The Rotting Soul

Dear Readers, 

Your past pain is an enemy, and when people say that they are suffering from a broken heart, I say, it is their spirit, soul and will that’s been broken and betrayed. My story is that  I spent years soaking in the pain of my past. I waited in anger for the people who hurt me to come back to me and acknowledge the physically, emotionally and mentally pain they caused me, I wanted my pain to be validated, so I proudly displayed my banner publicly announcing that I was a VICTIM, who have been mistreated, abused, neglected and I was wounded. I used my pain as an  excuse for my anger, hatred and bitterness. I lived my life  putting up walls, hurting others, and lashing out towards anyone who would not acknowledge my pain. My heart was cold, closed and hardened. I was blinded by misinformation, mixed messages, and confused emotions. While I was quickly disintegrating into my self imposed HELL. during this period of my life it never occurred to me to stop and reflect on the fact that I did not have the experience to detect and discern when people have bad intentions. 

 

I was not taught self-worth and self-respect meant, so my level of thinking was that of a naive child that is very trusting because children  don’t know evil, malice, and wrong doing until it is introduced to them. Another factor that led to me basking in my position as a VICTIM, I surrounded myself with people who supported my moaning and groaning of how I’ve been wronged. I lived in this pit of darkness from 1996-2006 just to give you an idea of how long I wallowed in my grief.  

How I began the long, long road to healing was people stopped listening to me rant. One by one person was dropping out of my life, and this increased my anger because the people who I thought understood my pain were busy on their path to healing. I didn’t want to heal, to me healing meant forgiving the people who hurt me. In my mind forgiveness means that they were off the hook, and they won’t be punished for the crimes committed against me. Over time  I slowly began to realize that the only person that I was hindering and harming was me. I was stuck mentally and emotionally, I wasn’t living. I arrived at the point that I wanted the self imposed drama to end. I had worked diligently to immerse myself deep into my misery, and little did I know I would have to put forth tireless effort to learn  how to process my pain in a positive manner. I utilize many support services secular and spiritual, I am not ashamed to say I spent 8 years in therapy learning to love and value myself. This eight year process included one year of art therapy, anger management, and one year of group and individual therapy.  

My journey towards healing and reclaiming my life lead me back to a painful childhood, the horrible events of adolescence that lead to poor choices as an adult. I learned that something  good was going to come from my pain. Looking back I had no idea that this healing process would profoundly change my life. I was molded into a completely new person. Through all the therapy sessions, tears, rage, unveiling and reliving the events of my past, it was worth the pages and pages of journals, and the times I dropped to my needs hunched over in pain purging myself of the anger that I allowed to ROT my soul, kill my spirit,  darken my heart, and block my blessings.  

From those years pain and healing I brought forth two novels about my journey walking towards a better life. I learned how to trust people, to have an open mind, and guard my naive heart. I developed into a mentor, motivational coach, writer and creator of the blog Dragthepen and the YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd. The more I share my story, counsel and coach others the better I become at listening with a non judgmental ear. I learned how to recognize true friendship, and what it means to be supportive, compassionate, and to show acts of kindness to others who have been broken.  It doesn’t matter the cause of your pain or past trauma, seeking help does not allow the past to lead you down a dark road of destruction of anger and loneliness. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

My Purpose

Dear Readers,

Good day. This is the day that Lord has made rejoice. If this is your first time following me welcome 💖. I am J. Rahshemah Floyd creator of Conversations with J. R. And the blog @ Dragthepen.wordpress. I created these forums to discuss topics that have created division between men and women, and have caused family’s to become dysfunctional. Often you will hear me on my You Tube channel discussing difficult topics that few people will address. It is the hide issues that hinder us from being true to who we are and from developing good long lasting loving relationships. My purpose is not to blame, degrade, disrespect, or to be sexist. My goal is to inform, uplift, enlightened and to empower. Today’s question, what are we as a society teaching women? We live in a culture that turns a blinds eye when women all over the world are forcing themselves to engage in sexual activity even when they are not in the mood. SOCIETY TELLS there duty to keep their man happy. Please think about the emotional and mental anguish this contributions to women becoming damaged. Thank you for reading. For more topics subscribe to my you tube channel @ Conversations with J. R. Floyd💖

 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

 

A new number doesn’t mean change

Dear Readers,

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So, the count down to the New Year ( 2020) has begun and many people are feeling the anxiety of an approaching new year. You are not alone in your HOPES that maybe a ” New Year” will being more joy, happiness, adventure, and less drama. There is absolutely noting wrong with HOPING, but if our not putting the effort, time, energy, work, and developing a plan of how your going to make the change you desire. Are you aware of why you haven’t had a better quality of life?

Before the ending of 2019, have you sat down in deep contemplation about the obstacles, mental and emotional baggage that you continue to carry into each ” New Year”, yet you keep HOPING. A new number or a new year isn’t going to change any of the situations in your life unless you change. Don’t expect the people or situation around you to change if your not willing to get clear and understand that you can’t continue behaving in the same manner expecting new results.

If you continue to walk the same path than this means you have become stagnate and complacency has set in. So, just using lip services of wishing for change isn’t going to bring about the beauty of a new life. If your living in FEAR of the unknown then letting go of the old in exchange for the new isn’t for you.

Here is a question to ask yourself, How bad do you want or need change? Look around do you like what you see?

How many times are you going to confuse secretly to yourself, ” I am so tried of this?”  Whatever your ” This ” is  making unless New Years Resolutions will help to bring change if you don’t take control of your life. The conversation needs to take place with yourself. I had a dear friend and co worker, who recently celebrated her 56th birthday by taking a cruise, she passed away on that cruise, and the lost was shocking to all of us who knew her.  The point is she made everyday that she lived count. She’s been taking two cruises a year since 2008, This was her way of seeing the words and experiencing the joy, excitement and adventure of  life.

This is your life, your the writer of the script and you can change, edit, revise as much as you want to until you have what you can called ” Your Best Life”. nothing is perfect and it never will be, but haven’t you waited long enough?

The wait is over the choice is yours.

HAPPY 2020 from DRAGTHEPEN

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Encouragement from the Mad Dater

Hello Readers and Fellow Bloggers, this is a throw back from the past when I was exploring the world of dating through the voice of the Mad Dater. I went on a quest to find my one true love. I took advice from friends and joined two dating websites, I attended many speed dating events, in additions to going to all the places and that I enjoy like, museums, bookstores, jazz lounges, libraries, theatres to find someone who has similar interest. Needless to say, l I ended up with horrible men online who wanted sex, spending money going out alone and  sheading tears that I would end life being the lonely cat lady.

Flash from the past……

Its been 18 days since I started my journey as the Mad Dater to find love. Today, I thought that I should take a break from  my usual rantings and post something light and sweet. After all I know that I am not  alone in my quest for a best friend, confidant, partner in crime and soul mate.  These words speak to the heart and offer great suggestion when search for a life partner. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

As posted on Facebook:

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short  not too love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry. Despair will come. Find someone who you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that make passion, love and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute-even when the waters get deep,and dark.-ilovemylsi.com

the_english_lady_the_knight_by_tiorra

What say you?

Losing Faith

Dear Readers,

Recently, a few people have started a trend of ” renouncing their faith” meaning, they are revolting against a certain religious ideology that they bought into without having full understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ; or as some people refer to themselves as Christians. The word Faith, derived the Latin fides, meaning confidence or trust in a person, thing or concept. These individuals are doing publicly what others are doing silently. They are walking away from the grips of organizations that represent themselves as the House of God; but behind the scenes there are activities and decisions made that have nothing to do with the works of God. The movement of the mega churches and creation of the praise and worship teams have become far removed from the original purpose of the Gospels or what it means to be a Disciple. The body of people is what makes up the church, the original establishment of Discipleship is to spread the truth through the teachings of the Gospel, and to follow the examples of good values set forth by Jesus. Nowadays, attending a house of worship is about prestige, and worshiping the Pastors, instead of the creator.
People are not walking away from their Faith, because the Bible says, “Hebrews 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who come to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” So, are people believing in God or are they putting too much FAITH into the leaders of these mega movements?  People are turning away from organized religious dominations and what these institutions of mega worship represent. Nowadays, the new messenger of God are motivational speakers, throwing in a few Bible verse to stir up people’s emotions pumping them up making them feel good for a moment. These mega institutions are more fixated on the Pastors who present themselves as a one-man show, camouflaging themselves as the only divine and direct contact between God and the people of the church.
The original mission of the Gospels is to be taught throughout the world, in Matthew 28:16-20, the calling is The Great Commission. The movement is Evangelism. The purpose for all people to gain knowledge of ” the good new” (the written accounts of the life and teaching of Jesus) the Gospels are the principle by which humanity is to live by a code of moral ethics. People don’t attend a house of worship to be condemned about their sinful life, instead they are seeking what the Bible promises love, compassion, guidance, forgiveness, they are looking for someone to listen to them without judgement. People who attend houses of worship are judgmental and they misuse the words from the Bible to justify their meanness. People who commit themselves to a house of worship feel compelled to occupy their entire life with things of the church, and if they fail in this effort they are told that their faith isn’t strong or that there is still sin in their life.

Question, how many Pastors do you know that actual visit sick members, go to jails to pray, or know the people in their congregation? As soon as a takes membership in a mega church they are directed to a team member, instead of being formally introduced to the Pastor and the members of the Ministry staff. While people are busy working and laboring for the continued growth of this mega ministries, I wonder how much of the money goes towards helping the needy members in the congregation?

 

You might be wondering, is this a person just ranting against the church or an atheist. None of the above. I am a daughter of a former Pastor; my father is no longer with us. I have first-hand knowledge of what goes on in God’s House, and I am here to tell you that sometimes God has nothing to do with what’s going on behind the scenes. Most Preachers have gotten smart over the years and they have built their own Ministries, so that they can’t be voted out by a church board.  They are in full control and they are running church organizations like the Den of Thieves.” (Matthew 21:12).

 

A few years ago, I walked away from a house of worship that I felt wasn’t teaching the Bible in the spiritual manner that it is intended. The lack of leadership, spiritual guidance and the constant begging for money left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I prayed, fasted and enrolled in a reputable Christian College, and for an entire year immersed myself in the study of the Gospels, and Epistles of Paul. I learned a lot about myself and what it is meant to have a relationship with God. I returned to my house of worship with a new prospective. I have since established a nonprofit community outreach program. Once a month, myself and volunteers, prepare food, give out clothing, take down names and numbers of people in need, and on my own time I explore resources to help them. I no longer participate in any services that’s not teaching the Bible or building tides with the needs of the people in the Community that we worship. I am no longer control by what the leaders of the church say, I live and believe in the word of GOD.

 

So for the people who are walk away from their “Faith” my questions is what did you have Faith in and Why?

What Say You?

11

 

When

Dear readers,

Don’t live your life singing the” When” song.  Most people think  they that need certain conditions in their life to be happy. Although, in some cases this may be true, but putting off certain goals that we have control over only leads to time wasted and regrets. Don’t be one of those people who say things like, when I acquire an education I will be happy. When I earn more money then I can travel and see the world. When I move into a better house then I can enjoy myself. When I lose the weight then I will look better. When my children grow up then I can concentrate on my life. When I save up a certain amount of money then I will feel secure. When I have time I will start or finish that project. When….When…. the time to live life is now. Each day we should experience something new, and  most importantly, make time for the people in our life who truly matter. The time is now….. When may never come.

What Say you?

J. R. Floyd

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

 

Word wall

Respect, honor, dignity,  courtesy,  courage,  believe,  faith, victorious,  inspire, greatness

Respect others and honor them with the dignity they deserve. Courtesy is a lost art let’s show courage and bring back the order of politeness towards each other. If we believe that together we shall achieve more then we will be victorious in our faith and inspire others to greatness.

What say you🌷

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An Ode to Nephew

Dear Readers,

Wednesday October 4, 2017, I was sitting in my bedroom pouring my soul into my journal, ranting about how humanity has left me feeling abandon, unloved and an outcast, in a society where people prefer to engage in a relationship with their technical devices, instead of connecting with people. At 11:35pm, my mobile phone rings, I saw my youngest sisters’ name on the screen, I said “shit” took a deep breath and answered.

“sis.”

“Yes.”

“sis, what’s wrong?”

“Donavan committed suicide.”

Silence. Time Stopped.

My handsome 22-year-old nephew, a recent college graduate, received a new car from his proud father, and on his way to a career in law enforcement. A young man with a spotless record, choir member and church usher; felt that he no longer wanted to live. Days after this tragic event people are asking why? If I had the answer would that knowledge bring him back?

We live in a society where there is an increasing number of teens and young adults committing suicide, and the only question people are asking is why? My family has been devastated by such a sudden and violent death. When the family gathers we don’t talk much, we stare into space and go through the motions of planning his final service.

His mother, my sister asked me to write something nice for his obituary. After many tears soaked pages, I finally wrote these words.

Yesterday, the sky was a blazed with stars so bright they lead me home.

Yesterday, I saw your smiling face, happy with hope, faith, and peace.

Today, the Sun shined radiantly I saw your smile in the warmth of the rays.

Tonight, no stars, and the smiling, peaceful, hopeful, faithful face is no more.

The Sun has gone down. In his rest my beloved nephew struggles no more against the trails of life, loveless days, and the pain that he was unable to express. Yesterday, silence. Today there is Peace.

 

 

 

The Truth of the Matter

Dear readers,

This is not an attempt to sound preachy nor am I speaking out against people who believe in God. I was raised in a Judo-Christine home. My father the late Rev. Joseph N. Floyd sr. taught his twelve children no matter their lot in life, be respectful, kindness and above all hold onto hope and faith.

I said that to say this….

These days people seen to be angry at God or the Devil.

People in the church seem to think that the devil is blamed for war, famine, and a failed economy. I beg to differ. This is not the work of the devil. The true evil drives from the greed of power-hungry individuals, working collectively to destroy the lives of people who they deem unworthy to live a prosperous life. Yet, these same individuals continuously quote “That all men are created equal.”

There are questions concerning the presence of God. Like, why does God let terrible things happen to good people? Why does God watch people suffer? Why won’t God answer prayers, or give people the things they need? I remember a Judy Blume book I read “Are you their God it’s me Margaret?” A story about a young girl who prayed night after night for bigger breasts and when it didn’t happen …well you can guess the outcome.

People in the religious world blames the SIINERS for creating the SINS that cause people to turn their backs on GOD. The church claims that people in the secular world belief is “In God We Trust.” The individuals in the spiritual world accuse the non-believers in trusting too much in “earthly wealth” instead of earning their place in heaven by doing honorable deeds on earth. The non-believer’s counterargument is that believers are too passive and spend too much time praying, hoping, wishing, and waiting for life to get better, instead of making it better they wait for some invisible God to do it for them.

Mega churches are being built, but who are they helping? Politicians make promise of making life better for the less fortunate during an election year, only to get into office then cut programs for the same people who BELIEVED they would make a difference.  PASTORS of these mega churches are preaching a message of better days and a better life and all people must do is believe?

The finger pointing can go on and on between the believers and the non-believers the real question is, how can we come together and make this world a better place regardless of our own personal beliefs?

What say you?