Relationship Theory 101

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Dear Readers,

Most relationships happen by accident and some do not happen at all. Let me explain, I was having a conversation with a friend who happens to be a psychologist. We were talking about the relationships topics that I discuss on my You Tube Channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. His view on relationships is that most partnerships are not successful because people lack the knowledge of how to create and sustain the foundation for a long lasting relationship. Most people do not understand that there are stages of a relationship and how to work through these stages. Therefore, for some people this is what usually happens, people meet and they dive right into feelings, chaos creeps in then BOOM! The relationship is over leaving people to wonder what happened or did not happen. Most of the time relationships end with one or both partners feeling bitter. I am sharing this theory in hopes that people will stand back and observe the stage their relationship is in and if it is not the desired stage, then take steps bring balance into the relationship.

 

Stage 1: Romance: this is the dating or courtship process of getting to know each other without physical intimacy.

• Most couples move to quick towards the physical aspect in the beginning staged of a relationship. People rarely take time to know whom they are sharing their bodies with. At this stage of courtship women often, feel pressured into a physical relationship before they are ready. Most women comply because they want to keep the man interested in them.

Stage 2: Power Struggle: this stage is when people recognize that they are different, and they begin to work on the dynamics of the relationship. This is the most difficult stage because the couple is trying to find balance and there is sometimes the issue of control. Meaning person wants to take the lead role while dominating the other.

• In stage 2, the couple engage in heated arguments due to one partner wanting control: ( an equal partnership isn’t about control its about balance and compromise)

 

Stage 3: Stability, hopeful the couple is committed to building a strong partnership and they move into STAGE 3, only after they have resolved the power struggle in stage 2. Stability of a relationship happens when the couple can function as individuals for their own personal growth, but acknowledge and recognize that they are in a partnership and do things for the betterment of the relationship.

Stage 4: Commitment: At this stage, there is deeper and clearer communication about the state of the relationship and the future a couple might engage in conversations that lead to the transition to co-habitat or marriage, children, buying a house etc.

Stage 5: Co – creation this stage is where the power struggle is truly over and the building of the partnership continues after a certain number of years invested in the partnership. Each person feel secure and they moves towards investing in retirement for the freedom and security of their future.

To me, this theory makes sense and has stirred me to think about why the majority of my relationships were not successful. If an individual is not first, ground in who they are and what they want out of life; then their partnership will reflect the same disorganized as their thinking.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this information. For more relationship topics, subscribe to my You Tube Channel, Conversation with J. R. Floyd or listen to my podcast on Sound Cloud.

Relationship Drama!!!!

Dear readers,

I am a firm believer that people aren’t meant to be alone. When I say alone I’m referring to being without a capable partner. Being alone today is a choice that more and more people are making because they not open to the unnecessary relationship drama. Let me clarify this statement a good long-term relationship takes effort, time, work and a lot of energy. Both partners must be willing to commit to working on his/her own personal growth, while supporting the foundation of their partnership. There will be certain aspects of a relationship that require more work than other areas. If SACRIFICES have to be made it should be done for the improvement of the partnership, therefore, no one  should feel that his or her needs are not being given equal attention this is called BALANCE. When a couple decides to cohabitate, there should not be a division of responsible based on GENDER. Yes, there will be things that your partner is better at such as laundry, and that’s OK.  In the house that I was raised there was no labeling of women chores versus what a man should and should not do in the home. My father’s theory is that men should contribute in the home as a means to show support, respect and love for his wife. In this way they model for their children how a family unit work together as a team.

Communication between a man and women should be done on an open and fair level. I do not take kindly to my partner raising his voice at me and taking to me in a tone of a parent or  using profanity.  Remember harsh words that are said in the heat of anger are the words that hurt the most and they cause irreversible damage. A person can forgive but they will never forget. the structure of relationships have changed because of misconceptions, unreasonable expectations, and learnt dysfunctional behavior. We  live in a society of broken  men and women who have been abused, played games, experienced deception by people they trust, lack love, compassion, and there is a shortage of individuals who desire to commit to an old-fashioned monogamous relationship.

These factors and more have contribute to people throwing up their hands in submission and surrendering to being without a partner. I have seen an increase in people who prefer to adapt a pet than to become entangled with the unnecessary drama of a relationship. And this is where I find myself, I am not weary of being without a partner, and yes, I have a dog named jo-jo, who greets me every morning and evening with excitement and love in his eyes. Don’t get me wrong our partnership as owner and pet is not a perfect one. We have out days when he barks a little louder than usual and I cross my arms and stand my ground. There are days when he wants me to get up early because he wants to go out. There are days that he begs for some table scraps and I give in. But we have an unspoken bond. I take care of him, respect his space, give him my undivided attention when he is barking louder than usual, and in return I have a best friend for as long as life will allow us. Now who wouldn’t want this?

what say you?

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Things that stay in out Minds

Dear Readers,

I had a flash back when I was a teen about 13 or 14 my father told me the story of creation. His version came from  the book of Genesis. I remember him telling  me that in order for  Gods  creation of the Garden of Eden complete, he ( God) fashioned a man ( Adam) to rule over the Garden of Eden. After a few days God saw that Adam was lonely. He ( God) realized that a man being alone is not ” a good thing.” So, God made a woman ( Eve) to be Adams ” help Mate”  yes, these are the words my father used ” Help Mate, ” not wife, spouse, ball and chain, better half, the little Ms, or any other label society places upon a woman to describe her relationship with a man.

Anyway, I digress, getting back to the point of ” It’s not good for a man to be alone.” So, here we are in the 21 Century and Bachelorhood is celebrated like a rite of passage, among men who deem themselves lucky not to have been caught in the marriage trap. It seems that with the passing of time a man being alone is a good thing. Today’s modern man do not see women  as an equal partner, but as a nag, an inconvenience or a convenience and a burden.

Most men run when women whisper the words, committed relationship, commitment or marriage. To men the idea of spending  their God given  life with one woman freaks then out because it means being monogamous. Wait a minute wasn’t this Gods intentions? One man to one woman, so that no one would be alone. There are plenty of women who desire to be a ” help mate” than men who wish to oblige them. Wow! And God created then first. Hmmmmm…

What say you?