The Big Setup

Dear Readers, 

You might disagree with what I am about to say, while on the path of healing from years of mental confusion, abusive relationships, and emotional brokenness; I reflect back to my youth, and I arrived at the conclusion that my parents and other adult members of my family set me on a collision course for failure. I am not using my parents as a scapegoat or pointing the finger of blame at them for my poor choices that led to horrible experiences. However, my upbringing wasn’t easy and I struggled through many obstacles and hardships. I am reminded that I wasn’t successful in many areas of my life due to the lack of basic life skills that weren’t taught to me by my parents. 

The rationale for my statement is that I believe that family sets the foundation for a child’s readiness for life. Home sets the stage for children to apply to real life circumstances what they learn from family role models. The lessons about life and life skills this training should begin at home not in the streets or from their peers who know less than they do. The knowledge of living  by good morals and values should begin at home. I’m a baby boomer and the world is completely different from when I was a child, the structure and function of the family has changed. Today’s generation has more odds stacked against them and they need to be prepared to face the challenges of this world.

Unfortunately, my parents did not teach me the value of saving, budging, buying property, securing employment in positions that offer benefits such as pension, or investing for my future. In my childhood home education wasn’t important, instead, I constantly heard from my mother 

” can’t wait until you’re eighteen so you can get out on your own.” Who says this to a child who has nothing to stand on. My parents were anxious to get us, meaning all eight of my siblings out of the house. It didn’t matter where we went or how we got there, the rule was graduate high school, get a job and leave. 

This area of my life has been a source of deep anger, why, because over my life I’ve  established friendships with people from various cultures and economic backgrounds. One key factor I observed is that my friends lived in homes where a foundation was set in place to help them to succeed. In these homes were examples of good work ethics, education was valued, family time meant a sit down meal every night, and my friends family gatherings were not about getting drunk and fighting, but time for bonding and good creating memories. My friends parents had a plan for their children and they were allowed to remain at home until they were stable enough to provide for themselves. I remember one time when I had to return home my presence wasn’t welcomed, and again I was constantly asked ” was I saving money to get another place to live.” That was the first and last time I went back. 

I used to imagine how my life would have been if I was raised in an environment where I was nurtured, and asked about my future dreams, if my mother had given me mother daughter time, and talked to me about the birds and the bees. If my father had shown me more love and a softer side of him, instead of dealing out cruel punishment for childhood mistakes. 

My childhood home felt more like a detention center, my father the warden, and the other family members fell in line and supported his military style of ruling with an iron fist. By the time I left home at 18 with a young baby I was no warfare, scared, and clueless about being a single mother and how to survive on my own. I struggled never having enough money or food. 

Fast forward…..

Despite the rough beginning I found my way but it wasn’t easy. I suffered and my family did not offer any support. I gladly accepted therapy to help work through the pain of my lost childhood, the horrors of my young adult life and the poor choices I made that lead to severe emotional damage.The path to recovery from years of abusive relationships and setbacks have been a rocky journey, but there is good news, the last five years I’ve been able to plant my feet on solid ground. Discovering my true self, learning self care, my worth, and being one hundred percent self sufficient is difficult, but worth the sacrifices I made because it’s all for me. 

I currently work with college students as an Academic Coach. Each day I do my best to make a difference in their lives. I listen when they talk, I find resources to help them work through life’s  problems. I tell them that they are important and capable of achieving their goals, and what they feel and think is relevant. I put forth an effort to ensure that I am not another adult in their lives that will set them on a collision course for failure.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Stolen Innocence

Dear Readers,

We are becoming a society that is creating the next generation of dysfunctional women. Take a look around, we are pushing little girls into women-hood before they are ready. We are all to blame, however, this misguided introduction on how to become a proper lady begins at home. Today’s parents are lost between satisfying their children’s needs and being a cool parent. Regardless of the tasks parents are up against there is no true reasoning for them to financially support and give their seal of approval for their daughters to dress in a manner that is not age appropriate. The consequence for young girls between the ages of 10-16 dressing inappropriate is that they are subjected to being negatively labeled, and there are men in this society who have no regrades to approaching under age girls. The foundation of family is the root where children learn how to mature into adulthood. It is the duty of  mothers, grandmother and aunts to be positive role models and guide young girls how to conduct themselves in the appropriate manner by teaching them what is acceptable. Most people place blame solely on reality television, rap video’s, and social media because these outlets expose  young girls to a fastidious glamorous life style that requires them to be ” sexy”.  Reminder,  Kim Kardashian become ” famous” not for pro….. any true talent, but she made millions from a sex tape.

There is no rational for young girls between the ages of 8 to 16 to go through the horror of sitting and being fitted for a full weave, full set of nail tips that are shaped like lethal weapons, in addition to waking in 8 inch heels and tight clothing. I have seen 12- 14 year old girls wearing pom pom shorts that expose their butt cheeks, and halter tops exposing the outline of young developing breast, and women around them encouraging them by complementing how cute they look. I recently attended a junior high school graduation for a friends daughter. What I observed during the ceremony was shocking, appalling, and shameful. Young girls wearing micro mini dresses revealing their inner thighs, and the print of their panties lines. Some wore shoes with heels so over the top high that they had to hold onto a friend or family member to walk. Their was cleavage and exposed butt cheeks, hanging out of shorts, and young innocent faces plastered with make up.

The message we are sending to young girls is that enhancing and altering their appearance is the only way society will except them and exposing their private body parts is the standard by which the male gaze says that they are beautiful. We are taking away their innocence and most important we are not allowing them to go through the natural stages from childhood to adolescence to becoming a young women. As adults we are supposed to protect our young girls. The reality is that there is more evil than good in this world.The wolves are out there ready to devalue the minds of young girls. Let’s go back to the old saying, “it takes a village to raise a child”. In this village our young girls will know that they are loved, protected and that they are valved for their inner beauty, intelligence, gifts and talents, not for their bodies.

What say you?

ReplyForward

Z

Dear readers,

 

I’m at a loss  for words and lack understanding. Will someone please explain in layman’s terms, what is happening to this generation of young people, commonly referred to as GENERATION Z. The majority of them seem to lack good morals, and they have values that they  not meaningful. Furthermore, there is a blatant disregard for human life, and they resist becoming a positive, creative, active member for the society they live in. I’ve observed the absence  of modesty that is viewed as being back wards and old fashion among young ladies of this generation, and some of the women from my era ( baby boomers). The young males glorify the sagging pants fashion no matter how ignorant this style makes them appear. This may seem like as expression of personal bias towards GENERATION Z; nonetheless, I’m saying out-loud what most adults are thinking or talking about behind closed doors.

What Say You?

 

 

Family or not

Dear readers,

We are living in a different time where the structure of  what it means to be a family  continues to break down, and this situation seems to get worse with each generation. Once upon a time, being a family meant that children were raised in a two parent home with the presence of extended family members. Nowadays, a family can mean a single parent home that is not limited to mothers only. Furthermore, Grandparents and other family members  such as: Aunts and Uncles, are taking in nieces and nephews to keep them from going into the foster care system. I may not have been the best example of a parent, but when I gave birth to my only child it wasn’t my choice to become a single parent, his father took flight, and that was the end of my hopes of raising  my child in a two parent home. He never had the chance to experience the joy of coming home to a mother and a father. Because of this I decided not to give birth to  anymore children. When I observe the damage children suffer due to the break down  in the way family was intended to be, I wonder, how will it be for my grandchildren generation.

What Say You?

 

Traditional Women versus Modern Ladies

Dinner conversation with my mother went something like this:

 

my mother and grandma ( her mother)

Mother: “Why can’t today’s women be like the ladies of my time?”

Me: “Mom what are you taking about?”

Mother: “Look at how these so called modern girls dress, they don’t keep house well, can’t or won’t cook, and their behavior is out of control.”

Me: “Women of today are exploring what the world has to offer them.”

Mother: “Well, if you ask me, all of this freedom is causing problems in the home. The women who want to have a job over a husband and children is selfish.”

Me: “Most if not all the women from your generation (side bar my mother was born 1943) are living in denial, the world has changed and the nature of what women need and can do has evolved and so have their role in society.”

Mother: “That the problem women have forgotten their place. In my day women understood where we belonged, in the home, tending to our children, cooking and cleaning and making sure things in the home was right when our husbands came home.”

Me: “There are still women who desire to get married and have babies. However, there is nothing wrong with the few women who choose to either delay marriage and children or not to get married and have children. The major difference between your generation and mine is that we have choices, in your day you did not. I am sure that there were women of your time who did not want to get married as young as they did, but they had no choice or say in the matter.

Mother: That might be true but….

Me: No buts, mom, the women of your generation bash today’s women because they resent not having the freedom to explore life and make their own choices. I have heard many of your friend’s say, “if they could start life over, they would make better decisions.”  What you see expressed by this generation is a reflection of what they view on reality shows; look around mother no one is teaching the young women of today good values. Look at the four daughters, you raised, you taught us proper valves like, self-respect, being self-sufficient and creative. You showed us how to think for ourselves, to dress and behave like women. Most important you gave and showed us that we are loved.  Mom, most of the young women of today never experienced having a close bond with their mother or grandmother like me and my sisters did. The world has changed and it will continue to do so, instead of criticizing the modern women as  you called them, show share with them what you have given me, cause at the end of the day, they  want to be love, not looked down on.

Mother: Speechless

What say you?