Let the truth be told

Let the truth be told. 

 

People  say that we are  the sum of our experiences. But what happens when the majority of your experiences have lead to a traumatic life?  My childhood was a combination of fear and punishment. Children look to their parents for protection, love, guidance, and  assurance. I was raised in a house with eight siblings and I felt neglected and abandoned by a mother who was busy with kids and housework. My father was not a warm and  loving father he ruled his house with an ironic fist keeping his family in check was his main goal. The fun times in my house where very few due to my father allowing religion to be the center of our lives. One of the major mistakes my parents made was that they didn’t teach their children about the true facts of life. My mother was busy turning  me into a domestic diva making sure that I didn’t have time to be a child, teen nor did she help me with my transition into womanhood. 

At the age of 17, I was desperate to get away from home so I gave  my virginity to the first boy who said he ” loved me” this lead to years of yearning for the need to be loved,  protected, cherished, provided for, and to feel that I mattered. Not such luck. Just like my childhood in my relationships I was abused, confused, ashamed, neglected, made to feel worthless, undeserving and invisible. My family watched while my life was devastated  by relationships after relationships. I experienced being put out in the street by live in boyfriends, infidelity, and foolishly being financially responsible for some of the men in my life because I didn’t know better. 

The years of searching for a place to belong was tremendously painful. Walking through life and never feeling secure that at least one person had my  back. I put my trust in the wrong people and I made poor relationship choices. I spent eight years in therapy, yoga, meditation, disciplined eating, education……blah, blah only to be haunted with a heavy feeling of emptiness. People tell me that I should be proud of all that I have accomplished. I am told that I am strong, creative, intelligent, beautiful, energetic, and powerful. I have fallen more times then I care to count. Each time pulled myself up using my strength, creativity, intelligence, and energy. During the most stressful events in my life, I have had minimal support from family, but thank God for a few die hard friends. 

I recently began to understand why I disliked the men from my past relationships. Due to my lack of relationship knowledge and experience I opened myself to be stepped on like a doormat and used like a pit stop. None of the men in my past had the decency to have mercy on me, so they took advantage of my lack of experience. So,  part of my new healing process is to hold them accountable instead of me shouldering all the blame. To the men from my past please remember a woman gave birth to you, you have sisters, aunts, and daughters, shame on you for mistreating women. I am moving forward healing myself of the pain you caused me. This time around I know what I am healing from and why.

To my deceased father and living mother I no longer wish to take responsibility and carry around the shame for what you didn’t teach me. It was your duty as parents to share vital information about the dangers of this world.  I know that you couldn’t protect me from every bad wolf, but you could have at least warned me before you just pushed me out into the dark abyss. I am going to dig deep and heal from my lost innocence. 

To all the people who have betrayed me. I am moving on with the awareness that I can’t go through life shielding myself by staying behind the walls of my cocoon. I know everyone is not out to get me, but I will move with caution. To all the people that I caused pain with my words or deeds,  I seek your forgiveness, whether you want to grant me pardon doesn’t matter because I am not that person anymore. 

2020, will be the start of true healing. I know the work I have to do and I

I am ready. I will love myself  unconditionally, I will protect, provided, have my back, keep promises to self,  engage in activities that bring me joy, and build towards my future. For my future friends and husband, when you cross through the threshold into my life please be aware that if your not truthful, trustworthy,  have honorable intentions, willing to respect, love, honor, have my back, be my ride or die, protect, support, show compassion and just be authentic with your intention, I am reminding you that I am emotionally better, mentally aware and most importantly I am paying attention. 

My hope is that for every person who reads this to sit down to write a letter to self,  and talk to the people who have caused you pain, read the letter out loud, burn it and heal. Your happiness matters. 

 

 

To be a Man

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Dear Readers,

Men have parts of them that are broken and need to be healed, but the standards set forth by society is this, men are indebted to the principles of the Maculine gender that requires them to “Confirm to the idea of Manliness” as quoted by Paul Theroux, On Being a Man. Therefore, to behave in any other manner besides what’s expected some men run the risk of being labeled or accused of stepping outside their assigned gender role.

As part of my role as a motivational coach for my brand Conversations with J. R. Floyd, my mission is to discuss issues that impact intimate relationships, to empower men and women to be brave and examine their brokenness as the first step on the path to healing.

Recently, I was called upon by one of my male viewers who also happens to be a former students of mine. He need a face to face coaching session his issue, he ended a relationship that he now says was a mistake.
When we meet my first question to him: “ Why did he broke off the relationship?”
His answer: “ Because I am a man and I like to be in control.”
Me: silence.

While he continued to tell me what lead up to his decision, I thought back to our first meeting two years ago, this young man was hard core angry. As time went by he opened up and I discovered that his anger was a result of the lack of his mothers’ love. Despite this he matured right before my eyes and made it to graduation. I thought that he had conquered his anger issues. I don’t place 100 percent of the blame on him this is a 50/50 situation; he comes from a culture where men are expected to live up to “ MACHISMO”, secondly, he has been misled by all the myths on what it really makes a man, a man.

The bottom line he showed me an emotional side that other men would say makes him weak because he is showing emotions. Instead of sitting around his “ home boys” drinking and celebrating the fact that he showed her, his ex -girlfriend who is boss by breaking up with her, instead he called me for help. Other men would accused him of  being a punk for wanting to crawl back to a woman. When I looked in his eyes I saw pain and confusion. It is despairing that we live in a society where men are not allowed to connect to their emotions freely without judgement. The good things about this situation is that the young lady is willing to give him another chance, but she wants to see changes in his aggressive behavior. I gave him homework, he is to write in his journal each night, and he is to reserve every other saturday to pure dating, talking and just getting to know his partner, and she has agreed to be patient and take things very, very slow.

He left our first coaching session smiling and in his eyes I saw hope. I couldn’t help but think about all the young men in this world that are being raised to be a man, but they haven’t a clue about what being a man means.

What say you?

Broken people can heal

Dear Readers, We use the word baggage when we speak about people who have been emotionally broken. Emotionally broken people have experienced certain traumatic events that effects their ability to establish a relationship. Watch my discuss on this topic and Join me for more relationship topics on my You Tube channel, Conversations with J. R. Floyd. Thank  you for watching.

The sad state of relationships

Dear Readers, I have noticed a trend in relationships that people are using manipulation, dictating rules, and feel the need to control their partner. Relationships have become ownership instead of a partnership. Relationship have become a dumping ground for broken people. what happened to love, honor respect, compassion  and commitment.

What say you? Thank you for watching for more videos on relationship topics please support me by subscribing to my You Tube.

 

 

 

Words

Dear Readers,

Another share from my 10 day writing challenge this from day seven prompt # 7: How to use your words.

The old saying sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me. Lies. Proverbs 18:21 ( KJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Words can kill, they can give life, bless and curse. Some words express hatred, and some are filled with love, hope, compassion, and peace. We are charged today with the task of using our words impeccably, but this isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes situations catch us off guard and we spew out words that we can’t take back. Anger makes our words commit violence acts against others. In sadness words can heal and comfort. We asks for forgiveness with words, but the feeling comes from deep from within. We can use our words to resolve conflicts without verbally insulting others.

Today, I choose to speak words of blessings over my life. I have the gifts and talents to make my life vision a reality. I am motivated, creative, smart, clear, focused, wise, and loving. I choose to live a positive life of happiness and abundance. I choose to use my words to heal, uplift, encourage myself to be and to do better for me because I deserve a good life.

Today, I speak positive blessings over you my readers. My hope for you is that regardless of your struggles your powerful, strong, and able to endure. You can live a positive, happy, healthy, strong life. You have the talents and gifts to succeed. There is only one you to do what you do. Don’t allow doubt, negative chatter from others to distract you from your life’s vision. Go with those voices in your head that say, yes you can and yes you will. I want the best for you because you deserve to live a happy peaceful life.

Now the difficult part. I am supposed to speak words of blessings over a person or people who I don’t have a good relationship with. How do I begin to speak positive words of blessings for people who have said unkind words to me and over me. People who have broken my trust and treated me unkind with their words. How can I say that I wish them well The I remember that hurting people hurt others. We all need love peace, compassion, respect, support, understanding, and forgiveness. My hope for you is that despite speaker words of hate towards me, I hope you find happiness and live an abundant life. I pray that you never harm others with your words of destruction and bad deeds.

Dear Readers, as writers, blogger, vloggers, authors, artist, singer, and teachers we have the power of the pen to help to change the world with our words. How do you use your words?Words-Have-Power