

Go to event where there is single people looking to have a good time and enjoy the company of others without expectations.

Adopt a pet they need love pets make wonderful companions, and they are very loyal

Organize a girls night sleepover, but don’t waste the evening being depressed an talking about men

Take a class for fun, cooking, knitting, yoga, or join a gym or a community chorus

There are so many ways that you can combat loneliness and you can do so in a positive way. Heading into a relationship for the sole purpose of relieving yourself of loneliness without spending time truly getting to know the other person will only serve the purpose of opening the door for some serious drama.

What say you?

 

 

Should relationships have due dates or expiration dates?

 

The return of the mad Dater

Hello readers, pardon my absence, I was stricken with flu, or to put is as my son say, ” I was  on the bed of affliction.”

My last post I wrote a scenario revealing how some women are fooled  by seemly well intended admirers. These women allow themselves to be led  by emotions, instead with their minds. As I promised part two:  It’s all about the Ring , The flip side of the Dating Game.

Girl spots boy, boy shows a little interest, girl  makes the first play because boys isn’t moving  fast enough.

Girl slips boy her number, boys smiles but doesn’t call. Feeling frustrated, girl changes the game, she dresses seductively and slutty. Boy pretends to like what he see, he calls , she is excited, they make a date.

Girl cleans her place, cooks, wines and dines him, boys observation during dinner: she drinks too much, she talk too much, she is wearing  cheesy  lingerie,and she asks too many questions about his career and salary.

Boys thinks she is easy and looking to be a kept women.

Girl, turns up the heat, boys decides to play along.

In the mean time…..several months have passed, girl and boy are in an intimate courtship.

Girl is pushing for them to move in  together, boy resists.

Girl make hints about marriage, he ignores her, but he continues to enjoy the fruits of the physical relationship.

Girl is getting frustrated it’s approaching the one year mark and still no ring. She is desperate and plans a trip. he agrees because she is playing for the ” romantic getaway.”

While hanging out in their boudoir, she encourages him to drink lots of champagne. Time for romance, girl pokes holes into condom, boy unaware.

Six weeks later pregnancy test positive, girl excited, she breaks the news to him, he is disappointed, but vows to take care of the child.

She continues to try to win him over, all efforts fail.

….Fast forward one year later,  she  bumps into boy and another girl, he introduces her as his wife.

Girl crying asking why? Why did she get the ring?

I can answer that question. It’s not about getting the ring or setting traps to get it.  Its a mans desire to have a woman in his life that represents honesty, self respect and above all she should  have class and standards.  Men of integrity can spot women who are entering a relationship with less than honorable intention. To some women getting a ring is about establishing a life time of security and they will do what ever it take to hold onto the ring not the man.

What say you?