My Day To Rant!

Dear Readers,

At last count I heard it’s been almost two years since all hell broke loose and we were ordered to shelter in place. Presently, I am feeling worn down due to the everlasting threat of the Virus.

For a long time I’ve pretended to be okay. I expected the fact that I had to stay home, be careful about were I go, not allow people into my house, double mask for the two days I take public transportation to work. I rarely ventured out to family dinners in fear of not knowing who’s been around who.

I’ve been walking on the outside of the school yard to help get rid of the twenty pounds of coronavirus weight. I am afraid to go back to my gym, and when I visit my nail salon, I beg for an early morning appointment and wear a mask and face shield.

I ceased accepting invites to dine out because outdoor dinning isn’t fun in the cooler temps, I live in New York City and baby it’s getting cold outside. I recently book a ticket on Amtrak to visit my mother in South Carolina, ignoring the suggestion to have a virtual celebration. my mother is 78 years old and she deserves to have family around during the holidays.

Why am I saying all of this? It’s taken me a few months to understand how living in fear has taken a mental and emotional toll. I am exhausted just from worrying. Staying at home turned my once toned body into a lump of Jell-O. My sleeping schedule is like riding on a roller coaster to the point that I am taking melatonin. Getting dressed up and wearing make up such a task that I don’t bother anymore.

A few weeks ago when I was at worse, I took a deep breath, and said out loud,” this is madness complete madness I can’t continue on like this or I will end up in the nut house.” So, I took matters into my own hands. I said, ” self as silly and fearful as this sounds we are going to have to learn to live with this virus.”

I carfully looked at my opinions. I teach a college course two days online, instead of staying home both days, I gladly go to the school, and sit in my office leaving the door open, and wear my mask. I have a great view of the Hudson River and I placed a chair at the door for people to sit and talk. It’s going on week four and it’s been great connecting to people.

On Tuesdays, I am back with my chours. Most of the members are vaccined we wear masks and socially distance during the entire rehearsal. When the college reached and asked if I wanted to work extra hours on Wednesday’s, for academic coaching to help the students who are struggling to adjust to online and distance learning, I proudly and eagerly said yes.

The fear is still there but it’s getting less and less, in other words, I don’t allow fear to dance on top of my head drowning me in a pit of sorrow and depression. I am working on adopting a small dog, so I won’t feel alone and walking a dog will get me out of the house. The other two days I have my part-time gig in a group home.

With that said, I look forward to my Thanksgiving trip to see mother, and planning my March birthday trip to Vegas, in addition to my advanced booking for the Easter three day retreat in the beautiful country side of Connecticut. I have not made up my mind what I am going to do about going back to the gym, but in the meantime, I will push myself to get back into working out at home and take more outside walks.

I am feeling better and don’t view the world as a dangerous place. I continue to be cautious, but I am happy for the small changed I have made to improve the quality of my life and lessen my depression.

Thank you for listening you’ve been a great audience.

Football 🏈 day

PodCast

Dear Readers,  Happy 4th of July.🇱🇷

 

white and red flag

Photo by Aaron Schwartz on Pexels.com

I have ventured out into a new area. I have a podcast, Conversations  with J. R. Floyd, on Sound Cloud. Listed below are a few topics. Happy listening.😊

  • Looking for Love
  • Who are you dating? Guard your heart
  • Readings from my first novel, The Waiting Game
  • Broken people in relationships
  • Stolen Innocence
  • Trends and expectation in relationships
  • Guard your emotions
  • I refused to allow you to steal my joy
  • Childhood scares
  • Be the person you want to meet
  • Empower yourself
  • The stages of a relationship
  • My story. My journey
  • How do you use your words

The you for listening.💖

J. R.  host of Conversations with J. R. Floyd on You Tube

 

Images vs Reality

Dear Readers,

“Great expectations, big letdowns” this adage seems to sum up my feelings about people who enter into relationships/partnerships holding their mate’s hostage because of impossible expectations. We have become a society that has stop accepting people for who they are and allowing them to be themselves. Instead, we have these grandiose ideas and stinking thinking about what we want our mates to be and how we feel they should behave. This is due to the   images and fantasies that’s created in our heads. In other words, we place people in boxes.

We all have faults and pet peeves and so one…These characteristics do not mean that somebody needs to come alone and rescue an individual, new flash, you shouldn’t form a relationship to save or change your partner. Stand still take a moment and open your eyes and see the person in front of you, the person you say you love, get rid of the wish list of the person you’re creating in your mind. While you’re looking at that person ask yourself what attracted you to him/her? When we develop a relationship, we don’t do so blindly unless you’re not paying attending to the things that you should. Did you spend time talking and observing your partner? When you walked down that aisle and stood before God and man and say, “I do” it was yes, to the wedding vows and the personality traits that you said wasn’t a problem. Are you being respectful of your partners wishes or are you trying to bend them to your will? I like to sleep on my off days, I don’t like loud noise and ironing, and above all I like a clean, clean house. My fiancé know these things about me and he is respectful of them. On the other hand, he isn’t the neatest person, he procrastinates, he drinks way too much coffee (my person opinion), he has a sweet tooth, and he gets up early on Saturdays. I know these things about him and never have I once asked him to change who he is. We understand that for our marriage to be a long-lasting union, we will have to learn how to live with, work out and around the little faults and pet peeves. At the end of the days he is the man who I chose to be in my life until death does it part.

The point is stop living in denial and be present relationships are not fantasies and fairy tales. We all have our eye on that princes or princess open your eyes he/she is standing in front of you.

 

What Say You?

Expectations

Dear readers,

At last  my one true love has come. My dear you asked me what do I expect of you. This is a difficult question to answer. Why? Usually expectation leads to disappointment.

But since you asked………………..

Be a man of honor, compassion and above all  have patients.

Stand by my side through all circumstances, and open your heart and take me as I am.

Show me the best of what you have to offer as a man.

Be my best friend, confidant, lover, should to cry on when the world is crushing me.

The arms that protect me from the wolves of this world.

To sit in silence and hold my hand when there is no needs for words.

To walk with me while I fight the good fight.

Do all these things and I will show you the best woman I can be.

What Say You?