My son says, “Embrace the transition,” Well i say, ” excuse me for having a moment of insanity.” It’s been 22 days since I was ousted from my home of six years. I’ve never been without my own SPACE. I’ve relocated from one place to another but always to a place of my own for me, myself and I plus a pet or two. I’ve never had a roommate. The word roommate scares me and sends me into a place in my head that I don’t want to visit. I’ve lived alone for 23 years. It wasn’t easy at first this living alone. I was divorce at the age of 30 after six years of marriage. I made many adjustments like: learning to cook for one, how to sleep on both sides of the bed, to keep the mattress from getting lopsided. Eating alone and coming home to an empty house was the most difficult part of being alone. The bed is colder in the winter without the warm of that extra body. Over the years I had my own version of roommates’ dog, cats, three parakeets, a turtle named Franklin and a fish called bear.
I buried myself in establishing a career as an educator, developed my skills as a writer, playwright, and singer. Mother of one fabulous son and grandmother of three, at the age of 53, I can’t call myself homeless, but it feels like I am. A friend and her 24 years old fresh out of Boston College son took me in. So, what all the fuss? I have a good roof over my head, my own room with AC, close to the bathroom, and in an area of the house that is quiet. It’s only the three us, we have different schedules very much like ships passing in the night. It took me 10 days to unpack and to personalize the space I now live in. I can’t say home, I either say the space I sleep in or the place I live for now.
I feel like a caged bird. I miss lying across my sofa and channel surfing. I miss my weekend Saturday breakfast tray in bed and the afternoon nap. Or coming home siting in my favorite, big, black, leather chair and relaxing with a glass of Merlot and listening to Joseph Hayden’s Mass in the Time of War. I feel like I’m tip toeing around. I worry if I made too many trips to the bathroom, or kept the lights on too late blogging, reading and grading papers. As soon as I arrive there I would prefer to go directly to the room I sleep in, but not to seem anti-social I sit in the dining room and chat.
I have spent 23 years of my life living alone. Besides having the occasional boyfriend. I dwelled in my own space alone. My son says that I should embrace learning how to live with other people. He has a point. I just might end up with a roommate, I live in New York City and the rents are $$$$$$$$$$$$. Living with a roommate scares me more than living alone.
Stay tune for more…………………………..
Remember the TV series Married with Children , 1987-1997, and that theme song, ” Love and Marriage, love and Marriage they go together like a horse and carriage.” Speaking of the subject love and Marriage, Tina Turner had a hit song, What’s love got to do with it? For the majority of people who are married they will say they said ” I do” because of love. There is a movies produced by Tyler Perry that ask the question, Why Did I Get Married?
I read an article by Maggie Gallagher: What’s Marriage Got to Do With Love?
Why do lovers marry? For centuries the answer might have been self-evident, but in today’s world where cohabitation is more bourgeois then bohemian, it’s an open question. I posed it not long ago to a group of young, college-educated women. Krista, a 23 year old writer, tried to explain why its so important to her that she and her live -in boyfriend get married. ” I just love the words ” husband and ‘wife”, she says, almost ruefully. ” I know the words are archaic, but I just love the whole idea.”
Krista, like the other young women in the room, lives with the omnipresent reality of divorce. they know a marriage license is no guarantee of permanence. Sex and affection they already have from their boyfriends. Yet, women like Krista long, almost irrationally, for the nuptial bond. the words ” I love you have been drained, through overuse, of all special meanings. and the act of love no longer signifies union. All that is left is this fail, eroding word, ” marriage,” packed with centuries of loving, living growing old together, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
American are marrying people-like Krista, nine out of 10 adult women tie the knot at least once. And yet Americans also have the highest divorce rate in the western world. How do we reconcile the cultural contradiction.
What say you?
In today’s society marriage has lost its importance. The numbers don’t lie fewer couples are not saying I Do. Nowadays, the trend is cohabitation, to live in sin, according to the thinking of the older generation. For some couples, marriage isn’t the romantic happy ever after event portrayed in Hollywood or in fairy tales. Most brides prepare for the magic of the wedding day, leaving the groom to play a supporting role; and when the euphoria of the honey moon is over, the newlyweds have no idea what to do.
For men some marriage means being in a trap that is costly to get out of. They fear that the Ms. will turn into a nag, and the honey to do list will be never-ending. On the other hand, some women are afraid to give up their career and financial independence. Co-habitation means commitment, but not really a serious obligation like, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, … Couples who live in sin, can dissolve a relationship because there is no piece of paper( the marriage licence) or divorce papers to sign. They just simply pack up and move on. Next.
What Say You?