Looking in the Mirror, time for reflection

ALL IS WELL

Dear Readers, 

Sometimes life has a way of stopping us in our tracks helping us understand life on life’s terms, and to see the other picture behind the bigger picture. People are blinded by striving for professional success and clawing their way up the class and economic ladder, due to being dissatisfied with their current class status. We wish for more and do our best to keep up the JONESES, while theorizing that the grass is greener on the other side.

That Was Me. 

People have told me that I am a late bloomer my life played out in reverse.. I was a high school dropout, unwed teenage mother, and experienced years of working low paying jobs. It took time, but I found my way back on the right path to acquiring an education, where I discovered the love of English Literature. Victory you say, yes, and no, my story doesn’t end there. I have enjoyed years of academic success, but what spoiled my triumph was that I brought into the societal notion that I should fit myself into the idealized American Dream. This piece isn’t about how I achieved my American Dream, on the contrary, I did not achieve any dream because I was trying too hard to adjust to someone else’s Idea about how my life should play out. It almost RUINED me, I brought into the claim that “ one size fits all”. 

It was my pursuit of an inmate partnership  meaning to find Mr. right and to “ settle down” into a long term loving partnership. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a loving partnership, however, what I was doing was “ Settling” . I was literally looking for love in all the wrong faces. I confess that I viewed being alone as a disease, when I should have embraced my alone time as time to work on me ,and make the foundation of life stronger. I did not understand how to be with myself, and that I was in charge of my happiness, instead of relying on others to give me what I need to give to myself. I suffered years of abusive relationships and never truly found the person to show me genuine love, honesty, support my career goals, and my vision of becoming an author, and talk show host. A few years ago I was almost homeless because the man that I was engaged to asked me to leave his home immediately, because I refused to submit to him controlling my life. I struggled with  years of being emotionally and financially broken, confused and angry.  

I used to complain that my life wasn’t successful, I viewed my life as “ wasteful” , and then I read this quote by Susan Samarro, “ Nothing you’ve been through has been wasted”. Before entering the teaching profession, I spent 13 years as a well paid theater manager at a wonderful Performing Arts Center. There I witnessed operas’ page to stage, film festivals, and artist in residence programs, not to mention some famous movies that were filmed at my venue. In 2006, I took a final curtain bow and began my Masters program in Education while working as a floor supervisor at The Learning Resource Center. After completing my education I dove head first into my love of teaching Literature. Sounds like the perfect comeback story, oh yes it is. It took me to be sheltered in place during this coronavirus pandemic, that ALL IS WELL. While the world is in chaos, being sheltered in place has given me the time, space and peace that I have never known. The time to set up my new apartment room by room, lesson learned never give up my place to move in with a man. Second lesson, being home means spending less money, paying off bills, reviewing my finances and on the path to repairing my credit, and the savings is great.I am learning that I am at my best when I live alone, but currently, I have a roommate who temporarily went back home to her family. I cherish this down time. It makes good financial sense to have the support of a roommate, but moving forward I enjoy my own space. 

All is well because I know who I am, what I want and how to bring joy into my life. I enjoy coffee in bed, and sleeping late, cooking vegan meals, laying on the sofa watching movies, while  sipping wine and eating popcorn. I like the peace, quiet and space to create. I like being with me. I am not giving up on finding my life partner, but this is no longer at the top of my bucket list.  Today, I can truly say with confidence  ALL IS WELL. I am moving forward with the courage of a lioness, the sky is not the limit because I will never place limitations on what I can accomplish. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

What’s Important Now

Dear bloggers,  it’s been about one week since New York City has been slowly shutting down due to the Corona-virus. No matter what state you live in, today, I want to encourage you to remember this too shall pass. I invite you to think about the word WIN, What’s Important Now. Right where you are, think about what’s important now. Since this lock down has been set in place, people have been in a hurry to get back to “ normal” .  I hear people talk about feelings of fear, panic, chaos, depression, anger and confusion considering the circumstances these are all legitimate emotions. 

 

Question, how are you fueling these emotions? Are you a news hoarder?  It’s okay to check in for an update, but it is your Television, Cell phone, I pad, and Radio on 24 hours, so that your mind  is being bombarded with News. Yes, the fear about money, bills, rent, mortgage, car payments and so on are real. How is worry and panic going to solve your troubles? Try to avoid adding more stress and tension in your home during this period of being shut in. 

 

I suggest you try to focus on What’s Important Now. 

 

Focus on remaining as calm as you can. It’s important to maintain structure, make plans for how you’re going to spend the days, weeks maybe months. It’s okay to go out as a family for walks, exercise is important to maintain strength, eat well, avoid loading up on junk foods. Keep a regular sleep schedule. Use this time for self reflection individually and as a family. Maybe now is the time to create a new future for your family, or are you willing to go back to life as you call “ normal” . This crisis will change us as people and as a nation.  Are you going to come out of this crisis with a greater appreciation for family, God, your house of worship, place of employment, health, and home. Or better awareness about What’s Important Now? Will your bond with the people who matter most  be stronger? 

 

 I am thankful that I have a roommate and I am not alone. I am thankful to be able to work from home, and earn a paycheck.  I am thankful for my live Facebook chats to share words of empowerment. I am grateful I can talk to a community of bloggers. I have my life, my health, my family and friends are protected. This is What’s Important Now. 

 

My thoughts and prayers, are with the world.

 

Moderation Versus Balance

 

Dear readers,

They say moderation, I say, there should be balance in all areas of life. I am 7 days into a 90 day fitness make over. No this isn’t a new years resolution.This is about life. Let me explain. August 2019 I celebrate an entire year of healing emotionally and spiritually. This path to healing began with 90 days of reflection, discovery and renewal through intense journaling, lots of quite time, reading self help books, listening and watching motivational speakers. During this healing process I discovered that I had never given myself over to such an intense path, can you image an entire year of focusing on self? It’s been very rewarding.

Recently, I began to notice that moderation isn’t my problem my new struggle is balance. I sat down and designed a pie chart of my life and discovered that I am lacking in the areas of socialization and health and fitness. What happened or is happening to me I allowed life to get in the way of my balance. I suffer from the awareness of how focusing on one or two areas of life can cause others areas to suffer. At the age of 55 I am 25 pounds overweight, and if I continue on this path it can be a dangerous one because high blood pressure and diabetes run strong in my family, and by the grace of God I have been luck, but I can’t live on luck forever.

This isn’t about weighing myself and playing the number game because my journey towards a fitness make over becomes about the numbers on a scale and not about overall health.
Looking at myself from a few years ago, I use to be a discipline eater, runner and love the game of tennis. But over time the trials of life beat me down. I made excuses why I could not find time to workout. I confess I am a snacker I love all things crunchy and salty. As for my sweet tooth donuts is my drug of choice.
I don’t enjoy being winded when I walk up stairs.
I don’t enjoy having to wear a double spanx under my clothing or ram shacking my wardrobe to find something to hide the imperfections for my love of eating greasy fried foods and donuts.

When I look at myself in pictures I cringe. I make no apologies I understand we live in a society that is pushing for acceptance, meaning love you as you are. I can’t support this idea if its going to lead to me ignoring my expanding waistline, the threat of heart decease, high blood pressure, diabetes, join and pain problems from being overweight.
Moving forward….today is day 7, and although its only been a short period of time, OMG the struggle is Deep.
I have committed myself to three days of 1 hour cardio and 1 days of yoga. My water intake is 32 oz daily, and. I have trimmed the snacking and sugar intake. The toughest adjustments are the portion control and working through the soreness. So join me on my website:  http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/ my 15 day update complete with pictures. I hope I can inspire you to make a pie chart of your life and see what areas are out of balance.

 

 

 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

http://www.conversationswithjrfloyd.com/

 

On Being Mom

Dear Readers,

Last night changed today. Let me explain. Yesterday, I created a to do list for today. One of my goals for the New Year ( 2019) is to plan and stick to a daily agenda so that my tasks do not pile up and overwhelm me. I received a call from my daughter in law telling me that my son (my only child) at the age of 37 had a heart attack. I eased myself to the floor while I listened to her relay the events of the day that resulted in her calling for emergency assistance. My immediate concern is for her and my three grandchildren because my son is the rock of that family, and their three children is the center of his life. Mothers are never prepared for these type of phone calls. Making this situation more complicated they live in North Carolina, and I live thousands of miles away in New York City. My first instinct is to pack and get moving, but my daughter in law communicated that my son said for me to stay put until they have information from the doctors. She continued to assure me that he is receiving good service and that she would not leave his side. So, I must stop pacing and wrenching my hands and make good use of my time by sticking to today’s schedule. My son is my biggest fan and supporter of my journey of becoming a writer. Through all of life’s trials’ and errors my son has been the best miracle that’s ever happened to me. I make myself better so that he has a mom that he can be proud of. So, today with a lot of prayers, tears and positive thinking, I push on…….

 

The Care is Self Care

Dear readers,   we are living in a society were self -care frowned upon the myth is that if you are taking time to care for self, than you are robbing your partner or children of you. So, little by little you give up the things  you enjoy. Take a look at my video and  get back to Doing you. Remember a happy partner is a happy relationship.

 

Family Ties

Dear readers,

It’s easy to become routine about the things we say we are grateful for like, life, good health shelter, and our daily bread. On Sunday, March 26, 2017, the day after my birthday, while having dinner with my sisters I was reflecting on the importance of staying connected to family. Sometimes when we feel that life is empty because we lack an intimate or should I say romantic relationship, however, this may not be the whole truth. Examine closely the time spent away from family, this might be the connection that your heart is yearning for. Family should never be taken for granted, Because at the close of the day all we have is God and Family.

What Say You?