Somebody please help me to understand this….during another conversation with a brother about my upcoming cross country drive from New York City to California with a very close male friend, he revealed an ugly truth about how not having all the facts can lead to biased thinking.
To make a long story short.
The male that engaged me in conversation suggested that my cross country drive with a man is a romantic vacation. I corrected his assumption by stating that “although I was once involved in a long term relationship ( 1999-2004) with my travel partner, we remained good friends, but not friends with benefits because I don’t play that game.”
Him: What are you kidding me ? How can a man keep his hands to himself across the whole country?
Me: Because we are both mature adults and he knows that I don’t lay around for the fun of it.
Him: Oh boy…ain’t no way I could do that with you…I would be all over you…I adore you.?
While I am flattered by the comment, this is a man who I don’t know very well, and we had one dinner date many years ago. I am thankful to him because he was the first person to interview me for my first book, The Waiting Game, back in 2016 for his radio station. And we have not been in each other’s presence since that time.
Me: All men are not the same. Your attitude is the reason why I remain single and celibate. Men like you need to learn and understand regardless of their former relationship or current situation with any woman, this doesn’t give any man an open door or invitation to touch a woman without asking.
Him: Well I ain’t gonna lie…I would have to be in a straight jacket to not touch you for that long. Wow that torture.
Another reminder, I have never been in any situation with this man that would suggest that I was attracted to him. He continued the conversation by calling me a dominatrix.. And that he would have to be handcuffed and gagged to be next to me for such a long period of time. The next part of the conversation is what pushed my bell and is the driving force behind me making this conversation public.
Him: I wish you would just be honest and not play games.. That’s it you’re a control freak!! You don’t want a man, you want a pet. Or He must be gay.
I found his train of thinking and assumption about me and my travel partner to be insulting and disrespectful. I blasted back with
Me: First of all, why are you talking to me in this manner? I am single because it’s my choice. Secondly, the gentleman I am traveling with is just that, a respectful man who lives by good values and morals and understands boundaries, he is the perfect travel partner to take this trip of a lifetime with. Finally, please refrain from speaking to me in such a manner you have no right to judge me or him. I am shocked at how one black man can label another brother “ Gay” becuase he choos to carry himslf with respect, dignity and most important show a woman her worth.
Him: I didn’t mean to disrespect you.. You are absolutely right!! I have friendships with people too. I’m sorry.
For the people reading this conversation please understand my intent is not to embarrass anyone, on the contrary, I want people to understand the harm they cause by making assumptions about others based on personal biases, misinformation and lacking maturity to keep an open mind. The fact that he referred to my traveling partner as “ Gay “is offensive and an attack on a person he doesn’t know. To the people in society who have a negative mindset that men and women can’t be friends without physical inimatancy, I am sorry that you have brought into a myth, and you’re missing out on a bond that can last a lifetime. I am proud to say that I have six outstanding male friends.
Bottom line, think before you speak and stop throwing the people from the LGBTQIA community under the bus.
What say you?