Today is the first day that I have sat down and put pen to paper. My absence was not due to a dry spell, writers block or lack of ideas. It was TIME. The last few months (February –May), I was grinding, splitting my time between 2 part-time jobs while completing my Masters. During this time I suffered from what I thought was a bad cold that developed into pneumonia. However, as the saying goes “I trooped it out.” I pushed through until the date of completions. It has taken me five years to return to graduate school. Each time I attempted to register for my final class, something or someone got in the way.
During this time of waiting to cross the finish line to graduation, I lost to death, two uncles, my grandmother, she lived a long life and went out with a smile on her face. Two nephews (victims of violence) my step-father a great man, a sister who helped me develop my love for reading, my twenty year old niece who suffered from cerebral palsy thanks to her dedicated mother, this little princess lived a good life. I was almost homeless due to the loss of my apartment, including some of my possessions. I had to change roommate twice and nearly lost my sanity. Through all of this, I smiled looked up to heaven and with thick tears in my eyes asked. WHY?
Well here, I am the May 3rd deadline to submit my final project and application for graduation on June 14 has come and gone. No, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am in limbo. Why because those who are place in the position of power deemed me unworthy of receiving a grade of INC. I needed an extra two weeks to submit the total number of hours needed to complete my field study. I pleaded my case but it fall on death ears. I was told that if my total grade tallies up to an F, yes an F. I would have to repeat the course. This means pay another $2000.00, plus the $300 for graduation and re do all the assignments AGAIN.
After receiving this message via email from the director of the Education department, I laid in bed in a fetal position for two days. I felt sorry for my finance, tried as he did, I could not pull myself out of bed. I do not know how, but I managed to resurface and got back into life. I have not checked my email to see my final grade. I need time. In the meantime, Good news, I am getting MARRIED. Well, not soon, but I am getting married to a wonderful man who supported me thorough all of this madness. I have a new home to remodel, and an appointment with the New York Missionary Baptist Advisory Council for my Ordination exam. Moreover, most importantly I need to get back to WRITING. When I check my email and if the news does not lead me to graduation, I will take the fall term off and enjoy living then start again in the SPRING. In the meantime………
This was the best 549 words I have written in a long, long time. I am back.
What Say You?
I’ve with stood many years of towing the line so to speak. I worked my way through college with this grand idea that a college education would net me a job, not a career path, but a job paying me loads of money. Great dream if we lived in a perfect world. My life didn’t turn out the way that I had planned. For years, I toiled trying to climb up the “ladder” of success. I arrived to work early, stayed late, came in on my day off, and performed tasks that no one would do because they said, “its wasn’t within their job description.” Time and time again I didn’t get the promotion that I worked to obtain. When I questioned those, in position to help me to upgrade my position, I was told that I didn’t meet the education or experience requirement. Nonetheless, I pushed harder to be noticed with no success. I spent years being angry because I felt that “they “won’t give me a chance, “they “were holding me back, “they “were evil…. the thoughts in my head went on and on and on. The road to finding my true purpose began two years ago with a simple Valentine’s Day Facebook posting, that led to my first blog. With each post, something amazing started happening I found my voice. Not my speaking voice, the voice of my pen. While on a two-year journey, of rediscovery It turns out that my calling is to become an English professor, playwright, author, mentor and motivational speaker. I am amazed, and at times speechless. I wrote an award-winning play, a first-time author, and on the career path to becoming a college professor. A few years before these changes happened I felt hopeless, and too old to reinvent myself. Now, I face each day with the happiness of knowing that I have more than a job or career, I have purpose. Thank you for listening.
Dear readers, I have some thing personal to share with you.
Today, I’ve gone through a few emotions starting with anger, sadness, to disappointment. Its come me my attention that a person who have walked me through some tough situations over the past two years, has a bias against their black people. This bias is a result of having had an education paid for by their parents, living in an upscale community with the white elitist, paid for by their parents, and solely socializing with white people, because they feel that people of color, are beneath them. I wasn’t prepared for this news. I conclude that I was the token black friend to a person who I once respected and admired. It’s not easy for me to trust people. I’m at a loss for word.-Thank you for listening.