Getting to know me

Dear Readers,

Hello, hello, hello I’ve hope that you are enjoying Spring break, Easter and Passover celebration.  We are now in the season of spring a time of renewal Mother Nature is spreading her beauty around us. This is a perfect time to properly introduce myself to my audience and tell you about why I created Conversations with J. R.  Conversations with J. R Floyd, was created out of my frustrations and relationship struggles. I started to observe people in relationship and noticed that they experiencing relationship problems, but they aren’t communicating with their partners, they are  talking to other people about their pain and frustration. I don’t think that people enters relationships thinking the worst we all hope to have a long, loving and happy union, but along the way things happen in our lives that affect our relationships, and we sometime wait too long to address the problems in our relationships. On my YouTube channel Conversations with J. R. Floyd   I’ve talked about:

  1. Relationship expectations and how sometimes we hold our partners up to ridiculous expectation. Unbalanced relationship and how relationship becomes unbalanced, and how people Define their relationships.
  2. Compatibility and being an individual within the relationship. I’ve read from both of my books. The Waiting Game and A different Flavor of Love. ( available on amazon)
  3. I’ve talked about clearing the clutter out of our lives, not the clutter in your apartment, cars or garage. The Mental and emotional Clutter that hold us back from having better clarity about life.
  4. I’ve talked about living your best life, which I’m doing right. I shared my battle with mental Illness and Dysfunctional relationships, and why some people stay in relationship past their due date. No I don’t think that relationships should have a due date, but sometimes they do.
  5. You can check out these topics and more by subscribing to my YouTube channel: Conversations with J. R. Floyd. My channel presents a various array of topics. I talked about men and women empowerment, and the lost foundation of family. We move from generations to generation and the value of family has  lost its importance. 
  6. On my journey of reflection, discovery and renewal I wrote another book about my experiences and my journey to find answers. I am not a psychologist, or a relationship expert, and I don’t give out advice. My goal is to engage people in conversations about relationship topics. I am combining my passion for teaching,  reading, writing and exploring to create a platform for people to have meaningful Conversations. I create a blog ( dragthepen on wordpress.com) and my YouTube channel ( Conversations with J. R. Floyd) as way to speak to the world about what other people are not talking to each other about. 
  7. On this journey I discovered that I needed to give  myself over 100% to letting go and purging myself from all past events and traumas.  I’m willingly going through this process because have you noticed that holding onto old stuff is a lot more painful than letting them go. I am letting go to live my best life for me. Not preparing myself for a relationship people usually work on themselves to be better for someone else. I am working on myself to be better for me. I not longer choose to give my time and energy to areas of life that are not supporting my professional, spiritual, and personal growth. I am working on strengthening my self-worth. I have taken back ownership of my life I gave my life away because I didn’t know what I was doing.This winging it seems to be the theme that many people are doing. Many people are afraid to admit that they did not receive a good foundation about intimate relationships. I say, it is never to  late to learn. I am truly enjoying this part of my journey. There you have it. I have properly introduced myself to you and my mission. So come along with me on this journey of conversation, reflection, discovery and renewal you might be surprised about what you learn.  

Hold on or Let go?

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Dear Readers, 

What are you holding onto that you need to let go of? We have all heard this phrase “let go and let go” but what is this letting go and letting god? Some people say in order to live a happy and life we need to forgive and let go of past events that keeps us stuck in emotional turmoil. Letting go is a process that takes time and for some people letting can be more painful than holding on.

What say you? Thank you for watching, please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Conversations with J. R. Floyd

Thank you.

 

The VIP Pass

cropped-dsc2746-1.jpgDear Readers, day 5 of my 10 day writing challenge prompt 5, do you feel like you have a spiritual VIP pass?

Never through of my life as having a spiritual VIP pass. I used to view my life as a series of struggles after struggles, crisis after crisis. I felt that the spirits of the universe were against me, and that my life was supposed to be ugly and difficult. I have given a lot and gained very little. I don’t see myself as a successful person because I don’t have the things that I’ve been striving for. Oh yes, I have a roof over my head, but it’s not mine. I have two-part time jobs but I don’t net the $70.0000 that would give me freedom. People see me as strong, firm, smart, creative, and hardworking. Someone bounce back from setbacks. I have no choice but to bounce back I can’t afford to sit on my butt. I am constantly haunted by the feelings of being a failure. I don’t see any value in what I have done with my life.

Today’s prompt the spiritual VIP pass has led me to thinking about all the wreckage that I have walked away from and not a scratch. I have more than survived I have lived to overcome the darkness to walk in the light. I have been blessed at the 11th hour when it seemed all hope was lost. My spiritual VIP pass helped me to transform from a low wage earning high school dropout to a college grad, educator, professional singer, author, motivational speaker and so much more.. Answering today’s prompt has allowed me to think about the connection of people, places and events that have come into my life even just for a season and down the line I understood the reason. I have held onto and continue to press on with the believe that the power of this universe hears me, helps me, talks to me, protects me, guides me, loves me unconditionally and supplies all of my needs. I have had some bad lows along with a few highs and I am still here. I Don’t quite understand my journey but I am liking the second half of this two act play called life. I have peace like I have never felt before. I remain confident that this spiritual VIP pass will bring to me what I need when I need it.

The power of a remarkable attitude

Dear readers,

In is book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl wrote these amazing words: “We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last pieces of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: The last of his freedom is to choose his own attitude in any given set of circumstances -to choose one’s own way.”

what say you?

Oh the Horror!

Dear readers,

It started at the age of 30. I secured my freedom on the road to becoming self-sufficient. The delicious thrill of being on my own, living, thinking and having time for me.

Rewind……….

I was married at the age of 24. The first two years was stella. The last four years were like scenes from Dante’s Inferno. At the age of 30 with the help of my family and friends I escaped.

Fast-forward…….

Twenty three years later, four degrees, one self-published novel, three successful seasons singing first Soprano with the New York City Downtown Chorus, and a supporting role in the Christian play “Oh Lord Why did I get Married?”

Hooray you say job well done.

So, why do I feel like a failure? Years of working three-part time jobs to pay for college and to keep a roof over my head. The end results I haven’t gotten that high paying dream career I worked so diligently to have.

I thought at this stage I would have a better partner to settle into a long-term loving relationship. Another pipe dream lost. The final blow I live in a state (New York City) where the landlord’s greed rules and even though everyone’s money is the color of green, if a person is white and can pay higher rent they are privileged to live in the best neighborhoods.

I am faced with making the choice of sharing an apartment after living in my own space for twenty-three years. I ask myself over and over, How can I co-habitate with a stranger? I am a clean freak, who likes a quite home, a peaceful home is important for me to keep my sanity.

OMG. The fear of seeing someone’s boyfriend coming out of the bathroom in his underwear. Someone eating my food or secretly going through my belongings. The real estate market is such that living on one’s own would require working a tremendous number of hours to cover the rent alone.

Today, I had an appointment at a roommate finders’ agency, the realtor asked me” what am I willing to give up  to acquire a place where I can have all my belongings with me, and to make a fresh start.”

At this present moment, I don’t know how to answer that question.

What say you?

 

 

Gratiude

Dear readers,

Today, I am grateful for my life. I’ve been observing the life style of some of my family and friends, and sometimes I secretly  wished that I had what they have. But upon close investigation, I’ve come to understand that most of them  that I’ve watched with the GREEN EYES of ENVY  with all  their material assets; house, cars, trips, expensive clothes, and other accessories, some of them lack peace and freedom. Let me explain, they seemed happy with all that they have gained, however, while a rare lunch date with my best friend, she confirmed my assumption, when she said, ” There are days that I wished that I could live like you.” I didn’t respond because I was thinking, she has a house, two cars, three beautiful children, and a husband who provides for her. She must be mad, I worked two jobs, ride public transportation ( took  on the second job to save for a car), and I haven’t been in a relationship for six years.

Before I could question her, she continued. “I love my family, but I wished that I would have waited to live my life. You live free of the burdens of having to find a baby sitter for three kids in order to have date night, which is rare, or to go out with the few friends I have. Your house is always clean and quiet. In my house, I constantly hear  voices, asking and demanding my time and attention. I’m totally depended on my husband financially and at time he is tight with money.Besides begin married for 15 years, having my children, I have nothing to show for what I have accomplished beyond my marriage. You travel, paid your way through college, published a book, your self-sufficient, and unlike the rest of the women in our circle you didn’t settle. When you marriage wasn’t working, you left and didn’t look back. Anyway, girl I’m venting, how is the new book coming?”

We continued to eat  lunch and talked about my next book. We parted ways and when I arrived home, put the key in my door to be greeted by my  dogs wagging tail of excitement, It was a that moment that I knew that I haven’t been grateful for my life. I have all that I need and my life is the exactly the way it should be.

What do you have to be grateful for?

Bad Mon, Good Mom

Dear Readers,

Can I have a drum roll please…. The mother of the year award goes to…..

There is an ongoing debate about the qualities of a goof mother. Women in general have been tried judged and sentenced, by the majority who feel that a mother’s place is at home. With that being said, women who choose to become mothers; have had bricks thrown at them, and I say that in a literal sense. The populace defines a mother as one who bares the sole custodianship of caring for their offspring’s. Therefore, mothers who desire to function outside of their assigned gender role they must be able to withstand the storm of criticism by the unapproving masses. “Having It All, “meaning women who are balancing motherhood while perusing interest outside the home. The problems with “Having It All,” is the lack of support by a social order that dictates what women should be. By the way, women do not want to “Have it all, “They desire the opportunity and the freedom to express themselves outside the role of being a mother.

This is my story. what say You?

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Traditional Women versus Modern Ladies

Dinner conversation with my mother went something like this:

 

my mother and grandma ( her mother)

Mother: “Why can’t today’s women be like the ladies of my time?”

Me: “Mom what are you taking about?”

Mother: “Look at how these so called modern girls dress, they don’t keep house well, can’t or won’t cook, and their behavior is out of control.”

Me: “Women of today are exploring what the world has to offer them.”

Mother: “Well, if you ask me, all of this freedom is causing problems in the home. The women who want to have a job over a husband and children is selfish.”

Me: “Most if not all the women from your generation (side bar my mother was born 1943) are living in denial, the world has changed and the nature of what women need and can do has evolved and so have their role in society.”

Mother: “That the problem women have forgotten their place. In my day women understood where we belonged, in the home, tending to our children, cooking and cleaning and making sure things in the home was right when our husbands came home.”

Me: “There are still women who desire to get married and have babies. However, there is nothing wrong with the few women who choose to either delay marriage and children or not to get married and have children. The major difference between your generation and mine is that we have choices, in your day you did not. I am sure that there were women of your time who did not want to get married as young as they did, but they had no choice or say in the matter.

Mother: That might be true but….

Me: No buts, mom, the women of your generation bash today’s women because they resent not having the freedom to explore life and make their own choices. I have heard many of your friend’s say, “if they could start life over, they would make better decisions.”  What you see expressed by this generation is a reflection of what they view on reality shows; look around mother no one is teaching the young women of today good values. Look at the four daughters, you raised, you taught us proper valves like, self-respect, being self-sufficient and creative. You showed us how to think for ourselves, to dress and behave like women. Most important you gave and showed us that we are loved.  Mom, most of the young women of today never experienced having a close bond with their mother or grandmother like me and my sisters did. The world has changed and it will continue to do so, instead of criticizing the modern women as  you called them, show share with them what you have given me, cause at the end of the day, they  want to be love, not looked down on.

Mother: Speechless

What say you?