Then the Darkness Came

Dear Readers, 

I knew what it was the moment I felt it. I went into fight mode. I didn’t want to feel it not now. After all I made it through the months of being sheltered in place without giving into that feeling, so why now?  I don’t need this darkness to invade my life, interrupting my sleep, pressing down on me and taking away my will to live. I want to be happy, I desire to be whole. After all the B.S. that I have fought back from and survived why is it coming around now? 

When the light goes away I can’t think my thoughts become heavy, and my body turns into a pillar of stone. The harder I fight back against the gloom that threatens to overwhelm me with waves of sadness and flashback from my past choking me, and robbing me of the chance to see the brightness of the sun and to breath fresh air. So, I sink deeper and deeper into despair. 

AND THEN THE DARKNESS CAME……

Since the age of 17 I have been in a battle for my life with Depression. The suffering and pain of   mental illness is REAL, and the challenge to get through each second, hour and an entire day, is like pushing a one tone boulder up a steep hill with one hand.  I consider myself to be one of the lucky people who have fought this battle without medication,  but at a high price. The demons of depression will robe your soul and suck any glimmer of light and hope that tries to emerge. 

Before you ask, there is no wishing mental illness away, a vacation won’t cure it, spa day will just give a temporary reprieve, and for all the PRICKS out there who think that people who have lots of money have no reason to be depressed, well, if you walked 24 hours in a person shoes who is suffering from depression, and experience the inner hell that takes over mind, soul and spirit, you will have a better understanding of this dark abyss of misery. 

I am lucky this time the depression only lasted a month and I am slowly returning to a temporary normal. I have a few projects I am working on and the depression has set me back, but you will be hearing from me very soon. 

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen

Word Wall part 3

Dear readers,

They say, ” Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”

We’ve all recited these words to ourselves after someone has said something cruel. Parents teach their children this adage insisting that it not what people say to them, rather its more important how people treat them.This might have been true years ago when people chose their words wisely. Today it’s not uncommon to hear words like:

stupid, ugly, fat, lazy, useless, damaged, poor, not good enough, weak, and hopeless

While your reading this post some where in the world someone is hearing this:

I don’t know why I bother, you’re so stupid, ugly, fat useless, weak, lazy, damaged, poor, not good enough, and your hopeless. 

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will have a lasting effect that can leave wounds that may never heal.

what say you?

 

There is Light at the End…..

Dear readers,

I’ve with stood many years of towing the line so to speak. I worked my way through college with this grand idea that a college education would net me a job, not a career path, but a job paying me loads of money. Great dream if we lived in a perfect world. My life didn’t turn out the way that I had planned. For years, I toiled trying to climb up the “ladder” of success. I arrived to work early, stayed late, came in on my day off, and performed tasks that no one would do because they said, “its wasn’t within their job description.” Time and time again I didn’t get the promotion that I worked to obtain. When I questioned those, in position to help me to upgrade my position, I was told that I didn’t meet the education or experience requirement. Nonetheless, I pushed harder to be noticed with no success. I spent years being angry because I felt that “they “won’t give me a chance, “they “were holding me back, “they “were evil…. the thoughts in my head went on and on and on. The road to finding my true purpose began two years ago with a simple Valentine’s Day Facebook posting, that led to my first blog.  With each post, something amazing started happening I found my voice. Not my speaking voice, the voice of my pen. While on a two-year journey, of rediscovery It turns out that my calling is to become an English professor, playwright, author, mentor and motivational speaker. I am amazed, and at times speechless. I wrote an award-winning play, a first-time author, and on the career path to becoming a college professor. A few years before these changes happened I felt hopeless, and too old to reinvent myself.  Now, I face each day with the happiness of knowing that I have more than a job or career, I have purpose.  Thank you for listening.

Word Wall part 3

Dear readers,

They say, ” Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”

We’ve all recited these words to ourselves after someone has said something cruel. Parents teach their children this adage insisting that it not what people say to them, rather its more important how people treat them.This might have been true years ago when people chose their words wisely. Today it’s not uncommon to hear words like:

stupid, ugly, fat, lazy, useless, damaged, poor, not good enough, weak, and hopeless

While your reading this post some where in the world someone is hearing this:

I don’t know why I bother, you’re so stupid, ugly, fat useless, weak, lazy, damaged, poor, not good enough, and your hopeless. 

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will have a lasting effect that can leave wounds that may never heal.

what say you?