The Desires of a Womans Heart

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Dear readers, a few words to the ladies

Women should not be passive but be an active participant when seeking a partner. I am not a relationship expert, psychologist nor do I have answers to fixing relationship problems. dragthepen is an open platform to discuss issues that impact our relationships. With that said, ladies when choosing a partner and noticed I didn’t say husband. Here are a few tips to keep in mind. First, you don’t have to settle. Settling is for women who have given up on who she deserves and takes the cluncker behind door number two and live a life of regret.

Deep in a women heart she desires:

A partner who understands the value of working together for a successful partnership.

A partner who sees her as she is and not who he wants her to be (this is what happens when you settle).

A partner who believes in her goals and vision and is willing to be supportive, proud and patient.

A partner who doesn’t burden her with his emotional baggage and want her to be a therapist.

A partner who doesn’t treat her like his personal maid, cook, and a sexual object.

A partner who understands a womans need for alone time.

A partner who doesn’t asked to go 50/50 on the bills ( ladies that’s called a roommate and a free lay).

Women desire to have a partners they can confident in and not have past experiences or mistakes thrown in her face. Women are tired of litte boys and want men who are emotional mature, stable and is open and ready for a monogamous relationship. Women want a partner who is willing to tell the truth even if it’s going to hurt. A man who knows how to hold her hand when the tears are flowing and embrace her when the world comes crashing down.

Ladies seek a partner who understands that compassion, truth, loyalty, communication, cooperation, support, understanding, patience, and team work will win your heart.

Ladies leave those players, pretender, representatives and visitors alone.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen.

SELF CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers. This year I will be discussing various aspects of self-care and mental health.

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People say that ” self-care is the best care”. I say, we in a society where we don’t have meaningful conversations about and how to enforce self-care thus taking supporting our mental health on a daily basis. We talk about mental health and protecting our peace, but how can we protect our peace when we lack good self-care practices? 

What is your mental health worth to you? Think about some of these points while you’re grinding yourself into exhaustion and developing poor eating and sleep habits. 

Do you lack a productive social life and I am not referring to Happy Hour. Is family time something you avoid or take time to plan for the wellbeing of your family’s emotional and mental health? 

How many people reading this will admit that they are overwhelmed at home and overworked at the job. 

You feel drained, angry, have become an emotional eater, gain weight, lost weight due to stress, and are short tempered.

Have you allowed your mental and emotional health to suffer due to remaining in dysfunction relationships? When I say relationships, this includes intimate situations, family, and friends.

People bottom line we all need down time, alone time, spa day, a weekend getaway, and a night out on the town. We need to laugh more, increase our listening skills, and practice disconnecting  from technology and all social media, and have old fashion conversations. 

I am going to leave that right there. Throughout 2023 I will be offering suggestions like, good books to read on self-care, reminding you to step back and take some down time and more topics on the importance of good self-care and mental health practice.  

Forever Pure

Warm and Secure

You have a special way of making me feel warm and secure.

Your strength and power inspire me to adore you more.

Life constant changes drives me in sane. Your love I can depend on to remain the same.

I’ve never desired a man for riches or fame.

All the gold in fort Knox’s can’t compare to this burning flame.

I hunger for your touch.

Love so gentle, kind, forever pure.

I can climb the highest mountain, swim from shore to shore and weather any storm

Because I have your love to keep me warm and secure.

I would be lost without you, for you know this is true.

Don’t ever stop making my skies starry and blue.

It’s your love that keeps me alive,

This I shall not deny your promises I can always rely.

Every day with you is like being born again

Because I have your love to keep me warm and secure.

Thak you for stopping by dragthepen

Did You Understand the Assignment?

my best buddy Peanut

Dear Readers,

Do not close your heart to LOVE. I do not know your experiences because I have not lived your life. I do not know who disappointed, neglect, abused, used, cheated, and committed acts of violence against you, that is not LOVE. I know that it is difficult to heal from the trauma of physical and emotional abuse. I know that what people do not see on the outside is broken on the inside. I know that it is not easy to bounce back from the cycle of dysfunctional relationships. But do not give up on LOVE.

I agree that you should protect yourself from people who have no good intentions towards you. I agree that you should guard you heart, mind, body, and soul from people who will drain you of kindness, compassion, and authentic LOVE. But, if you build a wall around your heart high and tight, shutting yourself away from engaging in social setting that will help you to heal, laugh, smile and to hope; you are robbing yourself of the chance encounter of meeting the one person who will give you authentic LOVE.

When you shelter your heart and mind locking yourself away soaking in the pain of the past, this will result in becoming a bitter, angry, resentful, sad, lonely, and depressed person. I agree that it scary this complicated world of TRUST and LOVE. It is saddening to observe the high number of people who live alone because they choose to give Love only to have their life devastated by an individual whose purpose was to steal, kill, abuse, and destroy because they did not understand the assignment of LOVE.

I was young when I gave my heart away. And after years of dysfunctional relationships and living a life of trauma and emotional brokenness; thankfully, I found the path to healing, forgiveness of myself and other it has been a difficult but necessary journey. I am that person who have built the wall locking myself away from the evil hands and cruel heart of the wolves in sheep clothing. It is a lonely existence, but I feel safe. I long for the joys of companionship, the touch, kindness and warm of another loving human. Life is different when it is just one. I hope that one day that I will meet the one who understand the true assignment of LOVE .

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water

Dear Readers 

News flash people are not recycled trash. I look around society and see how little regards people have for each other, especially in intimate relationships. Couples are disposing of their partners like they are recycled trash.

I dislike referring to people as trash, but there is no other metaphor I could think of to describe the inhumane manner people treat each other. People are not disposable, we cannot just disregard the time, energy, emotions, and love that an individual invests into a relationship or friendship to be thrown out like useless trash. It is said that ” one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” in other words, an item that one person throws away and does not see value in it another person sees potential.

People are not clothing items worn because it feels and looks good for a period, however without the proper care overtime the piece of clothing fades or becomes too small. Therefore, the item has outlived its usefulness. This is an example of how people are discarded. Clothing does not have feelings people do. I have seen people crushed by partner who brag about ” trading up” their partners for someone younger or richer referring to the former partner as “old trash.”  

I know people who take better care of their garbage than people do of each other. People lie, cheat, steal, kill, rape, molested, use, abuse, neglect, destroy, disrespect, dehumanize, degrade, belittle, take away another person’s innocence, and scheming causing another person to become emotionally broken and beaten down by mistreatment until there is nothing of value left to give. And then they are discarded like rubbish. 

People have become less valued. Employers choose profit over people. Some people in relationships choose materialism over their loved ones. Women go after the six figure salary men belittling and trash talking the hard-working average Joe. Men are more attracted to women who look like plastic Barbie dolls. We cannot view people as recycled trash wanting them transformed into someone more useful after being reprocessed. News flash human beings do not go through a trash refused process to become more useful to other people.

If this sounds like a rant, well partially it is. I disappointed and have lost hope and faith in humanity. People simply do not love and have compassion for their fellow kindred. The selfish and ill treatment that is displayed leaves me SMH. I know that we do not live in a perfect world and people change because of circumstances. What is it going to take to go back to the days of ” I am my brother’s keeper?” 

I often reminisce about the good old days when the people in the village cared and upheld standards of love, compassion, sympathy, care, and honor. Those were the days that people were seen for who they are good and honest. And nobody was thrown out with the trash.

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen.

Are You in Over Your Head?

Dear Readers,

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Balance is a simple word. It means to distribute weight evenly. Recently I forced myself to slow down by rearranging my schedule due to feeling overwhelmed.  Each passing day I began to declutter my schedule and gain a better perspective on how to solve the issue of rushing, and not getting enough rest.  The rest I am referring to isn’t about the recommended 7-8 of sleep. I mean resting from that never ending To Do List. 

The last two years I’ve examined the quality of activities in my life, and made some changes. First, I do not volunteer my time for anything unless I am benefiting from the activity. I no longer say yes to any requests unless I review my calendar. I stopped cramming my calendar with activities. In other words, what I did not need in my schedule is more activities, instead take the activities I do have an add Balance. 

I am preparing for retirement and I need the time to explore and research my plan to relocate and build a tiny house. At this stage of my life I no longer feel the need or have the energy to Grind. I have noticed as I am advancing in age my mind and body are no longer willing to cooperate with me working 16 hour days. What I need more of is Balance and Consistency in making the quality of my life a priority. 

I do not need to add more tasks to my To Do List. I need to practice Balance. Being busy doesn’t mean productivity. Have you ever stopped to question what you’re busy doing and why? I have recreated my To Do List into five areas of my life: health, worship, finances, rest, and retirement. The goal is to  prioritize these five areas and Balance my time to give equality and quality to the goals I want to achieve in these areas. For example, in the area of Rest, I have been traveling more and taking weekend mental breaks by staying at an airbnb. The more I take weekend breaks from the same routines I feel energized, refreshed and I have more clarity. 

It’s so easy to lose sight of the demands we place on these human bodies. When was the last time you paid attention to how mentally and emotionally drained your feelings? Society tells us to be positive, push through, be strong and that multitasking is good. What I observe is a population of people who are exhausted, angry, eating poorly, rushing from one activity to the next, not enough quality time spent at home, and taking less and less time for mental breaks and vacations. 

Declutter your schedule, home and workspace. Throw out that never ending To Do List. Cancel the bucket list. Create a Life List. Take time to critically think why you’re feeling overwhelmed. How do you rest?  How is your mental and emotional health? Don’t you think it’s worth taking time to slow down and practice Balance, Consistency and adding some peace and joy into your life. 

Thank you for stopping by Dragthepen

Its Okay Not To Push Through

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What do you do on the days you don’t want to push through? I get it when people say “this too shall pass, and feelings don’t come to last”, but today I don’t want to push through.

There’s not a dark cloud in the sky making me feel blue because the sun is shining through.

Why is it on this day I can’t push through? I don’t want to drag this weight on my back, This burden of emotional sack, why have you come to attack?

Yesterday, I was on the right track, but today, things just don’t seem right.
I close my eyes and breathe hoping to reset, recharge, energize, only to realize today I just can’t push through.

Then a thought occured, why am I asking myself to do something I am unable to do? Maybe, I don’t need to push through. I said, ” self It’s okay to delay the deadlines or not to be all that I can be today.”

After all who am I hurting? What harm am I causing? No one will be disappointed if I can’t push through today. And even if there is a moment of disappointment, oh well, ” this to shall pass.”

To the people who arrive at a day that you can’t push through, it’s okay. It’s a burden to be strong and smile everyday. Sometimes the rain is too much to bear and when these days come it is okay not to be okay. It’s important to recognize what your feeling and why you can’t push through, most important be kind to yourself.

People will say to you push through and you will be okay, they mean well, but this is horrible advice. You don’t always have to be strong, brave, smiling, positive, superwoman or superman,or the life of the party. How you feel on the days you can’t push through is important. We live in a society that has adapted bad habits of ignoring the warning signs when our bodies and spirits signals us to slow down, and pay attention before hitting that brick wall.

On the day you can push through don’t. Take a break.The world will continue without you. It always has and will. Remember, Self Matters.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

When the inner voice speaks

Hello Ladies, Let me have a word with you.

If currently not in a relationship or situationship and sitting around wondering, crying, and hating on women who are getting engaged or have successful relationships. STOP IT.
I use to be in and out of dysfunctional relationships and situationships to find Mr. Right because I was under the false impression that Mr. Right and the relationship was going to make everything in my life better. I was in and out of relationships for all the wrong reasons. During this dark and miserable period of my life I didn’t understand the emotional damage I was experiencing because I was loosing myself in the hunt for a relationship. I finally had enough of being broken, mistreated, and disappointed. When I decided that I am worth a better life this is when everything changed.

I use to fight against being alone in my space. I thought the gift of peace was underrated. People kept saying to me take time to work on myself. I thought “this is a bunch of crap.” Well, I’ve changed my mind. Ladies, if your in a position where you can creat your living space to reflect who you are count is as a blessing. If you have peace in your home embrace it. Being in the presence of peace is healing, I sleep better, I have better clarity, thus my creative ideas flows. I am learning how to balance my emotions, most important, I don’t allow others to bring their choas into my creative space of peace.

Lastly, loneliness don’t freak out about being alone, or being with self, single, spending time with you, and being in your own company. Don’t allows others to make you feel sad about being alone in your space of peace and creativity. Being alone has been the most important part of GETTING to KNOW who I am. These past two years of being on lock down because of the pandemic, and on going soical distancing helped me to embrace the path of working on me. For me this means therapy, yes, therapy is good combined with my spiritual growth have been a major factor in my emotional healing. I haven’t dated or have any interest in an intimate relationship since 2018. The big question when will I get back into the dating game? I won’t not any time soon.

My path to healing isn’t about me making myself better for a MAN, it’s about setting the standards for a better life for me. I am 57, not really interested in Mr. Right. Armed with new knowledge I know it’s about the quality of the man and does he meet the standards for my life, and not me lowering myself to meet his standards. I am going full force that on the knowledge that a successful relationship depends on the cooperation of two individuals. In the meantime, the only relationship that’s important to me is the one I am cultivating with myself.

Ladies move forward into your path of healing by creating a space of peace, self care and creativity.

Thank you for reading ❤️

Healing in the Presence of Peace

Dear Readers,

I didn’t want to be alone so I spent years in dysfunction relationships and situationships because I was afraid that being without a man meant that something is wrong with me. As a result, I accepted degrading treatment from relationships and friendships that only brought pain and suffering. For most of my life I felt I wasn’t good enough, so I tried to fix what I was told was wrong with me. The more effort I put into changing to please others they continued to point out my flaws. The first time my therapist asked me ” what did I want” I didn’t know how to answer. The truth be told my life was a sum of feeling unloved, disconnected, and beaten down from being a people pleaser. I spent years allowing the whisperers of loneliness and the judgment of others to drive me into situations that burden my life deeper into emotionally, mentally and physically depletion….until the day came when I had nothing to give.

Fast forward….. I took Action

It’s been a four years journey of understanding why I remained locked in a patterns of self sabotage and unloving intimate relationships, friendships, and attached to Self- centered family members. Regardless how painful it was I had to deconnect from dysfunctional situations in order to connect to self. When an individuals like myself decides that enough is enough and being sick and tired isn’t helping this is a defining moments of discovering the truth of who is for or against you.

During my isolation I discovered how to hear and trust my own voice. I learned that I deserved to live in a home where I don’t have to walk around on egg shells, and adjust to other people’s moods. Being a people pleaser only makes me weak, a doormat, and disconnected me from being my authentic self. I am learning to be patient and to trust the process of peace, healing and being in the presence of my company. I know that not having an inmate relationship isn’t a punishment, but time to love on me. I understand that’s having a hand full of faithful friends is better than being lost in a crowd of fake friends.

I’ve discovered that I am capable of more than anyone thought I could accomplish. During my isolation and deleting negative people from my presence cleared the way for building a better networking system that works for me. One of the best part of healing in the presence of peace is how valuable I treat my body. In other words, I no longer offer my body up as a sacrifice in exchange for happiness that won’t come. I immerse myself in self care because of what I asked of myself mentally and emotionally, not because I am running from the burdens of the baggage others dump on me.

My life use to be the sum of mostly negative choices, but today I know that it’s never too late to learn, heal, and start fresh. I don’t know who needed to hear this, but to the individuals who are listening and my experience speaks to you, I say, seek your healing in the presence of peace.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️

The Dangerous of Relationship Myths

Dear Readers,

I am no relationship expert, let the truth be told, I have failed at every attempt of establishing and maintaining a lasting intimate partnership.Yes, I am willing to be vulnerable and bare my soul by taking responsibility for why I entered and participated in many dysfunctional intimate and personal relationships that only served the purpose of robbing me of my self worth.

How many times we’ve heard this saying
” experience is the best teacher,” this is not true in all areas of life. After surviving some experiences that threatened to rob me of life and hope. What I now know is that I would have benefited from some information, preparation and foundation about certain areas of life that I had the least experience. Sometimes when individuals are left out to hang so to speak, that saying, ” experience is the best teacher” can leave some people with lasting emotional and mental damage.

I created the YouTube channel, Conversations with J R Floyd, to openly discuss relationship myths that lead people into dysfunctional relationships. These myths damage self esteem, and self worth. We learn to be mistrustful, how to scheme, not to show our authentic self because we don’t know who we are. Damaged people know who they are by what’s others tell them who they are according to personal bias.

As a society we will not be able to heal and gain clarity, if we are not willing to point the finger of blame correctly where it belongs, learn to forgive others and ourself, and go through a process healing to close the wounds inflicted as a results of emotional and mental trauma. I lived in denial for years, blinded by hopeless and anger, surrounded by broken people like myself. I am happy to say that I dug deep for my healing. I honor the entire journey even the dark, lonely, hopeless days. Today, I stand on firm ground, I know who I am and have better clarity and purpose. My experiences did not kill me, some made me stronger, wiser and most important when to seek help.

Some relationship myths

1. If he lays with you he will stay with you. This is not necessarily true.
2. Being labeled baby mama doesn’t equal being a wife. Most women who give birth to children without being legally married expect to be treated like a wife
3. Shacking up means he is keeping his options open. Ask yourself a question, why isn’t he honoring you with marriage?
4. There is no honor in being someone side piece. This seems to be a dangerous trend that is honored in today’s society.
5. Women who devote years of their lives to a man who aren’t their husband. To each his own, but don’t be angry when he marrys someone else
6. He or she isn’t the one, so you try to change them. It’s not our duty to change anyone. Accept and allow people to be who they are or move on and find your equal.
7. Ladies if he is dating and calling you only at night, recognize what you are, ” a booty call”
8. It’s cheaper to keep her inside of seeking a divorce. Ladies this is how men feel about you when he has invested financially in a marriage or long term partnership.
9. Having any man is better than no man, even if he is somebody else’s man. In other words, your a side piece
10. People are justified when they have sexual relationships outside of their marriage.

These are just a few myths and topics on my YouTube channel, conversations with J R Floyd. Join me.

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen ❤️