The Big Setup

Dear Readers, 

You might disagree with what I am about to say, while on the path of healing from years of mental confusion, abusive relationships, and emotional brokenness; I reflect back to my youth, and I arrived at the conclusion that my parents and other adult members of my family set me on a collision course for failure. I am not using my parents as a scapegoat or pointing the finger of blame at them for my poor choices that led to horrible experiences. However, my upbringing wasn’t easy and I struggled through many obstacles and hardships. I am reminded that I wasn’t successful in many areas of my life due to the lack of basic life skills that weren’t taught to me by my parents. 

The rationale for my statement is that I believe that family sets the foundation for a child’s readiness for life. Home sets the stage for children to apply to real life circumstances what they learn from family role models. The lessons about life and life skills this training should begin at home not in the streets or from their peers who know less than they do. The knowledge of living  by good morals and values should begin at home. I’m a baby boomer and the world is completely different from when I was a child, the structure and function of the family has changed. Today’s generation has more odds stacked against them and they need to be prepared to face the challenges of this world.

Unfortunately, my parents did not teach me the value of saving, budging, buying property, securing employment in positions that offer benefits such as pension, or investing for my future. In my childhood home education wasn’t important, instead, I constantly heard from my mother 

” can’t wait until you’re eighteen so you can get out on your own.” Who says this to a child who has nothing to stand on. My parents were anxious to get us, meaning all eight of my siblings out of the house. It didn’t matter where we went or how we got there, the rule was graduate high school, get a job and leave. 

This area of my life has been a source of deep anger, why, because over my life I’ve  established friendships with people from various cultures and economic backgrounds. One key factor I observed is that my friends lived in homes where a foundation was set in place to help them to succeed. In these homes were examples of good work ethics, education was valued, family time meant a sit down meal every night, and my friends family gatherings were not about getting drunk and fighting, but time for bonding and good creating memories. My friends parents had a plan for their children and they were allowed to remain at home until they were stable enough to provide for themselves. I remember one time when I had to return home my presence wasn’t welcomed, and again I was constantly asked ” was I saving money to get another place to live.” That was the first and last time I went back. 

I used to imagine how my life would have been if I was raised in an environment where I was nurtured, and asked about my future dreams, if my mother had given me mother daughter time, and talked to me about the birds and the bees. If my father had shown me more love and a softer side of him, instead of dealing out cruel punishment for childhood mistakes. 

My childhood home felt more like a detention center, my father the warden, and the other family members fell in line and supported his military style of ruling with an iron fist. By the time I left home at 18 with a young baby I was no warfare, scared, and clueless about being a single mother and how to survive on my own. I struggled never having enough money or food. 

Fast forward…..

Despite the rough beginning I found my way but it wasn’t easy. I suffered and my family did not offer any support. I gladly accepted therapy to help work through the pain of my lost childhood, the horrors of my young adult life and the poor choices I made that lead to severe emotional damage.The path to recovery from years of abusive relationships and setbacks have been a rocky journey, but there is good news, the last five years I’ve been able to plant my feet on solid ground. Discovering my true self, learning self care, my worth, and being one hundred percent self sufficient is difficult, but worth the sacrifices I made because it’s all for me. 

I currently work with college students as an Academic Coach. Each day I do my best to make a difference in their lives. I listen when they talk, I find resources to help them work through life’s  problems. I tell them that they are important and capable of achieving their goals, and what they feel and think is relevant. I put forth an effort to ensure that I am not another adult in their lives that will set them on a collision course for failure.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Ladies are you making yourself too available?

Dear Readers,

 There are some omen who make themselves too available for men, and of course we know who benefits from this situation. I observe and personally acquainted with diverse women from various professions, earning power and education, who spend an increasing amount of hours  accommodating men. This post is in detail demonstrating a few areas where women are making mistakes  when dating or uncertain about their position in a situationship. One major problem with women who make themselves too available to men, they become a convenience instead of an equal partner in a loving, supportive long term relationship. One problem with this situation is that the women who ruin men by making themselves ready available, when these men move on it makes it difficult for other women who will not be at a mans beck and call.  

One  mistake some women make while dating is that they tend to perform wifely duties without the benefit of being a wife. For the sake of clarity a wife means a woman has walked down the aisle, taken vows before God and witnesses, and has been bonded with a man in holy matrimony. Not a wife in the sense that women are labeled a wife or in a common law situation. Women need to stop playing the role of a wife without the benefits, taking care of his laundry, cleaning his apartment, cooking, lending him money and your car, and  paying his bills. Ladies this is called playing house and being played. 

Many women are dating without a clear defined purpose or dating with the word desperation stamped across their foreheads; reeking with the scent of I’ll do anything just as long as you make me feel important, and that I am your one and only. Women who make themselves sexually available before establishing whether they are in a committed relationship. Ladies if your willingly give yourself over to a man physically, be ready to accept what’s coming, meaning expect to be asked for sexual favors often, and when you become weary of giving your body to a man who has not committed to you or sees you as his means to release his frustrations, you will  have yourself to blame. Why? Bottom line a man will take what is offered to him. 

 Here are a few ways women set themselves up for failure by answering late night texts, calls, and allow men to show up at their homes unexpectedly. Over time these bad habits become inconvenient to women, and beginning taken for granted. Women who rearrange or adjust their schedule to meet the needs of selfish men who take advantage of women with low self -esteem, because they don’t know their worth.Women became trapped in the bad habit of being a man’s savior by standing by his side even when he is wrong. Overtime women come to the realization that they are not honored or loved because of their good qualities, but because you’re the type of women men call EASY. You’ve made yourself too available and now  you don’t know how to break the spell.   

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

The VIP Pass

Dear Readers, day 5 of my 10 day writing challenge prompt 5, do you feel like you have a spiritual VIP pass?

Never through of my life as having a spiritual VIP pass. I used to view my life as a series of struggles after struggles, crisis after crisis. I felt that the spirits of the universe were against me, and that my life was supposed to be ugly and difficult. I have given a lot and gained very little. I don’t see myself as a successful person because I don’t have the things that I’ve been striving for. Oh yes, I have a roof over my head, but it’s not mine. I have two-part time jobs but I don’t net the $70.0000 that would give me freedom. People see me as strong, firm, smart, creative, and hardworking. Someone bounce back from setbacks. I have no choice but to bounce back I can’t afford to sit on my butt. I am constantly haunted by the feelings of being a failure. I don’t see any value in what I have done with my life.

Today’s prompt the spiritual VIP pass has led me to thinking about all the wreckage that I have walked away from and not a scratch. I have more than survived I have lived to overcome the darkness to walk in the light. I have been blessed at the 11th hour when it seemed all hope was lost. My spiritual VIP pass helped me to transform from a low wage earning high school dropout to a college grad, educator, professional singer, author, motivational speaker and so much more.. Answering today’s prompt has allowed me to think about the connection of people, places and events that have come into my life even just for a season and down the line I understood the reason. I have held onto and continue to press on with the believe that the power of this universe hears me, helps me, talks to me, protects me, guides me, loves me unconditionally and supplies all of my needs. I have had some bad lows along with a few highs and I am still here. I Don’t quite understand my journey but I am liking the second half of this two act play called life. I have peace like I have never felt before. I remain confident that this spiritual VIP pass will bring to me what I need when I need it.