Dear Readers, There is a saying that goes, “stuff happens” sometimes the stuff that happens results in disappointment. Over the year’s, I have learned that although being disappointed may lead to feelings of anger, resentment that causes some people to shut down, and put up protective barriers, however, in my case I have agained more than I lost because of being disappointed.
What I’ve learned.
1.Due to my experiences I have learned to be prepared to handle the outcome. People say, keep a positive attitude, but let’s be realistic being prepared emotionally and mentally helps to handle being disappointed. 2. I am careful of the people who make promises to me. Actions will always speak louder than words. 3. I had to think is it the promise that was broken or I am disappointed by the person that I placed confidence in. 4. I depend on myself more than I do others. This can be quit difficult, however in the end if something isn’t done I only have me to blame. 5. I began to reflect on why I was disappointed, did I act disappointed as an excuse for something I could have done, instead of placing the burden of shame and blame on others?
A life Experience
In 2015, when I published my first book, The Waiting Game, people made all kinds of promises to me. They pledge to purchase a copy, attend book signings, and book discussion. These people helped me to understand that becoming an author and publish speaker is my vision not theirs. I have to show up every day and put in the work. I hired a professional editor rather than relying on friends who promise to read my manuscript and give me feed back. I hired a beautiful and creative graphic designer for my books covers, and a photographer. I am thrilled with my team because they are professionals who understand deadlines and the creative process. The people who disappointed me I hold no anger towards, they helped me to push harder to achieving my goals.
Before the pandemic I had no idea how out of touch with reality I was. My reality a year ago was grinding and not making much progress in areas of my life that truly mattered. I was on a treadmill moving, but going nowhere, or at least I wasn’t seeing the progress for my efforts. I can’t be the only one emerging out of this pandemic a changed person. There is a saying that “ there is a blessing in the storm.” What has happened to this world was more than a bad storm, and regardless of whether our government withheld information about this virus, it came, destroyed, changed course and hit us with a second wave. It’s been 1 years and 2 months, and we continue to struggle. Although we may have lifted ourselves above the eye of this pandemic there are people who are unable to pick up the pieces and move forward for various reasons. I have used all the available resources to ensure my mental and emotional health. Summer is coming and I looked forward to being outdoors as much as possible. I am thankful for the down time, peace and space to reflect on life. I have pressed the reset button here is what the pandemic has taught me.
1. I am not going back to the same work grind.
2. I realize I can live on less and save more ( had time to reflect on the ways I was wasting money).
3. I have a plan for retirement that’s achievable ( before the pandemic I had no idea how to retire or what was needed to have a successful retirement ).
4. I am finally in a position to change careers. During the pandemic I took advantage of online classes acquiring the needed certification for my new career.
5. I will stop delaying traveling starting with this year’s ( 2021) cross country drive from New York City to California. This has been on my bucket list for 15 years. And yes, I will be blogging about this experience.
6. I will no longer deny myself any pleasure things like dining out, Broadway plays, weekend getaway, spa treatments, girls night out, spending the holidays with my mother ( she lives in South Carolina).
7. Finally going to adopt a dog I have been wanting to do this for years.I live alone and will welcome a 4 legged companion. I went through the pandemic home alone and it was difficult.
Most importantly, I am kinder to myself. Right now I am happier and peaceful than I have been in years. I am looking forward to the future with better clarity and with an achievable plan.
To the people of the blogging community remember this W.I. N. think about What’s Important Now?
My last post I talked about being worthy thank you for the support and feedback I received. The word for this post is CHANGE, not getting back to normal or adjusting to the new normal.
The change I am talking about is when people make the decision to transform their lives in a positive direction this transformation leads to making changes. For some people change isn’t easy, and it’s been my experience that when people make changes in their behavior, thinking, environment, the company they keep, lifestyle changes that lead to eating healthy and exercising, to stop wasting money and live on a budget, or stop engaging in bad relationships, making changes in the home to improve family life, some people decide to go to church and seek spiritual guidance, or make changes in their parenting style to become better parents.
Some people adapt the idea that change is good, and they look forward to making improvements transforming their lives into what some people refer to as” their best life.” But what happens when you decide to change, to take your life in a different direction because you’ve become weary of doing the same thing, the same way and the outcome isn’t what you expected; and change becomes difficult when the people around you are resistant to change.
For some individuals change means that the lives of the people around them will be inconvenient because they have become complacent and don’t see a need for change. Let me explain….. If you’re married, have a family, in a domestic partnership, situationship, live at home with your parents and other family members the decision to make changes in your life might affect the people connected to you, and their interaction with you might become strained. In other words, they are afraid they might have to change too.
Here’s an example, at the age of 28, I decided to enroll in college. Although I was living on my own there were changes that I made that affected people’s attitude towards me. At the start of my journey towards earning my Bachelor degree I spent every weekend partying. Over time I realized that I couldn’t keep up with the party lifestyle and be a good student because I wasn’t absorbing the content of the courses I was taking in Education and English literature. I looked forward to spending the weekends with my family and friends, but I was struggling to keep up with my assignments. I had to slow down, stay home and create a schedule that allowed me to balance work and school making time to focus on my assignments, while having time for myself. This meant less time partying and Sunday dinner at my parents house. No one was supportive of the changes I made.
Acquiring my education was very important to me because at the time I was working a dead end job. I truly wanted to transform my life by establishing a career in Education and Social Work. The majority of people around me, mainly my family and friends felt that I was putting too much into my education. The more I tried to explain to them about balancing my time, they continued to oppose the changes that I made. Needless to say, I lost people who I thought I created solid friendships, the reason they gave was because I didn’t have time for them. But the truth was I couldn’t be available when they wanted me to be. I missed out on many family gatherings not intentionally, but due to some of these events happening when I had major assignments due and I could not sacrifice the time. On the day of graduation everyone wanted to celebrate my achievement. These were the same individuals who left me by the roadside so to speak.
If you’re in the process of transforming your life for the better, you will have to consider the people around you, meaning husbands wives, childrens, and others who might be opposed and resistant to their lives being affected by the changes you make in your life. Be prepared to:
1. Stand firm in the belief that the changes you’re making will be good for all involved.
2. Be willing to be patient with the setbacks that happen during the process of change.
3. Be prepared to motivate yourself when others are not eager to encourage and support you.
4. Make sure you’re walking the right path towards change and putting in the effort to make changes happen.
5. Make sure you understand that change isn’t wishful thinking. You will need a well thought out plan,set goals and check your process.
6. Be very clear about the rationale for the need to change and the benefits.
There are many more suggestions when considering moving towards change, but I think you get the message by now. Change is good because it means moving forward and making progress. When people become stagnant because they are deeply ingrained in living a routine life, and they settle for the status quo then change is a difficult step for them to make. Change does not happen overnight and there might be some unforeseen sacrifice you have to make that others will not. In the end the choice is your to make.
Coming soon… A Different Flavor of Love. Coming soon, my first short story on my Amazon page for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a sneak peek:
Desiree Hancock is the oldest of three children raised by a single mother. Pregnant at sixteen by a young man who has big plans for his life, which do not include her. While living in public housing, she gives birth to two children, and attempts to liberate herself from the welfare system by returning to school and earning her High School Diploma. In comes Leslie Lambert, a white, wealthy lawyer, no children and never married. She is attracted to Desiree, but, Desiree’s only interest in Leslie is the lifestyle that she can give to her children; for a while, Desiree plays along until Leslie asks her to make a choice. Desiree is uncertain about exposing who Leslie is. It takes a life-changing event for Desiree to come to terms with the knowledge that Leslie is offering her more than any man ever did.
Coming soon… A Different Flavor of Love. Coming soon, my first short story on my Amazon page for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a sneak peek:
Desiree Hancock is the oldest of three children raised by a single mother. Pregnant at sixteen by a young man who has big plans for his life, which do not include her. While living in public housing, she gives birth to two children, and attempts to liberate herself from the welfare system by returning to school and earning her High School Diploma. In comes Leslie Lambert, a white, wealthy lawyer, no children and never married. She is attracted to Desiree, but, Desiree’s only interest in Leslie is the lifestyle that she can give to her children; for a while, Desiree plays along until Leslie asks her to make a choice. Desiree is uncertain about exposing who Leslie is. It takes a life-changing event for Desiree to come to terms with the knowledge that Leslie is offering her more than any man ever did.
dragthepen 