Can a relationship survive Infidelity?

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Dear Readers, Today’s topic: infidelity, cheating, being unfaith, side piece 

I like to establish ground rules before diving into this subject. When referring to people in relationships, I am not talking about people who are chronic cheaters. I am referring to people who pledge in their hearts to be in an exclusive relationship or marriage vowing to forsake all others. 

People who are in a committed relationships and outside of the relationship to engage in a sexual relationship with another person, you are a cheater because having a side piece is not a part of the deal. To my readers, is it worth mending a relationship when a partner cheats? And here is the big kicker, the double standard, women who forgive men who cheat, but on the other hand, men will not stay in a relationship and forgive a woman who cheats on him. Why is this? Could it be that his manhood is challenged? 

Cheaters give all kinds of reasons for being unfaithful. However, is there any true justification for being involved in a sexual relationship when engaged in an exclusive relationship or marriage? The sad part is the innocent people who are caught up in their cheating partners sexual entanglement, the cheater doesn’t realize or care at the moments that they are getting their jollies off, that when the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, that there will be people who feel betrayed, scarred, and emotional broken. 

The Excuses 

1. A man who considers himself a committed bachelor, he uses this non relationship status as an excuse to have sexual relations with multiple women.

2. If the fire of romance dies in a relationship or one partner becomes physically unattractive. The cheater uses this to make the innocent partner feel guilty. 

3. Lack of sexual satisfaction or boredom.

4. The thrill of sneaking around and tasting the forbidden fruit.

5. Couples who marry at an early age and have not had sexual experience with other people. 

6. Men blame their spouse for not pleasing them or that she has lost interest in being intimate. And vice versa for the women who cheat on their male partners. In other words, the cheater is saying that their partner is not enough. 

I can imagine the pain, mental anguish, and emotional frustration the innocent partner struggles through. The first time it happened to me I walked in on my cheating partner. The second time it was a rumor that got back to me. When I confronted my partner, he confessed. I trusted men who cheat, and justify it by using lame lines like, “I love my spouse ” or ” it was just sex it did not mean anything” and ” it was a mistake.” So, am I to understand that each time the cheating partners planned to meet with their outside piece it was a mistake?

I am going to leave this right here….

Thank you for stopping by dragthepen 

The way things used to be

Ladies, may I gentlely suggest that you cease being angry because you were delivered from relationships or a situation that did not honor you, but only brought you pain and brokeness. Despite the negative messages from society being single whether by force or choice should be viewed as a gift and not a death sentence.

Think about this. When you were in that relationship or situationship with the person you thought you couldn’t live without, did you feel safe, respected, loved and protected? Were your needs besides the physical ones attended to or did you feel abandoned? Were your dreams, vision and goals nurtured, supposed and encouraged? How many times promise were broken, lies were told, and you struggled with conflicts of suspected infidelity because you had to worry about them, they, he, she, or her being a part of what you thought was an exclusive situations. And you wonder why you have trust issues.

Did you wait your turn in line because you weren’t a priority? Count the times you gave or lent money because bae, boo, your ride or die knew you wouldn’t say no. You broke up, he, she, they, or them begged their way back into your life. Why, because when your alone you allow feelings of desperation, loneliness, lust, and the voice of others advising you to move on, and you do, you fall right back into the same destructive patterns in the next situationship.

Why am I saying all of this? Because this use to be me. No, my truth doesn’t reflect the experiences of others, but I know that their is more than a few women reading this that have walked in these shoes. I am not a relationship guru, I am a women who have walked on the dark side of more than one dysfunctional situationship. In 2015, I wrote my first book The Waiting Game, where I reveal my personal experiences about how men and women who are emotional broken and how we mistreat each other in relationships.

It’s taken me years to heal from the damage caused by an horrible childhood, and the trauma due to abusive relationships. It wasn’t until I made the choice to put me first, and stood firm on who I would and would not allow in my life as friends and intimate partners. I am truly happy for my journey. I understand the gift of being single and using this time to heal, reflect, renew, and discover who I am, and my path. I am maturing spiritually and developing a stronger emotional foundation. It’s been 4 years and I am learning so much about life. I have discovered the joys of traveling, truly enjoying my own company, I relish my freedom, I protect my peace, and most important, I support, love, encourage, inspire, and provide myself the life I know that I deserve, and it is amazing.

I hope I have inspired you.
Love yourself

A Delicate Matter

Dear readers,

Unfaithful, cheater, and infidelity these are some of the labels used to describe people who engage in a sexual alliance with someone other than their mate.  This naughty behavior contributes to the breakdown of trust and shows lack of consideration for the innocent partner.

The adulterers will ask for forgiveness wanting their mate to believe that he/she made a mistake. Pleading momentary insanity, and claiming that “They were experiencing problems in their relationship when they willingly entered into a sexual agreement with another person, and that the sex didn’t mean anything.”

So, not only has the adulterers broken his/her vow of commitment of being monogamist; they fake a performance, trying their best to express content towards the not so innocent participate, who is now “meaningless” because they got CAUGHT. Many women and men in this situation often forgive their partner (the adulterers ) and continue the relationship.

Forgiving adultery is not the dilemma, think about this, forgiving a person who willingly took the time to plan and execute having what they refer to as “meaningless sex” that probably involved lying to their partners, and the adulterers may or may not have used protection, while engaging in the forbidden fruit.

This is what I say. What say You?

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